This week's question comes from a guy who's almost memorized Doc Love's materials, but not enough to keep his girl's Interest Level where it should be.
reader's question
Hey Doc,
I’ve had your book for five years now. First, I want to say that every single word in it is true. I’ve seen your coaching work time and again. It’s the best $100 I’ve ever spent. However, I think I may be one of those guys who just can’t be “fixed.” After reading (and almost having memorized)
“The System,” I’ve realized how women make their romantic choices. And as much as your book is correct, and I agree with the facts in it, it literally makes me sick to realize that a woman won’t ever love you for
who you are, but she will love you just for the way you
act. This has made me lose some of my interest in women in general. Call me naive, but I think you can’t absolutely always keep your guard up. So, sooner or later the woman will see you for who you really are (a good guy who genuinely loves her) and she'll lose her Interest Level in you.
she tested me
Anyway, I began a relationship with Crystal who has lots of emotional baggage from her family and past bad relationships. She is gorgeous and had a 90% Interest Level in me when we started out. She was sweet and serene and would not ever play games, test me, flirt with other guys, etc. Everything was good until today, when out of the blue she made a statement about how she had spent the day with two “friends,” one a writer, the other a musician, and engaged in some social activities with them. I didn’t like it, but didn’t say anything until later when she admitted she said it to literally see how I felt about it (in other words, to make me jealous and show that I care about her). She said she did it because I was sending her “mixed signals.” That’s when I
told her how much I was in love with her.
I’ve come to realize that Crystal is a woman, and just like a woman she will test me, and that if I pledge everlasting love to her she will lose respect for me. I feel I’ve made a huge mistake by starting to care about her. What’s worse is that my cards are all on the table. She knows exactly how I feel about her. Ever since I opened up, I can literally feel her Interest Level dropping slowly but surely into the mid-60s. My question is: What can I do now? I really care about the girl, she knows it, and I don’t know if I can make myself a Challenge to her anymore.
Dumping her is not an option at this time, but I’ll have to resort to it if her Interest Level keeps fading away. It has really made me angry that I’ve managed to lower her interest so much just by being honest and caring.
Archie - who feels like giving up on love altogether doc love's answer
Hi Archie,
Let me explain something to you first. “Who” you are is made up of a whole pile of good and bad things. What I tell you guys is simply this:
Don't talk about the bad things. That’s all. Don’t verbalize your weaknesses. Now I’m not trying to make a phony out of you, but I want you to put your best foot forward. To you Psych majors: Society treats you depending on the way you
act. If you’re dying to rob a bank and you don’t do it, you’re not going to jail. But if you act on that desire, you’re going to find yourself in the slammer. So
actions are character.
you want her to be a man
Archie, the reason you’re losing interest in women is that you want them to be like men, that’s your problem. But women are like cats and men are like dogs. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says: “Dogs don’t purr and cats don’t growl.” But you don’t want to accept the fact that women are completely different from men and that they have
different standards when it comes to romantic love. That’s the part that you don’t get and that you don’t want to buy into.
I also don’t say that you have to keep your guard up. What I am saying is that when you talk to your mother, or a priest, or a police officer, you talk to them all in different ways. You’re being yourself, but I bet the conversations aren’t the same.
You can be in love with a woman and she can see you for who you really are as long as
you don’t verbalize it. If you’re with her all the time, you don’t see anybody else, you bring her flowers and candy, and you treat her like a million dollars --
it shows you love her. But, Archie, you’re dying to
tell her. So I’m just saying don’t verbalize it. You can tell your dog you love her, but not your pussycat.
Doc Love continues to explain why revealing too much will always lower her Interest Level...
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Reader Comments: 74 Posts
what very sad and bad advice!
Everybody has some emotional baggage and every one wants someone with whom they can be honest AND open - male or female!
I am one of the few women who DO understand how attraction building works. A man should be a challenge early in the game. And you should be your better self and keep secrets in the first phase of dating.
But true intimacy is about not fearing vulnerability and feeling secure. Declaring your love clearly is always a risk, but don't hold back, when it's time to reach the next level!
In a secure relationship a man can also be weak and his woman will support him.
Probably Archie was still giving too mixed signals, since we was trying to be a challenge, when he wanted to be expressive! But NO, it's never too late to communicate!
The Doc is right, and it's always wrong to take advice from a girl. If you ask a girl how to keep a girl happy, you'd be put through hell trying to follow the advice. With the Doc, it's simple BE A MAN.
What sends some girls away is the lack of a challenge in a relationship (ESPECIALLY EARLY). Once you say the L word, there is no challenge anymore, YOU ARE CONQUERED. Women don't want to be the conquerors they want to be conquered! (Don't deny it you liars, it turns you on!)
I'm not going to say the L-word unless I choose to propose, then hearing the L-word will send her on an emotional trip she could never be ready for!
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING DOC, YOUR SYSTEM WORKS TO PERFECTION.
Coming from a girl, I think if the girl's "Interest Level" drops after she hears that she's loved, the problem isn't that she knows she's loved, but something else. What women don't want to be loved and know it? All women want affections, appreciation and love, and a man that will TELL it to us. I don't know "The System" or whatever, but on this point, in my personal opinions, we are focusing on the wrong aspect.
wtf?! Not saying 'I love you' even AFTER marriage and babies? Doc, I am so disappointed in you. No man is ever going to snare me without admitting they love me. I'm too much of catch to settle for an emotionally distant, mind-game playing little boy scared of manning up and admitting his feelings. Definitely don't say it too early and make sure she loves you first but men have to say it first. Women always say it too easily but it is no reason to never say it at all.
This is all good and fine. You want words of explaination that aren't there. You proclaim not being told because the other person couldn't tell you in a way that would be used had you been ordering a meal.
Most people won't see or hear anything unless it is spoken in very clear words, that are easily understood for the meaning they have been given. Its good to know it will be very hard to ever give too much away. And even then people often make judgements on themselfs and who they are, so anything given could easily be under seen as it does not fit into what they would do. Most people think a lot about money, their jobs. Even I love you's are a self based thing. All in all I'd stop to worry about things that are so easily taken or lost, or torn. But naw.
Doc Love:
If my boyfriend NEVER said "I love you" as you instruct, I would definitely lose interest. Agreed--Verbalizing those 3 little words shouldn't happen too soon, but they shouldn't be completely withheld either.
Archie:
Go with what FEELS RIGHT and good to YOU. At the risk of sounding like cliched, Women respect men who are not afraid to be honest about the way their are feeling and what's on their minds. And speaking from personal experience, a man that can be honest about THAT is much more capable about being honest in the relationship about other things. This is important to women! Take it from me. :)
"but jeezee..if my boy never said it I would be hurt."
And if he kept saying this to you 24/7, you'd lose interest.
Who is the doc? Does he live by Jersey Shore? Is he really interested in giving good advice or selling his books? Some of this advice is good, but a lot of it is pretty douche-y.
Archie, if you're reading this..don't listen to the doc man, I know he knows a lot but he's all worked up with his work,professionally that I think he just forgets how emotionally invested we become in The Woman in our lives..
I know exactly your spot,and it's a tight one..the only thing that makes sense to me is that you would 1)Stop the love effection showing 2)Don't deny it,on the contrary show her that you are a Romeo and you are Confident and proud of your feelings for her 3)Tell her maybe I'm old fashioned..but I meant every word I said "without repeating them" and I believe in true feelings developed between men and women...been happening since the dawn of humanity..
u get the vibe of what I'm on about? try it man, don't drop all and leave until you have really lost.
good luc
Haha--since when did this become a discussion about what girls want, or think they 'need?' Typical.
Funny how a few posts can grow to into a microcosm mirroring the initial problem.... nice job ladies. I mean really, go watch New Moon again, or something.
What do you think?
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