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[+] did you "marry your father" in your dh? 22 replies
- certain traits, yes. My father and husband are both very financially prudent, love history and how it pertains to current politics, very easy going and soothing when I fuck up. They are opposite in that my husband is affectionate, high strung and...on a golf course. They agreed to disagree on some subjects and just don't discuss them at all - like politics and religion. They can talk sports for days and it helps that my Dad adores our DD (his only granddaughter)...
Talk : : June 13, 2011
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not at all! my dad was a handyman, sit in the driveway drinking beer with his buddies, working on old cars kind of guy. my DH is a white collar computer technician, couldn't fix a toaster to save his life, reads the NYT and drinks wine kind of guy. BUT they are both 100% committed dads and husbands whose family trumps all other concerns in life, in that way they are the same. and that's what is most important, after all.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:53 PM Flag-
NO. I made sure my dh was nothing like my father (who was gone by the time I was 4, but with whom I was reacquainted at 18). Horrible man. My sister, on the other hand, has ended up with multiple men like our father (with whom she had a relationship until he died).
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:56 PM FlagI love my dad dearly, but am glad I married someone very different from him in a lot of ways. Like another poster above, both are loving, caring, family men, but my dad is very opinionated and can be quite tough, but DH is much more gentle-mannered and easy going.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:06 PM FlagFor years I thought that I hadn't and was so proud of choosing someone opposite my father. I recently realized I didn't marry my father per se, but married the same situation. My father chose not to be there when I was a child and when he was around he sucked as a father. My dh has always worked a different schedule then me even before children. There was only a brief period in our marriage when we worked the same schedule. When I would subconsciously or maybe not so subconsciously switch my schedule to his. He would be annoyed and find away to change his schedule again. So basically he is choosing not be around me and when he is around he usually is in a different room then me. His different from my father because he is a wonderful father to our children. The time when we are together (not much) he is kind, thoughtful and nice to me. My father not so much.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:08 PM Flag-
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In certain traits, yes. My father and husband are both very financially prudent, love history and how it pertains to current politics, very easy going and soothing when I fuck up. They are opposite in that my husband is affectionate, high strung and self conscious.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:15 PM FlagNo thank goodness. My father and I can hardly get through a conversation together, don't understand each other and have different values, interests and approaches to life. DH on the other hand is one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:22 PM Flag
[+] Any of you working moms considering become SAHMs? Would you if you could financially... 19 replies
- Do you think you would like something outside of sales? What about something in education or non profit? How old is DC? I work PT but it took 10 yrs with current employer before I asked, and by they had built up enough good will/political capital...
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Any of you working moms considering become SAHMs? Would you if you could financially? Be honest.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 05:14 PM Flag ]If i could afford it (if we had financial stability forever) I would definitely stay home (AND have another kid!), no question. Anyone who says they would work for someone else on someone else's schedule over having freedom is lying. Maybe I would start my own business.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:24 PM FlagNo. If financially neither of us had to work - I think we'd both stay home and have a few more kids. We'd volunteer and keep busy. I wouldn't be happy staying home if DH was working. I think it's great if it's something you enjoy and can afford it. Not for me.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:28 PM FlagIsn't one parent with the kids full-time better than none? Or is it too much craziness for you alone. Totally understand if it is. I asked this question and I'm a WOHM, considering quitting - and the weekends are exhausting! But I can't afford sufficient help and feel like our diets are suffering, my kids are all over the place, I don't know their friends, I am just such a bad parent while I"m working.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:32 PM FlagDepends on the parent and the family. Blanket statements never are true. I'm not cut out for the stay at home life - and DH is certainly not either. If we were super wealthy, we'd probably not work - but DH would still trade and we would still outsource all domestic duties aside from actually spending time w/ our kids. Neither of us has any interest in cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, organizing, etc. Bedtime, bath, homework, outings, sports, playing, playground, park -- no problem - we both do those things with joy -- I don't even mind diapers or nursing - it's the household stuff that I have no tolerance for.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:44 PM Flag^^ I should add that I was miserable on both mat leaves and was unable to make any friends. I find many women in our generation f-ing nuts. I would be absolutely miserable home alone while the kids were at school. It would be different if DH was home with me. We'd be happy and find lots to do.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:50 PM Flag
LOL! Do you think SAHMs don't work? I mean, the ones with nannies obviously don't, but the rest of us most assuredly DO.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:49 PM FlagNot at all - it's super hard work. I'm exhausted on the weekends and my DH is a very involved and equal parenting partner. I don't know how SAHMs do it - and I certainly couldn't do the household maintenance part - I'm not wired that way. I said we'd keep busy - because having two adults home when the kids are at school, we'd need to keep busy. Everyone is different. I know my limits and I couldn't handle being home alone. If we were filthy rich and didn't have to work at all - I could do it w/ a housekeeper/cook and DH home. I wouldn't need a nanny - and I would have 2-3 more kids!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:00 PM Flag
I do consider it but in truth, what I really want to do is work part-time. I did it a few years ago and it was perfect, but then I was offered my dream job and grabbed it. I'm not sorry, and I do have a lot of flexibility, but I'd prefer to be in the office fewer days of the week. I've gently floated the idea lately and the response seems to be leaning positive. I don't ever not want to work at all, it's not my personality and I truly enjoy what I do.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:30 PM FlagI can afford it, husband in banking, but I don't want to SAHM, I work 9-5 (have some flexibility, no travel), short commute. I have a graduate degree, and a job I like, plus some of my closest friends are at my job--I look forward to going in (most of the time)
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:51 PM FlagI used to stay home and really miss it. We can't afford for me to be home now, but as soon as we can I'm quitting.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:59 PM Flag
[+] Is it rude when you are having houseguests for a weekend night(4 old college friends ... 46 replies
- come in, stock their bathroom with good toiletries, etc.- but luckily most of my house guests are friends and they are super polite, not intrusive, clean up after themselves, etc. So this was kind of a surprise to see these people come with a large dog...
- Plus at least you can politely ask the smoker to step outside - you can't tell Fido to just chill on the stoop all weekend...
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Is it rude when you are having houseguests for a weekend night(4 old college friends of my DH, all in our 20s, ended up being 6 friends but no big deal)and one couple brings along a dog without asking? I was kind of shocked when they walked in and a dog ran in after them, all I said was "oh, I didn't realize you were bringing a dog" but then tried to backtrack and be gracious because they looked embarrassed, saying how the dog didn't bark or pee indoors, etc... I am afraid I seemed rude about it now, should I have just rolled with it or were they rude to assume bringing their (large)dog to my city townhome was okay? FWIW, we don't have any pets.
46 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 12:50 PM Flag ]i would have said oh, no, sorry guys, i'm allergic. off to the doggy day care for the weekend. and no, you weren't rude. they were for bringing a dog uninvited, particularly if you're not a pet person.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:52 PM FlagYeah. I mean I do like dogs, but not in a townhome this small, and not when we were all planning to be out all evening so the dog had the run of the house (no kennel) and I just had their assurances that the dog behaved. I didn't want to tell them to take the dog away (DH said he honestly couldn't remember if they asked him about bringing a dog or not- he doesn't care about that stuff much) but I was so surprised they brought it- I mean even asked to bring it, if they did ask, honestly. HUGE dog, 900sq foot townhome with 8 people and we were going to be out of the house all weekend.... huh??
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:55 PM FlagDH's friends, they know he's mr "I don't care about these things". of course it's funny how the "i don't notice, i don't care" types manage to marry women who do care. they get to keep believing they are so laid back, while reaping rewards of a dw who keeps things nice.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:01 PM FlagHah I know, they might not have even asked because they knew he wouldn't mind- without thinking if I would mind, which I did, because we had a new white couch and while the dog was fine and didn't mess it up, I was terrified that he was going to! If they asked my DH, I still think they shouldn't have even asked... but I guess I will try not to hold a grudge or anything silly like that, just in case DH said it was ok. (fwiw he now knows to say no next time!)
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:03 PM FlagTHANK YOU!!!! Unfortunatley married into a family where MIL is beyond slovenly, and ILs turn a blind eye. I am a tidy person and HATE IT when Ils or MIL say "oh don't clean that up NOW, sit down and relax!" then they just leave it forever. Hate it, hate it, hate it.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 03:55 PM Flag
It was extremely rude, and while a perfect hostess would have been able to hide her displeasure, I would have reacted even harsher than you did. If I wanted a freaking dog in my house, I'd have one.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:52 PM FlagIDA. perfect hosting doesn't mean non-reaction at facially apparent rudeness.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:54 PM Flagnp, and hyes it does. You are supposed to make your guests feel like royalty no matter what they do - and if they drink the water out of the finger bowl with a straw - you are supposed to as well!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:55 PM Flagum, not really. the hostess sets the standard, and the guests must abide. they do not get their run of the place because they are guests. case in point: at state dinners with the Queen, you know when the course is finished? the second she puts down her utensils. if you're not finished eating -- too bad!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:57 PM Flagreally? haha that's kind of funny actually. OP here, I guess I'm not a huge fan of houseguests as it is- I am always gracious, make up our 2nd bedroom for them, make dinner reservations for all of us on the night they come in, stock their bathroom with good toiletries, etc.- but luckily most of my house guests are friends and they are super polite, not intrusive, clean up after themselves, etc. So this was kind of a surprise to see these people come with a large dog... but I wanted reassurance that it wasn't my general dislike of houseguests that made me annoyed, that they were actually being annoying!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:01 PM Flag
It's beyond rude. You weren't even remotely impolite--you were surprised, and they were rightly embarrassed, because they did something obnoxious.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:52 PM FlagHave to agree here. I would never bring our dog without asking and frankly I would never ask just get a sitter...
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:55 PM FlagSo what should I do when friends visit this summer and one of them asks if it's ok to bring the dog? I'm not allergic and most people know this- I loved my childhood dog and have a picture of him in our house, for example. But we do not have pets currently, and I do not want pet hair everywhere or a dog to be barking or possibly peeing on my carpet who is not my dog. Is it rude to just say "no, we'd prefer you didn't bring the dog?" Will I be a bitch for saying that?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:05 PM Flag
Yep, very rude (and my 70 pound mutt is like a child to me)
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:53 PM Flag^^ Frankly, I wouldn't even *ask* if I could bring my dog, unless it was a close friend who we knew liked dogs or immediate family.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:55 PM FlagThats exactly what I thought! As I said above, DH said he honestly couldn't remember if they asked him or not- and since a horse in our house wouldn't phase him much, I can see how he wouldn't think twice about it if they had asked- but I wouldn't even ask, they did not know us practically at all (they were friends of friends- the extra 2 last minute guests- just stopping through because they had a wedding on Sunday evening near our town) and they knew we lived in a city home and knew we were all planning on doing winery tours during the day and then out to dinner/bars at night. It was so strange.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:59 PM Flag
Oh, no way- that is rude. And I'm a total dog lover- in fact, we have a dog- and it would be even WORSE if someone coming to stay with us brought a dog unannounced. That would mean a hotel for them- and same for dog. Not cool. Doesn't matter if dog doesn't pee or bark indoors. Dog is not invited person. That put you in a very awkward position and was thoughtless on their part- again, not cool at all- and I love dogs.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:42 PM Flag-
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OP: Well in a perfect world I would have taken back my initial response of surprised silence and "oh, I didn't realize you were bringing a dog" and then a glance over to my DH. It did feel rude coming out of my mouth, which is why I then backtracked and said it was fine and that he was welcome to play on the back patio if he needed exercise, blah blah. But I do think they were far more rude for bringing the dog to begin with, especially when we were headed out for the whole day/evening.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:59 PM Flag
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[+] Was at my friend's apt. this weekend and he was speaking to his friend on speaker pho... 12 replies
- ." and I think it's only polite to not talk about someone behind their back, especially with news about a pregnancy/...
- The pregnancy thing is her being polite and respectful. The speakerphone thing is also respectful. I always tell someone, hey, _____, I'm putting you on speaker, is...
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Was at my friend's apt. this weekend and he was speaking to his friend on speaker phone, using his cell. He would ask his wife questions about lunch and she refused to speak, basically pantomined and then walked out of the room. I didn't understand her issue, but then she said that it's rude to put someone on speaker phone without their knowledge. Another time, she refused to comment on someone's pregnancy because they themselves had not announced it. Curious? Is she just a snob or uptight?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 09:33 AM Flag ]Well it IS rude to put someone on speaker phone without their knowledge, but the better way to go there would have been to say "hey Jim, you're on speaker and ...." and I think it's only polite to not talk about someone behind their back, especially with news about a pregnancy/
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:37 AM Flag
[+] Eating dinner together as a family and talking to each other every night is the best ... 153 replies
- 's just not our thing. Her father btw spends way more time with her than other dads because of his situation. He comes home early and takes her to the park almost every day at 4-5 or so. We all do what's right for us. She is a very polite little girl according to other parents so I must be doing at least one thing right....
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Eating dinner together as a family and talking to each other every night is the best gift you can give to your dcs.
153 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 09:26 AM Flag ]i'm still trying to figure out at what age this is truly realistic. my kids go to bed at 7:30pm on school nights (ages 3, 8) and are eating dinner at 5:30-6pm, well before dh & i get home even on the best nights. we eat together on saturdays and sundays and some fridays but otherwise it's just not feasible. hoping as they get older and can go to bed later, it'll become more practical.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:32 AM FlagI did it every night as a kid with my mom,she worked,kept the house and had a hot meal on the table every night. Those dinners were important and now that she's gone I plan to carry it on as a testament to her.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:35 AM Flagor: my mom & i had dinner together every night even once she went back to work, but she had a 9-5pm job, so she was home by 6pm and I was 8yo at that point and went to bed a lot later than my kids do. my dad was never home for dinner until i was old enough to eat at 8:30pm - middle school maybe?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:44 AM Flag
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Agreed but it is not always feasible. I get home by 7:30 PM so I can eat with 3yo DD but DH rarely gets home before 10 PM during the week. Most families face that reality.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:37 AM Flagnot happening. I'm with my child all day. talk to her all day. Dh comes home throughout the day. We get enough talk time without meals every night. Live your own life.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:43 AM FlagDon't you worry you are raising animals? Meal times as a family is a pretty basic thing.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:01 AM Flag
I agree with this. When I was growing up meal time was sacred. We all helped set the table and clear the table and you had to have had skimmed the headlines of the NY Times or face a very quiet meal. Have been really fortunate that my DH gets home by 7:00pm and most nights we have dinner together. I usually give DS a late snack to tie him over till dinner time. I really look forward to it and I hope our DS, now 4, will appreciate it the family time together in the long run.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:48 AM FlagNiece at college told me that you can really tell the kids who ate dinner w/ their families from those who don't.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:53 AM Flag-
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I am sure she can't- all Ivy here. Care to name niece's school? She sounds like an idiot.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:05 AM Flag-
Still won't name the school eh? So maybe that is her community college observation.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:31 AM Flagnp: So when someone can tell if someone had family dinners each night (maybe based on wanting to go to the dining hall together as a group in the evenings- maybe not wanting to eat take out in front of the TV like some others- things like this I'm assuming), you have to ridicule them and say how stupid they are? I don't understand.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:30 PM Flag-
Going to an ivy generally just makes your opinions more white bread, and makes you feel awesome while you are really not different from anyone else.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:31 PM FlagUnfortunately, neither you nor your children will ever know if this is actually true.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:50 PM FlagBecause we will never encounter a self-important person who went to Princeton? Hon, I meet them all the time. Many of them can't even figure out how to send a professional-sounding email, much less be a good worker. The brand of your college doesn't mean much once you are about 5 years out.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:47 PM Flag
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really? the best gift in the entire world? more than self esteem? more than confidence? more than a loving home? stop with the drama, truly.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:51 AM FlagYes, actually, self-esteem, confidence and a loving home can all be derive from the quantity/quality time you give your kids. Much, much more than any words, gifts or pats on the back can.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:56 AM FlagAh, so you don't work and your husband has to struggle and give his kids less. Tell us more.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:59 AM Flag-
Yep, we'll see how your kids feel when they have college debt and no cars and all of this stuff and you pride yourself on doing nothing!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:03 AM FlagWe actually have 2 cars and a college fund, so no worries. thank you.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:31 AM Flag-
np: what, we are supposed to have more than 2 cars per family these days? I thought NYC prided themselves on being green. At least thats what you all told me when I said I enjoyed the country because I had more space, etc. and I was flamed for driving around an SUV and wasting energy in my big old house, and that I was "ungreen". I think you all need to make up your minds about what you plan on insulting others for.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:33 PM Flag-
I have seen you post on a lot of SAHM threads, how the kids "will do without" b/c mom is a SAHM. This whole time I was thinking you were blue collar. Now it turns out you are just obsessed with material goods. She has to be ashamed of being middle class with 2 cars? Are you out of your gourd? Your kids are probably doing crack at their TT while you work 80 hours a week.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:34 PM Flag
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Since when does having a car equal a happy and well adjusted teenager?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:44 AM FlagSince when does having a lazy mom make you a better person?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:32 AM FlagI can't tell if your response means "lazy mom- aka mom who doesn't bother to have dinners for her family each night" or "lazy mom- aka mom who is SAH". Be more specific.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:32 PM FlagMom who lounges all day while the kids are in school, cooks some lousy dinner and harasses the members of the family who actually DO STUFF all day, to bask in this pretentious "family dinner" to assuage the fact that her boredom is only outweighed by her laziness.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:47 PM FlagI don't know what stuff you do that is so freaking important. Pushing papers? Answering phone? Solving the world energy crisis? Curing cancer? Everyone has their own priorities.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:28 PM FlagDon't be so upset if your family doesn't have family dinners, sheesh. Your kids aren't going to die, and you certainly don't need to post that people are pretentious and forcing family members to go through a useless old fashioned charade if a family decides they will make it a priority to all be home at 7 and eat together. It's not exactly abusive. To each her own.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:49 PM Flag"A number of studies show that children who eat dinner with their families regularly are less likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol than those who do not. They also tend to get better grades, exhibit less stress and eat better." http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/05/nyregion/05dinner.html
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 03:48 PM FlagAlso, since I know NYT is hardly a scientific journal, there is this one http://www.mendeley.com/research/relationship-between-frequency-family-dinner-adolescent-problem-behaviors-after-adjusting-other-family-characteristics/
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 03:49 PM Flag
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np: i don't disagree with you regarding the importance of family time. However, I don't know what you do or what your DH does, but you are both lucky to be home so early. There are a lot of professions where being home at 7 is just not possible. So what do you suggest? Should I tell my DH to drop the partnership he worked so hard for and go work for the government? Should I quit my own job? How about we do the best we can and make sure our DC has a loving family that can provide for his needs, even if that means only eating together 2 or 3 times a week?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:47 AM Flag
it's just food and I think people make too much about food. Hence we have food issues
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:57 AM FlagIt is not about the food but the commitment and support to each other
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:59 AM Flagmaybe it's important for kids who don't see their parents but honestly I refuse to think my kid will be missing out going to bed before I eat when I'm with her and talking with her hours throughout the day. I hated my family dinners when we ate home. Thank god we went out 4 days a week.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:07 AM FlagAre you a single parent? if so it is great for you that you get to speak to your daughter thru out the day - but once she is in school that will change. Why did you hate having dinner with your family?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:29 AM Flagno I'm not a single parent and unfortunately for us dh has not had much work. Great for dd though bc she sees her dad a lot. My parents made me sit at the table and eat things I hated till I was done. Hated it more than anything else and my mom was a bad cook. We ate out a lot so I could have vegetables and spaghetti most nights.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:34 AM Flagwell I guess there is a bright spot for being under employed - but regarding family dinners you could make it so much more enjoyable for your daughter - have her help make dinner get her involved and do not impose silly rules on your children - I bet you guys would have a good time
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:36 AM FlagI don't have rules. I just want her in bed so I can relax when I eat and we eat late. It is the one bright spot that I would like to see eradicated.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:41 AM Flagso basically you do not eat dinner together as a family because you do not want to - do you eat any meals together? I only bought up rules because you did - you make it sound like you do not do it because of your horrible childhood memories and I was only trying to show you it could be different for your daughter and she might look back on it and have good positive memories versus your bitter ones.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:47 AM Flagyes I eat lunch with her often, we go out to lunches on the weekends when it's nice and in the summer we have breakfast on the weekends. DH doesn't eat breakfast - whatever it's my family and don't not have meals because of bad memories - just because I eat later. I'm sure when she's older - she's almost 5 - we'll have more family meals. It's just not our thing. Her father btw spends way more time with her than other dads because of his situation. He comes home early and takes her to the park almost every day at 4-5 or so. We all do what's right for us. She is a very polite little girl according to other parents so I must be doing at least one thing right.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:10 AM Flaggod we are together as a family too often at this point especially in the winter. I just don't think the eating is the important part as long as the family spends time together as a family. I assume if you live in a suburb and either one or both parents commute, dinner would be your only real family time. It's different now for families especially living in the city.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:17 AM Flag
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Why do you hate the idea of having dinner as a family? I don't understand the animosity on this thread.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:34 PM FlagI hate the self-importance parents give themselves. Guess what? You are probably not that great of an influence- in amount or quality. Step down from the soapbox Sanctimommy.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:48 PM Flagnp: are you the mom who doesnt spend time with her 12 year old, or ever make her lunch? I personally see nothing wrong with parents having an influence over their children and spending time with them... you're saying spending no time with your children is fine? And honestly, you responded in a strangely hostile tone to a poster who simply said he/she didn't understand the animosity on this thread. Didn't exactly help him/her to understand it, I'm betting.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:44 PM Flag
She doesn't hate it. She just feels guilty she can't do it. How do you work at a decent job and get home in time for dinner? You can do what I do, which is get to work at 6 and leave at 3:30, but most people don't have that option.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:44 PM Flag
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Ugh, whatever. We do this every night and someone usually has a meltdown (sometimes me).
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:57 AM FlagITA. The responses saying "this isn't doable," "it's not 1955," whatever, fine. Whether it's possible fr you or not, it's still incredibly important.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:20 AM FlagTotally, because it not something you can start suddenly at 13 yo when you realize that your teen is growing away from you.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:30 AM FlagYes. There are things that aren't possible for my family (tuition at a private, nice vacations, classes for db), but I can acknowledge that they're ideal. Lots of the responses here are weirdly defensive.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:32 AM Flagnp: that is true, but otoh, if you're eating a family dinner on weekends when the kids are young and then maybe another 2 nights a week as they get older, i don't think that'll be the issue. the idea that it needs to be 7 nights/week from the time they're preschoolers is unrealistic. better to be realistic and consistent than throw in the towel bc you can't achieve perfection.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:34 AM Flag
We do this because we can but there are other things I do for dcs that feel a lot more important. This is goofy.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:31 AM FlagOP: I hear so many I can't or I don't want to. These words will boomerang.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:34 AM FlagI can't wait until your husband walks out and all your words boomerang, sanctilazy.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:33 AM FlagHer husband is going to walk out because she makes sure the family has a healthy dinner together each night? Huh? You know, not all old fashioned values are bad. Yes, some of them are highly outdated(moms should not work, etc.) but some of them- such as the importance of family dinners- are really rather benign and are still good ideas. You don't have to trash something just because it isn't new and trendy.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:35 PM Flag
I want DS asleep by 730pm. I want to work. So does DH. People picked a different path than you; get over it.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:21 PM FlagShe's just dumb and pretending that she contributes something of meaning to the world.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:52 PM FlagNP: No, she just has different priorities. And frankly choosing family or work or career is the right choice. It just is. What I don't get is why no one on here has said: We do Sunday dinners. We do Saturday night movie night. We do pizzas on friday. Whatever. The whole quality vs. quantity arguement. If you have some family tradition then it is worth arguing that you are doing something just as good as family dinners M-F.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:56 PM Flag
i cant always be home by 6pm when 3 yr old dd has dinner. DH is rarely home before 9pm but she has dinner with my mom and dad every night. For now I feel that is a good compromise...
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:34 AM FlagI am really surprised at how defensive many people got by reading this post. We always had dinner as a family growing up. We have dinner as a family now. That being said, I don't think your child will be maladjusted because you all didn't have dinner together. But, for us it's always a nice way to wind down the day, talk with everyone about our days, and transition into bath/story/bedtime afterwords.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:48 AM FlagAnd fwiw I do remember playing after school at friends houses and the friends without family dinners- such as making a sandwich and watching TV on our own, if we were 9 or 10- their houses always seemed kind of chaotic and strange to me. But that's because I was used to my family's calmer routine, I suppose. Not saying any other way is wrong, I just was not used to it,
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 10:49 AM Flag
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I prefer my kid knowing she can talk to me and my DH whenever she wants. We discuss her day constantly, whether we have dinner together or not (which we sometimes do, sometimes not). Flexibility and openness are more important than some strange set time for "talking." I grew up that way - could approach my parents at any time. Not just at dinner.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:37 AM FlagQuite honestly, I am very surprised that so many people here manage to have family dinner together every night. What do you/your spouses do? Because most professionals don't have the luxury of being home at 6 for family dinner.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 02:03 PM FlagI am a pediatric nurse practitioner in a small practice(office hours are 8-4, I'm out by 5 and home by 5:30). My husband is a mechanical engineer- works normal business hours at a large firm, on occasion he is very busy with a project and won't leave work until 6:30 or later (very rare), but his hours are also from about 8-5. We make a combined HHI of 200k, not in NYC. I find it sad that so many families have to resort to these 80 hour a week jobs in order to make a decent living. Not blaming it on them- but why would a company require someone to be at work until midnight for a project? Each firm/company tries to one-up the other by working harder and longer hours for clients and it's just gotten out of hand.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:55 PM FlagI'm a bookkeeper for a few private clients (consultants who would rather have me call their clients to get their bills paid, a liquor store owner who cannot remember to pay his vendors on time, etc.), so I set my own hours. DH is a CFO for a large non-profit, but his office is walking distance from our apartment and he often logs back in to do more work after DC has gone to bed. We have family dinner 5 nights a week, unless DH is traveling.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:18 PM Flag
Sometimes UB really makes me laugh. Dinner doesn't matter, lunch doesn't matter, breakfast doesn't matter (though, we do breakfast in our house.) What matters is spending quality, interactive time together as a family. It can be family game night, special outings, whatever. Usually I think the ladies on UB are smart, but think outside of the box! Do you really think it is the dinner together or the quality time? And if it is the quality time, you would have to be very thick indeed to think family dinner is the only form it can take.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 02:06 PM FlagI think that's crazy. I grew up in NYC with a (mostly) SAHM and we only ate dinner together when we went out. We ate at like 5:30 after sports practice or whatever and my parents ate later. As far as I can see I'm almost the only person I know who had a thoroughly happy childhood. We talked plenty. And now as a parent we do the same. The kids eat at 5 and we eat at 9. I talk to them plenty as well. We're a loving family and do what works for us. My best friend's had a sacrosanct family dinner and they are the most messed people I know. They said grace and it looked all perfect. To what end? I don't put pressure on my kids and love them to death. They need to watch me eat a sandwich? Sorry! I need to watch Mad Men and order Mexican instead.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 02:17 PM FlagI hate family dinner. DH is always upset with 4.5-yr old DD for fidgeting, playing with food, or being picky with food.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 02:55 PM FlagIs there something about sitting around a table with food? Or is it ok if you do lots of other things together as a family but not daily dinner? I think as long as you spend a lot of time together as a family it probably has the same effect. Maybe in some families they don't spend any other quality time together other than dinner.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:44 PM FlagMy husband's schedule doesn't permit him to be home for meals during the week. I have dinner with the kids every night and I honestly can't stand meal times with them. At what age does mealtime with your children become enjoyable?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:31 PM FlagWhy is it not enjoyable? Be a stickler for manners from the very beginning, seriously, even before 13 months you can model to your toddler how we talk to each other, eat nicely, talk about and enjoy our food. My DS is only 3.5 and he knows what table manners are expected of him, he is responsible for setting the table every night, and if he misbehaves, he gets a timeout and the most important thing is follow through, 100% of the time.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:20 PM FlagWhat's not enjoyable? Well, let's see the noise level, having to constantly say eat your food, sit down, drink your water, etc. Having the 16 month old through food and make a mess and/or having to feed him. At the end of my day I just want to relax. I hate to cook/prepare food so I'm already over it by the time we sit down and eat. We are not a set the table kind of family. If the table is actually clear and clean that's a plus for us. On the weekends when my dh's is there it's not any better. He doesn't like it either. We tell stories to the kids and talk to them and that helps but honestly it's just SO MUCH effort at the end of the day. I'm a SAHM so I have meals with them 3 times a day and talk/do activities with them all day so having dinner with them doesn't mean so much to me. BTW, surprisingly they don't do this in restaurants (well the baby does).
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 06:54 PM Flag
[+] Anyone on here ever feel like they are being used for the things that they have (car,... 35 replies
- I don't have a problem sharing. I just think it's that I often feel like she's fishing for the invitation and then corners me, and then when I deflect, she says it the way I quoted before ("you should invite us."). If she asked politely at the point it was appropriate, like, "hey, I have a black tie coming up, do you think I could borrow those shoes?" then I think I would be OK with that, because like the above poster said, it's one of those things that you rarely...
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Anyone on here ever feel like they are being used for the things that they have (car, second home, clothes, etc)? I have a friend who is by no means poor, but I feel like she is always trying to get her hands on these things ("You should invite us to your house," or "Nice shoes. I can borrow them for my next black tie." -- just like that). I am always available to help a friend in need, but for some reason, I find this offensive and feel like I'm being used. Am I overreacting? Is this just normal stuff you have to deal with when you have a bit more than the people in your social circle?
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 08:12 AM Flag ]I think some people are just pushy that way. If everyone you're friends with is like that, that is weird though.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:15 AM Flagop: no, just one person. Maybe it's happened just one two many times and it's really getting on my nerves.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:16 AM Flagthen she's just pushy. IMO, you CAN ask those things of a dear close friend - i have that relationship with my college roommate whom i'm still close with - she could invite herself to stay over anytime, just like i can ask her to watch my kids or borrow her shoes, etc. but beyond that, it's just WAY too presumptuous!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:29 AM Flag
You're not over-reacting. I have lots of friends with those things and would never ask to be invited to someone's second home or ask to borrow someone's clothes. If you invite or offer, that's different, but people should never ask. I'm sure you have lots of friends who would never think of asking - so focus on them and their friendship. You're right that it's probably a "truer" friendship.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:16 AM Flagop: thanks. that makes me feel a lot better. I just would never think to do that, and in the moments where she does it, I am so surprised I don't even know what to say. I just don't see how she doesn't see how that might put me in a weird situation. You're right, need to focus on other "truer" relationships!.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:17 AM Flag
I have a different take on this. this friend may think of you more like a sister -- i.e., she may think that you're so close, she can approach you the way a sister would (ooh, I am totally going to wear your shoes to my next event!). I just think you need to draw some appropriate boundaries, which should solve the problem. doesn't mean this isn't a "true" friend or that she's using you -- it likely means she thinks you're closer than you really are. Just deflect (e.g. nod and smile) and feel good about the fact that you inspire that kind of closeness in some people.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:22 AM Flagnp-while i understand your point, i am often in the same position as the OP WITH my sister. i do sometimes tell her no and even that feels uncomfortable. if OP doesnt feel like she can say no, then the friend/sister is totally overstepping. she needs to tell her outright. and, fwiw, the "friend" still sucks for putting the op in that position.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:27 AM FlagIDA. The friend cannot control OP's feelings or her reactions. It's up to OP to draw the boundaries -- as it should be. Not fair to ask the friend to be a mindreader. They have a misunderstanding about how close they are, so OP needs to adjust expectations. Or just take a different perspective and stop being offended. OP is the only one who in control of her own responses, and reading this in a more positive way is, imo, going to cause much less stress to OP and the relationship than assuming this is not a "true" friend.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:38 AM Flagwhile i understand and agree that OP can only control HER reactions, the friend is still in the wrong for what she did. in any case, i think we both agree on the proper plan of attack. i just think we should give the OP a break that it's not all on her. her feelings are not wrong.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:49 AM Flagyou know, my view is that you can do two things with people -- assume the worst, or assume the best. The latter always works better for me, and invariably leads to better outcomes. Although I don't think OP is "wrong" for how she feels, I do think there's a more constructive way to look at the sit.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:53 AM Flag
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Why so greedy scrooge mcduck? Mayybe your friend assumes you are a generous caring friend. Maybe she assumes you know her financial situation and don't mind sharing your shoes or dress because it will save her hundreds of dollars and is no skin off your teeth. We poors share a lot, my bff and I are the same shoe size and I have lent her fancy shoes on numerous occasions,who cares? Why not get as many wearings out of overpriced shoes as possible?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:53 AM Flagsharing is a two way street. sharing is OFFERED, not asked for. when it only goes one way, it's no longer sharing.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:55 AM FlagSo your friends are supposed to psychically know when to lend you shoes or a purse? Be nice to your friend, if you like her then suck it up,if not dump her and only hang out with richies. They'll never ask you for shoes.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:59 AM Flagita - I had a friend that would ask to borrow a cake pan, then its a jacket, or my folding chairs and table, then it's can you pick me up at xyz or when you go to the store can you pick me up xyz, can you watch the cat, etc. Made me crazy, I never ask anyone for anything - as soon as I started saying no or pushing back regarding the returning of something, she definitely pulled back on our friendship.....I was a little hurt at first, but at least now I know she was not a true friend.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:08 AM Flag
np How is sharing shoes no skin off your teeth? Shoes show more wear each time out (and they're also a rather personal item, imo).
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:57 AM Flag-
Right. And if I have a pair of shoes I wear to black ties or special events, I want to keep them as perfect as possible. If *I* rub the heel against the curb and rip the leather, well, I'd be annoyed. If I lent the shoes out and someone else did it, I'd be very pissed off. So better not to lend.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:17 AM Flagnp: that's on the borrower. if i borrow a pair of shoes and i cannot return them in the same condition, then i would replace them. i find that the shoes i wear to black tie events get no "wear" bc i don't walk in them outside - usually home-taxi-event-taxi-home. i have a pair i've worn 3 or 4 times and the soles are like new.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:29 AM Flag
np: not when borrowing a pair of fancy evening shoes - most people wear those very little - it's why you always can find them in "almost new" condition for re-sale in thrift and consignment shops. i would lend out those shoes easily to a close friend. she's only wearing htem for a few hours, and i wear them maybe 1-2x year for a few years before htey go out of style.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 09:18 AM Flag
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op: I don't have a problem sharing. I just think it's that I often feel like she's fishing for the invitation and then corners me, and then when I deflect, she says it the way I quoted before ("you should invite us."). If she asked politely at the point it was appropriate, like, "hey, I have a black tie coming up, do you think I could borrow those shoes?" then I think I would be OK with that, because like the above poster said, it's one of those things that you rarely use. Plus, when it's coupled with "...because I don't want to pay for it." then it's awkward.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:36 AM FlagYup! A couple of years ago and I just decided enough is enough. These are not true friends and just want to use others. Set your boundaries and don't look back. At the end of the day, if you already feel this way it is going to be hard to see those folks in another light. Distance is key to maintaining sanity.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 11:56 AM Flag
[+] I moved back to Manhattan fairly recently and I am looking for a housekeeper to work ... 11 replies
- The shoe fits, honey. I think we're all getting tired of tip-toeing around the truth just for all this fucking political correctness....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
I moved back to Manhattan fairly recently and I am looking for a housekeeper to work part time, it could turn into full time. My mother and my neighbors all seem to swear by housekeepers trained in Poland etc. and I am writing because this board came up in several searches for NYC housekeepers- MOMS: What should I look for in a housekeeper, what questions do I ask and who have you personally had the best experience with- tell me about her and recommend if possible!
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 05:15 PM Flag ]Eastern Europeans have a better work ethic in general than the blacks and latinas. They're also cleaner.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:19 PM FlagWow, racist are we. That is like saying jews are cheap and italians are in the mob. Not cool
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:26 PM Flag
[+] I want my husband to lose some weight. I prefer skinny guys with a bit of muscle (no... 106 replies
- Mine are c/d and I work out, so my butt and abs are toned. Your dh is probably too sweet and polite to complain about you. Take a lesson....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
I want my husband to lose some weight. I prefer skinny guys with a bit of muscle (not too much). Think the physique of Adam Levine. This is what DH looked like when we met and when we got married. When I got pregnant he put on some weight, and most of it is still there. He is not overweight, but he is not skinny either. I think that if he lost 15 lbs, he would get back to the way he used to look before. How can I help him? I cook healthy food at home, but he eats a lot of junk during the day. We have kids and jobs and not much time to exercise. We got for a walk (2 miles) every night, but it's leisurely and doesn't count. Any advice? Am I being a total jerk?
106 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 04:11 PM Flag ]No more walking. Take a jog every night. How old are dcs. Can you get a jogging stroller? Or a babysitter. You have to run to shed those pounds.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:13 PM FlagOP - DCs are 7 and 4 and go to sleep at 8. My parents live next door and come over if we want to go out, so that's not an issue at all. But we are pretty lazy, and prefer walking, since that gives us a chance to talk.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:15 PM FlagToo bad. You are in the perfect situation with grandparents nearby. You have to get him jogging, you can still chat. And eventually running. How far away is the gym? Go together to a spin class in the evening or something.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:17 PM Flag^^Single mom. I only get to go for a run on weekends. Totally jealous of your situation.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:19 PM FlagOP - We don't go to the gym. We live near a park with a perfect track for walking and jogging. Two miles with no cross walks. We also have a full finished basement with a lot of empty room, and I was thinking of making a small weight gym there for him. Like, a weight bench or a squat rack or something like that. What do you think?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:20 PM FlagOnly if he wants a gym at home. Get him running. Running 30 minutes a few times a week for a month took 10 pounds off of me.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:22 PM FlagOP - He has a lot of weights, and he's mentioned that having a bench would help, so I am thinking of doing that. Because right now all that weight equipment is just sitting in the basement. Not sure how much he can jog. He had an injury in college, and his left knee is kind of week. Wouldn't want him to get injured. I was thinking of getting him membership to a swim club nearby. That's not as injury prone, and he would enjoy it (I think).
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:29 PM Flag
Sounds lovely. You sound incredibly lucky to enjoy talking with DH, to have living & healthy parents right next door; count your blessings and hush up about the weight. Don't nag DH and lose site of how good you have it; obviously too good, you are looking for problems, and they are trivial.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:19 PM Flag
Does he want to lose the weight? You are being a bit of a jerk over 15 lbs, since this is not a health issue, it seems, but a matter of your aesthetics. A little superficial. We all age.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:17 PM FlagOP - he DOES want to lose weight, but he is not putting in any effort. I know that we all age, but I still look the way he wants me to look, even though it's taking more of an effort. I agree, it's not REALLY a matter of health yet, but if he keeps gaining weight, it could become that. FWIW, his father was an athlete throughout HS and college, and had that same skinny, lean body type, and now he is severely overweight.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:19 PM Flag
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OP - He is 33, and 6ft tall. Not sure about his exact weight, probably around 170.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:37 PM Flag-
OP - Again, not sure about the exact number. I will ask him. But he always talks about the extra 15 lbs. His body hasn't changed too much except for the gut. I guess that's typical when men put on weight. But as I mentioned in a different response, that's how it started for his dad, and now he is borderline obese and had diabetes (and his dad is in his 60s).
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:53 PM Flag
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OP - best shape of my life. I'm 5'3" and weigh 115 lbs, which looks really good on me. (When DH and I met, I was actually a bit heavier). I have big boobs and a big butt, which can't be helped, but otherwise, I look pretty good, and he says so. As I said above, I don't have much time to exercise (and I hate exercising) but I am able to monitor my caloric intake and am pretty meticulous about not overeating. So I can keep the weight off. He eats fast food and enormous portions throughout the day, so he just keeps packing on the pounds.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:22 PM FlagYikes I am 5'6" and 105-110 and your weight would be too big for me. Lucky you're not married to my husband. He is used to better.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:24 PM FlagOP - Yikes indeed. But my husband is happy with how I look, and so am I.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:25 PM FlagI don't know, in real housewives figures, you're built like Vicki.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:28 PM FlagOP - I haven't seen that show, but I will look it up. I think I'm pretty skinny, and am happy with this weight. 5 fewer lbs wouldn't hurt, but it's not urgent. I wear a size 2 or a size 0, although since my boobs are a C cup, I do have to have some dresses tailored. Not a problem, though. My clothes look nice on my, and my BMI is well within the normal range.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:31 PM FlagMine are c/d and I work out, so my butt and abs are toned. Your dh is probably too sweet and polite to complain about you. Take a lesson.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:33 PM FlagOP - I doubt it. DH and I are very honest with each other. If something is wrong and needs fixing, we address the issue.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:34 PM FlagDoubt it. Ladies bums that don't work out are not cute. Maybe he averts his eyes. Try it.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:36 PM FlagOP - Hmm, I understand that you are trying to make me feel bad to prove a point, but this is hardly constructive from my perspective. I've struggled with my weight since my teen years, and am quite happy with the state of my body right now. Sadly, my husband can't say the same, and I hope that I can do what I can to help him get back to his best.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:40 PM Flag-
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I think you are in good shape. Not sure about that other anorexic poster, but it sounds like you and DH are both happy with your appearance. Now you just have to help him get to the same point. Maybe pack him a lunch so that he doesn't buy crappy food when he is at work? I started doing that for my DH and he lost 10 lbs in two months, which is pretty good since he doesn't work out.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:39 PM Flag
Are you fucking other men now? Will you start if he doesn't shed the 15 pounds? And if so, does he realize he's "on probation" and if he doesn't shape up (literally), the bedroom door opens to better looking guys?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:21 PM FlagOP - I am not fucking anyone else, and I won't start. I just want him to look good and be healthy. His dad had the perfect body too when he was young. Now he is borderline obese and has diabetes. Yes, a lot of it is aesthetic, but it's also an issue of health.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:23 PM Flag
I can't believe people are flaming you. What hypocrites! We all want to be in shape, it looks better and if you don't maintain it, you will suffer in your old age. I'm not talking about skinny because I know some women who are a size 10 who have gorgeous bodies, but they are in shape. It's ok to want your husband looking his best whether he needs to lose 15 or 50 lbs.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:34 PM FlagOP - And he does talk about losing his "baby weight." A lot of it sits in his gut, which is how his dad started gaining weight in his 30s too. He also talks about not fitting into his old college jeans. So, it's not all me. We all want to look our best.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:36 PM FlagDon't worry. When the young girl at the office starts giving him the eye, he'll lose it quickly!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:38 PM FlagOP - Why so mean? Did my post upset you somehow? I am just looking for useful advice, but you are being really harsh, and I am not really sure why.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:43 PM Flag-
OP - How did I phrase it? My husband used to have an awesome body. Now he put on weight and doesn't. I want to help him have an awesome body again. We all want to look our best, and we are all happiest when we feel and look good.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:51 PM Flagnp: put photos of you and him from the "awesome body" days on the fridge
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:53 PM Flag-
women post this about themselves all the time. read the poster above who suggest that OP needs to lose more weight!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:54 PM Flag-
Many of us struggle with our weight, men and women. I actually think OP is being supportive, and is trying to think of ways to help her DH. I guess people are upset because she phrased it in terms of appearance. But I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your husband/wife to look good. Read all these "no longer attracted to DH, no sex life" posts. Isn't that worse?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:58 PM Flag
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Don't listen to the crazy underfed troll. Your body sounds perfect. And your DH sounds pretty hot too. The beer gut is not attractive, but a lot of men in their mid 30s get that because of poor nutrition and lack of exercise. I like your home gym idea. Also, see if you can pack him a healthier lunch several times per week (or encourage him to do it himself). Do you pack your lunch when you go to work?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:49 PM FlagThis post makes me so sad. Your DH sounds fine, and I can't believe people are so superficial.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:12 PM Flagwhat if he put in 30 lbs? 40? 50? at which point does it stop being superficial? people don't become obese overnight? it starts in your early 30s, 10 lbs, then 15, and so on. If you are gaining weight, you need to make changes in your life to address the problem. This accusation of being "superficial" is one reason why our country is currently suffering from an obesity epidemic. No, it's not Ok to be fat.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:16 PM Flag
Too bad this post got hijacked by pro-fat people. I need to help several men in my life lose weight. My DH needs to lose about 20lbs, my dad needs to lose about 35. I think that losing weight is different for men than it is for women. For women, diet is usually the key factor. Cutting out carbs and fat. For men, it's different. They need to focus more on physical activity and low-fat high-protein food. If you are still reading this, OP, maybe make an appointment for DH to see a nutritionist. I am planning this for my DH and dad.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:21 PM FlagMy husband is only 5'9" and gained 15 or so lbs. Extra weight on a shorter man does not look good. He now weighs 185. I wish he would lose it. For his height he should be btw 165-170. I'm less attracted to him and I honestly don't think he cares. He loves his carbs and doesn't workout as much. I don't know why men get away with gaining weight? It's so unfair.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:18 PM Flag
[+] I have been friends with a guy for 7 years. He has a new girlfriend. I don't fully un... 1 reply
- no romantic interest, your male friend might have interest in you (regardless, there is no way for the GF to really know). Yes, I would back off and if he asks why you can say that you don't want to sabotage his romantic relationship. If he resists, then say fine but you need to ask your GF to be more polite to your friends when we are all hanging out. And if she is still rude, then say you can't hang out because she is too rude to you, and leave it at that....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
I have been friends with a guy for 7 years. He has a new girlfriend. I don't fully understand their relationship. He tells me she isn't good enough to marry. I have no romantic interest in this friend. The girlfriend lives far away and only sees him on weekends. I see him during the week sometimes, and he is often a guest at dinner parties I host. She hates me and is a total bitch to me. Should I just stop seeing this friend? Or tell him I can't see him when he's with her? I don't want to seem petty, but she is really rude to me when we are out together.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 02:56 PM Flag ]The GF is clearly threatened by you, even if you say you have no romantic interest, your male friend might have interest in you (regardless, there is no way for the GF to really know). Yes, I would back off and if he asks why you can say that you don't want to sabotage his romantic relationship. If he resists, then say fine but you need to ask your GF to be more polite to your friends when we are all hanging out. And if she is still rude, then say you can't hang out because she is too rude to you, and leave it at that.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 03:00 PM Flag
[+] People who chose private over public or vice versa, why? 18 replies
- a society if everyone gets a decent education. If everyone with the means to opts out the only parents left in the public school system will be those who either don't care or don't have a lot of money (which usually equals no political influence, no way to raise money for extras). Plus I want my child to be around more kids with middle class values....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
People who chose private over public or vice versa, why?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 02:24 PM Flag ]-
we chose public because i think that urban public education is falling apart and we really need more involved parents to put their kids in the system. if the wealthy and powerful all pull out, then nobody is going to lift a finger to make the system work. that said, dc got into a non-zoned school that we fell in love with. had we been stuck with our failing zoned school, i wouldn't have put him in public school, no matter how much i want to support public education.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 02:45 PM Flag-
private, where there is still joy and celebration in a child's day. not just test prep starting in kindergarten. can't really afford it but making it work somehow.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:24 PM Flagpublic. I can't really explain it, I just feel like it is in our best interest as a society if everyone gets a decent education. If everyone with the means to opts out the only parents left in the public school system will be those who either don't care or don't have a lot of money (which usually equals no political influence, no way to raise money for extras). Plus I want my child to be around more kids with middle class values.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:36 PM FlagWe chose private for our first b/c we got a big scholarship, and our DC was going to have to go to a crappy public school. We went into lotteries for other schools but didn't get spots. I am happy so far though its feels weird to be the scholarship family. I love that he gets to be in a class of 15 kids with 2 teachers, tons of trips, tons of individualization, the school is so responsive to parents (sorry, I went to public in NYC and my mom is a teacher in one, as well as several good friends, and the system IS NOT responsive to parents or individual kids.) I expect we'll go public for MS, certainly by HS, unless we move (in which case I hope to move somewhere that the public schools are decent!). Jury is out on the youngers (I am pregnant with #3). We'll try for pubic but probably for private too... my feeling is take the best choice you have for your kids. I'm not a zealot about it one way or the other.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 07:20 PM Flag
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[+] Was I out of line here? I wanted to give exDH our DCs' report cards and spend a coupl... 29 replies
- home to discuss a report card with him, especially considering her child was in the house (maybe the child would have liked to say hi to mom as well??) and considering she was invited over for this purpose. OP, I would have just said politely that your ex called you and invited you over to discuss the report card, and that you would like to see him please. If she refused, I would have just called him on my cellphone from the car and explained what happened, and...
Talk : : June 12, 2011
Was I out of line here? I wanted to give exDH our DCs' report cards and spend a couple minutes talking about some things that their teachers discussed - speech issues that we've been working on, ect. His GF of 2 mo answers the door and says that she'll hand them to him. I told her that was fine, but I wanted to see him because I had some things to discuss. [She doesn't live with him, btw]. I told her I would wait until he finished brushing his teeth. [We divorced on good terms, btw, very friendly relationship.] She starts getting pissy and basically tells me to leave and come back another time. WTF?
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 01:13 PM Flag ]I think you were wrong. Divorce means that you no longer have a right to come into his house uninvited.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:22 PM Flag-
If his GF is answering the door, that leads me to believe that he did not know you were coming....
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:39 PM Flag-
OR: That might be the case, but that usually does not mean that you would come inside the house. Maybe they were in the middle of having sex or about to have sex, etc. The bottom line is that you wouldn't force your way into your friends' houses, so you certainly shouldn't do it to your ex.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:47 PM Flag
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did you call first? if not, then i have to say you should have.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:41 PM FlagNo, he called me and invited me over so that we could get brunch. I am going out of the country for the next 2 weeks and we wanted to have a meal together before I left. He said that he wasn't doing anything today which leads me to believe that the GF just showed up and pretend to be the lady of the manor. Very odd.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:51 PM Flag-
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i could not agree with you more. so so painful. im going through similar situation.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:46 PM FlagSecond wife here: You are divorced for a reason. This means you no longer have a say in anything they are doing. Get used to it.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:48 PM FlagTrue in some respects of course- but they still have children together, so they still must have a cordial relationship in order to co-parent their children. I think it is unreasonable for the new GF to refuse to let the ex into the home to discuss a report card with him, especially considering her child was in the house (maybe the child would have liked to say hi to mom as well??) and considering she was invited over for this purpose. OP, I would have just said politely that your ex called you and invited you over to discuss the report card, and that you would like to see him please. If she refused, I would have just called him on my cellphone from the car and explained what happened, and why you didn't come in.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 02:08 PM FlagDon't agree. They have children together, so she has a say in quite a few things they do. Get used to it.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:47 PM Flag
Why didn't you just tell her you were there for your brunch date?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 02:30 PM FlagShe seemed hostile and I didn't want to create problems for exDH. I texted him after I left. He just called me and said that she told him that I just wanted to drop something off, but didn't want to give it to her and left. That's a half truth, but whatever. He was confused, so he asked if I wanted to get dinner. Not so sure, but since I will be out of town for the next 2 weeks, I said yes.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 02:32 PM Flag-
[+] What is the worst kind of boss? 21 replies
- . Some teachers of SN kids get in trouble bec they don't have office politics/chit chat skills. But they're able to connect with, motivate, and TEACH their students....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
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A middle aged femaily who never got married and had kids and who has devoted her life to her job. She works longer and harder than everyone else and she resents those that are married and have kids.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:52 AM FlagSomebody who believes all their employees have to be exactly like them in order to have something to contribute. I love a boss and try to be a boss/manager who recognizes differences = special talents.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 11:54 AM FlagIA. Bosses who can't appreciate the quirky genius who doesn't know how to kiss his ass but gets the job done.... Some teachers of SN kids get in trouble bec they don't have office politics/chit chat skills. But they're able to connect with, motivate, and TEACH their students.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:04 PM Flag
I've had all kinds of hellish bosses, racist, sexist, bullies, yellers, passive-aggressive, backstabbers, etc. They all can be handled if you have a little backbone. But I would say the boss I had the most difficulty with, was crazy. Diagnosed crazy. You never knew what the day would be like and what level of craziness you would be dealing with. He had severe mania, or at least that's what I think it was.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:05 PM Flagfrumpy with an American accent. I wish she would go the gym.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:09 PM Flag
[+] Someone just sent me an e-mail saying they would be right over to drop off something ... 28 replies
- This isn't a social visit. S/he needs to drop something off that you need. Be happy it's on its way over, open the door, politely thank the person for bringing it over, and go about your day....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
Someone just sent me an e-mail saying they would be right over to drop off something for an event I'm running this week. I would never do this, it's Sunday morning! Now I have to get showered and dressed and clean up the apt. Grrr.
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 07:21 AM Flag ]What? They didn't even ask what time would be convenient for you? Weird. Rude. Although tricky to call the person on that part since in this person's eyes it is a favor, bringing you the thing for the event. Can you not e-mail back and ask for a little bit of time?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:26 AM FlagWhy can't you just meet them at the door of the apt and not let them in?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:28 AM Flag-
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Do you have a doorman? If so, respond that you have to go out and have them leave it downstairs.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:36 AM Flag-
OP: LOL...she came and gave it to ds while I was in the shower! Crisis averted.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:24 AM FlagThey probably aren't planning to come in for a visit. I don't think it's that weird for them to just swing by if they are in the area. It's not like they are inviting themselves over. They're just dropping something by. If you do anything shower. If I was really gross I might shower and throw on some clean clothes, but seriously what is the big deal? You have to be totally made up to answer your door?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:30 AM Flag
[+] Theres so much racism on this board. DISGUSTS ME!! Latinos, blacks, other minoritit... 100 replies
- Seriously? A teacher makes a politically incorrect (yet accurate) observation and she deserves to lose her...
- "bigoted" = speaking politically incorrect truths. I'll take a truth-speaker than a politically correct liar any day, thanks....
- skirt around the truth for the sake of being polite or respectful. It's only in cases of political...
Talk : : June 12, 2011
Theres so much racism on this board. DISGUSTS ME!! Latinos, blacks, other minoritites care about there children and children's education just as much as the Asians, the Jewish, and the Indians.
100 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 06:37 AM Flag ]-
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Well, in NYC or the surrounding areas, it would be the test scores for schools that are predominantly Hispanic, Black, Asian, Indian, White, etc. The schools that are predominantly Asian perform much better than schools that are predominantly Black, regardless of income.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:43 AM Flagmay have more to do with the design of the test than the parental care/influence on education.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:44 AM FlagAre the tests being designed with Asian students in mind nowadays? LOL
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:47 AM Flagvery funny. i meant the design of the test likely puts the latino/blacks at a disadvantage.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:06 AM Flag-
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/sats/etc/gap.html
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:10 AM FlagUm, this article is basically saying that it is the parents' fault that black children do not perform as well.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:12 AM FlagUm, did you read this sentence? "So part of the explanation for the gap may lay in the widespread discrimination in housing, education and employment that African American children's grandparents faced."
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:13 AM FlagFor real, I hate when people try to make this ridiculous argument -- I have both Jewish and Irish Catholic ancestors and while they experienced discrimination when they first came here, it is absolutely not on the level of slavery and Jim Crow. HATE when people do that, it shows such a shallow understanding of this country's history.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:15 PM Flag
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This is a tough town for white supremacists. Why not move to Idaho or something? You clearly have no value for elevated thought processes, so you'd be in great company with the racist parrots on those militia compounds who are trained to spew "statistics" and "facts" which prove the "inferiority" of minorities. You should already know that no one can keep a good Jew down and the Asians will always be the bane of your existence b/c they are forcing you to acknowledge them via superior grades, degrees, jobs and then by stealing your men! I wouldn't spend too much time lamenting the failures of the Black community b/c their successes are on the rise. Just as soon as the traditional patriarchal family structure becomes the norm among Blacks you will lose them as your token excuse for all that is wrong with society. That will take some doing because no other culture has had as much damage done to the value of their familial relationships, but it will happen...better run for the hills racists!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:16 PM FlagStatistics only show that they are, in general, less successful at making sure their children are properly educated -- not that they care less. Also, it's a cultural thing, not a racial thing. The children of recent African immigrants tend to be very serious, focused, and successful because their parents still have that "fresh off the boat" immigrant drive.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 03:45 PM FlagOh, and to the people who think they are being "honest" by stating what the stats say, you are also showing you have no respect for the minorities in question. How many times do people skirt around the truth for the sake of being polite or respectful. It's only in cases of political affiliations, race and religion that people are okay with stating "the truth" about people for whom they hold no respect.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:30 PM Flag
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I do my best to judge everyone on an individual basis, you should all do same.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:41 AM FlagAre you really trying to argue with the fact that some ethnicities (OK, Asians) value education above all else?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:46 AM FlagIm arguing against sterotypes, like all Asians this or all Latinos this.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:51 AM FlagStereotypes are never about "all" of anything. They are general guidelines and in this case, are backed up by statistical data. Everyone is aware that there are exceptions.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:53 AM FlagYou seem to be contradicting yourself. On the one hand "stereotypes" are never about 'all' of anything" yet at the same time the"exceptions" are the minority. I've come to the conclusion, that people who hold "racist" attitudes are comfortable with them and will find any and everything to support their beliefs and dismiss any evidence to the contrary as an "exception."
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:21 AM FlagRidiculous. Stereotypes are short-cuts for lazy people not willing to get to know individuals or individual circumstances. And while I cannot argue the disappointing statistics, I think it's unfair for every black person or latino person to then have to prove that they don't fall into the parameters of the stereotype. It's the idea of innocent until proven guilty -- intelligent until proven otherwise. As a black woman who belongs to an immigrant family which values education above all else (on both parents' sides) and is friends with AA black who also have the same ideals (we met at Ivy university), I cringe when I read these posts.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:11 PM Flag
Racists have a hard time knowing when they are acting racist due to an inherent physical or mental deficiency, but that is just one more reason why they are not as smart as the rest of us.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:24 AM FlagSome people have an inherent physical or mental deficiency that enables them to disregard factual data when making decisions.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:27 AM FlagSome racists cling to false interpretations of factual data, such as in the history of the field of phrenology, in order to justify their racism. But this is just further evidence of their lack of intelligence.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:34 AM FlagSo how is it a false interpretation of data to say that schools that are predominantly Asian perform better than schools that are predominantly black? What do you believe the reason for this is? Are you saying that you don't think it has to do with how much the parents value education?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:37 AM Flagits cultural not genetic. But the stereotypes are still accurate. Not 100% accurate of 100% of the people but generalizations are often statistically true.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:48 AM FlagIf you are *really* interested in urban poverty and inequality, there are some great resources in public policy that help to explain the connection between poor performance in schools and lowered employment rates of certain populations. The Russell Sage Foundation and Brookings Institute are two websites to start investigating the connections between underemployment and poor outcomes for red-lined communities. Did you know that it is likely that it will take another nine years before black employment reaches the same level it was at in 2000? (Russell Sage Foundation) Do you understand that there is a disconnect in some communities between education and professional achievement--meaning no matter what education level is reached by persons in a given community, they are always employed less or paid less than others who have the exact same qualifications. This is where racism is most insidious and opaque and its implications hardest to sort out.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:53 AM FlagThe same could be said about women. Btw, this is not an issue of poverty as Asians are among some of the poorest in NYC. Still, it is a fact that IN GENERAL, Asian parents value education more than black parents.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:57 AM FlagThis is such a sad statement. It is tantamount to saying "Black parents don't care about their children." I've worked in the field of education for a very long time. I have yet to see any parent who does not care about their child's education and/or does not want the very best for their offspring. They may not have the skills, knowledge, understanding or awareness to make it happen as fully as others, but that is not an indication that they don't care.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:02 AM FlagIt's not a sad statement to say that black people don't have the skills, knowledge, understanding or awareness to help educate their children?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:05 AM FlagYes, of course that too is regrettable. However, it seems to me that the underlying sentiment to so many of these posts, prefers to indulge in the idea that "Black people don't care, they know better, they just don't care."
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:14 AM FlagSo you prefer to say that they just don't know better. I'm not sure which one is worse.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:23 AM FlagThat is so not what "I" said. I said other people seem to think "they do know better, they just don't care." I think there are a host of factors as to why some black families experience adverse conditions that result in lower levels of educational and financial achievement or success, including factors of personal responsibility and accountability. However, I also think that's a discussion that is far too nuanced for this board, and right now, I don't have the time or inclination to indulge.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:08 AM FlagI don't think that's what OR is saying. I think what she is trying to say is that some of the minority families not having gone through the system or the best systems do not know the tricks of navigating it. Look at all the people here jumping through hoops to get their kids into schools and trying to coach without really coaching them on the ERB. And think about the college application process. We all know it's become far more than just about a child's potential. It's become in part a game. If a parent never played the game herself, how then would she have all of the tricks (not skills) to get her child through it. That's why there are programs like prep for prep. And I'm not saying that all black and Latino parents don't have those skills, but I'm speaking in terms of the people who make up the stats.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:37 PM Flag
np: It pains me to say this, but I'm not sure I can agree with this statement. I have been a NYC public school teacher for the past 7 years in a middle school that is about 70% AA. I do believe there is more of an emphasis on education amongst the parents of my Asian and white students.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:19 AM Flag
Wakw Up OP: The jews do everything perfectly, they even hate, discriminate, and exile perfectly. PLEASE!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:42 AM FlagThe truth behind so many of these posts, is the belief many hold that essentially African-Americans are inherently inferior to others. This argument rears its ugly head every so often, particularly in times of real economic stress. Charles Murray, Dinesh Souza and others have made a fortune promulgating various facets of the argument. It fits in with the belief systems of a lot of people, hence their comfortability with "black parents don't care about education."
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:39 AM Flagnp - I agree in that perhaps racism is the "truth" behind many of these posts. However, I do think that it's necessary to acknowledge the relative lack of family support re schools in the underprivileged black and hispanic communities in order to then address it and actually do good for those kids.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:08 AM FlagITA. Everybody can acknowledge it, but the problem is a willingness to do something about it. There are those who feel, not my kid, tough shit.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:13 AM Flag-
I am not sick of race business but I don't like illegal immigrants and people who can't pay attention to their kid's education suck my tax payer dollars. When you make money and buy a TV, do you buy it for your home or your neighbors ? When I pay major tax dollars then I want better facilities for areas of my interest instead of medicaid and failing schools. I am not racist but just born republican.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:50 PM Flag
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why are you surprised? i'm aa, ivy under & grad, blah blah blah. i've never seen an ib firm or law firm that was not racist, sexist, and homophobe in its corporate culture. the wasp make anti-semitic comments ALL the time. this board is like life in nyc with the exception of women not being crapped on, why? it's mostly all women here. find a male or men's blog that was NYC-centric and you'll learn the truth of the dim view most men in nyc have of women at home and in the work place.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 11:48 AM FlagBlatant racists don't bother me as much as people that say racist things and then say they aren't racist. Or the posts that defend racists posts. There is a really funny site called www.notracistbut.com. If you say racist things you are a racist and this site has plenty of racist moms.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:26 PM Flagmy fear is that this is not a ub phenomenon, that it's the anonymity here that allows people to voice what's really on their minds. so maybe we ought to be disgusted with pervasive, unstated racism everywhere, and this is just a weird window into small minds.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 01:25 PM FlagSorry, but blacks and latinos by and large don't give a shit about their kids' educations. Signed, public school teacher.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:09 PM FlagThis is one reason why tenure needs to be done away with. Signed, public school parent.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:19 PM FlagSeriously? A teacher makes a politically incorrect (yet accurate) observation and she deserves to lose her job? Get over yourself.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:32 PM FlagI said get rid of tenure, not that the teacher should lose their job. They should lose their job, however, if his/her racism interferes with teaching all of the students in the class to her/his best ability. It should be clear that a bigoted teacher is not an excellent teacher.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 04:50 PM Flagnp: I would never want such a person teaching my children, if that's what they think. Vile.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:17 PM FlagIt's the accuracy of the statement that is problematic. Statistics are numbers but children are individuals. Would you like your teacher to make assumptions about your child based on the fact that you are rich or poor or some other thing? I think not. You can justify the veracity of this statement till the cows come home but a teacher to say and believe this is truly unprofessional.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:32 PM Flag
And you think that a child would not sense this attitude. What about the black kids whose parents do care? Do you have to wait to see that they care or do you just automatically presume that they don't care until you see otherwise? Do you not see the problem in your statement and beliefs? Do you also not see that if children sense these attitudes that they may take on a "why even bother" attitude if they feel that they don't stand a chance anyway? If they probably aren't as good as other races why try? Terrible. Thank goodness I encountered open-minded and intelligent teachers. It's teachers like you who will make me a "PITA" parent so that they know that I expect the best for my children and I love them as much as any parent of any race!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:19 PM Flag
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[+] Needs suggestions? We live in NYC, but often struggle with the worst of it (walkup a... 20 replies
- Lol, to Lubbock or Texas in general? We moved back to NYC from FL, (which are the same people) but dh said the people in Texas were the nicest he's ever met. The teens he met (on job) were polite saying "yes, sir" all the time. I'm sure we'd go nuts, but its nice to know the $$ goes further than in NY....
Talk : : June 10, 2011
Needs suggestions? We live in NYC, but often struggle with the worst of it (walkup apt, cramped space, bad schools, noise, we'll never be super-rich, etc.) That said, we don't know where else we could live. We've lived in most of the major cities on the East and West Coasts and really preferred NY for the cultural opportunities (except maybe San Francisco). Only one DC. Any ideas?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.10.11, 02:19 PM Flag ]suburbs? If you live in a close suburb your day t day life will improve but you'll still have close access to the cultural stuff. FWIW I loved living in Pittsburgh. Very affordable (dh makes under 100K) and wonderful for families
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:22 PM Flag-
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OP: Getting "in" to SF seems just as much work as it has been to get "in" to NY. Or am I wrong.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:29 PM FlagNot sure what you mean by "in" but you can definitely get a decent apt with more space in a family friendly neighborhood for far less than manhattan. You might also want to try Marin if you like the outdoors and want a little more quiet lifestyle but access to cultural events in 20 mins in SF. The schools are also decent in most of Marin.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:51 PM Flag
Are you in Manhattan? If so would you ever move to Forest Hills? Philly?
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:24 PM Flag-
We left NYC for Silicon Valley. My only regret are the bagels and pizza. Downsides of this area are that it is very expensive (but at least you get a driveway and a hot tub for for your $900k) and you do have a lot of wealth out here - but the rich here are much less conspicuous and there's fewer facelifts and designer bags. I do find myself coveting a Tesla, however.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:38 PM FlagLol, dh just returned from Lubbock TX and says he loved it. Visited a friends 5,000sq. ft. ranch that cost her only 500K. It had pools, 4 bars in the house plus a guest cottage. Sounds great!
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 02:43 PM FlagYou could not pay me enough to live in Texas. And yes, I have been there many times.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 03:30 PM FlagLol, to Lubbock or Texas in general? We moved back to NYC from FL, (which are the same people) but dh said the people in Texas were the nicest he's ever met. The teens he met (on job) were polite saying "yes, sir" all the time. I'm sure we'd go nuts, but its nice to know the $$ goes further than in NY.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 03:47 PM Flag
[+] Ugh~ I am so socially awkward, long story, and now I am worried that I will spread my... 7 replies
- knew, etc. So I shut down in order to cope. For DS (also 2), I am modeling normal communictions like saying Hi and Bye and Thank You, but I don't force him to talk or touch/be touched if he doesn't want to. Trying to give him polite ways to assert himself. If he's having a tough day, I don't take him to a playdate. I think he learns better how to play nicely together when he's got a handle on his emotions. But I hear you on how hard it is! We got invited...
Talk : : June 10, 2011
Ugh~ I am so socially awkward, long story, and now I am worried that I will spread my awkwardness to my DS, who is only 2 so there is hope, but how do I raise a confident kid with friends, when I am not confident and don't feel I have many friends?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.10.11, 10:51 AM Flag ]I am somewhat the same. DD is 5 now and a social butterfly (I know this could change). I reinforce her natural qualities by reminding her she is good at making friends and makes friends wherever she goes, and if she doubts me I remind her of instances where she was nervous about a new situation and made new friends easily. I also think it's good to teach basic manners: smiling, Hi my name is x, do you want to play?, looking people in the eye, phone manners, etc... my mother thought these things were so bourgeois, but they give people a way to navigate through the world and I notice people that were brought up that way tend to go out into the world more confident and with better expectations of others too.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 10:58 AM FlagWhat makes you socially awkward? For me it was my crazy crazy mom who always had to entertain everyone. I felt like I had to perform, and remember people I wasn't interested in, hug people I barely knew, etc. So I shut down in order to cope. For DS (also 2), I am modeling normal communictions like saying Hi and Bye and Thank You, but I don't force him to talk or touch/be touched if he doesn't want to. Trying to give him polite ways to assert himself. If he's having a tough day, I don't take him to a playdate. I think he learns better how to play nicely together when he's got a handle on his emotions. But I hear you on how hard it is! We got invited for a playdate once and couldn't go, and weren't invited again -- all of that social anxiety comes roaring back! What did I do wrong? I will make him a pariah!
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 11:14 AM FlagIt's hard. I am very shy and have social anxiety. Hard part is all the playdates/friendships fall to you until dc are about 11yo. I try my best via email, but I know my dc would prefer I was more proactive.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 11:47 AM FlagHave you tried drug therapy--I know it sounds weird but once I started a beta blocker for a heart issue, my soc. anx. went away. I told my doc and he laughed and said that it's often prescribed for that alone! I had no idea and wished I'd been told years ago. I feel like a new person and no other effects or feelings come from it--just no anxiety. Not that I'll give a speech tomorrow, but I can talk to strangers and make small talk at parties like never b/4...just a thought.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 12:32 PM Flagor: i use beta blockers for public speaking or situational anxiety, which is all it has been shown to work for. not usually effective for longterm anxiety, but glad it is helping you! i also use benzos occasionally for social anxiety. haven't wanted to go the ssri route due to sexual side effects.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 01:03 PM Flag
[+] There is a big misconception about New Yorkers that they are rude and aggressive. I ... 24 replies
- So NYCers have the bare bottom level of politeness, but don't go over the top? Don't live there, but this honestly just sounds like someone who is willing to do the bare minimum necessary to not be a jerk. That's not generous, that's just not being rude! (in my...
Talk : : June 10, 2011
There is a big misconception about New Yorkers that they are rude and aggressive. I am in my 3rd trimester, and I have received nothing but love from complete strangers who give me their seats or offer me water in this heat. When you understand the mentality of a New Yorker, what they care about, what makes them tick, you will love this place as much as I do.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.10.11, 07:10 AM Flag ]holy crap - what's with the nyc lovefest this morning. are you working on a book or something?
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:12 AM Flag-
really? I have a month-old baby and during the 9 months of pregnancy I think I got offered a seat maybe 5 or 6 times. What trains are you TAKING? And can I ride them?
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:15 AM FlagI'm on the C, but I find people are nice on the bus too. yesterday when i was walking, this lady was walking her dog, and just flat out asked me if I was hydrated enough. (I guess I sometimes look a little beat walking down the street). But I don't feel alone here.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:20 AM Flag
I think New Yorkers are generous. They just don't waste time on b.s. They'll give your directions, but they are not going to chit chat with you about the wax museum. They'll take a picture of you with the statue of andy warhol, but they are not going to take 10 picutres because you don't know how to work your camera. If you drop something, they'll yell for you to stop to return it, but they are not chasing you 3 blocks to do it because you're too scared to turn around.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:21 AM FlagSo NYCers have the bare bottom level of politeness, but don't go over the top? Don't live there, but this honestly just sounds like someone who is willing to do the bare minimum necessary to not be a jerk. That's not generous, that's just not being rude! (in my opinion at least. And if you drop 20 bucks out of your purse, I'll chase you a block or two to give it back! And if I already agreed to take your picture, who cares about another 15 seconds figuring out how to take a better one? And if you ask me about a museum in my area, of course I'll chat for a minute to tell you if I think you'll like it. Maybe NYCers are in more of a hurry than people in other places?)
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:56 AM FlagDifferent manners for different cultures. We find people who want to take up more of our time than necessary or keep getting in our faces with fake conversation to be the rude ones. Like the total stranger who kept wanting to discuss the play I was at last weekend. What do you think? What did that mean? Oi, leave me alone lady!
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 08:08 AM Flag
[+] Does anyone feel forgiveness for Rep. Weiner after seeing the press conference? I agr... 22 replies
- and this is nobody's business but my Spouse's." An exception to this would be for those politicians who adamantly take a political stance - like being against gay marriage - but then we find out he is soliciting sex from men/boys. Then - this...who wouldn't lie about that in such a public forum when caught? He's human. This has nothing to do with politics because his wiener and who he lets see it has nothing to do with his elected position. His wife is the one who...
Talk : : June 10, 2011
Does anyone feel forgiveness for Rep. Weiner after seeing the press conference? I agree that it was horrible and so incredibly stupid to do, but I softened towards him after seeing that at the press conference he showed a lot of remorse (to the point of tears) and that he stayed to answer questions instead of just saying "no further comment." (and also that he had told his wife he had a problem with this before they were married).
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.10.11, 04:57 AM Flag ]He only did that because there's so much footage of him LYING.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 05:20 AM FlagI really agree that these politicians should stop the lying when they get caught. They should just say, "Hey, I sent a sexual text/email because I am HUMAN. Humans ARE sexual, and this is nobody's business but my Spouse's." An exception to this would be for those politicians who adamantly take a political stance - like being against gay marriage - but then we find out he is soliciting sex from men/boys. Then - this is a public issue.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 05:27 AM Flag
I really think it is no ones business but his wife's that he sent these pictures. He didn't actually physically engage with anyone. Who cares that he was sexting? Human beings are sexual, so there should be nothing wrong with adults sexting.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 05:23 AM FlagFrom his office, during work hours, that you pay for, following up by offering his PR staff services (also paid for by you) to his porn whore to keep the media at bay, and three days after the story broke continuing to make fun of the entire episode, and his staff for believing him, with said whores. Lady, stop being so partisan.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 06:10 AM Flag
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np: it's second nature and very normal to lie when you're put on the spot like this esp. when your world can crumble because of this. What he did was his own personal business and I couldn't care less as long as it had nothing to do with his job, he shouldn't resign but def. go into counseling for his issues
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 06:23 AM Flag
He stayed and answered the questions because he has Jewish guilt. Signed, Jewish Mom.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 06:35 AM FlagThe only person who has to forgive him is his wife. We are all just voyeuristic spectators in this sordid scandal that means nothing for us. Yes, he lied, but who wouldn't lie about that in such a public forum when caught? He's human. This has nothing to do with politics because his wiener and who he lets see it has nothing to do with his elected position. His wife is the one who has to contemplate her future with him, not us.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:13 AM Flag-
Well, the situations are different: Edwards was using campaign funds to hide Rielle and their baby (and he publicly denied his baby, and that will come back to haunt him in our internet age and just shows him for the creep he is), and that's illegal which does affect me as a citizen. Arnold had a child with another woman, which is just terrible. But I don't feel personally offended by Arnold; I just think he's (more of) a douche now. Weiner is an idiot, but it doesn't affect me in the slightest and doesn't beg my forgiveness. And as far as we know, he just had cybersex. I think it's amazing how these men think that they will be able to lie and deny their ways out of these situations.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 07:55 AM Flag
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He has a long history of immature behavior going back to when he was Schumer's lackey. His constituents know that. The pols know ( and some in the media know) that this is just a distraction from the miserable state our government is in. Americans figured out that the republicans want to destroy medicare, the economy still sucks, we are in too many wars and spend too much on our army, global warming and on and on and on.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 11:53 AM Flag
[+] My boss said he wants to visit me in hospital when I deliver. This is the last thing... 19 replies
- hospital after giving birth she is absolutely entitled to peace and privacy. Tell him politely that you will see him after the baby is born....
- how everything goes with the birth." and then don't call him back and politely dodge correspondence while in hospital....
- relieved if he actually didn't want to go but thought that was the polite thing to do. Of course it's possible that he thinks it's commonly...
Talk : : June 09, 2011
My boss said he wants to visit me in hospital when I deliver. This is the last thing I would want. Do I have to be gracious about it?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 07:32 PM Flag ]No, you absolutely do not have to be gracious about this. Tell him that you are only having family to the hospital and that you plan to bring your db into the office or that he can stop by your home after the first few weeks. I think he should understand.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:42 PM Flag-
He would only be relieved if he actually didn't want to go but thought that was the polite thing to do. Of course it's possible that he thinks it's commonly expected that a boss would visit his employee in the hospital. But what normal person would make this assumption?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 08:05 PM Flag
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Just smile and say "that's so kind of you, let's see how everything goes with the birth." and then don't call him back and politely dodge correspondence while in hospital.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:53 PM Flag-
Ask him if he would hold the videocamera so your DH can be involved in the delivery
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 09:16 PM Flagi always found it odd the number of people, that considered acquaintances that wanted to visit while i was in the hospital after giving birth. it just seems so intimate. i just didn't pick up the phone for the few days i was there and just had family and best friends. i guess I could have been more forthright, but felt badly
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 09:21 AM FlagMe too - just leave me alone and when I am feeling up to it, I'll let you know. However, last year a coworker of mine, who I am friendly with but not friends - said she was disappointed I did not come and see her and your baby in the hospital - guess everyone is different
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 11:22 AM Flag
Of course you must be gracious. You should ALWAYS be gracious to your boss. But that doesn't mean he needs to come to the hospital (EVER). Graciously explain it is a private time for your family, and you look forward to introducing him to little junior a little later (and that doesn't have to be in your home, etiher). But you should always be gracious.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 09:46 AM FlagYou can be gracious without having him visit. Gracious does not mean never getting your way. Say "That is so kind and thoughtful for you to think of our family. We would like to have some privacy to bond as a family. I will let you know when we are ready for visitors."
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:39 PM Flag
[+] Does anybody know what the new york public library is like to work at? Not as librari... 1 reply
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Does anybody know what the new york public library is like to work at? Not as librarian but in administration. How does it compare with other major nonprofits in terms of office culture, politics, atmosphere etc. thanks!
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 06:40 PM Flag ]I worked there about 9 years ago. It was a an odd culture of mainly professor-wanna-be types. The budget is always stretched and the departments are ran bare bones at best. But I will say it's an impressive organization to work for and the line on the resume is impressive.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:54 PM Flag
[+] Watergun playground etiquette q- isn't it unacceptable to shooting water guns in kids... 21 replies
- It could be argued that your position takes political correctness to an extreme...
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Watergun playground etiquette q- isn't it unacceptable to shooting water guns in kids faces? Other parts of the body are fine, but dead in the face just seems obnoxious. Why do parents think this is OK? Am I wrong here?
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 05:45 PM Flag ]Parents need to train their school aged brats I mean kids not to accidentally hit 2 year olds in in the crossfire with their water guns. The little guys get scared.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 05:49 PM FlagIf your 2YO is going to play in the park w/ the big kids and gets caught in the crossfire, they either learn to toughen up or keep them in a different area. I can't stand when parents of little kids complain about this stuff. The park is for everyone. My oldest is 2 and he has no problem correcting bigger kids when they do something he doesn't like. Let them self-regulate. If they're too rough and it's dangerous, we just move.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:38 PM Flag-
i think that it is no good either, but usually by the time that kids are playing with water guns, they really should be policing themselves. if something terrible happens, then parents certainly need to step in. but if kids are just having a water gun fight, this sounds like something they can deal with themselves.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 05:53 PM FlagI agree. Water in the face won't kill anyone- but it will cause a tiff between the two kids, and they will learn the lesson on their own. No one will want to play with the kid who keeps doing it- that will be punishment enough. Now, if it were throwing rocks at eachothers faces... :)
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:01 PM FlagI beg to differ. Kids don't always see it that way in the excitement of being a kid with a water gun playing chase. Some kids are also just mean and will think nothing of what they are doing. Sometimes a parent needs to lay the ground rules and give consequences for breaking those rules.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:09 PM Flag
How old? I never remember my mom getting involved with this stuff. What happened to your kids talking up for themselves. Just have them walk away if someone is doing something they don't like. But maybe it's more than I'm thinking it is? Kids that police themselves I think feel more confident in the end b/c they know they can handle situations when adults aren't around.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:22 PM Flag
[+] Interviewing nanny candidates and I met a 26 yr old young woman from Indiana. It cam... 51 replies
- OP: the entire interaction was polite all around. With distance it just gets more and more bizarre....
- ) than it does about the "poor girl". She was curious about you and polite, while you are intolerant, judgmental and rude....
- how is asking if you are really jewish polite?...
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Interviewing nanny candidates and I met a 26 yr old young woman from Indiana. It came up that my dc go to Hebrew School and she asked me if I was "REALLY JEWISH?" "Like, your blood, from your parents? Really? I thought everyone in NY was Muslim or Indian". This as she told me she moved to NY because her church started a new branch she was helping with. I promise these are only a few of the bizarre direct quotes. As soon as she walked out of the bldg she politely texted me that she couldn't work with me. It occurred to me then that she might be a White Supremist. What do you think? This went beyond naivete.
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 05:34 PM Flag ]-
I think right now she's on the phone describing her encounter with the mythical Jewess. Maybe she was a white power freak, maybe she is just very sheltered and ignorant and believes everything the ignorant people she knows tell her about jews. Gross. Did you wash your couch where she sat?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 05:37 PM Flagshe's just ignorant and probably a born again or something extreme like that. sadly, it is probably all she knows from her little life in Indiana. i say, let it go and forgive her ignorance.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 05:57 PM Flag5 years ago she'd be considered naive, but at 26 it's called closed mindedness. If you've ever been out to the midwest and spent time in its exurbs and rural nowheres, you might understand why the east coast is a brave new world for these folks. there aren't many jews out there, wait, there aren't many non-whites out there except for maybe the migrating mexican workers in the chicken rendering plants.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:20 PM FlagThe responses here are embarrassing. Being from Indiana doesn't mean someone is naive or ignorant. This young woman sounds bizarre. Who knows why or what she was thinking.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:27 PM FlagIf you are Jewish and have spent time in places where people have heard of Jews in the Bible but have never met one, you would be familiar with this kind of experience. It's nothing to do with the state of Indiana per se. I've had similar encounters in PA, MD, VA.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:29 PM FlagTrue evangelicals believe that the Jews are a chosen people. My point is - this one woman was odd. Let's not make sweeping generalizations about whole states of people or whole Religious groups of people.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:34 PM FlagOP: that's my point. I just couldn't pinpoint it. But she was outwardly appalled when I told her how many Jews live in NY. Can't explain it succinctly but she couldn't understand that there wasn't a way to readily identify us. As said above, you really had to grow up without a tv or any popular culture to not understand that Jews actually exist, and live in NY.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:38 PM Flagdid she ask if you had horns? a friend of mine got that in utah.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:39 PM Flag-
NP: Not BS, this actually does happen. If you live in an area with lots of Jews, these will seem like urban legends to you, but they're not.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:44 PM Flagit seems like urban legend to me because none of the scores and scores of Jewish people I know have ever shared something like that with me...as opposed to the women of color I know who have shared with me storied of racial prejudice and bias.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:45 PM FlagI doubt I've ever mentioned the Jew girl story above to anyone who wasn't Jewish. I would be embarrassed to cite it as an example of prejudice and bias--it's just a bit of ignorance. Not at all in the same category as what most people of color have to deal with every day.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:56 PM Flag
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Not to be rude, but grew up in Midwest. Some of us just don't care. In my first 18 years I had only seen a Jewish person. Never ever met one. It was not a concern for me. When I went to college in NYC, I babysat. I worked for Indians, Jews, Europeans, Australians...no issues really. Most of them are pretty crazy. It is a money/NY thing more than race and religion.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:39 PM Flag
I think White Supremacists know a Jewish name and can take a guess as to whether someone's Jewish. They have to be able to know whom to hate. Sounds to me she has lived a very sheltered life and is pretty ignorant - everyone in NYC is Muslim or Indian? Hopefully her time in NYC will change her worldview.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 06:49 PM FlagWe lived in Colorado for a while and a sitter I hired told me that she had never met a Jew before (the funny thing is even though our last name sounds Jewish we're not and the family that introduced us to her have a neutral last name, but are Jewish). There just aren't a lot of Jews in that great middle part of the US.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:16 PM FlagOP: But it wasn't an overt anti-semitism, more anti-everything (my last name is neutral). And more deep, sheer terror.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:20 PM FlagWhat do you have invested in continuing to harp on this girl? She's a young woman who is naive, by your own report. Do you keep posting your "perplexed" observations in order to belittle her, make fun of her, feel better about yourself? What's the point?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:22 PM FlagOP: It's called "conversation", albeit cyber. We are engaging in discussing a particularly unusual experience. Not harping. Re-read; I never made a judgemental comment about "the poor girl". Trying to figure it out, that's all.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:27 PM FlagEveryone has their own perspective. Personally, I think you sound incredibly judgmental and intolerant. She doesn't sound like a peach either. But as an older and wiser woman, I would expect more from someone who is a mother, more empathy and tolerance for difference.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:29 PM FlagThis is digressing quickly but you are, of course, 100% wrong. Not one judgmental comment.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:33 PM Flaglol. I can't be 100% wrong when I'm expressing my opinion about how I interpret your remarks. But apparently you can be dismissive and judgmental if someone doesn't agree with exactly your perspective. Shocking! I never would have seen that coming...Good night.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:35 PM Flag
This "conversation" says worse things about you (and most of the responders) than it does about the "poor girl". She was curious about you and polite, while you are intolerant, judgmental and rude.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:34 PM Flag-
I grew up in a very white WASP area. The kind of place where if you were Catholic, people would ask if that meant you were Christian. I did not meet a person of color until I was 17yo. Even so, I didn't grow up in a racist or bizarre community. It was a very liberal, UMC community and we all had television and were aware of people outside of our world. I knew that Jews existed, we knew about black people and black culture, we knew about Latinos. When I left, I was definitely not saying shit like this girl. She sounds like a nut.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 08:12 PM FlagEh, I'm from a very white, mainly mormon, area of the US and I originally would have defended this girl because she sounds a lot like myself when I moved to NYC (I truly had only ever met two Jewish people before the age of 18), but the attitude op describes about being "disgusted" sounds like she is a bitchy bigot.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 09:01 PM FlagBut if you watched TV, read a book, read a newspaper, had any awareness of the world, how could you remain so ignorant? I may not have met someone from every ethnic group, but I would never, at age 28 or 18 or age 8, behaved in such a grotesquely ignorant and cloddish manner. How could you defend that, ever?
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 03:38 AM Flag
[+] Pick one or the other in the pair then, in your response, give us another pair to cho... 561 replies
- Lewinsky. Politics or Finance?...
- Full sentences. Grammatically correct or politically correct?...
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Pick one or the other in the pair then, in your response, give us another pair to choose from. You have to come up with a new pair in your answer!!
561 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 02:50 PM Flag ]-
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THIS is the longest post I've seen on UrbanBaby that wasn't a vicious argument. WELL DONE!
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 04:44 PM Flag-
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Whoever invented this post is brilliant! I've been doing this damn thing on and off since 1am last night!
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 11:56 AM Flag-
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[+] GOP moron Rick Santorum says it again, global warming is "junk science" and a plot by... 3 replies
Talk : : June 09, 2011
GOP moron Rick Santorum says it again, global warming is "junk science" and a plot by liberal opportunists to have government take over our lives. R*sh L*mbaugh also says Romney can kiss the nomination goodbye for thinking otherwise: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/09/2011-06-09_rick_santorum_manmade_climate_change_is_liberal_junk_science_in_sharp_contrast_t.html
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 12:48 PM Flag ]
[+] In need of advice: WWYD if your very gentle, well behaved ds (6) would be entering a ... 24 replies
- Yes, make sure you show all of UB how politically correct and "tolerant" you are. I'm sure your DC goes to an all-minority school....
Talk : : June 09, 2011
In need of advice: WWYD if your very gentle, well behaved ds (6) would be entering a new school where he was clearly the minority?
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 12:36 PM Flag ]Meaning his gentleness would make him a minority, or his race/ethnicity?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:45 PM Flag-
So to be blunt, are you asking if you should send your white DS to a school with mostly black and hispanic children? I am just trying to understand.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:47 PM Flag
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Is it a good school? How are the test scores and the student/teacher ratio? Is there heavy parental involvement at the school? I would be more concerned about those factors.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:46 PM FlagI would rather not specify what race we are, it's a moot point. The school is not ranked very high, they test just below average. Mixed parental involvement. Student/teacher ration is somewhere about 23/1 possibly having a Para. DS is very bright fwiw. And moving is not an option.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:50 PM FlagTo be honest, I wouldn't like it and I would probably move or do private (if I could afford it). My belief in education is so strong, and I would want DC to be in the best school I could possibly provide them with. Small class size, student/teacher ratio, and test scores are unfortunately most of the data we have to go on.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:53 PM Flag^^Have you checked reviews by other parents on www.greatschools.org or similar sites?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:54 PM Flag
Don't be afraid of people just because they don't look like you. Especially when said people are 6 YO.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:54 PM FlagI am going to ignore the racial aspect of this question and say this...a very gentle , well-behaved boy might be different regardless of the racial makeup. There are going to be those more rambunctious either bullying or physically aggressive boys who are going to make your child feel shy or uncomfortable because that's what very gentle boys feel in most social environments. If you're actually asking how can you prepare...make sure he plays this summer with a range of boys. I would also give you the advice I would give any parent sending their kid to a new school--see if you can connect him with kids who will be in his grade.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 01:19 PM Flagwent to private all girls school in the early 90s. didn't feel out of place being minority asian. i think DC will be fine. just the parents feeling awkward.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 01:53 PM FlagI would tell him he is going to love school, try to set up some playdates ahead of time. Being in the minority is sort of irrelevant with a 6 yo, they don't care and neither would I. I might sign him up for Kumon or another program if I don't think he is being challenged enough during school. I have a friend who was granted policitical asylum at age 18, she came here with one suitcase and $50. She only had the name of a friend of friend of a friend. That is all she knew in this country. Now that is a tough situation, yours is not.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 02:31 PM Flag
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