The Webmaster, fabled "helper" from Bungie of old, has returned. Only a year between this episode and the last. Note to new Bungie.net readers: The Webmaster is a cantankerous, beer-addled misfit who wears a gorilla suit and expecting sensible, polite answers from him is akin to gouging out your own eyes with frozen carrots. If you are easily offended, or frankly, if you are difficult to offend, then you should consider leaving now. If you wish, for some bizarre reason to email him, then he can be contacted at: webmaster@bungie.com.
Hello, I was just wondering what kind of credentials I, or anyone else, must have to work for your company.
Taylor A
Taylor-
We get this question often and I'm happy to answer it. You must have at least six passports, hold a current license from the International Gator-Wrasslin' Association, know all the lyrics to "Beer Barrel Polka," be double-jointed, and own and operate your own gorilla suit and jetpack. Those are my qualifications anyway. I'm not sure about everyone else here but they're probably similar. Unless you're not talking about Microsoft in general as opposed to Bungie in particular. Microsoft's requirements are much less stringent.
Your support site is down. In the california bay area. Just thought you might want to check it out.
Eric, leiferic@pacbell.net
Down in the Bay Area, you say? Ha! Now that we know the location of its secret hideout, we can retrieve it. Thanks for the tip.
Hey guys how about a free trip out to the Halo Party November 10th in my birthday and I've been looking forward to Halo since the original Mac Expo movie was released. You can send the airline tickets to [address removed]. Hehe like that'll happen.
Later and keep up the good work guys,
William J. Bell
William-
You cynic you. I was in such a good mood the day I got your letter, I immediately bought two round-trip first-class plane tickets with my own money so you could go to the launch party. Then I tore them up to teach you there's no such thing as a free lunch. I hope you've learned your lesson.
In my Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine it stated that Halo was going to be on PC. On the halo package it says "Only For Xbox." If it's on PC when is it coming out for I want my hands on it.
Devin Cooney
Devin-
What, exactly, do you want your hands on?
On second thought, don't answer.
Holy Crap, I can't believe I just found a way to buy minotaur for my computer. That game was so much fun to play - and so god damn addictive, I swear it was tougher to kick than heroin. I have so many good memories of being in my accounting class during high school, and playing against my friends for the whole class.
Alex Olson
Alex-
You know, we didn't have Minotaur when I was in high school. That's why my friends and I had to resort to heroin, which as you note is clearly a substandard choice. Of course if you want to get technical about it, skipping all my classes and consorting only with imaginary friends were probably suboptimal choices too. Ah, youth.
I'm looking for Marathon for the Bandai Pippin does anyone at bungie know where i can get one,i think 2 versions were made.
Darren
Darren-
You should have asked us several years ago, during the fifteen minutes when the Pippin was still on the market. For the record, there was just one Marathon game released for the Pippin; it was called Super Marathon and contained the first two Marathon games. And no, we don't know where you can get it anymore.
I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
mikeee029@howareyoutoday.org
Mikey-
Interesting approach. Usually spammers tell me "I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO BLUDGEON ME TO DEATH WITH THAT BEEFSTICK." Not in their spam subject lines; they say that to my face when I show up unannounced in their bedroom around 3 AM. Perhaps you will say that as well. We'll soon find out.
are there email addresses for bungie staffers, or a company directory? i am an aspiring developer and have questions about the making of Oni -- would anyone, per chance, be at liberty to have their brains picked?
noam, noam@mindengine.com
Noam-
Last time some smartass asked to "pick our developers' brains," Chucky ended up with the guy's index finger lodged two knuckles deep in his left nostril. We amputated the hand, of course, but it was stuck to Chucky's face for a few weeks until a helpful and determined vulture plucked the dessicated digit from Chucky's face while he was sunbathing. Now you know why he spends so much time inside coding.
Dear Webmaster,
May sweet meats and fragrant flowers rain upon you.
I've been thinking of late about why Microsoft would bother to let PC/Mac versions of Halo be published. Microsoft now has legions of foaming-at-the-mouth gamers shrugging off their anti-Bill Gates mantras just enough to rationalize investing in the Xbox so they can play Halo sooner rather than later. Microsoft will release the Xbox soon in the states, but far later in other countries and continents. Ass-u-me-ing that the release of PC/Mac Halo won't happen before Xbox fully comes out of the closet, the devout "I'm gonna wait..." crowd would have to stay inside their skins until Spring. Meanwhile, everyone else is spending sleepless nights getting their kicks on the Xbox...or your mom.
Even if Job was alive, was a gamer, and hated Microsoft, he wouldn't have THAT much patience.
The promise of PC/Mac Halo only seems like a bone given to rabid Bungie fans NOW so they won't completely despise Bungie LATER, after they have rationalized the purchase of an Xbox with the line, "I wanted to wait for the PC/Mac version, but I just had to buy the console now."
What do you say to that?
Kurt Heldwein
Kurt-
I say it's as half-baked as the rest of the conspiracy theories about Microsoft and Halo. If you throw in Bigfoot and the Trilateral Commission you'll have a real winner. Hell, throw in Area 51, El Chupacabra and Nostradamus and you can sell this to the Weekly World News.
Thank you for the sweet meats and fragrant flowers though. I wish more people were as thoughtful.
I just downloaded that awesome Halo movie off your site, and wanted to know:
Where can I get my hands on one of those awesome Halo shirts???
Please tell me!
Jeremiah Spoon
Jeremiah-
The soon-to-be-revitalized Bungie Store will have some -blam!-in' Halo swag for you to purchase, including (I am told) brand-new articles of never-seen-before clothing. Presumably they mean "clothing with previously unseen designs, not new forms of clothing like a cowl with seven sleeves." Presumably the Halo merchandise is not taking as long to manufacture as the commemorative Bungie Webmaster Buzzsaw Jockstrap. Those bastards at the Franklin Mint always let you down.
All unary operators take the highest
The unary operators are:
The binary operators are listed in the following table in their order of precedence. Operators with higher precedence are listed first:
Examples:
count = 3 + 5 * 40
transmit "Hello" + " there"
delay 24 / (7 - 1)
6.
William Chambers
My cat had an infected unary tract once. I'm sure this info about unary operators will come in handy if it ever happens again. I wonder if ithey're covered by my HMO.
Ya I was an avid marathon player, i made it through 8th grade because i could escape reality by playing. I beat all the marathons and the Vid master chalange. Now i'm in college and i findout that you were bought by Microsoft. Is this true?
Ed Johson
Ed-
Yes it is. We also changed presidents. Not to be too critical but maybe your next "escape from reality" should not go on quite so long as this last one.
Halo. That is so hack.
*cough*
Link
Tell the boys in black to write there own plot.
Brian Camozzi
Brian-
That is a lovely Canadian book site. Maybe you used it to order some funny Canadian dictionary where "plot" is defined as "any story involving a ring-shaped structure in outer space," but my Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines it as "the plan or main story of a literary work." A location, even a specific type of location (deserted island, the city of Poughkeepsie, a ring in deep space) is just a location - not a plot. To say Halo lifts Ringworld's plot is like saying The Silence of the Lambs has the same plot as Huckleberry Finn because they both take place in the United States.
When you buy a new dictionary, make sure their definition of "plot" is correct. You might also want to look up the definition of "there."
Hey, what about a party in Seattle?!, If you want move to Chicago and hold parties here! We'll like that ;).
"TTA"
TTA-
We would love to hold a party in the fair city of Seattle, but unfortunately everything shuts down at 8 PM and none of the food is edible. Maybe you guys can import some food when you get a light rail system.
I don't know if you're the person to answer this, but do you know of any scholorships bungie, or microsoft might be giving out, or do you know who to ask? Thanks.
Darrin Hanson
Darrin-
Nope, no Bungie scholorships. Or scholarships for that matter.
Hi! How are you?
I send you this file in order to have your advice
See you later. Thanks
Jean-Daniel Champoux
Jean-Daniel-
Any advice I could give you would probably have unpleasant legal repercussions for myself. But I bet you can guess what I'm thinking.
Why do you not ever respond to the webletters - I am still a loyal bungie fan, and I beleive you guys(as long as you make games for the mac) but you... I'm not sure. Are you afraid of us "little people"?
Dragoon
Dragoon-
I am indeed afraid of you little people, and your accursed Lucky Charms. It all started several months ago just after the last edition of the Letters page had gone live. I was all ready to undertake another year-long HTML research expedition - a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. After renting the necessary U-Haul truck, I began my research with the traditional trip to the state-run liquor store. There is no substantial organized crime presence in Washington, so the local government runs the vice trade to ensure the proper amount of corruption. I stepped inside and asked for the usual.
Two hours later, after we'd finished loading the truck and I'd signed Steve Ballmer's name and address to the invoice, I was back on the road. I try to keep an element of surprise in all my HTML research missions - you never know where new techniques shall be found. To that end, I steered the U-Haul onto the highway, put a brick on the gas pedal and clambered into the back to keep the liquor company.
When I awoke I could not recognize my surroundings. "I've never been in this hospital before," I said to a passing nurse.
"This isn't a hospital. This is a nautical supply store. You drove your truck off the pier in back."
"I guess that means you're not a nurse then."
"No, I'm a police officer."
"Ah. Did the liquor make it?"
"What liquor?"
"All the liquor I was dri- never mind." I stood up and looked around. Nothing but ropes and hooks and Top-Sider shoes. It reminded me of my 8th birthday.
"I'm afraid I need to take you down to the station, sir," said the police officer. But I still had an ace up my sleeve. I pressed one of the buttons on my Webmaster utility belt and waited. I heard a faint buzzing in the background.
"You have the right to remain silent...." The buzzing was louder now.
"Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...." Louder still.
"What's with the sick grin?" asked the cop. If I had a nickel for every time a cop asked me that question, I could get a dentist to do something about my teeth. He said something else, but by then the roar was upon us. We ran outside and looked up to see hundreds of parachuting forms hurtling from the low-flying airplane above. The cop stood there, unsure of what to do, as six hundred golden retriever puppies landed all around us. He caught one in midair and stared at it for a moment. It lapped playfully at his face. He looked incredulously at me, or so I imagine, for by that point I had already run to the other end of the dock and commandeered a motorboat to make good my escape.
I was a couple miles out when I saw a lone puppy struggling to keep his head above the waterline. Thinking the wind must have carried his parachute past the target and out to sea, I made a slight adjustment to my course and plucked him out of the water as I zoomed by. He shook the water from his coat and began to pace an excited circle around the boat. I pointed the boat south and thought back on the day's events. The puppy sat on the floor of the boat, eyeing me expectantly.
"I guess all that money I spent on the K-9 Corps of the Webmaster Army was worth it," I said to the puppy. "I didn't expect to press you into service so quickly though."
"You probably didn't expect me to talk either," said the puppy. He had me there. While I tried to think of a suitably witty response, he pulled a taser from a well-disguised pocket at his side and hit me full-force. Just before I lost consciousness, I saw him pull off the head of his dog costume and step around my spasming body to get to the boat's rudder. Curses! I thought. The Midget Division of the Marty Army has infiltrated my K-9 Corps! Probably in retaliation for that crack I made about his Kato Kaelin song on the last Letters page.
I've blocked out most of the ensuing months, and truth be told I'm not even sure how I got back to the office. But I'm back in control now. We routed all the Marty Army midget moles in my K-9 Corps by seeing which of the dogs ate their own vomit. I'm afraid I didn't come back with any brilliant new HTML secrets this time though. Anyway, that's why it took me so long to update the Letters page.
Hey, I thought the Kato song was funny.
Bill Moore
"Bill"-
Nice try, Marty.
Dear Sir/Madam
This is to introduce some web-sites to you, they may be helpful to you
1. www.elderlyservice.com
2. www.rehabstation.com
3. www.eldershop.com
Anonymous
Hey Anonymous-
I think you meant to send this to Marty. Although rehabstation sounds eerily familiar.