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Sometimes this job is boring, and sometimes YouPorn sends Destructoid a press release, excitedly telling us that its streaming sex video services is coming to Xbox Live. Of course, what it actually means is that, with Internet Explorer coming soon to Xbox 360, you can access YouPorn. But let's not rain on its parade.
"Whether you’re pwning n00bs in CoD: Modern Warfare 3, annihilating Bullymong in Borderlands 2, or taking the Saints deep in Madden NFL 13, you’re never more than a few simple controller clicks away from being face deep in hot free porn," boasts the site.
This is my favorite story.
YouPorn is even good enough to provide some help to any "Xbox Masturbators" who may be worried that they can't adequately mutilate their boners while playing Xbox. Check out this salient advice:
XBox Masturbator Pro Tip: Pick up a wireless USB keyboard to make your XBox Internet Explorer porn browsing experiencing even better. Just plug the Wireless USB adapter into one of the USB ports on your XBox and boom, instant XBox keyboard. Trust me, it’s a hell of a lot easier than typing with your controller… and as we all know, the faster you can get to your precious porn, the better.
Seriously ... this is the best story. This is what videogame news is all about. Some of you may ask, "How is this a story?" I answer you by saying, "Fuck off."
Microsoft has been sure to address YouPorn's proud announcement, stating, "To be clear, we are adding Internet Explorer to Xbox Live, not specific adult content providers like YouPorn or any other specific website content. Additionally, we give members and parents the option to turn this feature on or off for their accounts. Access to Internet Explorer for all Child accounts is blocked by default."
So basically, Microsoft 100% approves and welcomes its new lifelong business partner, YouPorn, into the game console industry.
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8:00 AM on 10.02.2012
