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Any wives of declaration signers on? I feel so alone, with DH out trying to build a country for everyone else when he has a family at home!

Posted September 13, 2007(191 replies)

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My boss said he wants to visit me in hospital when I deliver. This is the last thing I would want. Do I have to be gracious about it?
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06.09.11, 07:32 PM Flag ]
- No, you absolutely do not have to be gracious about this. Tell him that you are only having family to the hospital and that you plan to bring your db into the office or that he can stop by your home after the first few weeks. I think he should understand.
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  06.09.11, 07:42 PM Flag
  - He'll probably be relieved.
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    06.09.11, 07:44 PM Flag
    - He would only be relieved if he actually didn't want to go but thought that was the polite thing to do. Of course it's possible that he thinks it's commonly expected that a boss would visit his employee in the hospital. But what normal person would make this assumption?
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      06.09.11, 08:05 PM Flag
      - He's probably thinking it sounds good and then the day of, he'll think he's too busy.
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        06.09.11, 08:09 PM Flag
- Nope. I think that when a woman is in the hospital after giving birth she is absolutely entitled to peace and privacy. Tell him politely that you will see him after the baby is born.
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  06.09.11, 07:51 PM Flag
- Just smile and say "that's so kind of you, let's see how everything goes with the birth." and then don't call him back and politely dodge correspondence while in hospital.
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  06.09.11, 07:53 PM Flag
  - And don't tell where you're delivering.
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    06.09.11, 07:56 PM Flag
    - np Or don't tell WHEN! It was all a blur (short labor scenario), or you were so exhausted after the long labor, that your husband only called immediate family.
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      06.10.11, 11:20 AM Flag
  - and if he is likely to show up anyhow...have dr. or nurse put a "no visitors" order up for you. They can be your gatekeepers and boss won't know you are the one saying no to visits..
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    06.09.11, 10:57 PM Flag
- Ask him if he would hold the videocamera so your DH can be involved in the delivery
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  06.09.11, 09:16 PM Flag
  - lol!
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    06.09.11, 11:06 PM Flag
- i always found it odd the number of people, that considered acquaintances that wanted to visit while i was in the hospital after giving birth. it just seems so intimate. i just didn't pick up the phone for the few days i was there and just had family and best friends. i guess I could have been more forthright, but felt badly
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  06.10.11, 09:21 AM Flag
  - Me too - just leave me alone and when I am feeling up to it, I'll let you know. However, last year a coworker of mine, who I am friendly with but not friends - said she was disappointed I did not come and see her and your baby in the hospital - guess everyone is different
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    06.10.11, 11:22 AM Flag
- Of course you must be gracious. You should ALWAYS be gracious to your boss. But that doesn't mean he needs to come to the hospital (EVER). Graciously explain it is a private time for your family, and you look forward to introducing him to little junior a little later (and that doesn't have to be in your home, etiher). But you should always be gracious.
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  06.10.11, 09:46 AM Flag
- My boss had the same request. I simply said that I would be happy to see him at my place once we settle with a newborn. I invited him over for lunch around 4 weeks or so post-partum.
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  06.10.11, 11:10 AM Flag
- Tell him your not having any visitors at the hospital, but you'll bring the baby for a visit to the office. I don't get why people think a woman wants visitors after giving birth.
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  06.10.11, 06:45 PM Flag
- my boss had the same request but was totally understanding when i said no. seemed like an odd request till i later found out she was pg and curious! still glad i said no tho :)
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  06.12.11, 08:56 AM Flag
- Some people might consider it rude NOT to show interest and say they want to come to the hospital. He's probably one of those. Send him an email with early photos and he'll probably send you some flowers and that will be that.
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  06.12.11, 01:54 PM Flag
- You can be gracious without having him visit. Gracious does not mean never getting your way. Say "That is so kind and thoughtful for you to think of our family. We would like to have some privacy to bond as a family. I will let you know when we are ready for visitors."
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  06.12.11, 08:39 PM Flag
- No, but flowers would be nice. :)
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  06.14.11, 10:02 AM Flag
- What exactly did he say (weirder to me still, by the way, that a man would say this, but anyway)? And what did you say in response? Is he waiting for a response, or do you have to do damage control on something you already committed to?
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  06.14.11, 04:20 PM Flag
- This is strange but nice. Just don't let him know you had the baby until after the delivery. Then invite him over to your house when you are ready.
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  06.14.11, 04:27 PM Flag

My boss said he wants to visit me in hospital when I deliver. This is the last thing I would want. Do I have to be gracious about it?

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My boss said he wants to visit me in hospital when I deliver. This is the last thing I would want. Do I have to be gracious about it?

No, you absolutely do not have to be gracious about this. Tell him that you are only having family to the hospital and that you plan to bring your db into the office or that he can stop by your home after the first few weeks. I think he should understand.

He'll probably be relieved.

He would only be relieved if he actually didn't want to go but thought that was the polite thing to do. Of course it's possible that he thinks it's commonly expected that a boss would visit his employee in the hospital. But what normal person would make this assumption?

He's probably thinking it sounds good and then the day of, he'll think he's too busy.

Nope. I think that when a woman is in the hospital after giving birth she is absolutely entitled to peace and privacy. Tell him politely that you will see him after the baby is born.

Just smile and say "that's so kind of you, let's see how everything goes with the birth." and then don't call him back and politely dodge correspondence while in hospital.

And don't tell where you're delivering.

np Or don't tell WHEN! It was all a blur (short labor scenario), or you were so exhausted after the long labor, that your husband only called immediate family.

and if he is likely to show up anyhow...have dr. or nurse put a "no visitors" order up for you. They can be your gatekeepers and boss won't know you are the one saying no to visits..

Ask him if he would hold the videocamera so your DH can be involved in the delivery

lol!

Me too - just leave me alone and when I am feeling up to it, I'll let you know. However, last year a coworker of mine, who I am friendly with but not friends - said she was disappointed I did not come and see her and your baby in the hospital - guess everyone is different

My boss had the same request. I simply said that I would be happy to see him at my place once we settle with a newborn. I invited him over for lunch around 4 weeks or so post-partum.

Tell him your not having any visitors at the hospital, but you'll bring the baby for a visit to the office. I don't get why people think a woman wants visitors after giving birth.

my boss had the same request but was totally understanding when i said no. seemed like an odd request till i later found out she was pg and curious! still glad i said no tho :)

Some people might consider it rude NOT to show interest and say they want to come to the hospital. He's probably one of those. Send him an email with early photos and he'll probably send you some flowers and that will be that.

You can be gracious without having him visit. Gracious does not mean never getting your way. Say "That is so kind and thoughtful for you to think of our family. We would like to have some privacy to bond as a family. I will let you know when we are ready for visitors."

No, but flowers would be nice. :)

What exactly did he say (weirder to me still, by the way, that a man would say this, but anyway)? And what did you say in response? Is he waiting for a response, or do you have to do damage control on something you already committed to?

This is strange but nice. Just don't let him know you had the baby until after the delivery. Then invite him over to your house when you are ready.