Best of Duthie: Loneliest Guy In The Rink

Shane O'Brien

James Duthie

9/18/2007 3:38:39 PM

(Note: James will be back next week with a run of new material but due to the recent moves against goal judges by some NHL teams we present a classic Duthie column from 2006)

"I looked up and you were there, just sitting there all alone...At the lonely end of the rink, the lonely end of the rink"

-The Tragically Hip

Quick, kids, name the most useless, irrelevant position in sports.

Point After holder for the Buffalo Bills? Valid, but no.

Post-Season Ticket Coordinator, Kansas City Royals? Close.

Personal Trainer, John Daly? Sorry.

Try NHL Goal Judge.

Oh sure, once upon a time he was Da Man! Any goal the referee didn't see clearly, it would be all up to him. His thumb and that little red-light button would decide the outcome of many a game.

Then along came two referees, overhead cameras, side angle cameras, net cameras, video review judges, and suddenly, the guy behind the glass was forgotten.

Yes, Video killed The Radio Star. And The Goal Judge.

He is way-old technology. He's a Commodore 64. He's a Walkman. He's VHS. No wait, worse! He's Beta.

And yet, strangely...bizarrely...he's still there.

Still pushing his button. Still lighting his lamp. A living, breathing museum piece.

"Oh ya, we're obsolete. I mean, they have 87 different angles on replay! They aren't going to ask us!"

His name is Bill. He has been a NHL Goal Judge for a dozen seasons. He didn't want his last name to be used.

(Okay, truth is he happily gave me his last name. It just sounds way more investigative when they don't let you use their last name.)

Bill Bedsworth takes his job as judge seriously. So seriously, in fact, that he actually is a judge. That's right, by day he's the Honorable Justice William W. Bedsworth, of the California Court of Appeal, one level below The Supreme Court.

And by night, he's The Honorable Goal Judge William W. Bedsworth, of the Anaheim Ducks.

But he prefers his nickname: Beds.

(You gotta love a high-level judge who wants to be called Beds. If I ever go to trial in California...like for...say...I dunno...stalking Scarlett Johansson...I want Beds as my judge.)

Beds is a lifelong hockey fan who has been a Ducks goal judge since the team's first game 13 seasons ago.

Now he sits in his spot behind the net like a jilted lover, waiting, hopelessly, by the phone.

"They (the referees) used to call you back when they weren't sure if a puck went in, just to be certain of what you saw. They never call anymore."

Yet Beds is hardly bitter. In fact, he's downright giddy he's gotten away with doing this dream gig this long.

"I'm not even in the right position to make a call! You should be positioned over the goal line. You know that. I know that. Tennis knows that, but hockey doesn't!"

Over the years, that bad angle has caused him to light the lamp early a handful of times.

Premature Illumination. Always embarrassing.

"Sometimes it'll pop up, hit the side of the net, but you see puck hitting twine, you hit the light, and then it bounces off into the corner, and you go, Oh God No!"

"But you try seeing past J.S Giguere! I long for the days of goalies the size of Darren Pang."

Gretzky gave him nightmares. When The Great One was in his "office", the goal judge could see nothing from his.

Grant Fuhr once chucked a water bottle at him when he disagreed with a decision.

But nobody gets angry with the goal judge anymore. Heck, most can't figure out why he's still there.

"I had a guy ask me if I was the security guard for the camera behind the net," Beds says with a chuckle.

They even took away his fancy glass booth. Now he just sits in a regular seat, passing beers and popcorn down the row.

"Hey dude with the phone, could you order me some nachos and two Bud!"

And yet Beds still feels he has a crucial role.

"I make the game more fun for the crowd," he pleads. "When a goal goes in, maybe a thousand see it, and 16,000 don't."

(Canadian fans may insert snicker here.)

"Most fans have to wait to see that red-light on before they can celebrate or want to commit suicide. They depend on us."

Amen, Beds. You're right. We still need you.

That red light is vital part of our hockey culture.

(And in Robert Esche's case, a very regular part of it.)

So all rise for the Judge!

Then sit back down! You're probably blocking his view.