Teen Mommies Take It Up the Ass
It seems that every seven or eight months, yet another knocked-up teenager or under-21 mother finds my article on teen motherhood, posts it to a message board or discussion group and has her friends write e-mails that barely resemble Modern English. (Perhaps they're channeling the spirit of Chaucer, although I think I could better understand the Middle English version of "Canterbury Tales.") This time, the message board in question is a private board on AOL. I can't access it because, well, I'm just too good for that ISP. So, I can only imagine what they said:
"she is sooooo!!! horrible and morbid!!!@! i jus learnd the word morbid!@!!! ii was like reading that magazeen that has words in it n like says what they mean and 1 of the words wuz morbid and shee is like TOTALLY!! morbid!!!"
Of course, someone was kind enough to find the board for me. Teen mothers have absolutely no sense of humor. It should send shivers down your spine that they are the future of America. These are the people who, in all honesty, would curb free speech if they could. If it's icky or "sick," get rid of it. And they're passing these beliefs on to another generation. Be afraid.
I feel terrible that my return from self-exile is heralded with yet another round of the Teen Mother Battle, but consider this a late Christmas present. Reading the e-mails from these geniuses is a guilty pleasure that I'm sure most of you indulge in when no one is looking. After all, isn't it the ultimate in cruelty to verbally attack those who can't defend themselves? No matter, it's still an enjoyable activity, and I bet when it's late at night and you think that everyone in your house is sleeping, you'll sneak on the computer and send scathing e-mails to them.
But where to begin? Not the beginning. The beginning is exactly what you'd expect it to be -- full of capitalized insults with needless apostrophes. No, I think I'll start with the person who thinks that he is sneaky:
Joker6760@aol.com
wrote:
Subject: hey!! Is WEDGE there?
Administrative Contact, Technical Contact, Billing Contact:
Martin, Wedge (WM765)
Nomadic Insomniacs Anonymous
Postal Address
City, State, Zip Code
Phone number, fax number
If this information is correct...please press 1 now :)
TMB: Bravo, you figured out how to do a whois. We're
all very impressed. But can you pull a rabbit out of your ass?
Oh, poor Wedge. Whenever someone figures out how to
do a whois, they send this information to me. Can't you just
see them basking in the glow of their technological know-how?
Joker6760@aol.com
wrote:
Yo whats up there Wedgie? You don't mind if I call you that
do you? I mean obviously you HAD to be called that in school.....if
you went to it. Damn.....there is not a wonder in my mind why
you're so pissed off with your life...I mean if my parents named
me WEDGE ... I'd be pretty pissed off at life too! Hey.....do
every respectful human being (unike yourself) a quick favor.....take
you chubby little body....walk it to the closest bridge......pull
the rabbit out of your ass....and take a dive....Kiss my ass!
--JoKeR ;)~
TMB: I know you think that you're clever by doing a whois,
but if you had any grasp of Internet technology, you'd understand
that Wedge Martin is just the (alleged) name of the person who
registered the domain. That doesn't mean he runs every site
that he hosts, and Shutdown currently hosts about ten sites.
Next, we have Joker's girlfriend Jwell413. I assume she's Joker's
girlfriend because his Web site has photos of him holding an ugly
baby named Madison, which is also the name of Jwell413's crotchcritter.
I guess Joker had to jump in and defend his girlfriend. How noble.
How cute. How ... stupid. And is anyone surprised by the
kid's name? Twenty bucks says her middle name is Jade.
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
Im sorry WEDGE ill leave you alone!No wonder your so damn pissed
off at the world i would be too if that was my name!WEDGE MARTIN
that must suck sooo much!I LOVE my life and wouldnt have it
any different.And also you didnt have to start the emails all
you had to do was have a sick morbid webpage.That is very misleading!And
by the way im not a person who isnt into "shock value" because
i am.I love all those kind of things howard stern and that kind
of stuff.But theres a line and your webpage is way past that!You
dont do it for "shock value" you do it because your one sick
puppy!
Um, honey, I'm still not Wedge. Neither are any of
the other people whose sites are hosted on Shutdown. Wedge is
just the guy who owns the domain name. I'd explain the concept
of hosted sites, but I fear it would be too complicated for
you to understand.
And we'll move on to Jwell413's initial e-mails to me, which just scream class:
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
What is your problem?Too much free time?Where did you learn
to be so morbid?? Your page is disgusting!Do you think your
classy? Im 18 i have a daughther named madison.Im not on welfare!There
are teen moms out there who can make it without welfare.I think
im the opposite of what you thinl ALL teen moms are!Im with
her father,i dont collect welfare,and i go to school!Now i do
know some girls who are on welfare,without there babys dads
around,BUT thats not me.And its not every teen mom!There is
no 100 percent effective form of birth control!GET WITH IT GIRL!!!!!!You
should at least know that sence your preaching about your childfree
life!And all you have to do is reda the side of a condom box
it says right on it NOT 100 PERCENT EFFECTIVE....Well good luck
in keeping this bullshit webpage going.And i hope pretty soon
you find something else to do with your life then to be a morbid
bitch!And im guessing by thsi site you have no friends or real
life?What is it a weight problem??Molestion?Mommy and daddy
didnt take good care of you?ROT IN HELL YOU HOEBAG
TMB: How did you find out about my site, dear? Are you literate enough
to tell me that bit of info?
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
I think i can handle that...hehe bitch.I found it on a message
board.
TMB: But clearly, you can't figure out how to provide a
link to it. Too technologically advanced for you? I guess that
would explain the broken link to your boyfriend John's photo
on your Web site. Can't quite get the hang of the Internet,
eh?
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
Umm no i cant unless you have acess to aol moron!Its an aol
board so why would i bother??And i have no website unless its
VERY old!The only website i have it for my daughther and with
a pig like you running lose i wouldnt give you that to you if
i wanted too!
TMB: I don't have constant access to AOL, but I DO have access to it. So,
tell me the URL.
I have to know -- did you
get past seventh grade, or do you just have a learning disability?
If it's the latter, my apologies, and I hope that you're getting
help for it.
It's a shame that your poor daughter is being subjected
to such an angry person. Have you considered therapy? You seem
to have much pent-up rage.
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
Yeah i do have some pent up rage!Its all about your webpage!!!!I
think its very disgusting!!I will not send you a link to the
board because people post pics of there children and you made
it clear that you could easily alter them!Your mommy and daddy
are the reason your so bitter and morbid arent they?They most
be so proud of you with your bad mouth and digusting views on
the world!Your page is full of ignorant morbid,misleading facts,and
your bullshit opinons.Someday ths gonna come back to VERY hard!
TMB: Actually, my parents are very proud of me. I wasn't
a teen mother, I pay for my own college tuition, I have significant
work experience, I'm a published writer, I can carry a conversation
and I run a popular personal Web site. Why wouldn't they be
proud?
Don't fret, though, I'm sure your parents are proud
of their illiterate, foul-mouthed daughter who couldn't figure
out how to waddle down to the nearest Planned Parenthood and
take care of her problem.
Hell, I bet you even believe that my site shouldn't
be allowed to exist. Am I right or am I right?
Jwelll413@aol.com
wrote:
YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT!And you have a way of manipulating things
so that i look like the bad one LOL. Just take one look at your
website and well see who the foul-mouthed person is!And as far
as a "problem" you must have the wrong person i have no problems.
TMB: Allow me to refresh your memory. You wrote to
me first. I didn't initiate contact. You're a foul-mouthed,
illiterate ninny who is unhappy with her chosen lot in life,
so you had to write a nearly unreadable e-mail full of insults
and completely lacking substance.
And we press on. Next up is perhaps one of the oldest-looking 19 year olds I've ever seen. Her e-mails are easier to read, but they still revolve around the central theme of this teen mother deluge: trying to convince oneself that one's fucked-up life is actually a blessing.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
I just want to know why you don't mention the teen moms that
are making it without any help from the government or anyone
else. I had my son at 18. His father and I broke up before I
knew I was pregnant and moved to another state. I had no way
to get in contact with him. So I raised my son all alone. With
NO help from the government. I finished highschool while I was
still pregnant and now I am in college. My son is 17 months
old now and VERY well taken care of. When he was 11 months old
I met my fiance Dwayne. Dwayne has taken over the role of daddy
for my son. We live in a house we pay for ourselves in a very
nice area. Not all teen moms out there live off the government
or got pregnant because they didn't want to use any protection.
I was on the pill when I got pregnant. It was not what I had
planned ! ! in my life but everything happens for a reason.
My son is a gift from God and I thank him everyday for my son.
I am not trying to put you down because I think everyone has
a right to their own opinion's. I just want you to realize that
not all teen moms are stupid or live off the government.
TMB: Oh, Christ, another one? How many teen mothers
post to that message board, anyway? Don't you twits have anything
better to do? Don't you have diapers to change and legs to spread?
And your son isn't a gift from an omnipotent being. He's the
product of stupidity and irresponsibility. Make sure you tell
him that someday. Perhaps it'll stop him from repeating your
mistakes.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Yup I spread my legs every night for my fiance. And you know
what I enjoy it!! Just as you do too. You spread your legs too
so that doesn't make you any different from me.
How am I any more irresponsibly than you? You went on the
pill and so did I. Mine just didn't work. The pill isn't 100%
effective. And I am going to tell my son about me having him
at a young age and how much I missed and I will cross my fingers
and hope he doesn't go and become a teenage father. But if he
does I will not love him any less. And I do believe that Wesley
is from God. I believe in God and Jesus and I am sorry that
you don't. But that is your choice. When Jesus comes back to
get me and the other believers I will be praying that you aren't
left behind.
Can you explain to me why teen mothers are only religious
when it comes to explaining why their children exist? What happened
to not engaging in premarital sex? Or do you only embrace morals
and beliefs that suit your lifestyle?
BTW, please provide the URL to the message board or
discussion group where the link to my site was posted.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Oh yeah and you forgot to answer my question about why you
don't mention the teen moms that are making it without any kind
of help.
TMB: Because it's not just about government assistance.
Teen mothers, as a whole, are shitty parents. Not that adults
necessarily do a better job, but teens simply lack the maturity
to create decent human beings. Even if my tax dollars aren't
currently supporting your critter, in fifteen years, I'll probably
be helping to keep his criminal ass locked up in juvenile detention.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
I am not only religeous when it come to my son getting here.
I am a very strong Christian. Yes I sinned when I had sex. But
you know what Jesus forgave me. Plus it says no where in the
bible that premarital sex is a sin. People just believe that
it is a sin. It does say you should marry someone pure but thats
it.
I am sorry but I am not going to provide you the link just
so you can put down those girls.
TMB: So, you're a coward? Can't take the heat, eh?
We'll see what you can handle, and how much of a big girl you
are. Oh, and goddamn, you're 19? You look like you're 40. Is
that from being a parent or just piss-poor genes?
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
What makes you so sure that he is going to be a criminal. Just
because the statistic's say that doesn't mean it is going to
be true. statistic's don't apply to everyone. You don't know
me. How do you know if I am good or bad parent? Just because
I am a teen doesn't make me a bad parent. I do agree that there
are a lot of teen parents out there that are bad parents but
I also know that they are not all bad. My cousin was a child
born to a teen mom and he is 25 now and never once gotten into
any kind of legal trouble. He is an A student and got a full
scholarship to a very good college. So not all babies or teen
parents are going to be teen parents themselves or criminals.
TMB: It's a sure bet that the offspring of a girl
who doesn't know how to properly use apo's'trophe's' will become
a criminal.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Why am I a coward? If I was a coward I would have never written
you in the first place. I just don't feel that you have a right
to go and harass those girls in the group.
Was that supposed to hurt my feelings? Cause it didn't. LMAO
I actually thought it was kinda funny. Yes I look old for my
age but I always have too. It has nothing to with being a parent
and even if it did it would matter. What age I look like has
nothing to do with anything. I am not trying to impress you
or anyone with my looks.
TMB: So, it's acceptable for someone to post a link
to my site in order for you chickies to harass me? Doesn't make
much sense.
I don't seek out teen mothers, nor do I attempt to
attract them to my site. If they stumble across it, so be it,
but why take it personally? You girls have claimed to be so
satisfied with your fucked-up lives, yet you continue to natter
on about it, trying to convince me that you're right. Why? Because
you're trying to convince yourselves.
And I didn't bring up your appearance to insult you.
I'm just genuinely curious as to why less-than-average folk
feel compelled to post their photos for the world to see.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
I am sorry but that is just plan stupid. I am not writing a
report for school so I really don't care how correct my grammar
is. So I guess the cops are going to arrest him because his
mother doesn't have correct grammar. Yeah that makes a lot of
since.
TMB: If you don't have a basic grasp of the English
language, if you can't effectively communicate with the world
-- how can you expect to properly rear a child?
No, proper grammar isn't a prerequisite for parenthood
-- really, only a working reproductive system is -- but if you've
demonstrated that you don't care about your own betterment,
it's logical to assume that you won't be much of a role model
for your children.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Looks like I am communicating with you pretty well. I do care
about my own betterment. Otherwise why would I be in college??
If I didn't care then I would be sitting on my butt all day
long doing nothing to try and improve myself.
TMB: You want to major in early education and be a
pre-school teacher. It's well-known that education majors tend
to be the dumbest
college students. They have the lowest SAT and GRE scores,
and generally speaking, it's the career path of people who can't
do anything worthwhile or useful. That's why the public education
system is in shambles -- because of morons like you going into
the teaching field.
Mercifully, though, you've chosen to be a pre-school
teacher, and short of inhaling the fingerpaint, I don't know
how much damage you could possibly do.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
So teaching children isn't useful?? So education students are
stupid huh? Well the people teaching you in college were once
education students so they are stupid too huh?? The reason I
am going into that field is not cause I am not good at anything
else it is because I love kids and love working with them.
TMB: Uh, no. The professors at my university, sans
the education professors, majored in their chosen fields of
study. English professors majored in English or a branch of
English. Philosophy professors majored in philosophy or theology.
Are you seeing a pattern? If every education major was laid
to waste, I hardly think the world would cease to function.
You love cock, too. Why not be a prostitute? You'd
make more money.
MareBareVA@aol.com wrote:
I think it is really upsetting you that your comments are not
pissing me off or upsetting me. No I don't love cock I love
to make love with my fiance. But you see you love cock too so
why don't you be a prostitute? Your comments are not hurting
me. Me and my fiance are sitting here laughing at them. You
are trying to turn this into an argument and hurt my feelings
but I am not letting that happen. I was trying to have a civil
conversation with you but I guess you are not grown up enough
or mature enough to handle that.
TMB: But the world laughs at you.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Let them laugh. I could care less what people think of me.
I know that I am a good mom and a good person and that is all
that matter's.
TMB: If all that matters is how you feel about yourself
and your place in the world, why try to convince someone else
of your inherent worth?
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
I wasn't trying to convince you of anything. I already told
you that.
TMB: If you weren't trying to convince me of your stance,
you never would have written to me.
You're the Internet equivalent of the 19-year-old
airhead who gets drunk at a frat party, goes to the room of
an equally drunk fratboy and is amazed when she wakes up a bit
sore "down there." You know what you wanted, but you're too
chickenshit and embarrassed to admit it.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Incase you forgot I wrote you because I had a question to ask
you. Why do you feel the need to put people down? Does it make
you feel good or something? You are not getting under my skin
or hurting my feelings. I find it very funny that you feel the
need to put people down just to boost your self-esteem.
TMB: Oh, geez, it's time to pack it in when someone
mentions self-esteem. Only recent products of the public school
system and their overindulgent parents care about self-esteem.
The rest of us? Well, we just make fun of people for laughs.
Yuk, yuk.
But since you've decided to bring up self-esteem,
I guess that would explain the insulting e-mails I've received
from teen mothers. If anyone needs self-esteem, it would be
them, right?
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Well life doesn't make much since does it?? You site is on
the web for anyone to view. The club it was posted in was a
private one and I have no right to give you the url. I am not
trying to convince you that I am right. I already told you that.
I was just curious as to why you only mention the bad teen moms
why you don't mention the good ones. I think everyone has a
right to their own opinions and I am not one to tell someone
they are wrong. Now about me posting my pic for everyone to
see is cause when I talk to someone I like to put a face with
the words. I have a lot of friends all over the world and they
like to see pics of me and how I have changed. If you don't
like it don't look at it.
TMB: Yes, my site is there for all to view, but no
one *made* you view it. No one *made* you read the words. When
I find something I disagree with or that I find uninteresting,
I walk away from it. I change the channel, I flip the page or
I click on the back button. You and your cronies must be some
serious masochists if you continue to view material that obviously
gets you so upset.
And don't worry -- I'll find the URL eventually. In
the meantime, I'd like to inform you that everything you've
written will be posted on my Web site. It's only common courtesy
to let you know, just in case you wonder where the influx of
e-mails are coming from. I try to be considerate.
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
I know no one made me view it. I wanted to view it. Your web
site didn't get me upset. Like I said before I know people have
their own opinions and I have nothing against that.
I knew from the minute I E-mailed you that you would post
my e-mails up. I really don't care. That doesn't bother me at
all. Let people e-mail me. I love hearing what people have to
say and their opinion's on things. That's how we learn.
TMB: But you're not interested in learning. Your e-mails
have been the written equivalent of sticking your fingers in
your ears and humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb."
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
Why do you say that I am not interested in learning? I love
to learn. I live off the rule of learning something new everyday.
Mary
TMB: And what did you learn today, your ABCs?
MareBareVA@aol.com
wrote:
No I am sorry I learned those when I was a year old.
Now, we move on to a few parting shots:
Princess
wrote:
I just wanted to say you are probabley used to this but here goes, you are
one of the sickest twisted people on this earth. I have never heard anyone as
fucking sick as you. I hope one day you will change and have a child and it
will change your life. YOu must be so lonley that you had to create this
site, I feel real bad for you.
P.S. (A teen mom told me to come here)
Snuggles
wrote:
Dear "Bitch",
I really would like to know where you got such false information on
teen mothers. Most teen mothers are not stupid, weak girls. They are actually some of the strongest people I know. I would love to see if you could raise a beautiful, healthy, happy child while working and going to school all on your own. I am 19 and pregnant. The child's father fully supports me emotionally and will be there for our child. In the meantime I work 60 hrs a week and am planning to start college in the fall for forensic science. Obviously having a child young makes the road of life a more bumpy one but not an impossible
one.
Why do you feel the need to put young girls down? Did you not get the support you so desperately needed as a child? I honestly feel bad for people like you. Being so cynical is such a waste of time. Why don't you try actually enjoying the beauty of life and thank God you're around to see it, including all the beautiful babies produced by teen mothers. The most important things in life are the smallest ones. Maybe you'd be outside actually living life to its fullest instead of complaining about everything on the Internet if you could only see that.
Just so you know, your web site did not make me angry at all ... it actually made me realize how lucky I am to have the intelligence to be open minded....Ignorance is such a waste...Good luck
Sincerely,
Soon to be and proud teen mother
So, what have we learned from teen mothers? That persistence is futile? That gettin' one's learn on can beneficial when writing snippy e-mails? That repeatedly saying one is not angered or upset by my site just demonstrates how angered and upset one is? That parents aren't instilling in their children the knowledge that having kids is a hellish experience that, ultimately, provides little fulfillment? That AOL needs to be shut down? That horny guys will praise teen mothers if they think they'll be able to get in their pants?
We've actually learned a lot from teen mothers today, so let us bow our heads and give thanks for their existence. Amen.
© The Misanthropic Bitch, 2000
Providing jack-off material for white misogynists since 1997.
The Misanthropic Bitch does not encourage feedback. All submissions, though, become property of the Misanthropic Bitch. Submissions may be published or reused in any other medium.
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