2012: 5 Things You Didn't Know

2012: 5 Things You Didn't Know
According to followers of the Mayan Calendar Prophecy, the Mayan civilization saw the future with unmatched clarity, they foresaw important global and galactic events, and predicted a particular doomsday to occur in late 2012.

If they were so good at seeing the future, why didn't one of them mention an earlier kind of doomsday for the Maya, that of 1517, and the coming of the Spanish Conquistadores? You would think that their future suffering from enslavement and smallpox would have set off some alarm bells for a skilled prognosticator -- we're just saying.

In reality, there is no evidence that the world will end in 2012. There is, however, evidence that it's going to hell right now: The Complete Idiot's Guide to 2012 was coauthored by an "authoritative" believer in crop circles. These guides used to be written for idiots. What's next; "The Idiot's Guide to Spirit Orbs" written by a respected Edgar Cayce enthusiast?

As the inmates begin running the asylum, we present 5 things you didn't know about the 2012 prophecy.

1- The 2012 prophecy relies on discredited calendrics

The first thing you didn't know about the 2012 prophecy is all you really need to know about the 2012 prophecy.

Back in 238 B.C. (or so, maybe 236) someone in Mesoamerica (likely not even a Mayan), chose a specific day many years prior in a pair of overlapping calendars as the date of the beginning of the world. This person used the 260-day sacred almanac (Tzolkin), and the 365-day secular calendar (Haab'), calendars used across Mesoamerica, not just among the Maya. The chosen day corresponds, in our Gregorian calendar, to August 11, 3114 B.C. This ancient person had his reasons for choosing that day, but they weren't terribly good ones, especially when you consider that he was effectively assigning it the origin of the world.

He then combined the Haab' and Tzolkin into a complex cycle of 52 years called the Calendar Round. To measure longer spans of time, he extrapolated their concepts of time into the so-called Long Count calendar -- the source of the alleged prophecy -- said to be on cycles of about 5,125 years, which suggested that this Long Count calendar cycle will come to an end on or around December 21, 2012, and a new cycle will begin. 

Because this probable date occurs near the winter solstice, and because it shares a figure, 144,000 (a subdivision of days in the Long Count calendar and a figure that features prominently in the New Testament Book of Revelations), the conspiracy morons came crawling out of the woodwork claiming end of days, galactic disasters or shifts of consciousness, when in reality the end/beginning of a new cycle would have been a reason for celebration among the Maya, not a nail-biting Armageddon.

2- Apple has a 2010 app

Never mind what those calendrics say, Apple thinks you should drop a dollar on a 2012 app for your iPhone, one that will provide everything you'll need to take you right into Armageddon or a shift in consciousness or whatever the hell's supposed to happen in late December 2012. This handsome app features a handy countdown to inform you of your remaining time on earth, a "note to self" feature to remind you of unfinished business before the big day, a curious "time capsule" feature, and interesting facts about Maya culture to impress your soon-to-be-dead friends.

We first came across this app on a web site dedicated to 2012, which featured a video for the app. Underneath, a single user comment read: "This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen." 

Sums it up very nicely.

Embrace the doom and gloom of 2012, and don't forget to buy bottled water and matches... Next Page >>