Fatou Kiné Cissé hasn't been able to shake some of the feelings she's had since the night of the mass shooting at the mosque she attends in Quebec City — first and foremost, disbelief.
"I was devastated," said Cissé. "Those people, I know them. Some of them are parents of kids I know."
Fatou Kiné Cissé remembers the anxiety she felt waiting for her son to return from his first nighttime visit to the mosque following the shooting. (Régis Peugnet/Radio-Canada)
Cissé, who teaches at the local private Muslim school, was one of about 20 members of the Islamic Cultural Centre who attended a conference in April to learn more about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
It's been more than three months since six men were killed and five others suffered gunshot wounds in the shooting at the Islamic Cultural Centre.
Cissé said she wanted to gauge her own reaction to the horrific event and to "exorcise the fear" she still feels today.
"I thought it was important for me to try to understand the many emotions that we're going through, that I could feel around me," said Cissé told CBC. "Is there something to do?"
"We went through a big collective trauma."
She said she waited and worried the first time her 17-year-old son went to the mosque by himself one evening after the shooting.
Invisible scars
Laïla Aitoumasste, a community volunteer who is on a committee to support the victims, said attending the conference, entitled "Psychological trauma and invisible scars," helped her, too.
The doctoral student who led the workshop, an expert in PTSD, explained fear, sadness, shock and disbelief are all normal reactions to such an event.
Laïla Ait Oumasste was relieved to hear from a PTSD expert that feelings such as anxiety, fear and mistrust are to be expected in the wake of the mass shooting at her mosque. (Régis Peugnet/Radio-Canada)
"At least we found out our emotions were natural, correct, and we had the right to feel that way," said Aitoumasste.
She said she recognizes some of the so-called "invisible" symptoms the expert described in many, if not most, people in Quebec City's Muslim community.
"A lot of people feel they're strong and everything is okay, but there are other feelings inside, and they don't show, " she said.
The expert explained there are signs to watch which show a risk of PTSD, including insomnia, depression, staying home to avoid social interaction, as well as "staying strong" while denying feelings.
Both women said it will take a long time for people in the community to overcome their feelings of mistrust, anxiety and fear.
It's especially difficult, Cissé said, when there are people who continue to make racist and anti-Muslim comments.
"Two months after the event, I heard on a radio broadcast [people] talking about the tragedy in a way that could almost legitimize it. It was just traumatizing," said Cissé. It left her in despair, wondering if there could be another attack.
Cissé and Aitoumasste say there has also been tremendous support for the community — the vigil, letter-writing campaigns, even a change in attitude towards the veil they both wear.
"There are strangers who see you and smile or say hello," said Cissé. "And even if they don't speak, we understand they're trying to send a message: a message of sympathy."
This poster created after the shooting welcomes women attending Quebec City's Islamic Cultural Centre. (Catou MacKinnon/CBC)
