Everclear Faces Iowa Ban
"But high-proof vodkas are often essential for freshmen whose gulping muscles aren't fully developed."
Girl Welcomed To Womanhood With 4-Page Pamphlet
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Universe Comes To Halt As Kid Flips Through First Shark Book
SPRINGDALE, AR—The dynamic processes by which matter and energy function in the physical world ground to a halt Thursday night as 7-year-old Troy Benton paged through his first fully...
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Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save
HOUSTON—With the challenges accompanying his developmental disorder widening the already vast gulf between his parents, autistic child Evan Thomas, 3, continued this week to destroy the...
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Houseguest Just Going To Lie There Until Rest Of House Wakes Up
SAN DIEGO—Houseguest Kevin Keegan announced Sunday morning that, despite being totally awake, he nonetheless intends to remain on the living room couch he slept on last night until one or...
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9-Pound Infant Barrels Way Down Birth Canal
IDAHO SPRINGS, CO—Described by medical personnel as "a real whopper," a 9-pound infant came hurtling down the birth canal of 27-year-old Jennifer Pischke like a bat out of hell Monday. "Fire...
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Area Dad Suffers Massive Nothing To Worry About
STEVENS POINT, WI—In a no big deal that barely even took place, area factory worker and father of four Walt Koepke suffered a massive nothing to worry about late Thursday afternoon....
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Wal-Mart Shoppers Mocked By Target Shopper
OKLAHOMA CITY—Local shopper Craig Klein took a moment to mock a group of patrons in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart during his drive Thursday to the Target on the other side of the...
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Daytime, Nighttime 7-11 Clerks Have Vastly Different Opinions Of Area Man
CHICAGO—In separate interviews with reporters Monday, the daytime and nighttime clerks of a local 7-Eleven provided sharply contrasting opinions on the personality and temperament of regular...
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Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Commoners
GRESHAM, OR—Sean Fowler, the man once revered throughout the halls of Barlow High School as prom's one true king, has for the past several years lived a meager existence among the very...
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Weddings
Dan Simes and Terri Schiflett eloped to Las Vegas without telling a soul, which worked out perfectly because no one would have cared or wanted to attend their wedding anyway.
Obituaries
The political joke that 31-year-old Will Arnold had been waiting all day to tell his colleagues absolutely died in the break room shortly after 3 p.m.
Community Calendar
Feb, 23, 8 p.m.
Bowling Sunday has been moved to Bowling Tuesday. If unable to make it Tuesday, participants should feel free to go on Sunday. The shoes will cost money that day, however.
Great Escapes
Boston's Freedom Trail
Follow the red-brick path back through time to some of the most important sites in Boston's history. From the picturesque riverside city of Cambridge, where lead guitarist Tom Scholz penned the first Boston song, "Foreplay"; to the basement studio where Boston recorded its demos; to the Bank of America Pavilion, where Boston honored its fallen bandmate Brad Delp in 2007.
