Making The First Move & More

Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.

This week's Q&A focuses on why making the first move is so important and how a picture of you and dolphins seems to have a profound affect on women. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

reader's comment

Hey David,

Before I ask you my question, I am aware of the "let's take it slow" reply women lay down on us when we go for the kiss when they flat out don't feel it. As much as my situation may reflect that, it was a bit different, to me that is. On our second date, it was going real well with light contact (holding hands), I was making her laugh, she was telling me what she liked about me -- good body language from both of us, etc., etc. Just plain good news!

At the end of the night, we were walking side-by-side and she said something about her never breaking any rules when she was younger. I said: "How about we break the first rule right now?"

She said: "What is that?"

I grabbed her and softly spun her to face me and slowly go 90% of the way and hold her while one hand was cupping her neck. Her reaction seemed positive and surprised, and she didn't go for the kiss. I asked her: "What's wrong?"

She said: "I'm just very surprised, you caught me off guard."

The kiss never really properly happened.

She said: "We should take it slow." And I said: "You know what? You're right."

She said: "Really? You're not joking?"

Me: "Totally, let's grab a cab and go watch a movie."

This is where things confused me. She came home with me and we slept together with arms around each other etc. No sex. I didn't pull any moves -- I just didn't feel it was the right thing. What do you think? Keep in mind, David, she was one week away from going to Hong Kong for a month and a half, so that is my reasoning behind the whole "take it slow thing," but I might be wrong. You tell me if I Wussed out at the end.

Thanks man. Hope to hear from you.

Joe, Manchester

david d. responds

Let's see.

You didn't "pull any moves" because you didn't feel it was the "right thing."

So -- what's the problem?

I'm not in the position to decide for you what is "right" or "wrong."

Sounds to me like you have some regret that you didn't try to take things to a physical level.

It may be less about right or wrong, and more about you being frustrated because you gave in to fear and didn't take action.

Also, I think you're reading too much into the situation.

So, she's leaving for a long trip -- is that a reason not to enjoy yourselves now?

Nice job doing what you thought was the stand-up thing to do -- just don't beat yourself up for it afterwards when things don't go where you really wanted them to.

I think deep down inside a lot of guys feel there's something "wrong" with going for a kiss, etc. -- and this screws with their heads and makes all sorts of mistakes happen.

The fact is, women like kissing just as much as men -- if not more (depending on the woman).

So, thinking you're doing her a favour by not going for a kiss, when it's what you want and what you think she wants too may not be doing anyone a favour.

Something to think about.

Making the first move is important, but so is understanding online dating... Next Page >>