[-]I was watching Dateline with Octupussy last night. She has 3 kids with various soecial needs (autism, speech delay/"tiny amount of autism", & I can't remember). They said she receives $ for their disabilities. Does that mean she gets money to pay for their services, while here in NYC we just get services either in or out of school? Financial payment doesn't strike me as a good way of doing it. Anyone know? I have heard that NYC has a much better quality than most states including CA.
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[-]Best school for a DC with high verbal scores and a possible perceptual problem leading to poor performance when fine motor and puzzle-making called for, but high matrix reasoning. A few specialists seem to be puzzled by his issue, probably vision perception, still trying to figure it out. Best school private for such a child? Thoughts, anyone?
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[-]anyone's dc receive related services (OT, PT) and attend private?
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[-]71/2 y/o dyslexic ds just got verbal acceptances to Churchill and Windward. Loved Windward when we visited but so concerned about transportation up there. Any UPW families on this board with a child who has a DOE bus up to White Plains? Thanks
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]are you still on? My DC just graduated from Windward. I would not turn it down if you can afford the tuition. Its life changing.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm not sure we will qualify for funding for either school because the DOE has cracked down. My son is dyslexic, but very bright with no other issues. Going to Windward will be a huge financial undertaking for us. I'm willing to do it if we can get him up there safely. I'm also not thrilled about paying even more money for the bus. I'm leaning toward Windward because they seem to be able to teach the kids and push them back into the mainstream pretty quickly. I haven't heard the same about Churchill.
[ Reply | Options ]Its worth every penny if you can do it. My DS was in very bad shape when he started at windward and is now 100% mainstreamed and getting A's. You will get some funding if your child's reading is poor enough and they cannot provide the remediation he requires. ALl the kids at Windward are basically dyslexic with little else going on (except for the obvious self esteem issues) and many do get funding.
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Tutoring services available in the nyc area in all subjects from an elementary school teacher who has 10 years experience working in general ed and inclusion classrooms. I have worked with children with many different kinds of special needs. My hours are flexible. Please email: margaretryan@earthlink.net
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[-]are there people out there deciding between a mainstream school and a special needs school (we are not sure what is right yet). how do you plan to handle that special needs schools are on a different timeline -you may have to pay a deposit for a school and wait for a special needs school (realize that is similar for G&T schools). How are you making a decision.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]why are you considering special needs? I would research it carefully. Special needs segregated schools are in vogue here in the city, but I think almost everywhere else they are considered a last resort bc the research I think shows children in segregated settings do much less well.
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[-]Recommendations for team leader for ABA program (BCBA?) and speech therapist (CPSE)? 3.5 year old on upper east side (90s).
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[-]A frienemy of mine's dh attempted suicide. Honestly, it has slowly been revealed, that one of the reasons this occurred was due to her behavior (not surprised). Obviously, this is a very complex issue, but I have distanced myself from her. I have no idea how to deal with this? We did have good times at one point and I cannot believe how things have turned out.
40 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I have to say, blaming the friend's behavior seems out of line if it was a serious attempt (and not just a way to get attention). That said, what do you have to deal with in this situation?
[ Reply | Options ]she made him crazy (which I could see, since she drives me nutty). However, he was depressed and now through therapy, he told her that she drove him to the brink. She shared this with me and I find it hard to be supportive. I am more sad for the DH. He's a super nice person and I wish him well.
[ Reply | Options ]I can see how it would be hard to be supportive, but still, a grown man doesn't attempt suicide because his wife is crazy unless he has his own very major problems.
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ITA...it is what it is. But, at least theyr'e struggling to coincide. They have 2 small kids. How do I deal with this from a friend perspective. I feel so overwhelmed and hardly supportive, since I'm kinda angry at her.
[ Reply | Options ]you're mad at her for no good reason. This really isn't her fault. Yes, she may have contributed to a bad situation, but really there is no therapist in the world that is worth their salt that would blame such a major action on a spouse. She was probably looking to you to point all this out. It is not her fault. You don't have to be there for her if you don't like her, that's fine, but please don't be mad at her for something that truly was beyond her control. Also, people who are manic depressive can be horrible to live with, you don't know what she was going through
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np: ITA. Her dh was mentally ill, that is why he killed himself. NOT because of her. He obviously could not deal with every day dealings with her and family life in general. OP, how has it been slowly revealed it was his wife's fault? Do you have any understanding of mental illness?
[ Reply | Options ]He is Manic Depressive and throughout their post-suicide attempt therapy, her behavior has been a huge part of the problem. I never said THE reason alone. She now blames him and is not supporting him and now wants a DIVORCE. I find it all very shocking. How the heck do I stay friendly (playdates, etc.)? I really can't stomach her behavior and my heart goes out to her DH. Its a mess either way you look at it
[ Reply | Options ]Sorry, former psychologist below. Bipolar (manic depressive)sufferers have a high suicide risk - and this is a serious, psychotic illness. No wonder she wants a divorce! Have you tried to live with someone with a serious mental illness? The part of him YOU see is not what she deals with every day.
[ Reply | Options ]Having a relationship with a mentally ill person can be physically and emotionally exhausting. I know because dh's brother is and we have been dealing with this on and off for years. You don't know what is really going on in their house and it is very easy to make judgements based on what is said by one person. Knowing what I know, I can't imagine being married to someone with that illness, let alone with children. Give her a break, it must not be easy for her.
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ITTTTTA. There's no way he attempted because of her (I'm speaking as a former psychologist). I believe she's a difficult person, but that's not why he did it. He did it because he's mentally ill. For him to say to you that's why he did it is manipulative - and note, depressed people can be very manipulative. Just because that's what he thinks he took out of therapy, doesn't mean that's what happened!
[ Reply | Options ]She told me that part of his breakdown was also due to her behavior. Yes, he had the illness, but remained dormant. Now, she's not willing to change her behavior to be of support. She's instead pushing him to do normal things and he's clearly not ready. His hand is partially paralyzed as a result of the attempt. I just need help in how to be supportive. I feel like she missed signs in him and help drive him to the edge and now doesn't want to help or show compassion to him. She's a very selfish person, and this ordeal has brought our many true colors in her.
[ Reply | Options ]not to mention your own true colors... I hope you never experience others judging you like this
[ Reply | Options ]I would never push someone that I love to be something he is not. I have compassion for them, but find this very complex, for which it is. How do I be supportive, THAT IS ALL I WANT TO KNOW???? I've given all the FACTS, not judgements, so that you can understand the difficult nature.
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Honestly, (former psych again) and I'm saying this nicely, you really don't know what's going on in their household from day to day. She might believe it about her own behavior but it's NOT TRUE. Many things can trigger a manic-depressie episode. She can't be perfect all day long. She can only be human. No one can and she shouldn't be expected to be. Stay away from this one, as you just can't know the details. And "dormant" bipolar? That's not exactly how it works. Yes, there are triggers but the illness is always there.
[ Reply | Options ]She's difficult as a friend, and I look back over the last 6 months (leading up to the attempt), I found her even more difficult to be around. I also have a new baby, for which she hasn't been supportive of and have been hurt by her personally. I guess, knowing that this has occurred in her life makes it all very complex. She's invited to things and I've avoided her. She's been very rude and asking me why I haven't talked to her and I just don't even no where to begin. How do you distance yourself delicately? It very overwhelming to me?
[ Reply | Options ]I would just keep saying you're busy. But note, I don't think you can cozy up and be supportive to the husband if you do this. You either have to cut both of them out, or not. She could have been "difficult" because she's been dealing with her husband's mental breakdown. A depressive episode for a manic-depressive often takes months to develop.
[ Reply | Options ]^ Oh, and as far as the baby goes, I understand that you're hurt she hasn't been supportive but ... you just can't know what she's been dealing with day to day. She doesn't sound like a good fit for you as a friend! If you keep ignoring her and being merely civil instead of chatty, she will eventually get the message.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm not in regular contact with him. I agree, that perhaps, he was struggling this summer, which lead to her increasing bad behavior. Now, her bad behavior is maximized and almost crazy. I just can't be friends with her, but I am too worried about being nice or doing the right thing in having compassion for them both. I've never dealt with anything like this.
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WHAT the HECK is going here? I am not as close to the DH, as to my friend. He's a super nice guys and they are struggling. I am just asking how to handle this from a friendship perspective. I am very caring and supportive to everyone in my life. But, I've never dealt with this whopper of a situation!!!
[ Reply | Options ]reading between the lines here you like him and don't like her. and you blame her for his attempt. the question was a totally natural one and you seem unnaturally defensive here. ask yourself why. my advice to you is avoid both of them. you are too into him and you hate her. you can't help them and you don't even want to help her, that's for sure.
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What's telling, OP, is that you say your friend's behavior has been worse the last 6 months. "I look back and found her even more difficult to be around". And yet it doesn't occur to you she may have been acting this way because of the stress she was under due to her husband's deterioration over the same time period. It sounds as if you were oblivious to her personal difficulties then, and to perceive her dh's suicide attempt as some reflection of her behavior is very unkind.
[ Reply | Options ]If you want to be a "friend" - and sorry I don't think you have any idea of what this really means, to be a friend, I would suggest that you focus on the kids. If they have a good time, or if one of them does, with your kids, then just focus on getting the kids together. Even if the kids are too young to clue in to their father's suicide attempt, they will be feeling the extra stress on their mom. If you can bring yourself to allot an extra hour a week to making someone else feel better, why wouldn't you? Unless of course you are one of those moms who only has playdates with the moms she is close "friends" with...
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Honestly, it is none of your business. She is not your friend and this is a horribly difficult time for her family. If he had died, you should have sent a card or an appropriate wake/funeral acknowledgment. Since he did not, the best thing you could do is keep quiet and stop talking smack about her. Just be nice, but not fake friendly when you see her.
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[-]Need some positive energy here! DD is 5, and had some pretty severe complications at birth (prenatal stroke or birth injury - drs. can't seem to pinpoint.....) She is doing SOOO good now, and we have been very hesitant to get pg again....as we have yet to really get many answers. (Not the drs. fault, they have run every test there is :)) SOOO we are now going to take the plunge. Our dd is always asking about a brother or a sister, and I feel like we are missing a little part of our family.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Oh, do it! Want to hear our good news story? Pregnancy #1 had some complications and DD was a tough little cookie as an infant/toddler so we were hesitant to have #2. Took the plunge when dd turned 8 and now we have a great little guy, and everything is easier 2nd time around: pregnancy, delivery, and early days. Go for it!
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[-]Looking for information on Summit, Winston Prep, Mary McDowell. DS has severe dyslexia - no behavioral component except young for his 11 years. Any advice?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Yes but Windward goes to 8th grade so hurry up. Look at Gaynor too. And Birch Wathen. You need to really hurry up at this point if you want to get in for next year.
[ Reply | Options ]Birch is not an LD school cannot provide remediation. If a kid is truly a canddiate for windward or winston et al, then they do not belong at Birch. Windward, btw, goes thru 9th grade.
[ Reply | Options ]Birch SAYS it is not an LD school but it has seven learning specialists on staff (and it is a tiny school), breaks kids up into reading groups of six kids, and uses Orton Gillingham. I understand they don't want to be labelled as an LD school so as to continue to attract mainstream students, but it seemed to me a place that is small and nurturing enough and has the right programs that a dyslexic student would do very well. Maybe we should call it "LD-friendly."
[ Reply | Options ]np: The only people I know at BWL have transferred out to Winston Prep! They can only do so much.
[ Reply | Options ]It is definitely LD friendly, and honestly all schools should use OG methods. Its the intensity that they can't bring to it that an LD school can. A mildly dyslexic kid might do very well there, but a kid who needs a windward or gaynor should not assume they will get what they need at BL.
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[-]Trying to do some advocacy for someone with an autistic child who is having trouble navigating the DOE, etc. What sort of resources are there? Any organizations that can troubleshoot for you? ALSO, who would know what the stats are in the increase in autistic kids in our city and/or nationally?
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Resources For Children With Special Needs is an advocacy group for NYC kids with special needs... including education resources, info and advocacy. http://www.resourcesnyc.org/rhome3.php
[ Reply | Options ]A friend of mine has an autistic ds, she is trying to get him into a school with a Nest Program. I do not know a lot about it, but here is the link: http://schools.nyc.gov/Academics/SpecialEducation/SchoolImprovement/Projects/OtherProjects/ASD.htm
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Tutoring services available in all subjects in nyc from an elementary school teacher with 10 years experience in general ed and inclusion classrooms. I have worked with children with many different levels of special needs. My hours are flexible. Please email margaretryan@earthlink.net
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[-]I am a young mother with two children living in NYC. My experience with obtaining a qualified pediatrician for the needs of my children has been less then adequate, until I met with Dr. Edith McCarthy at Care Intensive Pediatrics. Every pediatrician office I went to, was like entering a factory---in, out and done!! I wanted a comfortable experience that didn't remind me of the NICU to take my babies to for shots, sick and well visits. My two year old who was born 4 weeks early, has developmental delay and other health issues. Over the past two years, Dr. McCarthy has provided excellent care for her and always spends at least an hour with each visit to answer all my questions--never once rushing me out to see the next patient. I wanted ...
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I forgot to put up her websit. It's www.careintensivepediatrics.com and the office phone is 212-726-0005.
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