Flak Magazine Letters
Sep-Dec 2005
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12-07-05
To: James Norton
Re: The Lyrics to "Everybody Have Fun Tonight
You can make fun of Wang Chung with their dumbass name and equally dumbass use of their name in their #2 hit from 1986, but you tar them with the epithet "one-hit wonder" in much the same way that VH-1 does (for shame), namely: I only remember that band's one song, therefore they are a one-hit wonder.
Take "Let's Go," a #9 Wang Chung hit from the following year. It includes the even lamer lyrics: "I wish you'd drop what you're doing / And get on the case / We could blow this existence / Right out into space" and the even further painfully faux anthemic: "Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on / Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on / Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on / Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no more"
Both of these songs cracked the top ten and should rightly be the object of derision and ridicule. (Even though I love them both through a mental problem I have involving pop music.)
Calling Wang Chung a one-hit wonder also looks past their really good song "Dance Hall Days". This was BEFORE "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" when Wang Chung were a new wave outfit and this great song reached all the way to #16 in 1984 and contained the classic lyrics: "When I, you and everyone we knew / could believe, do, and share in what was true" and the mystifying and darkly sexual: "Take your baby by the wrist / and in her mouth an amethyst / and in her eyes two sapphires blue"
Wang Chung is many things and fails to be many more, but at least give them a fair shake. The one-hit wonder title doesn't fit artists like them, Corey Hart, a-ha or the Greg Kihn Band and we should save it for artists that do, like Dexys Midnight Runners, Gregory Abbott and Baltimora.
A ship of fools sailing on,
JonMichael R.
12-07-05
To: James Norton
Re: B&M; Canned Bread
Read your review and felt bad you had such a deprived child-hood without the delight of the treat of B&M; New England Style Brown Bread with Raisins served up with your homemade baked beans. You were not very complimentary to what we fought over as to who got the thickest slice so perhaps you are one of those who likes calamari, menudo, or kimchi.
As a recent immigrant to Canada due to my marrying a Canadian bride, my first meeting with a new brother-in-law from Newfoundland was accompanied by a large bundt wheel of molasses bread with raisins sent along by my new yet-to-to-be-met sister-in-law. The first thing I thought of was B&M; Brown Bread that I had not had since I was a kid, more than 30 years ago. I then got on the net and googled "B&M; Brown Bread." Got some good info, plan to acquire some, and read your review.
I hope you are a Liberal Democrat so I can despise you all the more. Of course there is the bennie that if you don't like it, there will be that much more for me. Can (get it?) hardly wait to get some.
Tuyo, Pablo
12-05-05
To: James Norton
Re: Seesaws
Jim,
The Teeter Totter piece, while not making me laugh, had me nodding up and down vigorously in agreement. Check this out: www.homelessdave.com/totterhome.htm
Mine is the only damn teeter totter in the city. Parks as well as Schools removed all theirs years ago due to concerns about "pinch points." You'd think there'd be a clamor for the opportunity to be a guest on TT with HD based on scarcity and laws of supply and demand and shit. But no.
After long-time pestering people, I finally got my first "get" and will do this interview this coming Friday.
FlakMag is really something else. Nice job.
HomelessDave
PS: The McGriddle piece had me laughing out loud. I believe the McGrid evolved from a conversation at McDonald's Food Design group that went like this:
Bob: The Egg McMuffin revolutionized the American breakfast ... but there's one thing wrong with it.
Ted: Yeah, I know, it ain't American ... got *English* muffins and *Canadian* bacon onnit.
Bob: So what if we take a pancake, that's as American as you can get ... and then use real bacon ...
Ted: That JUST MIGHT WORK! You're a damn genius.
10-24-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
Hi Bob,
I was reading your article on Flakmag.com, and just thought you might be interested to know that we do actually offer items that are NBA Dress Code-appropriate.
In addition to the blazer featured in the attached article, we also manufacture an upscale line of casual apparel that includes wool jackets, sweaters, and zip-front track jackets that would fit nicely into the NBA's new rules.
Erin RitterDirector of Public Relations
Mitchell & Ness Nostalgia Co.
10-12-05
To: James Norton
Re: Who Will Pay For New Orleans?
The politicalization of Katrina is yet another shining example of what I affectionately call "The Unabated Pimping of America."
Let me state for the record that the cataclysmic carnage unleashed by Hurricane Katrina pales in comparison to my calculated indifference towards New Orleans and its social and economic debilitation.
Essentially, Katrina (like Bastiat & Hayek before) exposed the festering sore that is the Gilded Fleece (pun intended) of the Welfare State, in all its pigmented and morally calcified glory.
Nothing more...nothing less.
The real tragedy is the financial expropriation and extortion promulgated by the feds, on behalf of the feckless and criminal administrators that reside at both the city and state thresholds.
Albert Bifarelli
10-12-05
To: Alissa Rowinsky
Re: Witness: For the Prosecution of Scott Peterson
After reading your review of "Witness: For the Prosecution Of Scott Peterson" by Amber Frey, I thought finally, someone else noticed that Amber Frey's 15 minutes of fame is for fucking a murderer. Throughout the publicity to which the American public was held hostage to, Amber portrays herself as a born-again Christian, albeit one who sleeps with men in hotel rooms hours after meeting them, twenty dollars and bus fare and you have a very different picture.
Early in the investigation it was clear that Amber wanted us to know that the Modesto police department were card carrying members of the Amber Frey appreciation society. From the moment the adulteress Amber tossed that flaming paper bag of dog poop on the doorstep of the media, she campaigned successfully to insert her photo along side Laci and Scott's in every news story coming out of the West. Her actions were about as subtle as jumping up and shouting "Look at me! Look at me!"
The only interview I would enjoy is the one where Dr. Phil tells it like it is to Amber then spits out those famous words, "What were you thinking!" Is there any chance of a Dr. Phil intervention?
Cari Owen
10-10-05
To: Claire Zulkey
Re: Muscle Mania
Hey Claire
I just read your article on flakmag opinion called Muscle mania I thought it was very interesting and good....
I am a fan of women's muscles....no in fact i am more than that..it is a part of me. I like to watch women for their muscles and size.....
I like your article for lots of reasons..it takes a different perspective but one reason i like it is it doesn't resort to "bashing men" for being who they are in their admiration of women including the muscular ones.... thank you...
but also the article takes an innocent like non body builder look at this new momentuous trend...and I am glad to see it taking aim on more women building and wanting to see muscles and more physical power in themselves..... by the way...I happen to be a man.....
also I am in the process of starting to train women to be big...i mean real big and strong.... and like it and be able to enjoy it and move upward in the face of comments from men and yes, especially women on the size of their muscles..... I have one woman who is 280 lbs and is excited about putting on 350 lbs of muscle! I will be sharing this with her...it all starts in the mind first i believe.
Doc is my name. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing. Thanks for the article...please write more! one more thing, in case you would like to know..i am 180 and i like women much bigger and stronger than i who love to show off their size and strength. One more thing....I believe that since all people — men and women have muscles — muscles are not just the domain of "men" It is for everyone women too! Yes the future is going to be big muscled women who have different sized breasts and are proud of showing off their muscles.
Once more thing.....i really think that muscles and strength in women are erotic and a turn on to men and women..and much of the time..the denial in either is just hiding their wanting to say it and admit it.... i find alot of women who eye muscular women and fantasize in some way about them in secret...what do you say?
Love it
Doc
10-10-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
Dear Bob,
I, like you, can be sick of brick if it's used as a cheap symbol to tap into a non-existent sense of history. For example: The Ballpark at Arlington (now known as "Ameriquest Field"). Arlington is a town (is it a town?) with no history, and the Ballpark is supposed to look like it's been there for a hundred years. In the parking lot. Next to Six Flags. Right.
But back to your rant. Have you ever been to Jacobs Field? No brick on that puppy. It's actually a very contemporary design that takes its cues from Cleveland's bridges and industrial heritage. But no brick. Have you ever been to PNC Park in Pittsburgh? No brick there, either — the facade is stone, to relate the building to the Allegheny County Courthouse and other local landmarks. PetCo Park in San Diego: no brick.
Minute Maid Park in Houston does have a brick facade, but the reason for that is Houston, not baseball (or Camden Yards). I spent a lot of time studying the architecture and history of Houston before suggesting that a light red brick would be the best way to connect the new ballpark to the history and culture of Houston. It seems to work.
I suggest that you take the last six or eight ballparks HOK Sport has done and line up the postcards side by side: San Diego, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Detroit, San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Houston, Denver: What you will discover is that they don't look remotely alike, inside or outside. They are uniquely suited to place, climate, culture, and the personality of the team. Try it and see if you don't agree with me.
So yeah, it's easy to say you're opposed to cookie-cutter ballparks. We are, too. That's why we don't design them.
Sincerely,
David Greusel
Principal, HOK Sport + Event + Venue
Editor's note: Mr. Greusel would like to remind readers that his views are his own, and not those of HOK Sport + Event + Venue.
Bob Cook adds: I have been to Jacobs Field, and I am chastised correctly. There is no brick.
10-03-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
I read your article today on the movie Hoosiers and I wanted to thank you for a wonderful commentary. It was interesting to know a bit about these young men now. I was saddened to hear of Mr. Poole's passing. I am a writer, living in Kentucky and I remember the night I went to see this movie for the first time. Now all these years later, the movie poster hangs framed in my office, numerous copies of the soundtrack play regularly and the movie viewed often. I remember leaving the theatre that night feeling as if I was leaving friends behind or that I forgot something that I could not go and retrieve. I was haunted by this film for many years. So much so that I spent one summer vacation in the early '90s traveling to all the locations where the film was shot. I graduated from Hanover college in 1984 and never realized that the hamlet of Milan was so close by or even what had happened there.
I purchased the "greatest basketball story ever told" and began to learn about the real "Milan miracle" Interestingly these movie characters overshadow the real story perhaps in many ways because of Hollywood. Hickory, like Mayberry, is that place we need to believe in. It's just good storytelling. Our world is without myths. I remember that night after the movie as I dropped off to sleep, I dreamed. I dreamt about the town, the people, the coach, the boys and where they would go, what they would do. In a surreal manner you finished the story of Hoosiers. A movie that needs a sequel but can never have one. Hoosiers begs all of us to remember the essence of athletics and the character of individuals. That is what sports is....
Thanks,
Daniel Steinhauer
9-30-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Marshall Field's: 1865-2006
In response to your article Marshall Field's: 1865-2006...When [gulp] Macy's State Street fails, or underperforms, I wouldn't be surprised if Federated sold the State Street property to developers who would remodel it into the "Marshall Field Condominiums & Food Court." As rediculous as this may sound, it's not unfathomable. When Macy's bought Bullock's in Los Angeles they sold off the much revered Downtown flagship to an immigrant developer who had no sensitivity to the Bullock legacy and [sadly] converted it into a parking garage!
Federated NEVER promised to preserve the cultural legacy that was Bullock's and hasn't promised to preserve the Marshall Fields building as a department store. Lundgren is MOST concerned with his stockholders. He's Shrewd. So shrewd that even Daley bought into his charms. Look closely at the choice of words Lundgren is using...he's THINKING about bringing Frango mint production back to Chicago. Un huh! I've heard this kind of thing before! Mark my words...the name change isn't the end of this story!
Tony Hoover
Los Angeles, CA
9-29-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
Sure seems to be a lot of folks running around with their feelings on their sleeves waiting to be "offended". It's hard to believe this is mostly aimed at institutions of higher learning. Thank goodness all these irate people were not in charge when we were a young nation. We would never have expanded west of the Allegheny mountains.
H.B. Owens
Bryan,Texas
9-27-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
Hi Bob,
First thanks for taking the time to write all the sports articles I enjoy reading them at the beginning of every week.
Now for a nickname, I am from Sheldon Iowa. Our school nickname which was voted the worst nickname in the state of Iowa maybe 20-25 years ago is Orab. What is an Orab you might ask? It stands for Orange and Black. Legend has it the Sheldon Orange and Black nickname was shortened to Orab by a newspaper man in the 1920-30's. The name stuck and we are now the Sheldon Orabs. It makes for good conversation at parties and business meetings. One last note, I always like to point out that the nickname of Orab beat out the Everly (Ia) Cattlefeeders for the worst name.
Enjoy the day
Jim Roth
Minneapolis, MN
9-26-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Kick Out the Sports!
I can't believe you missed the University of Hawaii's name change. They were the Rainbow Warriors (in Hawiian, the melodious and, if you know the language, intimidating "Koa Anuenue"). A few years ago they became just the "Warriors" because — ready for this? — the players thought Rainbow sounded too gay. Forget about whether the descendants of Kamehameha were offended, can't sound too gay, right?
Peter Kaplan
9-22-05
To: Alissa Rowinsky
Re: The Glad ForceFlex Bag commercial
I found your comments about the glad force/flex bag ad so interesting because I just saw a different ad for force/flex that featured a giant ear of corn standing upright. Kernels started popping off, i.e. ejaculate, and so they covered this phallus with a glad force/flex bag. I could not believe what I was seeing, and figured some young ad guys thought they were being very funny. Any one of these images might have been ok, but altogether, it was just too much of a coincidence.
Carol Lulkin
