[-]Has anyone ever complained to you about your kids at a restaurant? Have you ever said something to other parents at a restaurant about their kids? What situation, in your opinion, would warrant saying something?
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]No, never about my kids. The only time I ever said something was to a table of 4 moms with toddlers. These moms chatted among themselves and paid no attention to their kids. One almost ran into a waiter carrying several dishes. One actually did run into the kitchen and a waiter had to carry him out.
[ Reply | Options ]WWYD if someone came over to your table -- a large party with 3 sets of parents plus other adults and 6 kids -- to say "tell your kid to stop screaming." Maybe some of the kids had gotten boisterous, and were spoken to already, but none had "screamed." The comment was directed at the entire table, and no particular child singled out by the complainer.
[ Reply | Options ]if you had already had to speak to the children they were obviously too loud. Why do you think it is OK to let them continue?
[ Reply | Options ]I've noticed that many adults tend to be automatically way more critical of kids in a restaurant than other adults. I'd love to see someone do a test comparing a group with a couple of kids and a group of all adults. I think loud, poorly behaved adults will get way more slack than the kids, even if they are much louder, decibel wise.
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I've never complained. Got one dirty look and one complaint about ds--both of which were deserved and impossible to stop. Ds out of the blue just threw his whole body back against a banquette that backed up to another banquette and the whole thing shook. We apologized profusely. For many months after that we always asked for table with chairs and avoided a banquette. He's fine in a chair.
[ Reply | Options ]I have complained about dvd players with no head phones. media in a restaurant is obnoxious.
[ Reply | Options ]np ITA. If your kid needs a dvd player to behave, you should stay home. The no headphones thing is beyond belief--though I experienced this in a plane once. Two siblings, two dvd players playing two different movies. No headphones and high enough volume to hear very well in the next row. I think the surrounding passengers (myself included) were so stunned that the mother could be such a self-centered twit that no one complained to her or the flight attendant.
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Gay Uncle here. One night in a bar/restaurant in Chelsea, I was hanging with my friends, who were getting a bit overly-excited in their discussion. The woman behind us tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me, could you watch your language? I have a child here." I turned around and said in a loud voice, "Honey, if you don't want your grandson to hear the word 'FUCK', then you shouldn't drag him to a FUCKING bar in FUCKING Chelsea!" The rest of the patrons applauded. The woman -- who insisted she was the boy's MOTHER (who knew?) -- marched out with the boy.
[ Reply | Options ]Fortunately, I generally get nice comments in resturants about my 3 dcs - but the same kids get glares on airplanes. Same children, different responses from the "public". I would only say something to another Mom if I thought that I could help out somehow or if the other child was touching my dcs (which has happened).
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[-]real housewives of OC -- what's your impression of Gretchen?
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[-]looking at new house to buy. it is a four bedroom, but they knocked down a wall in between two bedrooms to make it one big one. so now it's technically a 3 bedroom. would love to put the wall back up. how difficult will that be? not major surgery, right? just some wood, dry wall and paint. need new carpet though since it is wall to wall in there (or do you think they can do the wall without screwing up the carpet?)
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op: My mom was a sweetheart. She still is but I think I was asking the question wondering what my ds would say when he grows up. I think I saw the answer below- that I yelled a lot but I loved him dearly. Maybe too much. I literally sing songs of love for him all day long! He finds it annoying.
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Very, very loving and affectionate, but also strict, a bit of a nag, and took her responsibility of being a mother VERY seriously. Great mom.
[ Reply | Options ]Doesn't sound like a NY mom-- a midwest mom or a southern mom...? Definitely not a ny mom
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West Indian, of course! It doesn't really matter that you lived in NY. West Indians are generally zen- with some exceptions.
[ Reply | Options ]Funny, I wouldn't call my mom zen. lol. She could scream like the rest of them, but because she was very clear that she wanted the best for me, I knew it was all out of love. My mom came here for college and so she really stressed education. Growing up in the States with West Indian parents gave me the best of both worlds, I think.
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I love my mother, but she sucked. My dad too. They made sure we had a roof over our heads and food to eat. My mom is a complete nut job. I'm surprised that I came out reality sane. She terrorized me, picked on me, verbally abused me, etc. She hated it when I was college, because she couldn't win any arguments with me. She said that she should have never allowed me to go to college. Isn't that unbelievable
[ Reply | Options ]Think ... Suzanne Pleshette meets Carol Brady. Suburban mom, raised 4 kids, ran a business from home, as well as running the church's Christian Mothers, the PTA, and the Band Boosters.
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[-]Our kid also 99 on SB and Olsat is at LL and we live all the way downtown on the west side, totally worth the commute (but must admit waiting on Hunter waitlist action). LL is a wonderful school, seriously, you should consider it.
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[-]anyone think its possible to find a housekeeper/nanny to work 30 hours week for under $400? (in NYC)
77 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]$13/hour to do both jobs? Good luck with that. Maybe you'll find yourself a nice illegal.
[ Reply | Options ]You must not think very highly of your children if you're willing to economize to such a ridiculous degree on their care. So sad.
[ Reply | Options ]dont be rude--maybe thats what she has to spend. i cant afford to hire anyone to do anything
[ Reply | Options ]If she has $400 to spend, she should understand that she'll be cleaning her own toilets.
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i moved here and thought i would hire a person to do some child care and some cleaning...........most of these people are so f-ing lazy its unbelievable. MOST Nannys in NYC are NOT "A "nanny" is an educated and experienced child care professional who not only watches but actively helps in the development of a child. She is not a babysitter. She does not do the laundry or scrub toilets. "..................if they are in fact not what is written above then why do they deserve wages that assumes they are that?
[ Reply | Options ]"Deserve" wages? If you want a nanny, get a nanny (if you can afford one). If you want a housekeeper, get a housekeeper. You should not expect either to do both jobs. Does YOUR employer expect you to empty the wastebaskets and freshen up the restrooms in addition to your regular duties?
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If that's what she has to spend, then she can't afford the service. Just because you feel you have a "need" for a service doesn't mean providers should always come down to meet your price.
[ Reply | Options ]ITTA. It's for this reason the title "nanny" has been so bastardized. A "nanny" is an educated and experienced child care professional who not only watches but actively helps in the development of a child. She is not a babysitter. She does not do the laundry or scrub toilets. But this is bascially what the majority of women are looking for -- and what they're willing to PAY for ... babysitters who'll also scrub the toilets.
[ Reply | Options ]Problem is that the vast majority of these babysitters won't scrub toilets. Now that the economy is down said toilet, though, I guess some of them won't have much choice. But I'm sure they'll be bitter and start relieving you of the contents of your jewelry box any chance they get.
[ Reply | Options ]Nor should they be expected to scrub toilets. Extra work should translate into extra pay. Babysitters get $13-15/hour. Housekeepers get close to $25/hour. If you want someone who'll do two jobs, be prepared to PAY for both jobs -- at $35-40/hour.
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Doesn't matter. If you're making less ... that just means you can no longer afford the SERVICE. Looks like you might have to get re-acquainted with the toilet brush, hon. Hint: Wear rubber gloves -- they'll save your manicure!
[ Reply | Options ]LMAO! Guess we should all tell our employers that they can no longer afford our services!
[ Reply | Options ]LOL ... assuming she ever WAS acquainted with a toilet brush! About the dirtiest thing most of these lazy and overprivileged women have ever had thair hands inside was fishing around for the Gold AmEx card inside last year's Gucci handbag.
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The right wage, hon, is what the market will bear--and it's not $35 or $40 for an uneducated illegal to wipe some butts and clean some toilets.
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I know someone who does livein and cleans for 400/wk. she is very unhappy in her current situation.
[ Reply | Options ]YOu can get an aupair for around $300 a week. An aupair is not a full fledge housekeeper, they do light household chores that pertain to the children. But anyone knows when you have young children they make most of the mess. Then you can always get a cleaning lady once a week to come in to do the hard stuff like toilets and stuff. Much more affordable option. I am a local coordinator for an agency. I know how to find great aupairs. Let me know if you want some info.
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[-]getting divorced. we have enough equity in the house to pay off our enormous debt. i have been out of work for the last 5 years (sahm) and am wondering if dh will have to give me child support and alimony. i will be working now and once the debt is paid off, the only expenses i will have is rent & utilities. live in ca btw. not sure if getting alimony is fair only because it was a joint decision of ours to have me stay home. however, had i been working the last five years i would be making $100k vs. $30k (or thereabouts) so the alimony could help me obviously.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Sorry about your divorce. Just because it was a joint decision is no reason not to get alimony, because it will benefit your children (Which are also his and which he presumably would want to live comfortably). Good luck with your new job. It's good you were able to find a job after 5 years. You'll work your way back up.
[ Reply | Options ]thanks for all your kind words. i guess i would rather just get more in child support. i can get a nice 2 bedroom, but we have one more year of preschool for the little one and i wouldn't want to sacrifice the kid's sports/activities because i can't afford it. i guess i'm thinking the alimony would be for me. of course, it would be nice to just put it in savings so i can buy a house sometime soon
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[-]POLL: Education level? Ivy or no? Current Salary? Are you afraid of losing your job? Industry?
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BA. State college. $2.7M. Screenwriter. Not afraid, since we live below our means, have socked away millions, and don't really need to earn another penny for the rest of our lives.
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[-]just found out husband had an affair. have been married 6 years and have a 20 month old dd. He has agreed to therapy and we are separating in the meantime. not sure how to go on. has anyone been through this and stayed together?
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affair was a co-worker. he admitted to it and ended it. he is remorseful--says he is sorry, said he wanted to see a therapist on his own as well as do couples. but i wouldnt say he is groveling at my feet--he seems totally numb and devoid of emotion right now.
[ Reply | Options ]he is not happily married to you and it will not work. if he was attentive and trying to redeem himself maybe
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op: he says he wasnt happy, but couldnt pinpoint why. we had just bought a bigger apt and we did recently have a baby so we were kind of in transition and had a lot going on. there is no question that some of hte passion was missing, but i think that happens sometimes...and i just wish he had told me he was unhappy. i had no idea, and im not the kind of person whose head is in the clouds. i tend to overdramatize situations if anything...
[ Reply | Options ]OK, based on what you're telling us, it sounds like you DO have a ghost of a chance to save your marriage. But the fact that he's agreed to a separation isn't good.
[ Reply | Options ]op: well i insisted on the separation, we have a small apt right now (about to undergo renovations to expand) so we were planning on subletting a place a block away anyways. i think being separate right now is important for both of us to take some time and figure out what we want and the sublet seemed to provide the opportunity
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[-]Poll for Hedge Fund/Investment firms employees and spouses of: I know everyone is reeling and worried but what is the general feeling. Things are stabilizing? We are about to fall over a cliff.. I am terrified and need some rational input. (And PLEASE-no flaming regarding hedge funds...my dh made good money but not millions. No second home, no fancy cars. Didnt work for a high flying name place.)
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]dh works for an investment bank, and it looks like we are close to a cliff, or maybe we have already gone over but have not seen the full results yet. Banks not lending means companies will go under, people will lose jobs, ....more than we have already seen. Sorry my response is honest but prob makes you feel worse.
[ Reply | Options ]Depends on what the company is invested in. Hedge funds are only as good as performance numbers. What are your husbands hedge fund performance numbers (don't post, hypothetical)? Make sure you start questioning and staying on top of his firm's performance. As long as the hedge fund is beating a certain index (even if still negative), your husband should be fine. Hedge fund are usually don't have the fat that investment firms have.
[ Reply | Options ]A long term consideration is the increased regulations/laws regarding Hedge Funds. Bush had begun to consider/put into action regulations and Obama will only increase them. Hedge Funds will be increasing monitored, regulated and more heavily taxed. Only those thinking ahead of the curve (as in "the next way to structure investments that is not currently being regulated") will get out of this. Otherwise, Hedge funds will die off (or become like mutual funds). Performance numbers for everyone will drop off.
[ Reply | Options ]Things are going to get much, much worse for the financial sector. We may even see the end of hedge funds altogether. I suggest your DH brush up on his accounting skills, if he's not already a CPA.
[ Reply | Options ]Hedge Funds will stop being for the rich. Just the saps who were late to the game and want to look like they are playing with the big boys. Hedge Funds were over two years ago when regulations started looking real. To find the next big thing follow the Money seasoned of old money insiders.
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[-]Our dd goes to Brearley and we live on the upper upper east side (120's) and we don't get downtown much anymore. Went to a Karamu celebration at Little Red with some out of town friends (their niece goes there) and was blown away-- SO fun, festive and diverse--it really felt like the school community was coming together and it was such a great mix of people. We have NOTHING like that at Brearley--it made me feel sad. My daughter drummed with a Japanese band and jumped rope with the world champion double dutch team. Is the school as great as it seemed?
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and less aware of anyone else or things that matter in life/world. Brearley girls have major attitude problems.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. The girl who went to Brearley from my dc's preschool was a major brat with parlor trick parents who loved to quiz the kid in LOUD VOICES for all to hear. And, no, I'm not jealous; my kid's erb was higher than hers (only know that because the mom ran around bragging about that, too).
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we wonder about this very thing. Who knows what our options wil be, but we like both B and LREI for very different reasons.
[ Reply | Options ]My LREI kid loves school and is genuinely compassionate and concerned about her community. She took the ERBs last year (LREI administers them in 4th grade--) and her scores were very high. She LOVES to read and reads at a HS level. The school is able to handle both her strengths and weaknesses and she is thriving and never bored. I honestly don't understand why Brearley parents always put LREI down-- I work with a woman with a dd at Brearley -- she is so invested in her school being the "best" and she doesn't miss an opportunity to tell me how weak LREI is academically. Why do B parents care so much???
[ Reply | Options ]np--OP is not putting down Little Red at all. Why don't you recognize the nice things she is saying about your child's school?
[ Reply | Options ]I don't think the poster meant the OP-- I think she meant some subsequent posts. But I gotta say-- my daughter is at VCS and it is true some Brearley parents can be vicious!
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And I am sorry to say it is probably true. I used to be a teacher there and is a lovely school, but academics are not top notch. I think is especially lacking for a very bright child.
[ Reply | Options ]My combined and extended family has alot of experience at a variety of NYC private schools--including Little Red and Brearley. My super smart nephew was at LREI and is in his last year at Yale now-- it was NOT lacking for that bright child! My older daughter loved Brearley but her younger sister hated it (and moved last year to LaGuardia) and would have had a much better academic experience at LREI.
[ Reply | Options ]It sounds like your nephew has done well. I still think the curriculum is weak in some areas. Also, typically there are only one maybe two really bright kids in a class of say 18-20 kids. I think kids need to be challenged by their peers, and have heard many LREI parents of very able kids complain about this.
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Maybe disturbing to private parents. My DD reads at HS level too (3rd grader) and she is in public general education.
[ Reply | Options ]B parents dpon't care so much. It's the parents of kids at schools with inferiority complexes that care so much. My kids are at ECFS but I see this all the time, particularly aimed at Brearley and Collegiate. They're top notch schools academically and otherwise. Whay does that bug you? Your kid can go to Harvard too.
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Well, you as per your own admission, you don't get downtown much and now you obviously see why you should. Be grateful for the education that your child is getting and recognize that school--no matter how great, can't be all things to you. Don't be sad; do your job and get out and expose your child to all the wonderful diversity that a great city like this has to offer.
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[-]which would you give up first? top quality nanny (put kid in daycare), car (but we live in remote neighborhood), cleaning lady, organic, hi quality groceries (we cook 100 percent of time), cable tv/internet/cell phones? trying to make difficult cuts.
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If both you and DH "need" to work just to pay the bills, you're living beyond your means.
[ Reply | Options ]since when was that the standard? it's pretty unheard of for a family these days to survive on one salary in NYC. i work for a not for profit, and the $ i keep after paying the nanny may not be much but it makes all the difference to us.
[ Reply | Options ]It's only "unheard of" in your limited social circle of people who are apparently working overtime to keep up with the Joneses and the Trumps.
[ Reply | Options ]that's insane. i work for a non profit and all my friends do too, or they're in low paying creative fields. that's why we can't survive on one salary. jesus, you are so off base.
[ Reply | Options ]oh and both dh and i work 9-5, which is one reason our salaries are low and we love our jobs.
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he's a lawyer but makes shockingly little. on the other hand he's out the door at 6 pm and doesn't hate his job. i'd rather have him be happy and earning very little than miserable and earning a lot. and i'd rather have a nanny p/t (we both have great p/t work from home deals) than have to stay at home full time, which i found very depressing when i tried it. so it's the $ and the fact that i love my job. any other questions?
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np. i have to say, i really admire people like you who work for others for little pay and the fact that this poster is trying to belittle you for it is just wrong. shame on her.
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that's a myth, actually. the whole double-income, latte-swilling indulgents. because the cost of housing and education (that is, college education and the money it takes to live in a neighborhood with a decent k-12) have risen so insanely since our parents' genration, this is where the money is going. there's a good book on this topic. i'll post a link if you like.
[ Reply | Options ]There's an even better book explaining the fallacy of the two-parent income ... and the trap that parents fall into in this obsessive saving-for-college-for-the-kids culture. Believe it or not, it's not the parents' responsibility to send their kids to college (or to private school, for that matter). That's why God created school loans, work-study programs, and part-time jobs for college students.
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studies prove otherwise, actually. but if it makes you feel good to spout nonsense, rock on.
[ Reply | Options ]What "studies"? The ones you pulled out of your ass to justify living beyond your means? Please. It's simple economics. Live within your means, have a TRUE division of labor at home (one parent works, the other stays home -- mom/dad it doesn't matter), and you won't need to outsource your domestic help.
[ Reply | Options ]honestly, you're the one talking out of your ass. here's a book that cites several of the studies. http://www.amazon.com/Two-Income-Trap-Elizabeth-Warren/dp/0465090907/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232847555&sr=1-1
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um, hello? tell that to the immigrant couple who work as a cleaning lady and a construction worker to pay the bills. you are so clueless.
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those of us with nannies are raising our kids just fine, thanks. isn't there a bible study group you need to attend? or a protest at an abortion clinic?
[ Reply | Options ]Actually you're not. Get rid of the nanny and raise your own kids. There. One major expense down! Clean your own home and get rid of the cleaning lady. Another major expense gone!
[ Reply | Options ]yeah, i would have said that before i got one. turns out all my friends secretly have one too (we're not in finance or anything so it's an unexpected luxury). i feel like this woman has changed my quality of life! i could never, ever find the time to clean this place like she does. and it's a major luxury to have a clean house.
[ Reply | Options ]Stay at home, raise your own kids, and you'll find you have plenty of time not only to clean the house, but pursue other interests as well.
[ Reply | Options ]np:i stay home most of the week with two toddlers and find it very hard to clean a house or do anything but take care of them (which i love)- forget about "pursuing other interests"
[ Reply | Options ]You're apparently not budgeting your time wisely. I raised four kids, stayed at home, took care of all the domestic responsibilities, and earned a law degree in my "spare" time. All of this in an era before computers, email, cell phones, and even microwave ovens. It can be done.
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no, we are. even those of us with f/t nannies spend as many waking hours with our dc as our nanny does. and i can tell you that there are incredibly well-adjusted dcs who were "raised by nannies" in our school and complete nightmares raised by helicopter moms. i realize you need to feel superior because your really think someone who can afford the $300 handbag you can't doesn't deserve to have dcs, but it really doesn't work that way.
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and no one here is talking about sahms with f/t nannies. try to work on those reading comprehension skills when you're not on your santimommy high horse and we'll get back to you next round. thanks for playing.
[ Reply | Options ]Try to work on YOUR reading comprehension: NO NANNIES NECESSARY, EVER -- when you're raising your own kids.
[ Reply | Options ]well, that's your OPINION. which has nothing to do with reading comprehension skills the fact that you think the above post has something to do with sahms with f/t nannies pretty much proves you're a moron. and one who, in her embarrassment, has to indignantly play the sophomoric "i know you are, but what am i??" card.
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I'd choose good daycare over nanny any day--even if I had all the money in the world.
[ Reply | Options ]no such thing as good daycare imo. kennels. might as well park your dc at doggy daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: My dd was taken care of from 8 mo to 5yr by a SAHM with 2 children of her own, one the same age as dd. Rarely had any other kids there. Paid $10/hour. NJ burb btw, in case you think I live in Appalachia. So don't say all daycare is like kennels -- you are talking out of your ass
[ Reply | Options ]np. i would never leave my dc with a sahm with 2 of her own unless she were a gf. i don't see why you think this is so great. even the $10/hour is not all that.
[ Reply | Options ]She has become a great friend. Had great references from many other moms and from the nun at my church. Was an absoluted wonderful set up and since dd is an only child, her dd is like a sister to my dd. I realize that not everyone has the option. Never any outward favoritism towards her dd. In fact, seemed to treat my dd better.
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my kids were at a great daycare, where they had fun, played, socialized and learned that the world did not completely revolve around them. They occasionally had to to wait to "have their needs met". It was the best decision I could ever have made. I have seen too many nannies shopping, texting, chatting, and generally ignoring their children. There are very good nannies, but I wouldn't have traded my daycare experience for anything.
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np We're cutting down, too. The first thing that went was the cleaning lady. Yes, I hate cleaning the house, and I certainly don't vlean as well as she did, but it's a luxury to have a cleaning lady - so, in times of need, you cut out the luxuries! I'd also really look at prices at the grocery store. You can get a week's worth of groceries without it costing a fortune if you make smart choices. As for cable, we only get basic for reception, then do Netflix. Saves a ton of money!
[ Reply | Options ]I would review the finances and see if it is worth to do the nanny part time and day care part time. They usually cost about the same either way. Depending on how old the kids are they can survive in day care. I would get rid of the cleaning lady. How many times does she come? You can do a cleaning service and have them come every other week or once a week. You don't have to cut you have to find better deals. You can also go to costco to buy in bulk every day supplies. and minimize organic when you can.
[ Reply | Options ]You don't have to give up anything. Nannies are so expensive. You can still get top quality childcare for an affordable price by going with an aupair. Aupairs have lots of experience and they are young and energetic but if you go with an agency you can pay only $300ish a week total instead of the outrageous nanny costs. I have been the local coordinator for Cultural Care aupair for 15 years here in NYC. Aupairs are great. Why pay top nanny prices for the same childcare quality. If you want to know more you can reach me. I had auapirs for 7 years and it was the best thing I ever did for my kids. I was still able to afford the cleaning lady, cell phones, 2 cars and private school. call me if you want to talk. 718-667-4104 Donna
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[-]cooking moms: i'm making soup that calls for bacon and what's in the fridge seems like it's spoiled. can i substitute ham?
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[-]what is an appropriate gift to take for chinese new year dinner?
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[-]has anyone else had trouble efiling their taxes. I had trouble with HR BLOCK. They said congress was revising some of the forms, and that they wouldn't be available until February. Problem is, I'm a first time FA applicant, and schools need tax return. WWYD?? TIA
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no for 2009-2010 school year, they requested 2008 tax return. I did submit 2007 to them as well, but I don't want then to turn down application because of absence of 2008 return. I did write a letter to them about what HR BLOCK SAID THOUGH and I included the page from the website re the congress blah blah.
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