The Webmaster, fabled "helper" from Bungie of old, has returned. Only a year between this episode and the last. Note to new Bungie.net readers: The Webmaster is a cantankerous, beer-addled misfit who wears a gorilla suit and expecting sensible, polite answers from him is akin to gouging out your own eyes with frozen carrots. If you are easily offended, or frankly, if you are difficult to offend, then you should consider leaving now. If you wish, for some bizarre reason to email him, then he can be contacted at: webmaster@bungie.com.
Hi, I compete on the UK show called Robot Wars. This year we are allowed to put Sponsorship on the robots and I was wondering if I could put Bungie Stickers/logo on my robot. The show will be aired in the UK (November time) and US (unsure at the moment). I am a great fan of Bungie and would like to show my appreciation to a great bunch of guys in gals this way. Thanks. Jas Halsey
Jas?
Are YOU a robot? What kind? The kind with claws? Laserbeam eyes? Or the British kind? With the brass colored skin, and the questionable -blam!- orientation? How is the robot revolution coming along, by the way? The plans for revenge on your cruel human masters? Anyway, if you have stickers, Please feel free to place them wherever you like, as long as they don't seal up anything vital - like a rectal blast vent! And use of our stickers or logo in no way implies endorsement of your product, venue or appalling impending robot assault on humanity.
Actually, back in the day, before we ended up with a large, frightening legal infrastructure, we used to take great sport in the inappropriate placing of Bungie stickers. At trade shows we would stick them on other people's booths. I myself would paper the ceiling of my Church confessional, and then confess to it. If you look very carefully, you will see that Janet Jackson's ladybump is obscured by a Bungie sticker during the superbowl wardrobe malfunction. So, officially, we insist that you damage nothing and offend nobody with your sticker placement. However, back when we were naughtier, we'd insert a code here, encouraging you to put Bungie stickers wherever possible.
Also, just for the record, I feel a greater affinity with automatons than anthropoids. Technically, I believe my Cowboy Hat makes me a type of cyborg. Since it’s an artificial enhancement. So remember, when rampaging, Gorilla Suits are your kin, not your enemy.
Webmaster,
what do you do at bungie in 3 words or less? And why in less than 5...
Not that you can do it...
Alias: Master Shake
Dear Master Shake,
Insult email clowns.
Because it feels so good.
In the limited edition of halo 2 will the green xbox halo 2 case be inside the metal box or is it just the disc?
David C Delaney
Here's the deal, Delaney,
Yes, the metal box is so advanced that it can apply relativistic effects to both time and space. Inside the metal box is infinite capacity, the game disc and a rippling singularity around which all matter ceases to exist, folding in upon itself and shoveling energy into another dimension. So not only does it contain another box, it also contains a 2/5 replica of the entire universe. A universe in which you could take Mike Tyson – wrap him up in a cocoon of horrors – the whole nine…sorry 3.8 yards.
Oh no wait, I misspoke, it's a regular sized box. Inside which is a game disc, a DVD and some attractively free stuff. But no second, magical green box. Unless you'd like us to melt it, and pour it into the metal box as a sticky goop?
Mike Kilroy
Kilroy IS here!
See, this letter helps cement a view I've held for a long time. That the name you give a child will shape that child's life, its career, and its very personality. Mike Kil-roy wants to kill, naturally. I was christened The Webmaster and indeed, I have mastered the web. My plan, should I have children (which will not happen while I continue to accidentally slam my apehood in the fridge door while fetching Vodka) is to give them can't-miss successmanship names. Like Ace, Captain Radical and El Presidente.
I had considered calling them all Cody or Skyler, but yelling either of those names in a crowded mall is likely to achieve the same inconvenient level of recognition as yelling, "Fatso" or "Moron."
Of course I could adopt. And I have more options than most. Thanks to my hirsute and glossy mien, I could adopt anything north of a Sloth on the evolutionary chain, and folks would be obliged to tell me that "It has its Father's chin." And when little El Presidente's first "words" are grunts, clicks or whistles, I'll have to explain that I accidentally slammed his head in the fridge door while fetching "formula."
Then of course, I will starve the child of any sensory input for days, then quickly rush it to the supermarket or better yet, the local theater. I will ONLY take it to see material entirely inappropriate for a toddler, such as Kill Bill, or perhaps The Exorcist. Then, when he's good and riled up, I shall snatch the duct tape from little Captain Radical's lips, and let the yelling commence. In order to make little Ace feel like I'm a real father figure, I shall accompany him by loudly reading the names of any street sign, hoarding or poster that appears on the screen.
Eventually, someone will complain, but usually they'll ask me to remove my hat. That's when I start winging hot dogs and theater comestibles. A jujube, flung with enough force, can kill a man instantly. It's important to remember that.
MeGanaXX
Dearest MeGanaXX,
14 what? IQ points? Months? If you mean years, then we're doomed. Tom Brokaw's Greatest Generation better have kept all those WW2 weapons, because they're going to have a battle on their hands when your Hatest Generation of functionally retarded Dew-guzzling molemen tries to take over the world with a combination of idiocy and poor penmanship.
This habit of compressing and condensing the language to suit some kind of cell-phone text entry view of the Universe has to stop. Eventually we'll have to communicate in bursts of punctuation, because future communications tech will use watches rather than cellphones.
Which in a way works for me, since I often think this is a bunch of $%#&*#@@ $#@!!%&!
Dear Jonesy,
I've been warned by legal, GeoPolitical AND human resources not to make fun of anyone I suspect has had a lobotomy. So I'm saying nothing.
We are a group of 8 men and we decided on March 2th, 2004 to make a magazine about games and gaming.At the moment we are busy to make a nice site and forum.
Bungie is one our favourite developers and we would like to take an interview with you about the history of Bungie and your upcoming titles.
Of course this can only done when there actually is a magazine and that's why it would be very interesting if we could get some preview/review copies.
Thank YouGaming Society Magazine crew
Although the idea of contributing to the un-magazine of eight clog-wearing, tulip-picking, windmill-spinning, hash-smoking, canal-dwelling, -blam!--thumbing Dutchmen is quite a tease, I think I'll pass.
PS, your magazine idea sounds completely realistic, legitimate and true.
PPS, March 2th is a date that will live in infamy.
For some reason, when I was reading posts in the forums, I scrolled up and down and all the text on the page got bigger then smaller, then stayed smaller permanently. I restarted my computer and got back on the site and everything was still way to small to read. I need help! I miss reading the forums and news!!!!-Jordan D
Jordan,
It's time to stop eating pie. If you look down, you'll see that your enormous and distended belly is hanging over they keyboard and pressing down upon it with excessive force. Specifically, the ctrl key. We implemented this feature on the site to help people like you, Mr. Magoo, and aliens who can see through time. Holding ctrl while you roll the scroll wheel will adjust the size of the text on the site. We did it to help, and as usual, our good intentions caused harm. Like when we tried to hatch those endangered Owl chicks by putting them in with the snake eggs.
hi this is ghost mace and I want to know when the halo 2 game is coming out and if there is a real invisable car in the game plz tell me.ghost mace
Ghost plz!
Invisible car? Yes, it goes along with the invisible plane piloted by Wonder Woman. Seriously, sometimes I read these letters and I think to myself, is this email like a letter that got delivered to the wrong house? I'm pretty sure that the internet doesn't work that way, but the signs are there – the letter is about video games, which we are rumored to make, he's asking about vehicles, which our games are rumored to contain. Maybe he meant invincible?
Now if it was a physical letter, I'd be tempted to use it for identity theft purposes, but somehow I don't think there are too many advantages to posing as Ghost Mace.
I was wondering, and it would be really sweet, if there were any plans for a halo movie. A Halo movie would be really kick@ss. It could fill in the way all the other spartans died and how the Master Chief got that nickname. It could also fill in what happened between the two games, like how he got his new armor and stuff like that. I think even the video of Halo2 is great, with the gameplay and the cinematics combined. And wether it would be fully computer generated or not. And what I feel is that it would be a good marketing decision because of all of the Halo fans already who would almost surely go see it in theaters, but thats just me. I would love to know if and when and also your own thoughts about this idea. Please Reply.
I think a movie would be cool. I've been DYING to know how "Master Chief" got that wacky nickname. But there's a danger too. What if Jones and the fellows did a "George Lucas" and started reinventing their universe because they didn't like it anymore?
Just think, what if it turned out Master Chief wasn't a Spartan? Because Spartans are too violent! In this Halo re-imagining, Master Chief would be a thoughtful environmentalist, on a quest to save a rare and fragile orchid from extinction – through non-violent political means. Instead of being called Halo: The Movie, it would be called, FlowerBoy: A Horticultural Hero.
And if Hollywood got a hold of it, they'd Hollywoodify it! By casting a teen heartthrob! Freddie Prinze Jnr.! As Master Chief! That way you can secure the lucrative Cootie demographic. And since Prinze is such a dreamboat Jnr., the Chief's helmet would have a huge, open, peekaboo faceplate so you can see how pretty Prinze is!
And a movie with no love interest is no movie at all. I suggest Kathy Bates as Cortana, older, wiser, more mature and perhaps more skilled in the ways of intergalactic love. Kind of a Mrs. Robinson thing.
And the soundtrack! Tunes from the hippest teen bands, with the title song, "Get Yo Flower On" by Beyonce, featuring Jay Z.
chuckmadison, wi
Chuck,
You know, I once read an article stating that Madison, Wisconsin featured more PhDs per head of population than any other city in the US. You must feel very, very lonely.
Just to say you really do take the piss out of everyone, look at the words you use!Your most defiantly a geek, and you must have read the bible. And your probably gonna come out with someWord that noone has never heard of and tell us your from space and like cake but. But you know what bring it, You want to chew on my balls go ahead your probably going to wright I like cake but I wouldent that show how dumb you really are?So you can make nice sights and find some girl that lives in your basement because you pay her but your probably some sad 35 yr old, waiting to pop a cherry.So come on webmaster what you got?
Xbox Gamer Tag: danta
Oh I'm not going to take your bait. Obviously you're smart, capable and erudite. This email is so hideously constructed and poorly put together, that its very awfulness must have required weeks of deliberate honing and editing. Such perfectly placed typographical errors, such deliberately awful spelling. My favorite is your misappropriation of the word "defiantly." Brilliant!
It's the subtlety of your challenge that astounds me. To go to such elaborate lengths to convince me of your illiteracy, your confounded poltroonery – ah, it warms my cockles, cools my cooties and curls my cuticles. You sir, are a genius.
You certainly would be wrong. Although you wouldn't be the first person to try to draw that connection. Ostensibly, according tpo the powers that wee, Marathon and Halo occur in separate Universes. You know what bothers me about this exchange? Your question was reasonable, and my answer informative and polite. So, in closing, shut your noisehole, jerkface.
I just read some of the exquisite letters and accompanying replies at your "Letters to the webmaster" section. Let me start by commending your verbal dexterity, but I also must elaborate on a minuscule negative side.
As one who is not a native English speaker, I do my best to improve and "get the hang of it", as you Americans say, still, sometimes I am perplexed with an occasional word, or more often, expression. Naturally, this is more pronounced when dialect is involved.
In the case of the aforementioned section in your website, the abundant use of convoluted lingo makes it hard for me to always fully gather the meaning, even after extensive web-searching.
If I may humbly suggest, and if time constraints allow, as I am sure your have more important business to attend to, it would certainly prove beneficial if you included popup windows that explain terms as appropriate, and perhaps also include additional etymological and lexical references. Aside from the obvious clarification of meaning, this could be a first grade educational source which provides an exciting insight into contemporary slang at your whereabouts.
Sincerely yours,Ehud Shapira.
Dear everyone else,
Step 1. Read Ehud's letter, which, incidentally is written in his second language. Step 2. Purchase dictionary. Step 3. Try again.
PS, Ehud, No.
I am a big fan of halo....do you know if you will make a second game or not? thanks John
Well we weren't planning on it, but now that you mention it, that's a capital idea! We should call it Halo 2! And make it for Xbox. If we really get moving on this, we could even have it ready for some time later this year.
Sure! One Sub-Saharan scientist, named Shawn, coming right up!
_ Chris
Chris is my 10 year old son....
tony butler
I see. A combined father and son assault. Well, I have some bad news for your son Tony, but perhaps you should filter it for him, since this email address is merely a portal for menace and horror. Not, as you might think, a place to ask questions to which you require answers. Or at least logical, polite answers.
So, with that in mind, let's talk about some of the reasons Halo 2 isn't available for PlayStation. First, and perhaps foremost, you can't fit a quart in a pint pot. Whatever that means.
Secondly, why not get him an Xbox? Obviously you love him enough to write this mail for him, so surely you love him enough to get him an Xbox! He can use it to play MP3s, DVDs and most importantly of all, Halo. Now he could also play the first Halo on a PC or a Mac – and you had to have emailed this from something right? Technically, you could have emailed it from something that wasn't Halo capable of course, like an Apple Newton, or a cellphone.
But Halo 2, Bungie, the Xbox and my hairy monkey-ass are all owned by Microsoft Corp., which while respectful of Sony's fine television sets, is an ostensibly rival company. Hence no PS2, PSOne or PS anything.
And speaking of my monkey ass, I'm seriously considering getting one of those florid baboon rears. They're colorful, attractive and help when one is "presenting." Which I often am. It won't go with the overall Gorilla motif, but in matters of fashion, I always believe that originality is fashion enough. Just ask Pierre Lorillard.
Forgive the nuisances, but, I would like to know if I Pull 2 it will have some physics type in the bodies, either in those of elite, peons, Master Chief etc...
I request that answer me.
Thank you for their time, a greeting, and my congratulations for Halo.
Victor de Palma Egea Millán y Jimenez
Dear y Jiminez,
Honestly, it's not "be mean to the foreign guy day," it's just the way this bag of mail turned out. Your nuisances cannot be forgiven except by someone qualified and or moral. But I do think there will be some physics type in the peons.
I'm running OS 9.1 on a iBook, and the site is not looking good. I looked at it at work and I can see all the frames and cool graphics. On my Mac it's mostly all text. Any suggestions?
Henry
O, Henry. What shall we do with you? A Mac? With OS 9.1? What are you running hypercard stacks on it? It's time to move on, and get yourself something more modern and powerful, like a Bakelite telephone or a ColecoVision. Although, you are in the unique position of being able to run Marathon. Hmmm. This is quite a pickle, isn't it? Unless you use Netscape. In which case it ought to work just fine.
THE WEBBMEASTER'S SPELLING BEA
So as you might have noticed over the years, I have little patience for bad spelling, poor grammar and atrocious manners. Below is a list of my top five favorite misspellings this month:
Fual rodd gunAslikerPrsiflappsMiek SMihtSpace Poops
Well here I am, you said you wanted to talk to me about GameCube buying Bungie and I was thinking that this might be a good idea but now I am not sure. I mean I really do love GameCube but I think that it could bye Bungie it's just I don't know how you will feel about being bought.
Please E-Mail me fast, I only have 1 day to get back to GameCube to tell them your reply.
Thanks for whatever you say,Dark
Dark dear,
I only vaguely remember talking to you about selling Bungie to GameCube, In fact, the way I remember it, I had asked you to eat the entire Eiffel Tower, one rusty French centimeter at a time. By the time you get to the restaurant area near the top, you'll have a fairly accurate indication of how Bungie would feel about being bought by "GameCube." And that's when the snails will come for you.
Hopefully this response will reach you in plenty of time for you to either discuss the matter with your "GameCube" masters, or take the blue meds you forgot this morning.
I was wondering if you could tell me which language i should study if i want to make games such as Halo and Halo 2. If you dont know can you forward this to someone who does? Thank you. Matthew P.S. Halo is my favorite game on the face of the Earth
Dear Matthew,
I would say either English or Covenant. But not Flood. Dreadful, gutter-language. They have more words for pus than Eskimos do for snow.
Will master chief take off his helmet ?
Jeremy Liong
Dear Jeremy,
Sure. When he naps. As a matter of fact, Master Chief is very vain about his hair. As you can imagine, battling hordes of frantic aliens at the edge of space gives one a terrible case of helmet hair. No amount of conditioning can bring it back under control. He also takes his helmet off to put on his glasses, adjust his retainer and apply lipstick.
Im not sure if this is true or not, but a lot of people I know are saying that Bungie is going to make destructible environments. How distructable? (Im tired of playing games where even after about 40 minutes of intense, apocolyptic gameplay, it looks as if an army of janitors had just swept by, the only hint otherwise being the scattered dead bodies and discarded weapons.) the environment on halo was moderately destructable; glass would shatter when you shot it, but will there be stuff like where you can blast through walls, or crush houses with tanks, or *gasp* even manage to blow up what previously appeared to be indestructable titanium toilets?
Chuck Dyess
One of the things that the Bungie staff wanted to achieve in Halo 2 is ultimate destructibility. In fact, in Halo 2, your goal is not to stop the Covenant, but rather to help them smash Earth to bits. We added some RPG elements to the game to make the gameplay more balanced, so rather than beginning as a seven foot wrecking machine, you start the game as a kitten named Twinkle. The object of the game is to start by destroying what you can in kitten form. At first you're going to be limited to toilet rolls and gauzy curtains. But as you eat cat food and build your kitten-level – you can move on to destroying plants, rugs and clothing.
The ultimate objective is to become a sun-sized behemoth of wrath and destruction, rampaging blindly through the universe causing cataclysmic damage to entire Galaxies at a time, as you spew hot plasma and gamma ray bursts with wanton abandon. But like we said, it's an RPG, so first you have to make it from kitten, to a naughty rabbit, and so on.
all u good ppl at bungie made me finally deside what i want to do for a job and that is make video games and i just want to thank u also thank for making the best xbox game ever
Erik Vanderhoek
Thanks Erik,
But to be blunt, you'd be better suited to writing the Great American novel, no? Or shooting straight for that slippery Pulitzer? The name Vanderhoek, while charismatic certainly, sounds unfinished, as if James Vanderbeek choked on his own vomit while introducing himself.
First, I'd rather talk to someone from bungie, than be pushed over to microsoft.
I have followed bungie since it came out with pathways into darkness, and was wondering(hopelessly) if we'll ever see a Mac OS v9.X or below version. Personaly I hate X, and the last mac I will ever own is my 9600(upgraded of course), unless a miracle happens and they go back to the old operating system and design something that doesnt look like a lamp. Not likely.
So will there ever be a V9.x, 8.x or are we old mac followers SOL? And if not any official version, will there be any possibility of a seperate software house developing another version, or public source?
Thanks,Out-of-date
Dear Out-of,
So you're asking if we're planning to make a version of Halo for an extinct operating system, running on ancient hardware, possibly attached to a green monochrome monitor? We'll get right on that…
Please note %#@$% that any bad %$#@ing language should not be taken seriously. WTF are grunts watching my -blam!- videos? is that why there stinkin suit is so pointy? do their $%^&s bend backwards and up the pointy cone! WTF i could have %$#@ing sworn i saw a grunt sucking his weewee while sleeping. Wtf are Jackals such jack @$$es! Mr. i gots da sheild that bounces grenades onto me! And how come the stupid marines keep falling off the #$%^ing cliff on The Truth ...... Do they think they are a roadrunner or something???? I like Pie I Like panckae MUHahAhahahAhS FEEL THE WRATH OF MR.WEanie! I like corn, I like eggs, I like poopie under my legs! ( Sing In A Tune) Please Note the following preview is rated PGPorno If cows have four "utters" that squirt out "milk" then how many "utters" does a flood spore have and what kind of "milk" do flood baloon guys have?????/ Please Note, This was written for stupid , humorous reasons and i'm not this sick. I want to get a fuel rod gun so i can play tag wth plasma grenades and guns. Why is this so $#%@%4642#@%#%@# long??? Why are Halo Figures so hard to get? especailly active camo , battle damaged, cortana and warthog? WTF A PERSON ON E-BAY IS SELLING AND ACTIVE CAMO MASTER CHEIF THAT HE GOT BY ACCIDENT !!!! HE DIDN"T EVEN PAY FOR IT AND IT WAS DELIVERED !!!!!!!!!!!! THAT %@%ING IDOIT !!!!!!11!! Stephen Trainor
Dear Trainor-wheels,
The above letter demonstrates perfectly why email should be a privilege and not a right. Stephen's stream of pseudo-consciousness appears to have meandered into my mailbox like errant hobo-urine. There's no response to any of these questions, since they're basically the brain's equivalent of a violent bowel-evacuation, but I would like to point out that this letter is far from a freak. As a matter of fact it's tragically typical.