[-]WWYD-I have a friend who is always telling me what to do with my kids, my house etc and then I find out that her mother and mother in law quit their jobs to help watch her DS (pays no daycare), husband does all of the grocery shopping and cooking, she has a cleaning lady. The final straw came last night at a mutual friend's house. I have laundry up to my eyeballs and I mentioned that. She said "My mother catches me up when she comes over." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I work full time, my parents live in Florida, my inlaws both work full time. She was telling me that I need to set up designated times for all parents to take the children. Help!!
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I have the same situation with MY mother. Apparently my mother (cause my father was lazy) had to cook, clean, and do everything. I actually have a husband that helps so I'm not as good as her because I don't do everything myself and my house isn't immaculate, the microwave has a few spots in it, there's toys on the floor, blah, blah, blah. Plus she lives with me 4 days a week because she works close to here. I love that dd has a good relationship with her grandma but I'm afraid she's gonna grow up thinking that way too because my mother has no problem voicing her opinion. I love her but she is driving me crazy.
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My 8 year old banged his foot a week ago. If we don't ask him if it hurts he doesn't say anything. He says it still hurts on and off. He went to the dr. and found nothing wrong. But, he did give a note for no activity for 2 weeks. Last night he had basketball and wanted to play. During the game he said his foot did not hurt. After the game he said his foot hurts. So I told him no karate/basketball for two weeks. I know Saturday morning he will say his foot doesn't hurt and wants to play basketball. I am not sure what is going on with him. It hurts/doesn't hurt?????
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[-]After reading "Harvard Girl" in the Herald Tribune, I don't know whether to feel proud or guilty that I push my teen dd to study hard for her grades. By high school, I see popular culture taking over more and more of dd's friends, and dh and I feel dd does better with a structured, quieter lifestyle. Yet dd's classmates party on the weekends, including substances, and their school performance seems scattered. We're given such mixed messages about what's important in raising kids, so I hope by being strict we're not too far off the mark. Dd seems to be thriving on it, although she's lonely too sometimes.
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Well my husband who went to Upenn (wharton) on full scholorship said if he can do life over he would of went to a state school and partied his as off...
[ Reply | Options ]My parents were really strict, in terms of not letting me go out to certain places or with certain people. I think they were overly strict sometimes, but I wasn't really a wild kid, so didn't chafe TOO much against it. The real worry is that she will go NUTS once she goes to college- I definitely knew kids who did that.
[ Reply | Options ]your dh is probably in the minority on that one. Would he trade in the career and luxuries he has now due to his fancy education? Doubt it. Probably not thinking about the crappy job and life opportunities he'd have if he'd followed his real dream.
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My parents were like you. Strict and loving and pushed me to excel. I am grateful for it everyday. While I missed out on the wild parties I did have a few quiet nerdy friends like myself who have remained among my closest friends. I went on to get two Ivy degrees (since that seems to be the way to assess success on this board) and do not feel I missed out on anything. I am black and feel that I couldn't really afford to have gone too wild as a teen.
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[-]I have a teenwho I realize would have been better off, perhaps even have blossomed socially, in an atmosphere like Solomon Schechter school rather than the secular small girls' school where she isn't physically attractive enough to matter in her peer group. Having seen multiple party pictures on Facebook, I see what matters to those other girls. It's looks. It's buying into popular culture. While my dd had the right dress and blow-out and looked nice, it's clear she never belonged with these people, and it's too late to switch schools. She'll just have to keep surviving for another two years. I just feel bad that if we had chosen differently, she might have had friends. And yes, it's that superficial.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Had a similar situation with my daughter, who is now in her first year of college (small LAC) and happier than she's ever been in her life -- many many lovely friends, both girls and boys. Just tell your daughter to hold on, and realize that the pain of having her go away will be lessened by knowing that she's happier.
[ Reply | Options ]ugh this sucks..girls (mean girls) SUCK. My HS was an all girls school and I wasn't blonde, rich or the right ethnic background...so I didn't fit in. This is one HUGE reason why I didn't want SS for my dds esp. for elem. school. My dds are in coed lower schools and we have had our share of mean girls. I can't imagine how horrible it would have been with a class full of them.
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Get dd into an after school program not associate with the school with more diverse kids. She can make friends there and complain about the girls at school at the same time. Chances are the other non superficial girls will jump in with stories of their own.
[ Reply | Options ]My friends dd is at Solomon Schecter and is miserable--she feels excluded and has suffered at the hands of mean girls. It's a rough age everywhere! I think the bigger schools are better--where there's a group for every one--not one dominant clique.
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OP - I appreciate all these comments. I guess it's not the school, it's the teen scene that's so negative. I hope my dd's college experience is good. The small girls' school where she goes is academically good and she's a top student there, and actually I think she's coping better with the social situation that I am -I feel she's satisfied with indifference and there's so much more out there which she can't see, because if you don't know what's out there, you don't miss it - you only know the atmosphere in which you operate.
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That is too bad for your daughter. I went to private girls' school from prek-12 and loved it. Sometimes w/ private schools, the classes are so small that a handful of bad apples can spoil the whole grade. I had a great class, but even so, my mom breathed a sigh of relief when the main troublemaker in my grade switched schools! I made friends for life there, and I was by no means in the popular crowd and was far poorer than the other girls. I just had my own core group of friends, smart, good girls all of them. It all depends on the child and the school, and sometimes these micro-level issues can make a big difference. Hopefully she has friends she likes from other activities outside of school.
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When the letter acceptance comes in and you accept it, all that will occur is this: your family will become part of a school grade family. These children will be the children your child interacts with on a daily basis. It will be important for about six years. Then it will slow down and halt. By the time high school ends, your child will probably interact with none.
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[-]Question regarding Wall Street Bonuses: If the US government is now a de facto sharholder of BOFA then dont we have a right to know who the Merrill bonuses were paid to and for how much?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]It isn't a shareholder of BofA. It has no equity stake in BofA. Thats why its called a bailout and not a equity purchase. And even if 'we' feel we have the right to know who the bonuses were paid to, management may decide against it. The bonuses were paid before the merger was completed.
[ Reply | Options ]ML employee here. Bonuses were paid to employees in businesses that made money, though upto 40% less than last year which was about 30% less than year before. As far as I know, senior execs did not get bonuses, but most had left/were leaving ML anyway. Why do you care so much, may I ask? And BofA is not owned by any part by the government.
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[-]heard ex-boyfriend is getting a divorce. googled his name and found a recent civil record, a protection order, he's defendant, his soon to be ex the plaintiff. is this just a technicality in divorces? what could an order of protection mean? (asking again for the later crowd.)
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]It could mean the ex got one after making an accusation, but your ex-boyfriend hasn't had his chance to tell his side of the story to get the order of protection dropped. Is the order temporary or permanent? While many orders of protections have been dropped because the accusing spouse was making shit up and the judge saw through it, don't discount that perhaps your ex boyfriend may have committed some form of battery. Now he could have pushed his ex out of anger but that doesn't mean he's a batterer or he could have done severe physical damage to her. You'll never really know unless you saw the events unfold with your own two eyes.
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[-]heard ex-boyfriend is getting a divorce. googled his name and found a recent civil record, a protection order, he's defendant, his soon to be ex the plaintiff. is this just a technicality in divorces? what could an order of protection mean?
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I spent time in family court where most people looked middle or working class, so the well dressed guy with a Blackberry caught my attention. He was sitting in the "audience" when the judge called his name. As he stood up and started moving toward the aisle to approach the bench like everyone else, the judge raised her hand with the "stop" gesture. She called out, "Sir, freeze! Do not go into the aisle. You have a restraining order against you." During my countless visits to those chambers, he was the only parent not allowed to go into the aisle or approach the bench. Protection orders were not typical during the time I spent in court.
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[-]If I had to give advice to anyone delivering for the first time, I'd say ditch the crib for the foldable playpen - you get much more use out of it and the baby grows so fast a crib is obsolete after 1 1/2 years. For an infant, a beautifully decorated Moses basket is so much easier to deal with. Then I'd lay in a supply of baking soda and Bounty paper towels - the towels quartered - and use a solution of mild baking soda and water for cleansing after diapering. White vinegar throughout the kitchen and bathrooms for cleaning. Soft blankets - and I wouldn't buy a single toy since throughout babyhood and schools, the room won't hold all the stuff the child is going to get and/or bring home. How I miss those days - didn't appreciate the won...
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]^^^wonder and beauty of having a new baby in the house. And new Moms - don't waste a second of your time being as nervous and frightened as I was - it wastes your energy.
[ Reply | Options ]I think I might actually throw up. Mother of four, who eats all organic food btw, thinks this is crazy talk. Also depends on the kids. We use cribs until 3.5. And no toys? Said like a true mother of one. Let me guess. No tv?
[ Reply | Options ]a moses bed is a waste, imo. if you really want to save $, get a $50 portable crib from bbb and use it until db is big enough for a bed.
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hi all, my husband is a fighter pilot recently diagnosed w/ glue ear. he's been grounded and they seem to be fast tracking him for the grommit surgery. the concern is that if anything doesn't heal from the surgery, that's it career over. i've read that it could potentially clear on it's own in 3 months, Otovent therepy, antihistimes (sp) could help & cut out dairy. is there anything else i'm missing or anything anybody has tried? also, am looking for a recommendation for a great ENT doctor on Harley St London. thanks all.
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[-]WWYD-what do you do when a friend of yours has "not my child" syndrome? One of my friends has a very cute, normal DS who is good sometimes, bad sometimes and is just your basic kid. Now my DS is the exact same way. Good at times, bad at times and when he is bad, I call him out and I take care of it and I move on. Well my friend acts like her child does no wrong ever. How do you handle that?
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]my friends and i are at the point where we feel comfortable calling eachothers kids out on their bad behavior. (5 yrs). i do, however have one friend who overly corrects mine because she is a pushy controlling type and another friend that has a spoiled manipulative brat whom they coddle, and i basically try to see them as little as possible but a lifelong friend so it sucks.
[ Reply | Options ]yeah and if my DCs are acting up and I'm not around-someone should say something to my kid. So this friend of mine (lifelong with me too-why do some women go crazy when they have kids?)has three DCs-one 5YO DS,one 3YO DD and one 1YO DD-I have a 6YO DS and one 1YO DS. Just got back from 1YO BD party. The two oldest DSs just get together and play by themselves and kind of ignore everyone else. Apparently THAT is wrong-they want the DSs involved in the party. So they "obey" and then get yelled at for "scaring" the girls. Not sure what they were doing because I was tending to my 1YO DS, but my DS an HER DS insist they were only playing "superman". I believe the kids. Am fuming right now-WWYD?
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[-]Bat Mitzvah gift suggestions in the $50-range. Not cash or a bond or GC. DD of a co-worker, not invited to the service or party, but this is the sort of thing that we give gifts for. Think she's into "typical" 13-y-o things.
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[-]Anyone here get divorced, have the SAH parent keep the house with the kids there half the time, and still have the wage earning parent pay most of the bills? What rights does a SAH parent have?
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[-]I found the "judgment by grooming" thread interesting. It's true - people judge and feel more positive towards those who are well-groomed and who have more of the societal standard of good looks prevalent in their part of the world. And from what I've heard and read about, the USA and UK are NOTHING in that department compared to the rest of the world - try going to a private dinner in any other country without being very dressed up - especially in cultures where women are unequal to men - women are decked out like Christmas ornaments.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I'm a sweats mom and people always respond well to me. If anything, showing up at preschool decked is a negative. A dinner party another thing obviously.
[ Reply | Options ]I think it is gross when people wear sweats, unless you are home, have just worked out, or something like that. When people wore sweats to class is college it always bothered me.
[ Reply | Options ]But didn't Melissa Clark or another NYT writer have an article a while back about her going to the local superette in Paris all covered in flour because she was baking and needed something, and she ran into people she knew who, even on a Saturday morning, were well-tailored even when out riding bicycles and she was smirked at because she was dressed too casually for the neighborhood?
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Not at all. GDS is considered in the top 3. The top 3 are Sidwell, GDS and St.Albans/National Cathedral. St. A's and NCS are bunched together because they are both part of the same system. OP, you can get a lot of info on the DC Urban Moms forum -http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/list.page
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[-]WWYD-what do you get friends who adopted a child late in life and have another 5 year old DD?
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You can always buy a new appropriately sized baby outfit. I had 2 kids of same gender, and it was nice to have a few new outfits. I'm assuming you mean a new baby gift, right? Otherwise, you don't need to get them anything.
[ Reply | Options ]You should get something to acknowledge the adopted child -- as a mom of bio and adopted children, it really irked me when I got way more congrats and gifts etc for bio kids than adopted. Get the kids matching or complementary outfits; monogrammed towels; maybe a camera for the 5 yo to take pics of her new sibling; anything that's personalized with names -- matching or complimentary depending on gender, etc.
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yeah that's what I meant-that the adoption was finalized and we want to get them something for the occasion...didn't mean it to sound that the bio kid gets pottery barn and the adopted kid gets kmart.....they aren't having anything but they've been through HELL.....my kids are older so I just needed some ideas.....like the camera idea for the older DD.....adopted is a ds.....exactly a baby is baby........adopted is a baby.....bio is 5.....
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[-]Why does my 6 year follow me around everywhere I go? Why won't he just be proactive and pick up a toy or play by himself? Please help me. I don't know what to do, how do I get him to not want to be attached to me and play, and actually think of what to play by himself? He tells me that he's bored and that he doesn't know what to play with, I'm at my wits end!
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Tell him you have something to do and that when you finish you will play with him. Tell him you are going to set the timer and when it goes off, you guys can play xx. Give him one or two ideas of something he can do, if he whines, say, I'm sorry - I have to get this done, if you can't find something to do then just sit quietly until the timer goes off. If he persists tell him that if he says another word, then you will have to double the amount of the timer (and do it). Once you get this going just stretch out the timer. Start with 10 minutes.
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It worked like a charm with my dc. He too would ask us to play. We started this at 5 and by 6 it was old hat. At 7 we no longer need the timer. I just say I have to do xx and when I'm done we will yy and he entertains self and waits paitently. It is really good for them both to be denied your constant attention and to learn to entertain themselves.
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