I owe everyone an apology. This past March, I stated that "Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor validates owning a Kinect." As it turns out, I was so, so wrong. We went as far as having the Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor review pass through the hands of three different Destructoid editors in an attempt to get the game to work, until finally realizing that Heavy Armor is, in fact, simply broken. 

The reason why I was so hyped for Steel Battalion in the first place, other than loving the original Xbox game, was because I wanted to believe that the Kinect could actually succeed with a real core game. Up until this point, Kinect seemed designed to work with a few specific types of games: exercise games, on-rails experiences, and party games.

The key driving force here was that Steel Battalion was going to be the first game to use the actual controller in conjunction with the Kinect motion detection. That's what I, and I'm sure many others, believed would be key to making a legitimate experience on the Kinect.

After yesterday's review, however, I've come to the realization that the Kinect is a glorified beta test that we've all been suckered into buying.

First, I need to address my earlier hyperbolic statements. When I went hands-on with Steel Battalion just prior to GDC a few months back, the setup of the room was the most ideal environment one could have to play any Kinect game. Brightly lit, lots of room, and optimal spacing between the Kinect and player. When I played it there, Heavy Armor was functioning just fine for me.

So you can hopefully understand where I was coming from when I made what is now an obviously outlandish statement. I downloaded the Steel Battalion demo last night to see how the game would do in my living room. It was barely five minutes into the demo before I rage-quit after getting stuck in a loop where I was entering and exiting the cockpit view. I was sitting as instructed, with my hands and controller in my lap, yet the Kinect was just unable to process that I wasn't moving my arms at all.

It was then a realization dawned over me. I've been making excuses with every Kinect game up until this point. Every time a motion or voice command failed with any game, I would shrug it off until I got whatever I was trying to make happen. Why have I been so forgiving all this time? We would cry bloody murder if we had to press a button on our controller or keyboard multiple times to get an action working. Imagine trying to shoot a weapon in something like Call of Duty, where your gun would only fire on every third or fourth pull of the trigger. That would be unacceptable, and yet nearly two years since the launch of the device "Kinect forgiveness" is applied to every Kinect game released.

I'm done making excuses, as it's become grossly obvious to me that the device doesn't work, and I doubt it will ever be fixed in its current form. We've all just been test subjects, feeding the device data that will shape the next iteration of the Kinect. The rumors regarding the next Xbox console have been increasing since the start of the year, and this supposed leaked document detailing Microsoft's future vision proposes the Kinect 2 with higher accuracy, improved voice recognition, four-player support, and a dedicated hardware processor. Wait, some of that sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Oh yeah. All this and more was promised when the Kinect was known as Project Natal. Instead, what we got was a shadow of what was shown. As for the voice recognition, the whole feature is about as useful to me as it is to say "Xbox, open disc tray."

I think the main problem with Kinect is that seemingly no one in the industry is pushing the hardware at all when developing for it, with most attempts feeling like half-assed cash-ins. It's rather telling when a first party published title doesn't even try, as was the case with Kinect Joy Ride.

I say most. Like I said earlier, the Dance Central series is done rather well, and titles such as Twisted Pixel's The Gunstringer and Grasshopper's Diabolical Pitch have been fun, but they seem to be fun in spite of the Kinect features rather than because of them. The best Kinect-enabled games that really take advantage of the device seem to only be the ones directed at children, with Double Fine's Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster, and Kinectimals being some shining examples. If anything, kids are the perfect target for the Kinect, as they're hyper little monsters that won't be fazed from having to repeatedly wave their arms or scream at their TV trying to make something happen.

The Kinect was designed for gaming, but the areas where it actually excels have nothing to do with games. Hacks of all sorts have been designed for the Kinect, from acting as a virtual dressing room, making autonomous flying robots, helping doctors in the operating room, to so much more. There's a serious problem when the hacks and mods do so much more with the Kinect than the games do.

I'm mad because Microsoft has been shoving the Kinect in everyone's faces since 2010 as if we need it, like Xbox 360 owners can't live without it. It is not an enjoyable experience at all having to repeat the swipe of your hand or voice command to do something as simple as navigate the poor layout of the Xbox 360 Dashboard, especially when it's far easier to do anything with the controller itself.

None of the motion controller experiences are flawless, but between the big three, the Kinect is the worst offender of them all. I can't help but feel all this is moot at this point. Microsoft has laughed all the way to the bank, selling 18 million Kinects worldwide as of January 2012. Perhaps my grievances with the Kinect are too little, too late. Still, there's this odd sense of peace knowing that I'm done with the Kinect this generation.

Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)

TheNopeMan

So it's not, "better with kinect" :(

dagamer34

Kinect voice controls are fine but gestures are silly because they require a super ideal room setup.

Blahblahblahblah

"After yesterday's review, however, I've come to the realization that the Kinect is a glorified beta test that we've all been suckered into buying."

Not me, that's for damn sure.

Conor Elsea

Someone front page this shit!

Papershadow

Clapping.gif

Bob Muir

Even in my giant living room with plenty of uniform light and tons of space to move around in, Kinect has problems reading my gestures -- not all the time, but quite often. I didn't even really intend to pick up a Kinect until the price dropped further; I only have it because it came with the awesome Star Wars 360. Oh well, at least Dance Central is fun.

Teclo

Hamza, this isn't me taking an issue with you personally, but I really hate how we've accepted the industries use of the term "core games" or "core gamers". It sounds like their way of softening "hardcore" and making it sound more, I dunno... exploitable? "This is for the core gamers" sounds like they think they've got us down to a simple equation. Imagine a director or producer announcing their next movie is for "core viewers". It also has this tendency to accept this split between "real games" and "babby's first vidya" which, sadly, is actually true in the industry - but only because we just accept that there are stupid games for retards and serious games for serious gamers such as ourselves.

Anyway, irrelevant rant aside, I hate to be a jaded prick, but I'm really not surprised that this game sucked. Things like Kinect aren't made with improving the *cough* artform of videogames, it's just a nice way of selling hardware to our mothers, aunties, and uninterested sisters.

Nitex

I'm shocked! SHOCKED I tell you! Okay well not that shocked. What's Kinect again?

MattEdWithCheese

Will be getting Steel Battalion when it drops in price, I had no problems with getting the demo working. I do enjoy Kinect generally though; the trifecta of Dance Central, its sequel and Dance Evolution, not to mention Child of Eden!

Squidoris

"...I've come to the realization that the Kinect is a glorified beta test that we've all been suckered into buying." Speak for yourself. The majority of us weren't dumb enough to ever give that piece of shit a chance in the first place.

Themuad

of the motion control ideas tho it has been the most intresting. Perhaps the second or third generation of it will be sweet.

Aerograt

I'm wondering how expensive Kinect would have been if it included hardware like Natal originally was supposed to.

Teclo

@Squidoris: I agreed. I know this kind of anecdotal evidence can be annoying, but I don't know anyone - or have even HEARD of anyone - in real life who has bought a Kinect or even wants one. In fact, most people I know wouldn't have even heard of it. Would I be right in guessing that the vast majority of them were sold in the USA?

ShAiOnEi

who the hell bought a kinect and expected to work for core games?

Cornelius Klein

Kool story bro.

TrevHead

It seems that out of all the motion controllers this gen Kinect is by far worst. Since MS is so invested in it them hopefully devs will be able to figure out something good with it for by the time kinnect 2 comes out. Imo it would be x10s better if it has a control pad addon for it.

Hell even Rail Shooters have to be dumbed down somewhat as they have to stip out avatar control like whats happening with that Panzer Dragoon clone.

The one good thing about Kinect is that it gave us Child of Eden a great game that I played with a pad

Cahuatijo

Takes a big man to track back and swallow his own hype, I tip my hat to you, dude. It is a shitty realization I came to a while back but so was the virtual boy.

pedrovay2003

I was officially done with Kinect on June 1, 2009.

TheNopeMan

Fuck motion controls, all of them. The sooner this fucking gimick is over the better...same goes for fucking 3D movies.

Things killing mah vidya gaemz right now are:

1. Motion Controls: we don't need it. Fucker like Peter Molyneux will just use them as an excuse to sell us some shitty on-rails beta test.

2. Streamlining: what the fuck was so complex and frustrating about the last game that you had to dumb everthing down.

3. Dat Call of Duty money/audience: no need to explain this.

DLC: most of which is content ripped out of the original game or is held hostage on-disc behind a paywall.

Multiplayer in Everything: EA is fucking guilty of this shit right here, so fucking badly.

RoMeRtHeGaMe

I only have a kinect so I can give my Xbox the finger when it gives me the RROD

The Chaos

Kinect was always a failure. I don't want to stand ups and wave my handa round like a Goddamn idiot. I want to sit down, relax and play on my controller. Is that too much to ask for silly Microsoft.

Brennan Hornburg

I never understood why people thought a "controller " with no actual controls (buttons, sticks, knobs, nubs, etc) would work at all. I'm guessing these people had minority report fantasies... but in that film he was interacting with a hologram, which were essentially controls.

Teclo

@TrevHead

I don't think MS are invested in it as a legit thing, I think they just want it almost as a chess piece to position against the Wii. It's like when a business gives generous holidays just so they can say in their brochures that they give generous holidays and sound like a good company, if you see what I mean. I don't think MS ever thought it would be linked to actually good games, no more than Nintendo thought the Wiimote would be used for any genuinely good game outside of their own first-party output.

Faux Furry

Crushing disappointment at squandered potential and empty promises: Better with Kinect.

Captain of the Zanarkand Abes

KwikPwn

Got mine as a Christmas gift with Fruit Ninja and The Gunstringer. They're both pretty good, but I haven't been compelled to pick up any other Kinect titles.

I do use the voice recognition a lot for Bing searches on the dashboard.

Having said that I'd be hard-pressed to recommend purchasing a Kinect on its gaming merits alone.

I would've liked to have seen more done with the tech, but mine was a freebie!

Sćglópur

Blame Capcom for a shitty game.

There are more good Kinect games than Move games.

i think therefore i amAWESOME

Good read.

I never bothered with Kinect.

Motion controls never gave me a immersive experience, rather it hindered my experience.

Turbostraw

Dear god.

Who could've seen that coming?!!

WHO?!

y inverted

I've made a huge mistake...

JQM78

I've been done with the Kinect since the ridiculous press event they had when they announced it's official name at e3...

White Ponchos, anyone?

flintmech

@Sćglópur

Yes, the math checks out. 1 is a bigger number than 0.

SeymourDuncan17

I plan on getting it eventually for The Gunstringer and Dance Central 1/2. Those games seem pretty damn fine.

nintendoll

@KwikPwn You use the Bing search? I kind of just ignore that tab.

TurboKill

Gotta hand it to you lasting this long before being officially done.

TrevHead

@Teclo

MS is very much invested in Kinect maybe not from a gamers standpoint but as the dashboard (which is shit compared to PC/Steams GUI) is centered around Kinnect its obvious to see its intregal to their xbox in every living room strategy.

From the little bit i've seen of Windows 8 MS are doing the same but for tablet / kinnect control. God i'm dreading the release of that OS its usual MS "lets change around the GUI and folder locations to make it look new" BS x1000

emorymdotcom

I got my girlfriend a Kinect and she's been 'playing' one of those fitness games every morning before work for months. I've never been able to stand the fucking thing.

tenshin78

Its your fault for believing all that shit, I didnt even believe on the Move that is outright a copy of the wii and its something that is proven and everybody knows what they will get for, but on the kinect its just vaporware.

Same can be said about the Move on PS and almost everything third party from the Wii, all we need its a damn control, no need for waving to a camera or that kind of shit, please somebody tell me, how the f@ck can you perform a perfectly timed combo on those motion sensor controllers?

Phantom Spaceman

Only good use for Kinect IMHO is for Skyrim voice commands. Totally streamlines the experience by removing the need to go into the clumsy UI during combat.

qlum

I also remember reading somewhere that the specs of kinect when it was still project natal where a lot better, the thing had its own processor to not strain the 360 and it had a much higher sensor resolution, if they had kept to this it may have worked out a lot better than it does now.

skullskullskull

I think it's called motion control sickness.

Avitag

I was pretty off put from motion controls after the Wii came out. My hopes had been dashed that anything cool can come out of not holding a controller (I will probably take this statement to my grave.) but I'm kind of mind blown by the idea that all 18 million of those sold might be just feeding back info to Microsoft so they can make a better Kinect.

Snowraptor

I had hope for Steel Batallion. The fact that it seemed to work fine as you yourself said in that preview affirmed that. As I was about to pre order it a thought occurred that maybe I shouldn't get a kinect just for the game unless it actually works at which point I would grudgingly admit that the thing might actually be good for something and buy one. The reviews of the game were disappointing but at least I didn't have to admit I was wrong about the kinect.

Scott Howard

Between Gunstringer, Child of Eden and Dance Central, I've gotten plenty of use out of mine. Yeah I agree, it's a frustrating inconsistently functioning device, but boy do I love the shit out of of the new Skyrim voice controls. I'd love to see more properly integrated voice commands integrated into games, mostly time-saving UI navigating ones.

KwikPwn

@nintendoll

Yeah, with Kinect you just tell it what you're looking for from anywhere on the dashboard. I use it for everything from getting to games on my HDD quicker, to tv I'm following on Netflix and xfinity.

Mr Andy Dixon

"they seem to be fun in spite of the Kinect features rather than because of them"

THIS. I feel the same way about Kinect games as I do about most Wii games, honestly. I've never played a game on either system where I said, "Wow, these motion controls really added to my enjoyment of this game!" Instead, I've ended every experience saying, "Well that was fun. And I bet I would have enjoyed it a ton more if I could have played it with a normal fucking controller. Also, boners. And fuck."

Anyway, great piece, man.

TrevHead

"@KwikPwn You use the Bing search? I kind of just ignore that tab"

@Nintendoll

Since the dashboard changes and the cancelation of inside Xbox in the UK, I don't use the dash whatsoever except to check what the weekly special offer is every wednesday. The deal actually starts every Tuesday but the for some reason the adverts and the links take me to the old deal which doesn't get fixed until Wednesday

Syn

Hah. I knew better than to waste money on this shit.

Take it to the face, weaklings!

MuddBstrd

"Still, there's this odd sense of peace knowing that I'm done with the Kinect this generation."

So... you're still considering buying it in its next version? Sounds like Microsoft is really getting away scott-free with making everyone pay to be a beta tester.

UltorOscariot

It's okay, Hamza. You've harmed me in no way. I, at no point, ever believed Kinect would be anything more than a dance game waggle wasteland.

If there is one lesson of this generation, its that motion controls are practically worthless in terms of augmenting a deeper game experience, because there is nothing motion controls(not IR pointing on the Wii) have been used for has been used for that can't be done more effectively and reliable than a button or stick.