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[+] I never went to pre-school OR Kindergarten...but managed to do great in school and go... 14 replies
- You don't have to send him. I agree it's a waste of money if you're a sahm and can spend time with dc, teach him, give him educational experiences, arrange playdates etc. If you work, however, it can be...
- if you're a sahm, just do drop-in classes or find a pre-k alternative. if you're a wohm, find a great daycare with a pre-school curriculum. if you...
Talk : : February 15, 2009
I never went to pre-school OR Kindergarten...but managed to do great in school and go to Columbia...can someone explain to me why I have to pay $13k to send a 3 yo to school. He is well adjusted, follows instruction ans is totally brainy...what would we be missing?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.15.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag ]you don't HAVE to pay this. You have the choice to keep him out of preschool. I personally sent my kids to preschool. They loved being around other kids their age, love the independence they learned and just loved feeling like a big kid. I thought it was worth every penny
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-where i live now i can send him to a phenomenal pre-k (a g&T actually) for $3500. but in ridiculous nyc where we are moving...i have to pay 4x that...this just seem caraazy. i hear of hollingworth and someone recommended it for us, but i bet its also like $15K or something.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but that's the price for private schools in the city..now if you want to pay $3500 then try Epiphany Catholic school in manhattan..that's the price for their 3's class and is supposed to be a good school.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-i'm crap out of luck...i'm jewish :) but thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you can skip pre-school, but if $13k gives you sticker shock, you better look long and hard at your public options for k and beyond. if dc is "brainy," g&t might be an option, but it's not a shoo-in by any means. how is the school you will be zoned for?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-i am not in the city and have my older dc in g&T in my neighborhood that is phenomenal and now my younger dc got accepted into a g&t out here but we want to move back to NYC,..for a million reasons. we are trying to get older one placed in g&t...but younger one I am wondering why bother? i can easily homeschool and in the city the enrichment opps are huge. granted younger dc has been in nursery school since 22mths...
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]enrichment for younger dc shouldn't be a problem. getting older dc into g&t will be difficult. what age?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-i know its tougher w/age..is that why you are asking?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You don't have to send him. I agree it's a waste of money if you're a sahm and can spend time with dc, teach him, give him educational experiences, arrange playdates etc. If you work, however, it can be better than having him with a nanny who doesn't do what you might do yourself. If you have a great nanny who talks with/educates your dc, you're fine. By the way, I didn't go to pre-k or nursery either and ended up at Harvard. And I went to a public, not "tt" high school. Go figure.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what is the great publia school in tribeca and does it have a g&t? doe sit have a good music & art program? how about phys ed?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ps234 is widely considered to be one of the best if not the best public in the city. it does not have a g&t (the history of g&ts is that they were put in schools that served dcs from the projects in order to prevent white flight; no projects in tribeca, hence no g&t). that said, tribeca is going through some changes. there are two new schools being built, and you won't necessarily get your first choice. i don't know anything about the music and art programs specifically; they're probably fine. phys ed is generally once a week in public schools. you should also check out ps150, an unzoned school in tribeca you would get priority for. gl.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-thanks sooo much!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if you're a sahm, just do drop-in classes or find a pre-k alternative. if you're a wohm, find a great daycare with a pre-school curriculum. if you don't want to spend $13k, you don't have to. but do try to find a way to make sure dc hones his socialization skills before k.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Why is it so hard for me to decide whether or not to try to have another dc? My dh wa... 16 replies
- exactly. we could make it work financially. would just mean not taking vacations, going out, buying clothes etc. I'm a sahm and not a spendthrift but I do enjoy doing things and it would definitely be hard, at least until I returned to work. But I do love kids and dh is a fantastic Dad. I'm also afraid of not being able to give as much attention to...
Talk : : February 15, 2009
Why is it so hard for me to decide whether or not to try to have another dc? My dh wants another, but financially, I'm not sure it makes sense. I also want to go back to work eventually, and another dc puts it off for a few years. But I'm running out of time to decide. Any btdt's?
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.15.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag ]money comes and goes.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so do you think you should make the decision irregardless of the money issue?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]to a certain degree, yes.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what's the degree? ;)
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]obviously that's where the real question is. i guess i just think people sometimes need to differentiate between a lifestyle change and really not being able to afford something. i think this op realizes it b/c she didn't say "we can't afford it" she said she's not sure if it makes sense. so i think she just needs to go the extra step and acknowledge it's a question of her wanting to change her lifestyle rather than a question of being able to manage it financially. or maybe i'm totally off base and reading her all wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]exactly. we could make it work financially. would just mean not taking vacations, going out, buying clothes etc. I'm a sahm and not a spendthrift but I do enjoy doing things and it would definitely be hard, at least until I returned to work. But I do love kids and dh is a fantastic Dad. I'm also afraid of not being able to give as much attention to other dcs.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
"regardless" of the financial question - doing what is best for you is ultimately what is best for the whole family.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what does "best" mean? it's so easy to twist that into whatever you want.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is what is best then. tricky huh?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Regardless. Irregardless isn't a word.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]irregardless not a word!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Since the prefix ir- means "not" (as it does in irrespective), and the suffix -less means "without," irregardless is a double negative and is regarded as nonstandard. As such, it is to be avoided, in favor of irrespective or regardless.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think this is a constant question..esp. to us moms who are a little older. I said to let's leave it up to fate..if we are meant to have another I will get pg. I did..now I have 3 kids. GL
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]how old were you when you had the 3rd? And are you leaving it up to fate for a 4th too?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just had my 3rd 3 months ago and I'm almost 41yr. I'm not leaving it up to fate anymore. DH is getting snipped. 3 is enough esp. in our small apt. GL
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We're "stuck", too. Have 2 DC and can't decide about #3. $ is an issue for us (for me, especially -- DH isn't into "stuff" and more budgeting wouldn't be a big deal to him). I turn 40 in the spring and feel as though the clock is ticking (and I'd hate to decide that it's a go and then have trouble TTC). I keep setting deadlines (#2's 1st b-day, the spring, etc.) and then pushing them back -- but I'm also not ready to say "done".
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] what do we need to have in our apartment in terms of space/rooms if we want to have a... 115 replies
- ita, i was a nanny and now a SAHM - never had a BF stay over when I was a nanny - totally inappropriate...
Talk : : February 14, 2009
what do we need to have in our apartment in terms of space/rooms if we want to have a live in nanny?
115 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.14.09, 05:13 PM [ Flag ]bedroom/bathroom of her own
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lots of nannies share bath w dcs
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if i were a nanny i would hate this...
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]probably one of the reason why you aren't a nanny
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if possible, a small sitting room
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not necessary
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is if you don't want nanny lounging around YOUR living space with her guests during her off-hours.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, what does your nanny do when she is not working?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He goes home.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]okay well I guess I should say "live-in nanny"
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Frankly, I can't imagine why anyone would require a live-in nanny. Seriously, if your kids are THAT much of an inconvenience to you, you should have given them up for adoption.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is an odd thing to say
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Np. Why odd? I was wondering the same thing.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not only is it odd, it is rude and presumptuous that the or knows the op's situation
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
well, our situation has just come about, dh travels a lot for his job and I have an elderly parent that I have been flying back and forth for PLUS long hours at work...none of this was planned, but I can't sah right now, so this seems like a better option than dropping the kids off with friends every weekend
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]probably the best reason i have seen on these boards to have a live-in person
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And perhaps the ONLY reason.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sure there are others, besides, it can be a perk for a young person if a job offers housing especially in manhattan
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita, if the employers are nice, then the housing can be a perk
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]"Housing in Manhattan" is not a perk if it's a tiny bedroom behind the laundry room a la Mrs. X's apartment. NO privacy, and you're expected to be on call 24/7, so NO LIFE. Yeah, THAT's attractive to a young person.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nanny diaries is not real life
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]From the sounds of this board, it certainly is real-life.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, to someone who is looking for a job with housing, it is a good deal
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]"Housing", not "caging".
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]shut up
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yessm'!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
does your nanny have guests over?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why wouldn't she?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess I never thought about it
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My point exactly. So sad that you people don't realize that a nanny is not an appliance. She's a PERSON. She has a LIFE outside of work. She needs space. She needs time. She needs friends. And yes, she needs occasionally to get FUCKED.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hahaha viscous...geez, I don't have a nanny at all, so I wouldn't really know, but I don't think if I were a nanny I would feel comfortable having friends over and getting fucked in my bedroom located in my employers residence!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Would it be more comfortable out in the hallway? Or maybe out in the street? How about Central Park? In the back of a cab? Where else but in one's HOME would it be more comfortable?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sure the fuckee has a bedroom somewhere
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's not the point. At some point there will be sleepovers. And if he's not sleeping there, she WON'T be there in the morning when the kids get up.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If I had a live in nanny, I wouldn't think it appropriate for her to have overnight visitors!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and I don't think I would want a random guy in my house when my kids woke up...if I wanted to run a college dorm, then I would run one!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA ITA ITA
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why would you think this? It's HER HOME ... just as much as any company-subsidized housing provided to your family if DH were relocated overseas.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry, not to sound like some sort of "service dependent" person, but we had a nanny growing up and she never had guests over. this is unprofessional and is inappropriate. we do not have a live-in but if we did, I would not want them to have guests over either!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]By providing only a bed and a bath, it IS a dorm. There's a fine line to walk when you house your domestic help, and if you're going to take that step, you have to have the resources and the patience to allow them to live like human beings, not appliances. If you don't have the resources or the personal disposition, you're not in a position to employ live-in help.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wrong, if DH were staying in his employers home while he worked there I would not expect him to have people sleeping over and coming in and out with his employers children in the house
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTTA. They're people, not slaves.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry but part of choosing this career is that there are certain sacrifices that go a long with it. if she wants to have her own apartment and have guests over then she should not apply for live in positions, reputable agencies would train the nannies to follow certain professional standards
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Slavery standards, you mean.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]being a nanny is not the same as a slave, geez, what is your problem!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Denying people the right to do what they want in their off-hours is, in fact, slavery.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Right. The nanny can fuck whoever she wants. That doesn't mean she can bring her sex partner into her employer's HOME!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]According to the laws of New York State, if room and board are part of a domestic's compensation, it's HIS or HER HOME too.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Link to where it says that means nanny can have overnight guests?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^Lawyer here. This is absolutely true. All the more reason why people really should proceed with caution before employing any live-in help. And another wrinkle: once you set up a live-in situation, you become a landlord, subject to state and local RENTAL laws. So even if you fire the nanny, you still will likely have to go through normal eviction proceedings to get her to leave, which can take up to 90 days.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this still does not mean that a domestic service worker can have guests hanging out on their employers' couch watching tv, a rotating door of boys/girls sleeping over or any other behavior along those lines...it is not appropriate...if you don't like it, don't take the job and don't hire a live in
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actually, legally it DOES mean a domestic service worker can do all this, since it's now THEIR home as well as the employers -- unless otherwise stated in a formal lease.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I want to see a link, because everything that I have read says this is a conversation and an agreement between the nanny and the employer
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't have a link ... I'm a lawyer ... this is my own personal knowledge. If you want to verify, contact your own lawyer or do your own homework.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]congrats on your law degree
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita, i was a nanny and now a SAHM - never had a BF stay over when I was a nanny - totally inappropriate
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
something we made sure we had was a little mini-fridge/microwave like you would see in a hotel in her room...I thought this was something that most people wouldn't think of, but that I would want
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's a good idea
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did you let her eat the scraps off your plates once they were sent back to the kitchen, or was she expected to bring her own Ramen Noodles?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nope, we thought that this would be helpful since it is possible that our nanny would not want to eat all the same foods as us and if she wanted a late night snack she could have one at her leisure without having to go out to the kitchen and see us and kids when she is off
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
most agencies require her own bedroom/bathroom
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She needs her own bedroom. You need two bathrooms, she can share with the kids, but it is too much to ask to share with you too, IMO
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
we are totally not in the market for anyone to live in, but this is so interesting to me, when the nanny is off hours, do they just hang out in their bedroom? Or do they walk into the kitchen and get a gallon of ice cream for nights when they want to watch a movie and veg out?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hahaha...its not really their home, so they don't really do the same things that you would do in your home. it is an odd situation if you haven't had anyone live in before
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we disagree...we have told our nanny that it is her home and we want her to feel that way. although we know people that have said exactly the opposite, that it is not her home and not to act as though it is
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And those are the people who end up with resentful nannies who end up stealing from them because they never treated her with the minimal amount of respect deserved by every person.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes. Nannies should be able to have their fuck buddies over anytime they like; it's a human right!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTTTA!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I take it from the schrews on this board that those poor nannies are expected to stay in their cages like hamsters until the next morning, when they're let out for work.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]haha! I know, this is what I am picturing
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's like Alice from the Brady Bunch! Now there's a domestic servant who knew her place! She put herself away every night in her windowless room behind the laundry room the the obedient appliance she was!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hahahahaha
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
this is why we put the mini-fridge in there (see above)
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oooh! A mini-fridge makes living in a one-room cell SO much more attractive. Did you put a little treadmill in there for her, too?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]get over it
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
definitely two entrances so that you don't have people popping in your main entrance at all hours of the night when she/he is off
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if op is in nyc, this might not be an option
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]some old, old apartments have "service entrances" that are basically back doors
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If OP can afford a live-in nanny, she can afford a residence with the proper facilities for the live-in. If she can't, she's a bit out of her league.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: we have, in our current apt., what was marketed as a room for a housekeeper with a very small bathroom. I feel like we should have a sitting room for her and yes, I agree on the entrance, but for her conveinence
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^we have an extra bedroom that we could convert, but since this will probably not be a long term arrangement, I wanted to see what others are doing before we start knocking down walls!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just because it was "marketed" for a housekeeper doesn't mean it's a humane arrangement. For god's sake, you make it sound like a broom closet for the Kirby!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, its not and i don't make it sound that way, i just said we were willing to remodel to create a sitting room/her own space and the bathroom is small, yes, but it is private and probably just as big as most bathrooms in regular one bedrooms in manhattan
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She absolutely did not make it sound like a broom closet. She's trying very hard to do the right thing, stop harassing her.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]there seems to be one completely anti-nanny/anti-live in help on here that is very concerned about a nanny's right to sex
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Honestly, people ... if you're going to have live-in help, you need to treat the "help" like individuals they are. Take it from someone who's been employing live-ins for close to 30 years now. Fact: your nannies are young women who WILL have sex ... most likely, at some time, in your home. Yes, in the same home as your kids. It's no big deal ... I'm assuming sex is already going on in your homes now, is it not? Or there wouldn't be kids! Either you provide the live-in nanny/cook/maid/butler/governess/footman/manservant with their own PRIVATE quarters (a large windowed closet off the kitchen -- even with its own "bathroom" -- while appropriate in an earlier era when household help were not even considered to be full citizens or even worthy of their own opinions -- is totally unacceptable in today's more enlightened and civilized society), or you don't have live-in help. Period. Not allowing your help to enjoy the rights and privileges of personhood in today's society, including leisure time, the freedom to do what they want during that leisure time, and full privacy is a sure recipe for setting yourself up for a future of revolving-door nannies who burn out quickly -- at best. At worst, you'll end up with resentful nannies who'll steal from you or do damage to the apartment. Either way, you're creating a situation in which even the most dedicated nanny will be preoccupied with planning her next move out of the the little prison you've created for her, distracting her from her real job, which is to watch and guide your children! Is that really what you want for your kids?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm not sure if you are being snarky or serious...but we are certainly not offering a large windowed closet with a "bathroom"...
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^worth of their own opinions, is totally unacceptable in today's more enlightened and civilized society), or you don't employ live-in help. Period. Either way, not allowing your help the opportunity to have a life outside of work (and the space and privacy in which to do it) is only setting yourself and your family up for a constant revolving door of burned-out and burned-UP nannies who at best will end up resenting and stealing from you, and at worst neglecting your children.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I disagree, it is unacceptable for a nanny to have overnight guests. On her time off, she is welcome to go where ever she wants, but ultimately it is the home of her employer and the person should be respectful of this fact. If the nanny is not comfortable with this arrangement then they do not have to take the job.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Read above, hon. Ultimately, if room and board are part of her compensation, she's now a TENANT in your home, with all the legal rights that any other tenant under state and local rental laws enjoys.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]source, please?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm the lawyer from above. Find your own source. My source is my 25 years of experience. Do your own homework.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my homework has not been able to uncover any of the information that you have shared on here tonight, which is why I am interested in knowing where to look
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ideally, if you trust your nanny with your kids, you'd also trust the people she brings into your home.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you want your boss to know every time you hook up with someone?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]when you were younger and in sleep over mode, do you think you always chose people that you would want around your kids today
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. And if the nanny is sharing a bathroom with your kids, how does it work when her sex partner is taking a shower or taking a pee and a child walks in. Honestly can't see that domestics are allowed to have whoever they want over whenever they like under the law.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]they can't...there is no law that says that
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]true, the laws that exists ensure time off and uninterrupted sleep...also, you are not a renter if you have a live in person, technically, you pay them in salary AND room and board
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^sorry, I meant landlord
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you develop house rules as a part of the contract
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have no idea what that "lawyer" was talking about but they can't have who ever they want over, it is not considered their house in the eyes of the law...the room is part of their compensation package
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not true. Not OP lawyer mom, but lawyer DH here. The law is grey in this area, but leans more towards the "tenant", e.g., the domestic. Unless you write it into a contract, he or she is, in fact, a tenant, protected under the NYS and NYC rental laws.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]WRONG WRONG WRONG
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Granny?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, 30 years? have you been employing help since you were like 20 years old?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Another enjoyable and ridiculous nanny thread which has clearly been taken over by one crazy nanny! And the so-called lawyer, of course. Anyone who hires a professional live-in nanny does so with a work agreement which clearly specifies lots of the issues above, including overnight guests. No one allows a live in nanny to have overnight guests at will. Sorry, this just doesn't happen in 99% of live-in situations. No responsible parent would allow random men/women to be coming through their home and have the kids see that, not to mention the safety issues. So everyone I know with a live-in, including myself, makes it clear during the interview process that this is not allowed and professional nannies understand this. I've also had au pairs and same goes for them. In Manhattan a room and bathroom shared with kids are standard. Anything more is great, but unusual. However, the pay for a live-in is also not much lower than a live-out nanny so they do reap a true $ benefit by being a live-in. Also, no one I know expects their live-in nanny or au pair to be "on call 24/7." Every decent employer clearly outlines a maximum weekly hours for the salary and provides a schedule. Hours above this are paid overtime or otherwise compensated. Employing a live-in is not most families' first choice, just as being a live-in is not usually the first choice for most nannies. It is usually a 1-2 year situation for most families and nannies due to everyone knowing the compromises involved. But their are also benefits for both parties and if the work agreement is clear, well-designed, comprehensive, and adhered to by employer/employee, a live-in nanny situation is not inherently an evil thing for anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 10:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I've also had au pairs and same goes for them. In Manhattan a room and bathroom shared with kids are standard. Anything more is great, but unusual. However, the pay for a live-in is also not much lower than a live-out nanny so they do reap a true $ benefit by being a live-in. Also, no one I know expects their live-in nanny or au pair to be "on call 24/7." Every decent employer clearly outlines a maximum weekly hours for the salary and provides a schedule. Hours above this are paid overtime or otherwise compensated. Employing a live-in is not most families' first choice, just as being a live-in is not usually the first choice for most nannies. It is usually a 1-2 year situation for most families and nannies due to everyone knowing the compromises involved. But their are also benefits for both parties and if the work agreement is clear, well-designed, comprehensive, and adhered to by employer/employee, a live-in nanny situation is not inherently an evil thing for anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 10:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^It is usually a 1-2 year situation for most families and nannies due to everyone knowing the compromises involved. But their are also benefits for both parties and if the work agreement is clear, well-designed, comprehensive, and adhered to by employer/employee, a live-in nanny situation is not inherently an evil thing for anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 10:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] So I have a 3yo and am thinking of not sending him to preschool next year - he has be... 14 replies
- classic obsessive sahm who is already overly invested in dc's success at age 3....
Talk : : February 14, 2009
So I have a 3yo and am thinking of not sending him to preschool next year - he has been in Montessori since 20mths old and I think that between taking a music class at Dillard (1x/wk), doing a math/reading enrichment class like Kumon (2x/week), and doing some art classes through museums (& 92nd st Y)(1x/wk), and a sport program + home enrichment...he will be in fabulous shape. I estimated this would run me about $450/mo. Any downsides? I don't work.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.14.09, 09:02 AM [ Flag ]he's going to zoned public - I'm guessing? You only need a preschool if you apply to privates. The only downside is he might freak-out in the huge (25 DCs) K class, if he's not used in big group setting
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-he already tested and was accepted to a school for gifted pre-schoolers...so I hoping for G&T citywide/Hunter/or district G&T
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did you decide you didn't have the $ for Hollingworth after testing? Even if your child enjoys structured math/reading, KUMON is just so parent driven. I too, parent a couple of exceptionally active, bright kids and find Kumon a terrible choice of enrollment. If they like the workbooks, get some at B&N or online but why not invest in NY Hall of Science,WCS,AMNH memberships and spend lots of time in the library and on field trips with them. Pre-k is great for kids that go on to public or private K-whatever. It's a nice progression to the real school/social life ahead.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 10:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np. curious: how do they test 3 y/os to determine if they are gifted?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The downside is what sounds like a lack of sufficient time for unstructured socialization, but that could also be a problem in some preschools fwiw.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-playground.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i guess you have all the answers!
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The playground is wonderful, but it's not the same as regular blocks of time to socialize with the same group of dc. Both are important. I don't think dc it's a huge downside, though.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Preschool is about learning to function in a group, make friends and listening to directions from teachers. I think going to the same preschool with the same teachers and kids each day is a better experience than schlepping the kid all over town to lots of different settings/situations/people.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]kumon for a 4 y/o? i think the downside is that he has a freak for a mom.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]classic obsessive sahm who is already overly invested in dc's success at age 3.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what does "fabulous shape" mean, exactly? ready for harvard? honestly, you sound more than a little psycho.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op-you know what I mean, and you are saying this b/c it makes you feel good to sound snarky on UB...your life is probably in part defined by random meaningless little wins that exist only in your head. wish you well.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 03:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Sorry to interupt all the school posts. Anyone ever feel like you and DH aren't a go... 29 replies
- that is what i am thinking. i know we both love each other deeply, i just think we have lost that common ground. we are living differnt lives yet under the same roof. i am a sahm non, he work a high stress job and is job focused. it is just so sad to me....
Talk : : February 13, 2009
Sorry to interupt all the school posts. Anyone ever feel like you and DH aren't a good fit any more? I am starting to feel like dh and I are so different. Dir up bringing, different opinions, expectations, different emotionally. Makes me so incredibly sad. Don't know what to do. Counceling?
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.13.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag ]But sometimes differences can enrich a relationship. Look at it that way.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How long did you date? How long have you been married?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]dated 5 years, married 7
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What went wrong? How could the both of you have changed so much?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we are from such diff upbringings. never was an issue, think kids changed that. he has become work crazed, I have entered momdom. we do love each other. we just have diff views and both seem intolerant of each others perspectives. it is so sad to me. i do love him so much, he is so good and kind, i just feel are on and are living in such different worlds right now. what would you recommend?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i feel my dh has changed since gaining career success and becoming "the boss". he used to be so easygoing, never lost his temper, and now he is SO type A, uptight, with a short fuse
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^and i feel the same way you do, together 15 years
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i agree, thinks his stuff is so important and mine now. sad but true.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hmm, for me it's more of a personality change in dh
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^doesn't he appreciate you raising dcs and taking care of so much at home?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
wow, i could have written this post exactly.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
people change
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i agree. yet what do you do w/ 2 kids. i love him, just we are so different now.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think you need to gently talk to him about it, usually when one person feels a certain way, guaranteed the other does, too. the longer the silence the worse it will get. i feel like you can work through it
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How long have you been together? How many kids?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]12 yrs total, 7 married, 2 kids.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's a long time. I actually think it's a natural feeling. It just takes work to come back to common ground.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If there's love there it's worth trying to find the common ground. A therapist (a good one that comes recomended) might be a good start.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is what i am thinking. i know we both love each other deeply, i just think we have lost that common ground. we are living differnt lives yet under the same roof. i am a sahm non, he work a high stress job and is job focused. it is just so sad to me.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He may be jealous of you because of that. Does he snap at you when you ask him about work and say you wouldn't understand?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you have to make some space. talk to him. go to a movie with him. just try to do stuff and not think about it so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]a movie is so not important. no talking etc. might as well go to bed early
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
am in the same boat, married 6 1/2 yrs, 2 kids. we are totally incompatible...
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]how so? what are you doing about it? are you trying to make things work? at what age did you meet?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we met when i was a freshman in college, we dated a bit but lost touch and reconnected when i was about 25, i guess he was 28; i think we both know that aren't a great fit, but the kids are just so important to us and they are really what holding us together. i mean, he's a really good dad, we both work and things are so hectic. i know we need to work on our relationship, but we have no time/energy
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just curious. dh and i met when i was 20, he was 21, married at 25/26. we love each other, but things changes, life changes.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, things change, but it's good that you know how much you both love each other (i don't know if that's true for me...). you should see a counselor and work it out. take a vacation without the kids, reconnect...
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we did this summer and it was amazing. we had a great time and felt like we were in college again. i think life's stressed push us apart in "real life" we do love each other, but are just so different. how does one go about finding a good councelor? i feel that is reallyw aht we need
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]good question, when you find one let me know bc we need counseling more that you guys! sounds like getting away together worked, though. how 'bout weekly date nights?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 07:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My husband was laid off 7 months ago when his company saw the way the economic situat... 6 replies
- I know you are surprised, but many of my sahm friends make it on 50,000 year in Calif....
Talk : : February 13, 2009
My husband was laid off 7 months ago when his company saw the way the economic situation was gonna go. Anyway he wasn't making that much money anyway. It allowed me to stay home (which I love) but we were always struggling. It's been almost 2 years of struggling with 1 dd also. Recently he was offered a very good job that pays $50k a year (we live in California). We won't be struggling as much and I can stay home with dd and not worry about money, which will be nice. He says it sounds like a great job and he's really interested in stepping out in a new field. However, he doesn't even seem excited and this puzzles me? When he got his last job he was over the moon and it didn't pay nearly what we needed. Should it bother me that he doesn't seem excited or will that come in time when he starts training and getting more involved with the company?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.13.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag ]I would cut him a little slack. At least he found a job!
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where in CA do you live that 50K is enough?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know you are surprised, but many of my sahm friends make it on 50,000 year in Calif.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am cutting him slack because I love him but I think deep down maybe he doesn't think he can do it, he's just saying it because he knows how excited I am at the prospect of not struggling anymore. We've been struggling for such a long time. I live in a tiny town in Southern CA but my husband and I are not high-maintenance luxury people. We are happy with just a little extra to go do things and be able to afford the stuff we need but we really don't require a lot. Just being together and being a family is what makes us happy so extra stuff is just that...extra. We don't own a house so that's probably why but we are happy where we are and I know it sounds sappy but we just want a little extra to not struggle but be able to buy the things we need.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't get it - he just doesn't want to work? Who would provide the income?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He is dying to work but I'm afraid that he thinks he can't do it, even though he tells me he can. He is stepping into a completely new field, one he has no experience in. He has always been into computers - he can build them, repair them, fix them, etc. but this field is new and even though he says he can do it I'm wondering if he's worried about stepping into a new field, knowing that dd and I are trusting him to provide for us.
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Would you rather your DC end up professionally "successful" by typical American stand... 8 replies
- but I disagree with your premise. My husband is absolutely and undeniably both. I, myself, am pretty much only stable and happy at this point after 8+ years as a SAHM (and after many years before that wherein I could probably have been considered professionally "successful" but not so happy). Thus, I know first-hand which one's the key :-)...
Talk : : February 12, 2009
Would you rather your DC end up professionally "successful" by typical American standards, or emotionally stable and happy? Since the two rarely go hand in hand, which one would you pick if you had to choose for your dc?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 03:13 PM [ Flag ]emotionally stable and happy.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Stable and happy ... but I disagree with your premise. My husband is absolutely and undeniably both. I, myself, am pretty much only stable and happy at this point after 8+ years as a SAHM (and after many years before that wherein I could probably have been considered professionally "successful" but not so happy). Thus, I know first-hand which one's the key :-)
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I totally agree- it isn't a zero-sum game... you can have both!
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i love this post, and you are one lucky woman.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 04:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It's like beauty and brains: often but not always mutually exclusive. I want both and have only the latter. Oh well.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess it's beauty? You don't sound too brainy.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why do you think they rarely go hand in hadn. All of my professionally succesful friends are happy and stable.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am really rethinking $20K a year for preschool. Tell me again why it is worth the e... 18 replies
- It isn't. Especially with a sahm in nyc....
Talk : : February 12, 2009
I am really rethinking $20K a year for preschool. Tell me again why it is worth the expense.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag ]It costs more to employ a legal nanny!
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm a SAHM.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, much of it is the socialization. Frankly, if you are a motivated om willing to educate herself about fruitful developmental activities for dcs then keep dc at home until 3 or 4 yo.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not motivated I must confess.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There are cheaper preschools.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah but no guarantees you'll get in. So what if DC gets into more expensive school?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
otherwise your kid will be stuck going to public school, which will mean mingling with riff raff, drug addiction, teen pregnancy, dropping out of high school, and then getting a position at wal-mart
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or worseworking in porn
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It is not, kid DO NOT need preschool. It is not until recently that kids go to preschool at all.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you reckon that if you went to preschool you'll have better composed that sentence?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]probably, just reread it and realized how it is really poorly written.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My my very unusual reply on UB.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You're basically paying $20K for an elementary school admissions consultant. Which is really shocking when you think about it that way.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]More than $20k if you go multiple years.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It isn't. Especially with a sahm in nyc.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you are Catholic try catholic school prek, there is a bit of religious instruction but it is limited (due to kids' attention span) and prek 5 days a week (anywhere from 3-6 hrs/day) is between $5000-6500 per year.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Name "ongoing" school that you attended and what your profession is today. 36 replies
- Chapin- Proud SAHM...
- Hewitt/sahm (but was in marketing)...
- I know several Chapin grads: writers, teachers, lawyers, painters, sahm's, business execs, journalists...
Talk : : February 12, 2009
Name "ongoing" school that you attended and what your profession is today.
36 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag ]Chapin/Education
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]St. B's/Andover - consulting
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Trinity/M.D.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hewitt. Teacher.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]St. Bernard's/Milton - Broker
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Trinity - Not for profit.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Brearley: Architect
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dalton: Dilettante living off my trust fund
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow, the shutouts are posting already?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Chapin- Proud SAHM
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Friends- Neurologist
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]spence - writer
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ECFS - Equity analyst
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ECFS - Staff Developer for schools.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hewitt/sahm (but was in marketing)
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Collegiate/Bronx Scince - Computer design
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Trinity/Lawyer
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Chapin/lawyer/writer
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Brearley/community activist
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Spence / Handjobs to UN Diplomats
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hahaah
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Trinity- Minister
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Brearley - writer
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Horace Mann - Non-profit
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]St Ann's / Piercing advisor
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]St. Ann's/Casting Director
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Collegiate/consultant
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know of several Collegiate/photographer/set designer/club owner/actor/ mba's/writers
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know several Chapin grads: writers, teachers, lawyers, painters, sahm's, business execs, journalists
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dalton -- journalist
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Public school in Western Pennsylvania -- journalist too.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP asked, I answered. Why'd you write back?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Huh?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Packer/College Professor
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Stuy/Prof
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 03:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dalton- Entertainer
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] how many pairs of jeans is it reasonable for a SAHM mom to own? 3 replies
- 0 - a SAHM should only be wearing lounging pants and sweats. Why would she need any jeans at all?...
Talk : : February 12, 2009
how many pairs of jeans is it reasonable for a SAHM mom to own?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 05:12 AM [ Flag ]In the economy? 3.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think I have 5 that I like wearing. 3 to wear with flats, 2 for heels.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]0 - a SAHM should only be wearing lounging pants and sweats. Why would she need any jeans at all?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] dh didn't get laid off today, but he got a reduction in pay. i wonder how much. we ca... 13 replies
- i have been looking for a job since october. sahm for 5 years and it's tough right now for some people...
Talk : : February 11, 2009
dh didn't get laid off today, but he got a reduction in pay. i wonder how much. we can barely make ends meet now!!!!! i need to get a job:(
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag ]Wonder? He's your DH, ask him.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he's not home from work yet. he just called this afternoon to tell me the news. he left this morning thinking he might get laid off, so it's actually good news in the grand scheme of things i guess. unless they chop his salary in half or something. he only makes &85k now as it is!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't get it. Call dh on his cell or office phone and get 'the low down'. I too need a job after the layoff at my job. Thankfully my dh makes enough to carry our HHE for a while.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]calm down. he'll be home in 30 mins or so!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am calm. No need for that tone. I'm just saying that I wouldn't have waited all day to get the answers WE need to survive financially...I would have been a mess. But more power to you for waiting so long.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he was at work so couldn't really talk about it
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And he couldn't talk during lunch? Sounds fishy. I would brace myself for the news if I were you.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you mean you could have been working but weren't??
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i have been looking for a job since october. sahm for 5 years and it's tough right now for some people
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
that sucks, I'm sorry!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Most families aren't making what they did last year.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm well aware of that. we are lucky that he still has his job. we've just been trying to play catch up for a few years and next month would have been the month we finally did it. now it's back to budgeting and me looking for a job that i can't find!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yikes. i hope it's not too bad. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] If I were a sahm, I'd feel guilty about cheating dh out of an opportunity to spend as... 5 replies
Talk : : February 11, 2009
If I were a sahm, I'd feel guilty about cheating dh out of an opportunity to spend as much time with the kids. He'd have to work longer hours to support all of us.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 10:50 AM [ Flag ]I am a WOHM mom who hates this debate. Wouldn't he feel guilty about denying you a career?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Perhaps that too.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not if he makes lots and lots of money without putting in extra hours!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]True, if neither of us had to work particularly hard and still had tons of money, that would be okay.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not just okay- awesome
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] do you think it's inevitable to want more out of life than being a sahm? i am a sahm... 5 replies
- i'm a SAHM with 2 (been home for 8 years)...
Talk : : February 11, 2009
do you think it's inevitable to want more out of life than being a sahm? i am a sahm & i am content. i have 3 dcs. youngest is 1. do you think i'll regret being a sahm someday? i recently read something about this. i have been a sahm for 8 yrs. now.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag ]Your children are young and home for such a short period of time. Life is long. You will have time to do many things.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't think its inevitable. some people are really happy running a home and a family. i also think that as your kids get older, yu may change your mind, which is fine.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]WOHM and I envy you. Cherish it.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm a SAHM with 2 (been home for 8 years) ... and i'm right there with you. i can't imagine being happier, and i consider myself very fortunate to have this time with my kiddos.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I love nothing more than spending every moment with my beautiful daughter and wouldn't trade it for anything.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Just a rant... WOHM with FT Nanny who has to miss a day next week and none of our bac... 8 replies
- Do you know any sahms who could take him? I would do it for a friend in a heartbeat....
Talk : : February 11, 2009
Just a rant... WOHM with FT Nanny who has to miss a day next week and none of our back-up dc-care options available. I will have to miss work for a day- what a killer!
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag ]howold is your child?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]FT wohm here as well--so enjoying the day off with your kids doesn't sound like a nice treat for you?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Would LOVE the time with him (9m) but it is not great for me to miss work in this environment...
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you know any sahms who could take him? I would do it for a friend in a heartbeat.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how about you miss half the day and dad misses half?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that is what we will end up doing. Okay, venting over. Thanks :)
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]GL!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you've got some time...no family members or prehaps friends with a nanny that can maybe handle yours for the day? Or does the nanny know anyone that she trusts?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am so bored! I wish I could find a job!! Not that i need the income, just from shea... 15 replies
- hardly. we just don't have any debt so we can still afford one income. but, i've been a sahm for 5 years and i'm over it!...
Talk : : February 11, 2009
I am so bored! I wish I could find a job!! Not that i need the income, just from shear boredom. Kids are in school (1 dc kinder, other 3days preschool) and i need something to keep me busy. i volunteer as it is, but it's not enough
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag ]sounds like a high class problem.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]hardly. we just don't have any debt so we can still afford one income. but, i've been a sahm for 5 years and i'm over it!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^also, i don't have the money to go to lunch & the spa/salon or shop all day!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what volunteering do you do?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]help at dc's school. probably about 5 hrs a week. leaves me with too much time on my hands only to do laundry/clean house
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there are many more volunteer opportunities. or you can take a class, or teach yourself something. if i were you i'd cook all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and get fat? no thanks! besides, cooking is solo - i need more stimulation and interaction with people. taking a class might be an option, but knowing me it'll probably not fit into my schedule
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i didn't say bake, i said cook. you don't need to make high fat foods. and you will never know if a class can work for you unless you look around.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'll look around. cooking is something i was into before and the novelty has worn off
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you're bored, you're boring. What do you love to do?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i keep myself busy, but it's hard finding a job after being out of work for so long. plus, can't do full-time yet
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe not even work. take a class, attend lectures, other volunteer opportunities available doing something you love.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i am in the same boat as you, lost my job in june, haven't looked for a new one bc starting ivf next month, dh doesn't really want me to work, i would love to hear some volunteer options....just finished real estate course, maybe another course would be good...suggestions welcome...
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 09:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Have you ever tried any of the interest or personality inventories. This is an online like the Myers Briggs. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Move to a burb in Conneticut or move to Park SLope? are there any good schools in par... 4 replies
- uh, no, Park Slope is the ghetto. SAHMs don't even have nannies there....
- We lived in PS for 20 years and contrary to the ridiculous post above there are all kinds of people in PS. I was SAHM for awhile with a Nanny. We left for...
Talk : : February 10, 2009
Move to a burb in Conneticut or move to Park SLope? are there any good schools in park slope?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.10.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag ]There are a few now. The main one, PS321(?) is crowded but well respected/liked. The little one by the library on 6th Ave is great but not well known. Check out Inside Schools.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]uh, no, Park Slope is the ghetto. SAHMs don't even have nannies there.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We lived in PS for 20 years and contrary to the ridiculous post above there are all kinds of people in PS. I was SAHM for awhile with a Nanny. We left for
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 03:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^Bedford and never looked back. PS became suffocating and old houses are just that.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] For a family of 4 (dd and ds), would you choose a 2 BR walk-up near dc's school or a ... 23 replies
- If you are a SAHM, I would live near the school. If you are a WOHM, I'd send dcs on the bus...
Talk : : February 10, 2009
For a family of 4 (dd and ds), would you choose a 2 BR walk-up near dc's school or a larger apartment with more amenities in a different (and not as nice) nabe (dc would take the bus)?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.10.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag ]What are the two neighborhoods?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]UWS or Washington Heights/Inwood
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]def UWS. don't go to WH/Inwood!
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why do you say this? what do you know about wahi?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 11:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Then I would go for the larger apt in Wash Hts. Where in Wash Hts though?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not sure. Still checking out the neighborhood.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how not as nice is the nabe?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Walk-up near school. Commuting with dcs is terrible! We did it for 3 months and finally changed schools. Everyone was miserable.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dc could take the school bus, so commute is not the issue
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It depends on how far dc has to take the school bus
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you are a SAHM, I would live near the school. If you are a WOHM, I'd send dcs on the bus
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I'd do the one closer to school. Commuting stinks, and if you can avoid it, it'd make your life easier.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The school bus from Washington Hts to the UWS isn't bad
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
A commute is not just your dc getting on a bus--everything becomes more difficult for your child. Playdates, afterschool activities, you attending/picking up child if sick. Nope. Close to school is the best choice.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think as the economy worsens you will be safer and happier on the UWS. I think the fringe nabes will get more dangerous and wholly less desirable. a 2br/2ba should be fine for now and maybe prices will go down more and you will get something bigger in the neighborhood you want.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If the UWS apartment is doable, go for it. Why put your kids thru a commute unless absolutely necessary. Also - take it from me - if you're used to being close in, Washington Height is going to be a bummer. You will quickly lose contact with everything below 96 street. Of course, it's nice to have the extra sq. footage, but you'll be sacrificing alot to get it.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Below 96th St? Why is that still a line of demarcation for people? Wouldn't someone living in WH be just as "out of contact" with everything below Columbia U?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I wouldn't move to Washington Heights in this economy - would worry about safety issues.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Only move to Washington Heights if you are going to live in the nicer part (west of Ft. Washington, btwn 181st and Ft. Tryon), AND if you're going to drive and drop your DCs off.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think fort washington is very nice and she doesn't have to only pick streets west of it. that's only two streets, by the way
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 11:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am aware that it's only 2 streets. I live up here. Cabrini and Ft. Washington are pretty different, IMO. If she's going to live on Ft. Washington, I'd say she needs to live above 187th, maybe even above 190th.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We live in Wash Heights (LOVE it!) and our dc commutes to school on UWS. It's funny to read some of the comments in this thread about WH. Obviously, many of you have no clue at all about the neighborhood.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]To answer the OP's question, if your dcs are already in school on UWS, stay there. We love living up here, but we moved here when oldest was infant, so our community is here and has been for yrs, even though oldest now goes to school on UWS. We have strong connections to the neighborhood & community. But in your case, you would not know anyone in the neighborhood, and if your kids are already school age and going outside neighborhood for school, why bother moving up here? I would just stay on UWS and deal with small apt.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] How can i help my nanny find a f/t position (or p/t share with me) for next fall? Id... 1 reply
Talk : : February 10, 2009
How can i help my nanny find a f/t position (or p/t share with me) for next fall? Ideally it would be a sahm who wants coverage 9-2 M-F, but I know that's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Tia.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.10.09, 07:52 AM [ Flag ]That's exactly the arrangement I am trying to find. I need the after school care and want to place my nanny in an AM gig with SAHM.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] How did you decide whether to have a second child? So confused. Can't decide and ru... 10 replies
Talk : : February 10, 2009
How did you decide whether to have a second child? So confused. Can't decide and running out of time. I'm almost 40, dh is 53 and our dd is 14mo (and she is awesome, but definitely not an easy-going child.) I am sahm right now & our hhi is around 220K. Any advice please??!!
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.10.09, 06:54 AM [ Flag ]do you want a 2d? put aside the sibling issue and the money and all that, in your heart, will you be happy with one, or do you really want another?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 06:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I think my main reason for having #2 is for #1 to have a sibling. I can't imagine not having my sisters. But I am scared of what #2 might do to my marriage. Especially if #2 is as difficult as #1. Also, I am a twin and my twin had twins (no ivf)...I'm terrified that #2 could end up being 2 &3!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would not have a 2d just for the sibling factor. I am a happy only child. there is no guarantee of a good sibling relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
All I can say is that I had a dear friend in the same position and she went for it and never said, I wish I never had number 2! Sounds like income should not be an issue at 220K, although many on this board would disagree.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA with both posters above. And I agree you can def have 2 on 220K. I have 2 and that's my HHI.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have half that HHI. I'd walk through fire for #2. (Well, I'd run.)
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We were younger than you and your DH when we were wondering this (35 and 36), but we had a second. Now we're in the same debate (or, I am) about having #3. For us, the idea of going back to sleepless nights and nursing every 2-3 hours was a short term sacrifice for the longer term gain of not having another. I suspect you'll never regret having another; you may regret not having another. Also, it's a pretty extraordinary gift to give your child a sibling. There are times I worry that I have more "healthy" years behnd me than possibly ahead of me, and that I won't likely meet or see my grandchildren grow up and this is sad. I've also just lost my father, and it sucks, and I worry that having a child at 40 increases the chances that they too will be young-ish (relatively speaking) when they may lose a parent. But the parental pull/urge is pretty strong. I'm lucky to have an incredibly hands on DH. That's a "pro". And I am continually amazed at my two DC and how extraordinary children are. I love that they have each other. I love the idea of giving them another sibling.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think my main reason for having #2 is for #1 to have a sibling. I can't imagine not having my sisters. But I am scared of what #2 might do to my marriage. Especially if #2 is as difficult as #1. Also, I am a twin and my twin had twins (no ivf)...I'm terrified that #2 could end up being 2 &3!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: #2 turning into #2 AND #3 wouldn't be the end of the world, would it?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
IMO a 53 yo has no business fathering a child.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anybody who got crappy finance bonus have to let nanny or housekeeper go? Sucks... 5 replies
- I'm guessing OP is a SAHM with a f/t nanny who is being pressured by her dh to let go of her pampered life style. like that woman in the NYT a few weeks ago who said something like "our deal was that he would make the money to provide a certain lifestyle...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
Anybody who got crappy finance bonus have to let nanny or housekeeper go? Sucks...
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 02:19 PM [ Flag ]It really sucks for the nanny or housekeeper. At least you still have your job.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't understand. who is going to watch your kids? Your quiting your job and staying home b/c of a crappy bonus?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had to let go housekeeper. Really sad about it. She has been with me forever and has eight children.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why would you? I have a FT nanny and was laid off, but still keeping her as I will find another job.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm guessing OP is a SAHM with a f/t nanny who is being pressured by her dh to let go of her pampered life style. like that woman in the NYT a few weeks ago who said something like "our deal was that he would make the money to provide a certain lifestyle and I would take care of the home and children. All I can say is, I'm still keeping up my end of the bargain." of course, by "taking care" of the home and kids, she meant telling the nanny and housekeeper what to do!
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anyone live in Weston CT? Can you tell me about it. 4 replies
- what are the differences between wilton and weston? is one better than the other for a sahm?...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
Anyone live in Weston CT? Can you tell me about it.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag ]I live in Wilton, which is nearby. The whole Wilton-Westport-Weston corridor is quite socially homogeneous and unvaryingly affluent but on the whole very scenic and everyone's nutso and hyper-involved in the public schools.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sounds nice!
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]what are the differences between wilton and weston? is one better than the other for a sahm?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Stepford towns.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Need suburb advice...choosing between great house that is not walk to town/train and ... 37 replies
- are you a sahm?...
- ^^^never mind. my advice would be to disregard the walk to town. even if you are a sahm now and will be walking to town, by the time your kids are 6 and 4 (or even 5 and 3) you'll...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
Need suburb advice...choosing between great house that is not walk to town/train and a good (but not as big or as nice) house that is walk to town/train in Larchmont. So many poeple tell me that once I move I will be in the car all the time and it doesnt matter, but somehow I think I would walk to town with the kids (age 3 and 1) and enjoy the non-car aspect. Any advice please?
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 06:40 AM [ Flag ]i live in a westchester surburb and i never walk to town. they barely have sidewalks anywhere, so it just doesn't feel safe.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this area does have sidewalks and that is something that i like. totally agree that it seems dangerous otherwise. how far are you from town?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I live in a westchester suburb, too. It depends on husband, too. If it makes sense for him to walk to the train station then, go for the house next to train. If not, I agree that it's not much advantage to live near the town.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Indeed. This is why everyone in America is so darn fat.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]larchmont has sidewalks
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you or DH will commute to the city, you definitely want to be walking distance from the train. I commute M-F and it was an absolute requirement for us when we bought our house. I'm not familiar with Larchmont, but parking is a PITA in most station towns (I'm in NJ and the waitlist for a spot in our town is 2+ years).
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^And we do walk downtown all the time with DC - coffee shops, ice cream store, breakfast on the weekend, and DS just likes to sit and watch the trains at the station.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. Where do you live?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Metuchen
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL. I have friends there & they also walk to Brewed Awakening, the park, etc. I've recommended Metuchen on here to people. It's very cute and relatively affordable.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: I love walking, and I walk as much as possible w/my 2 kids (ages 3 and 1). We live in a suburb, and anytime I can ditch the car, I do. SO, if walking is important to you, I'd keep taking it into consideration.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is important to me, I love to walk. I just worry becuause everyone tells me I wont even bother walking and I am paying to much for something I wont use. But I guess I have to go with my gut...
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would want to walk to town/train as well
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can't vote but agree that that is tough. My two friends moved from walk to town Larchmont to huge homes in New Rochelle and Mamaroneck. They did DEFINITELY walk to town and they also liked that b/c of the small plots they knew the neighbors. THey miss it but then decided they wanted space after all.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]-- but I love walking in the city. If I could have both I might prefer the smaller house. Also, by the way, my friend said she is at the least desireable elementary in Mamaroneck and LOVES LOVES LOVES it.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Helpful too, thanks! Funny how a bit of diversity in the school translates into the least desirable. Glad she is happy there.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
This is helpful, thanks. The bigger and beautiful house just looks like you wouldnt know your neighboors and it seems lonley. (i am in the city now and used to seeing a lot of poeple). Did your friend really like the town of larchmont?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]One friend grew up there in a walk to town house. When I visited her during and after college we always walked to town with her family but sometimes they drove to Mamaroneck, etc. It was the best of both. She loved it but wanted a bigger house and moved to New Rochelle. She will do private for HS if she isn't happy with it. The other doesn't know the neighbors in the new place b/c it is on a busy road, BUT has made so many friends in the town. She had a really, really little house and it was expensive. She was always cleaning out closets like she lived in the city. They both made so many friends through the newcomer club.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know people who have made this decision too, but they are the exception.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
are you a sahm?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^never mind. my advice would be to disregard the walk to town. even if you are a sahm now and will be walking to town, by the time your kids are 6 and 4 (or even 5 and 3) you'll only be going to town b/c you need something, not b/c it'll be a nice walk for the kids.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would take the house closer to town. You can improve the house (make it nicer) but you can't change the location. I'm sort of anti-Big house unless you have a huge family. Bigger houses are more expensive to upgrade, maintain, heat, furnish, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ one other thought. My mother had a good friend who was in the real estate business her entire life. I remember her talking about the "just right" house is one that can work your entire life if you want or need to stay in it your entire life. Big enough for a family, but not so big you'll feel the need to downsize in retirement either for financial reasons or logistical reasons.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm in a NJ suburb and had to make the same choice. It's great for us to be able to walk to town/train. We walked a lot when DD was younger. Busier now so not as much but we still do walk to library from time to time. Also nice to walk to drop off car for repair and walk to pick it up. DD is five now and cannot walk alone but I am looking forward to when she is older and can go to town with friends for ice cream or library by herself, and walk to and from school and friends houses without having to be driven all the time. I say smaller house/close to town. If you keep clutter to a minimum and are ruthless about moving stuff out when the kids are done, the smaller house won't feel small and cluttered.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Having lived in Larchmont, I'd take the walking house, if only because the parking is so bad. And yes, they have lots of sidewalks.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]moved to suburb and thought same as you - this walking idea disappears within a month or so. get the most spacious house you can - in th eburbs you are in your house SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN THE CITY. we are moving b/cw cought super charming house in super duper area - but this charming house in nice are is feeling so claustrophonic now - i would trade my amazing area for space in one heart beat. trust me, GET SPACE!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would trade my 4000 sf house for something smaller that is closer to my neighbors in a town I can walk to
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Houses near trains in suburbs are ALWAYS less valuable also...
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She didn't say that the house shakes when the train goes by.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm in a suburb in upper westchester that is walk-to-town/train. We walk into town all the time for ice cream, pizza, bookstore, library, whatever. We almost bought a non-walkable house in larchmont (way north of the train station) and opted for a big house in a nice village further up north. Am now very glad we did, since we have it all and the train trip is 10 minutes longer than to larchmont.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. Where is this?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]pleasantville. I love the village, love the schools.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, I don't know much about it there. This sounds awesome.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the burb really matters. Larchmont is GREAT and if you are in town you will walk. Not everywhere, not to the grovery store, but you WILL walk . You can't change location , but you can improve a house.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes but the lots in larchmont are tiny lots, like an eighth of an acre. not much you can do to make a tiny house on a tiny lot big enough for a family, imho. It's just not worth the trouble.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have over a half acre in larchmont. But yes, its a trade off. Its close to the city and for the money you get less house than in bedford. But I can walk .
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I happen to like walk to town houses, but my friend found it was cheaper and easier to move to a bigger house than add on to her little Larchmont house.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Contracts at preschool are due next week, but we've decided not to send 3yo next year... 16 replies
- OR. YES, exactly. Our lease is up for renewal and if I KNEW I couldn't get a job for 18 months AND DH was going to also get laid off, I would do the SAHM thing for that time and move to the suburbs where preschool is affordable or ride out the depression in a cheaper apartment. But for all my drama, I need to make $60K to cover daycare (and I have an MBA) and DH could get a small bonus and...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
Contracts at preschool are due next week, but we've decided not to send 3yo next year. Our income has been slashed (no bonus) and I'm not sure it will ever come back. Anyone else in the same boat?
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 06:37 AM [ Flag ]I thought letters weren't out until March - you still have time to decide
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Our income was also slashed but we don't have dc in school yet. We may have to leave city though. Not sure how to afford our place anymore. I'm so tired of ppl being so critical. DH is mid-level banker. Never made a ton. No 2nd home. No car. No nanny. 1 income. Own modest apartment on UWS. No yearly vacations. No hamptons share. just family trying to make ends meet in nyc and we've now been priced out with current mortgage.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Have you considered WOH? The 1 income part of your story is the part that strikes me.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]who is hiring these days? she'll have to make enought to cover for nanny etc.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was in the arts and it was actually cheaper for us for me to stay home then to pay for help. I don't know what I would do or who would hire me at this point.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What are your plans for your child during the day?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: part-time nanny (also have a 18mo at home). i work part-time.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can you put them both at a place like the River School (daycare)? I think kids get a lot out of being with other kids.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good idea. definitely one option.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sort of. We were lived way below our means in 2007 and 2008, but by September we will have a newborn and a 3 year old. I was laid off and am too pregnant to realistically get an offer for a while. DH could have no job by September OR just get his base OR have a base and a little bonus but no job for two years after that (who knows?). To live on his base w/o my income and try not to go backwards is manageable only really without daycare or preschool fees if we stay in NYC b/c preschool costs so much here.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: it's the uncertainty that is irritating to me. if i knew not to ever expect DH getting a bonus again, that'd be fine. we'd leave the UWS and set up a much cheaper life.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR. YES, exactly. Our lease is up for renewal and if I KNEW I couldn't get a job for 18 months AND DH was going to also get laid off, I would do the SAHM thing for that time and move to the suburbs where preschool is affordable or ride out the depression in a cheaper apartment. But for all my drama, I need to make $60K to cover daycare (and I have an MBA) and DH could get a small bonus and remain employed.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i go back and forth. my gut tells me that we need a radical re-organizing of our lives. cheaper rent and cheaper preschool (and probably cheaper child care costs too) would be a substantial chunk of our "missing" income and allow for a cushion if things get worse. it'd be a big change, though.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, same... But then I also feel like if I don't move somewhere with good schools we will have to move yet again in two years and I'm over 35 and want to feel settled.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
YES! I posted the thing below about this all being a little daydream when the reality is just being able to pay for school and stay in the city is not our reality
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, declined sibling spot at preschool we really liked because the tuition just got too expensive. Also paying tuition for DC#1 at private. DC#2 will be going to prek program at a catholic school for a fraction of the cost. PreK teachers seem nice at catholic school. Hopefully, it all works out.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 07:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Moms of two, discuss: I have a 3 yo, am getting up there so need to decide pretty soo... 7 replies
- Do you work? What's your professional situation? If you are a sahm, are you okay with continuing to be a sahm for a few more yrs? What about your apt space? Finances?...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
Moms of two, discuss: I have a 3 yo, am getting up there so need to decide pretty soon if we want to try for #2. I can see arguments in both directions, though I also can feel a desire, irrational, to have another child. Any thoughts?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 06:02 AM [ Flag ]Do you work? What's your professional situation? If you are a sahm, are you okay with continuing to be a sahm for a few more yrs? What about your apt space? Finances?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am a writer, so flexible. Not sure how we'd handle the school for #1 plus any help for #2 so I could work financially. We have a bunch of savings but are hoping to send #1 to private (and have to for pre-k, anyway...). Live in a 3 bedroom in Park Slope, so okay there.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have 3 kids..they are all 4 yrs apart and can I tell you that's a great age difference.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why is the desire to have two irrational?
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]just meant that all "arguments" aside, I feel a deep pull to do it that has nothing to do with wanting #1 to have a sib, or money, or whatever.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: unless there are big counter-arguments, i'd respect that pull. Mine are 4 years apart and its not a bad spread although you do plunge back into all the infant stuff jstu when youd gotten used to havign a moderately self-sufficinet child.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So your biggest financial issue is probably whether you can do private for both kids. Personally, that's not a big enough concern that I would not have the 2nd kid on that basis. I think you should go for it, and go public. If you're not living in one of the good school zones in Park Slope right now, try to move into one.
[ Reply | Options ]02.09.09, 06:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Chevy Chase moms: Where is the money coming from? Live in Van Ness; dream of Chevy Ch...
Talk : : August 16, 2008
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