Review: Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew
12:15 PM on 10.31.2012
Dewlicious!
I'll admit to not being the world's biggest Halo fan, so it took me by surprise to find out that Microsoft had changed Halo 4's name since I last saw it at E3, deciding instead to call it Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by Mountain Dew.
The sudden change from Xbox 360 exclusive to iOS also shocked me. Currently available -- for free no less -- from the New Zealand App Store, this game is sure to quench your thirst for action, and fuel your desire for fun!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by Mountain Dew (iOS) Developer: Ogmento Inc. Publisher: A Great Bunch of Guys Release: October 31, 2012 MSRP: Cheaper Than A Bag of Fulfilling Doritos
The game is as mysterious as its name. Why is a satiating carbonated beverage being used to provide power to a hill of all things? Why does a mass of land need fueling of any kind? Is it on wheels? Is it mechanical? And who would claim regal dominion over such a contoured mockery of geography? We may never know. All we know is that Mountain Dew provides the flavor you're craving, and the energy needed to get you in the game -- the HALO game, that is!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew (so tasty) is a visceral shooting experience of epic and visceral proportions. You shoot at a Sparkan with your gun's bullets for a bit, really living the life of Mister Chives. In order to resupply your supplies in the game, you have to resupply your supplies in real life, by going out and stocking up on delicious bottles of Mountain Dew and bags of hearty Doritos-brand corn chips (found in your local 7-Eleven). By scanning the barcodes of these reasonably-priced items, you can transport (as if by magic) new bullets to your gun so you can keep shooting Sparkans.
If you become king of the mysterious, Dew-powered Hill, you can win some fantastic Halo 4 prizes! We all like prizes. I'm going to Tweet for some as soon as I've finished writing this. Answer your thirst for victory, and stuff it down the throat of doubt. Sodamn good!
At this point I'd like to remind you of the refreshing taste of Doritos. Using a unique blend of corn, chemicals, and even ingredients, the Frito-lay family strikes gold with every bold new flavor it produces. From Cheese to Flavors Other Than Cheese, you can count on Doritos to be the arbiter (like in Halo) of your party snack choices.
Combined with Mountain Dew, you have the perfect covenant (Halo again) of satisfying crunch and quenching refreshment. I don't know about those bad guys called The Flood, but I'd certainly love it if my house was flooded with Mountain Dew. Until it attracted ants.
While you're reading, may I also remind you about Halo 4's other fantastic partners? Pizza Hut is wanting a slice of the action, and don't let V Energy sugarcoat any of the hardcore combat you'll be facing when Halo 4 is all up in your business. Speaking of business, Microsoft runs a terrific one, wouldn't you agree? I give its glorious enterprise a Windows 8 out of 10!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew is a game-changer for the industry, and something I can see myself playing 24/7-Eleven. What, exactly, are you waiting for? Dewnload it today, and don't say we at Destructoid, or our new partners Frito-lay, never Doritold you about this explosive new title!
Score: Yummy/10
[Note: Mountain Dew cannot be used as a fuel of any kind. Destructoid cannot be held responsible for damaged cars, burnt sockets, or damp barbecue grills. Furthermore, the surgeon general warns that Doritos can cause health problems, including but not limited to: heart disease, diabeetus, liver failure, lung growth, St. Shriven's Fever, gout, Gutsman's Ass, fatness, bias, foreclosure of the kidneys, and aching anus.
I've always been a fan of the Naruto franchise when it comes to the realm of video games. Ever since the GameCube era, they really haven't dropped in quality, despite my waning interest in the series as a whole.
It looks lik... more
Project X Zone, the crazy crossover game featuring Namco Bandai, Capcom, and Sega characters all working together, is coming to North America! Namco will be bringing the role-playing fighting game hybrid to North American, Eu... more
Have you been sitting on the fence when it comes to Persona 4 Arena? Ouch! Maybe you should stop doing that. It sounds really uncomfortable, and besides, Atlus is throwing a pool party. Why not hop on over and join ... more
Pop Culture Shock's latest figure is Shao Khan of the Mortal Kombat universe. The 1/4-scale figure features an extra head so you can see his ugly face, and comes with one weapon depending on which figure you want to blow way ... more
Dead or Alive 5 is heading to the PlayStation Vita and is set to feature cross-platform play with the PlayStation 3 version of Team NINJA's fighting game. One of the features you can expect is that players will now see notifi... more
Remember when we reported that two new characters would be coming to PlayStation All-Stars, and they would be free for a limited time? That's nearly upon us, as Gravity Rush's Kat and Starhawk's Emmett Graves will be availab... more
Persona 4 Arena was supposed to come to Europe back in August, but that didn't happen. Instead, Zen United, the title's distributor, announced an indefinite delay. And while there still isn't a definite release date, the... more
There seem to be mixed reactions to Injustice: Gods Among Us, and while the roster has a few more Batman characters on it than I would have probably liked, it's still undeniably neat to see a game like this exist. We'll have ... more
Running all weekend at Rutgers in New Brunswick, New Jersey, is the Apex 2013 fighting tournament. To promote the event as well as game arrangements in general, ten artists from OverClocked ReMix took a shot at arranging the ... more
The latest issues of @Gamer magazine has revealed that Bane and Lex Luthor will be joining the cast of fighters in Injustice: Gods Among Us. That brings the list of playable characters up to 15 now, yet we still don't know ho... more
You'd expect to play as a wizard or warrior in a Dragon Quest game, but in this McD DS downloadable promotional game in Japan, you can also play as a McDonald's crew member or store manager.
DS title Dragon Quest VII: McDonal...more
Another year, another round of videogame controversies! 2012 was perhaps one of the biggest years ever for scandal and strife, filled with sexism, lies, and ... Doritos?
We've compiled the most outrageous outrages of th...more
Check out these pictures of a celebratory bento offered up at Sony HQ to celebrate Metal Gear's 25th anniversary. Hideo Kojima is doing his thing today, tweeting pictures of food, this time sharing with us images of the unvei...more
Love Jimmy and Ashley on Feast of Fiction. LOVE 'EM! But man, they totally cheaped out this week, and I say that in the most loving way possible!
Their latest subjects were Nuka-Cola from Fallout, Perk-a-Cola from Call of Du...more
WUT. No, seriously. WUT.
The fact that there is Angry Birds soda isn't what shocks me. You can buy novelty Mega Man and Pac-Man energy drinks. I sampled some very sugary Mario-themed beverages back in the day. Hell, remember ...more
This week's Jimquisition is fueled by Mounting Dudes.
Halo 4 is out this week, and if you've been paying any attention to its marketing, you'll know that you won't be able to enjoy it without the crisp, refres...more
[Header image by Tenu]
This week was one of my busiest weeks in recent memory. I was so loaded that I fell way behind on a lot of cool videos and doodads I wanted to share. Bear with me as I play catch-up.
Jimmy Wong and Ashl...more
I'll admit to not being the world's biggest Halo fan, so it took me by surprise to find out that Microsoft had changed Halo 4's name since I last saw it at E3, deciding instead to call it Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by M...more
Who knew that a picture of a man sat next to a bag of Doritos could snowball into anger, humiliation, and intrigue? The most startling thing about this industry is that the biggest of avalanches can erupt from the humblest of...more
[Update: Contest closed! Winners announced soon.]
Our friends at GrubHub have kindly hooked us up with a bunch of awesome prizes that will satisfy even the hungriest gamer's needs! Up for grabs are 25 "Happy Fun Box...more
Yesterday was my cousin's 7th birthday. We wanted to make a special cake and asked him which character he would like in cake form. He suggested Kirby, so Kirby it was!
I didn't bake this. You friggin' kidding me? I would burn...more
Want a free download of 5TH Cell's Scribblenauts REMIX for your iOS device? Head to Starbucks and pick up one of the free promo cards there to download this week's Pick of the Week. Scribblenauts REMIX is normally $5, so...more
Senran Kagura Burst, the sequel to last year's 3DS ninja booby high school brawler, is scheduled for release in Japan on August 30. Time for one last marketing push, right?
Until August 19, you can visit Cafe Euro in Akihabar...more
[Every now and then, Dtoid shines its Spotlight on a games-related artist, event, or place we'd like to share with you guys. Basically, we think this is awesome. Do you think it's awesome?]
I love food. I love videog...more
Jimmy and Ashley decide to revisit the Elder Scrolls series -- their first episode revolved around Skyrim's Sunlight Souffle -- for the latest installment of Feast of Fiction. This time, they fire up the oven and pop in a fe...more
Gaaaaaaaaaah! Another Portal cake reference! Kill it with fire!
Kidding! I can't stay mad at Jimmy and Ashley. They pull off such magical feats week after week, concocting delicious delicacies that tantalize my taste buds. B...more
Some years back, there was this episode of the Pokémon anime in which Ash and the gang decide to make a huge batch of Poffins, the little pastries that give Pokémon stat boosts. Naturally, Ash's Poffins were bu...more