[-]Is it ever OK to slap dc on face? This morning we (3 kids) were running late & 4 y.o. dd has tantrum as others waited in elevator b/c she didn't bring a stuffed animal. I go to grab her & her yogurt squirts all over her, me and hall as she screams at the top of her lungs. Then I slap her...WWYHD?
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Your frustration is understandable, but please do NOT slap your child's face. My father slapped my face, and the humiliation and helplessness that I experienced in these incidents remain painful memories although I am an adult.
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if you don't remember the horrible behavior that lead to it, I am sorry for you. I really am. But I'm a mother who doesn't hesitate to smack a bottom or do SOMEthing to snap a kid out of a tantrum especially when it threatens the general public in some way. (a yofurt-soiled dress or a toy thrown at someone)
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well when you can't reach the bottom and it's in a crowded elevator. We can't always go the perfect route I have to say.
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My mom slapped me a lot for things like the dishes not being done. After about 12 years at 30 I decided to talk to her again. Not that I wanted to but she seemed lonely. I appreciate all the work she did but I don't think I ever developed a love for her.
[ Reply | Options ]Ditto. My mom spanked me and it really ruined our relationship. I never felt that she respected me or cared about my feelings. At age 8 or 9 I realized I didn't really love her at all. That hasn't changed in almost 30 years. I wouldn't want to have that kind of sad relationship with my kids.
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I actually remember the purportedly "horrible behavior that lead to it." For example, he slapped my face when I was five years old because he said I was "smacking" my lips as I ate. I respect a parent who disciplines a child, but a slap to the face is not discipline--it is an indication of poor impulse control, as another poster observed. My father typically slapped his childrens' faces when he wanted an outlet for his unrelated frustrations.
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oh stop. this namby pamby bullshit is getting our kids into serious trouble. I'd rather do the disciplining than have my child get what might be coming to him out THERE. Jsut because a mom slaps an unruly child doesn't mean it's going to be the same as your situation sad as it may have been.
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I would have slapped her too. Four is too old to be having tantrums. Time for her to see a consequence or two. Go Mother Lion.
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Hitting isn't okay and models poor impulse control. Can you see a connection between the child's lack of control and your own? Now, you've introduced an unexpected slap in the face and your young child will need to deal with your instability AND the fear that produces. Try reading Grace Mitchell's A Guide to Discipline With Young Children; it's pretty excellent. Why was your kid eating on the run? She's 4 y/o. If she dawdled through allotted breakfast time, the window for eating should have closed. If you were rushed(and it sounds like you were)try new strategies for avoiding that drama. Best of Luck. Discipline isn't very effectively exercised in the way you behaved. Even the spanking parents I know have a regulated methods for corporal ...
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spanking is understandable as sometimes children just don't respond to verbal reactions...but across the face really is different & probably does a lot more harm than good...particularly with a 4 y.o. who can hardly control herself
[ Reply | Options ]I would have said, no tv tonight if you don't get in this elevator this second and then I would have wiped myself and the hall. That is the thing that would punish my son more than a slap in the face. And I wouldn't be on UB wondering if I did the right thing (with that said, while I've never hit my kids, I've had parenting moments I'm not proud of.
[ Reply | Options ]Aren't we smug. People who hit their kids should never ask others if what they did was inappropriate?
[ Reply | Options ]I wasn't trying to be smug. She asked what we would have done and I told her. I guess my point wasn't that she was asking but rather that she felt like she did something wrong or she wouldn't have needed to ask. (just my opinion) I also added that I too have had parenting moments that I'm not proud of.
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Seems like dd paid the price for you not doing your job right. I know that reads as harsh but it sounds like the fact that you were running late led to her eating on the run, having routine messed up, etc. ALL OF THAT got the two of you to the point where one of you got smacked in the chops. That seems unfair. (FWIW, I would never hit dc in the face, but that is another issue and covered above.)
[ Reply | Options ]OP: I know what I did was wrong. I guess I wanted absolution b/c I am so frustrated at the amt of time my kids are freaking out on me. I am basically on my own & my kids are all within a yr of each other (twins in there). There is an amazing amt of button-pushing that goes on when is time to go out the door. Every excuse imaginable. No that it makes it OK, but I slapped her, not because of the yogurt, but b/c she wouldn't move & kept screaming & I had to carry her. When everything is going wrong how the F* to you calm yourself & them?
[ Reply | Options ]Remind yourself-and I've been there-that you are in control. Let the elevator go, clean the mess, be late and create set consequences for future effect. Take your child firmly and place them where they needed to be. Quietly telling them to be quiet can be effective, for a while. You are the boss-act like one. Did other adults see you do this? I would bet some of the same ones here, saying,"Go Mom!" would've called ACS-after logging on to ub to express their horror!
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Right. She's 4 and you had to carry her...and? You know you made a poor choice. Don't go back; try to learn fromit.
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I slapped my son in the face the other day and he's 12. Don't necessarily recommend it, but he was being a brat and told me to "piss off" and I instinctly just slapped his face. He started crying and all I could say was "don't you ever curse at me and tell me to piss off". I'm not proud of what I did, but I'd rather slap him than have him think that just becasue his hormones are going crazy that he can curse at me and talk disrespectfully to me. Trust me, I am a pretty cool mom most of the time. I love my kids more than life, I try to understand where they're coming from, try not to take this preteen stuff personally, but he was being mean to his brother and to me and to me and then when I told him to stop he tells me to "p off". That ...
[ Reply | Options ]Give yourself a break. We all mess up and do things we regret. That's what tomorrow is for. If you find yourself doing something you regret again, apologizing for the specific thing you regret might help. You'll likely feel better, and your dcs will learn losing control isn't the way to go. It can also provide an opportunity to talk about, in a calm way, what went wrong. Maybe have your kids, particularly the older one/two, help you work out a schedule to make the morning go more smoothly. If they helped create the schedule, they'll be much more likely to follow it and enforce it. Hang in there. You're doing the best you can.
[ Reply | Options ]it's not OK as a rule. if you mess up once or twice - you are human - we all have hit our kids in extremem moments of frustration.
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Don't give yogurt in the morning. If you're pretty sure things will end up rushed, still to food that can be eaten en route with minimal mess.
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you are an imbecile and have definitely abused the kid in this instance and you are a risk for further worse abuse. you need help.
[ Reply | Options ]So let's see, you (mom) couldn't get your act together to get the kids out of the house on time, so you yelled at your kids. Your DD picked up on your tension and reacted, and you took out your anger on her and slapped her, because of your own poor planning. Do you really think it is OK to slap your daughter because you couldn't get everyone ready on time? And no, don't call me sanctimommy, we are always and forever running late and it frustrates the hell out of me. But I don't slap my kids because of my own mistakes. When I find myself getting frustrated in situations like that I remind myself that it is MY FAULT we are in that situation in the first place, and getting mad at the kids for my mistakes is just dumb. So what would I hav...
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I have occasionally smacked my middle daughter in the face from an early age. She enters periods when she is just impossible and drives us to the brink. It's mostly when she's incredibly rude/fresh/defiant. I have always felt bad and sick to my stomach after I've done it, especially since I think I wasn't totally in control at the time. She's almost seven and it hasn't happened in a while and she is better at controllinger herself (and so am I).
[ Reply | Options ]i totally understand how you felt. leaving the house is by far the most stressful time for me and my 4 yo daughter, and i only have ONE child. i practice something called 'gentle discipline' (it's an actual system) and it prohibits any physical confrontation except bear hugs, so it helps me that that way is just barred for me. it just can't happen. THOUGH, i understand the instinct. i think it comes from a combination of frustration and also just wanting to solve the moment in the moment, which can't happen.
[ Reply | Options ]^^also, it might help to develop a 'method' for yourself, such as when your daughter is pushing your buttons, first try sympathy (just one statement letting her know you know how she feels), then when that doesn't stop her behavior, try looking to the future (telling her about something fun that is to come up) and if that doesn't distract her, tell her her behavior is now unacceptable, (now you are being stern) and then when that doesn't work, total silence.
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My mother had 3 kids in 4 years, and she hit us. Not a lot, but IMO even once is too much. By the time she died, none of us had spoken to her in 10 years -- not directly because of the hitting many years before, but all part of a larger picture. And it is definitely one of the top things I remember about her. I'm amazed that none of the posters have suggested -- in the usual smug UB way -- that the OP "get some help." I'm not saying this, only that one of the prices of having kids is that we have to at least pretend to be adults, and that should mean other ways of dealing with frustration.
[ Reply | Options ]In my book it is not ok to slap on the face. We all make mistakes and have parenting moments we're not proud of, and it's not always easy to have the patience we need. I don't pass any judgment on you. One thing I recommend is give yourself more time in the morning, even it means getting up earlier. My 2 DC always eat breakfast at the table calmly, and I do work full-time and I'm familiar with the morning rush. I resolved early on to always give my kids plenty of hugs and affection in the morning and to have them eat a good breakfast. We have to get up a bit earlier to accomplish that but it's worth it. Our mornings would be awful if we didn't give ourselves time.
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[-]Are most SAHMs, who also hire nannies, handicapped in some real way or are they just spoiled?
76 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]why do people ask this question over and over again? i am a wohm but i cannot imagine having more than 1 dc and not having any help. sure you could just cobble together sitting, but that's a PITA so if you have money it's easier to pay someone FT and not have to constantly deal w finding a sitter.
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Don't have a full-time nanny but am a SAHM with two children. If you have to take them to two different activities after school, what do you do without help? Don't say drag one along to hebrew school or the other along to a playdate. With homework and other stuff that's just impossible.
[ Reply | Options ]How did our parents do it? Oh that's right, different world. We didn't have after school activities like piano or ballet. Oh no wait I did. And so did my sister. And my SAH mom didn't have a nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]I know. I posted above...we had piano, ballet. older kids drove younger kids. 7 in my family; 5 in dh's
[ Reply | Options ]We had the same activities at the same time: both my sister and I went to tennis lessons. And the piano teacher came to our house. We had carpool for hebrew school with about 7 other kids. Yes, this is one of the advantages to having money. You don't have to drag your son to your daughter's ballet class or make your daughter wait at the soccer game. If you have a problem with it, please get a better job and stop whining that other people can afford what you cant.
[ Reply | Options ]np My mom didn't either, and neither do I. 7 yo and 3 yo with LOTS of activities and classes between them (not to mention pick-up and drop off). I don't see the huge challenge, but I don't really care how others spend their money (especially when I see the quality of the average nanny/babysitter on the UES--not jealous a bit).
[ Reply | Options ]i DO think that when we were kids, moms helped eachother out more - you'd swap sitting so that each mom could run errands and the kids could have a playdate and kids did fewer activities until they were older when it's easier to move around with them. i also feel like it was easier to find pt sitters when i was a kid.
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So judging from your incredibly condescending tone, I am going to assume you do your own laundry, clean your own house, never do take-out, or anything else like that. After all most of us were raised by parents who cooked & cleaned (whether they worked or not). BTW jealous much?
[ Reply | Options ]I am OP and I am a single mom. I work outside the home. I do my own laundry, cook simple meals most nights and rarely eat take out. I do have a cleaning lady every 2 weeks. Like I said in a prior post, I'm not jealous, I am incredulous. If I had the luxury of not working and staying at home with my daughter, I would have no need for a nanny. The luxury is in getting to stay home. Yeah that I'm jealous of.
[ Reply | Options ]But to be fair, you have no idea what life would be like if you chose to stay at home with say, more than one kid. Would you need help if you needed to go to a dr appt? Or if you wanted, say, 1 X a month, to see a friend? Or do any job/volunteer/exercise? You assume you'd be able to provide 24/7 for your kid but perhaps that is not the case and you're romanticizing it?
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Come on. There is nothing wrong with having help if you can afford it. This is just judgmental bullshit. If you took an ounce of the energy you use to judge and put down other women and used it towards something productive and positive, the world would be a much better place. As long as someone is kind and not hurting anyone- why do you care? Do you think having help makes them a worse person? a worse parent? do you think they have less heart? I don't get people like you.
[ Reply | Options ]This question drives me crazy. And it is *always* the SAHM w/o help (and always, per their report, by choice not money reasons) who feel the need to hate on anyone with help. You never see those with a pt or ft sitter coming on and saying "I can't believe you sahm who don't have nannies are so stupid for making that choice!" Plus, I firmly believe the vast majority of those w/o any help have a support system of some sort - either family, friends, free preschool, coops, or parent exchanging care - that many of us in urban centers and far away from family do not.
[ Reply | Options ]np I don't. I volunteer once a week. Most of the time, my dh can't be home that evening so I get Pinch Sitters.
[ Reply | Options ]NP; I think an occasional babysitter and a DH that is able and willing to participate in childcare both fall under the umbrella of "support system".
[ Reply | Options ]My dh works 90 hours a week. Pinch Sitters for four hours while my kids are asleep is hardly a "support system".
[ Reply | Options ]No matter what you write on UB, I simply refuse to believe that you have NO support beyond 4 hours of sitting a week. No friends who ever help? No family who visit ever? No preschool, school, playgroups? I know you will undoubtedly deny it all, but I just don't believe you.
[ Reply | Options ]I have one dc in school and I have one dc who started preschool in Sept at 3, so I have those two hours now. But I didn't have help before she started school. My mother visits and stays in a hotel and has never babysat my kids. Don't know why it's so hard to believe people DON'T have help.
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But I didn't until 4 months ago. I've never spent a night away from 3 yo, in fact. With both my kids, I've lived in foreign countries and, no, I don't have a "support system".
[ Reply | Options ]you have only two kids and there is enough of an age spread that you were essentially only sah with one at at time. this just isn't comparable to someone with twins or 3dc. judge all you want, but the reality is that you are judging lots of moms with vastly different, and often much more challenging, situations than your own. yes, i could sah with one kid too. talk to me when you have twin newborns and a 2yo with sn. then come back and wow us all with your sahm achievements.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Does it really matter who has kids closer together or who has kids farther apart or who has parents that live across the street or who has no relatives on the same continent? There is nothing WRONG with having help - there is no sacred text that says the only way to be a good mother is to parent in complete isolation with no outside assistance whatsoever. The fact that many women surive without any help, or even that some women are 100% happy spending every waking minute with their children doesn't make it wrong for other women to live their lives a different way. My DH is a SAHD - that works incredibly well for our family. I would never think that gives me the right to think that ALL fathers ought to stay home.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm not judging. Just arguing that the point made above (about support systems) isn't always so. And fwiw, my #1 was in preschool 2 hours a day for 2 years after #2 was born. Ridiculous to say that I was essentially only SAHM with one at a time because my dc spent two hours a day at school (where I also did pick up/drop off, by the way).
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My best friend is a divorced stay-at-home mom with two kids in school and she still has a nanny pick her kids up from school and watch them until 6pm! I think it's because she really doesn't want to deal with her kids. She gets them off to school in the morning and puts them to bed at night and rejoices on the weekends when they're with their dad...
[ Reply | Options ]I am a SAHM with 2 kids under 5. I have a PT sitter to keep my sanity. Husband works all the time. Without some help how would I go to the doctor, dentist or anything do anything else I need. It is healthy to have time anyway from your children without being judged? We are by no means rich, but leave room in the budget for our sitter.
[ Reply | Options ]lucky. i would say the description is lucky, not spoiled. not handicapped. but lucky
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I am a SAHM with a toddler who has a regular babysitter and I feel guilty about it sometimes...but not sure if I should. I use the time to grocery shop in peace, attempt to cook dinner (b/c I didn't cook before having a kid...i guess that puts me in the lazy/disorganized category, but I also was rarely home for dinner and my husband was NEVER home for dinner) and sometimes go to the gym (which I should do more often!!). If I was tired or just needed some time to myself when the sitter comes, I go to a cafe and read or write in my journal. I feel guilty/disorganized/lazy when I see other moms managing all this without a sitter, but I have a hard time keeping things somewhat sane/organized without one. I also don't let my kid watch TV......
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[-]NYC Moms, tell me I'm doing the right thing. Moving my family from a wonderful life in CA to NYC this summer. Husband has a wonderful job opportunity that will grow his company in NY. Tell me NYC is wonderful place to raise kids and I will not regret it.
113 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]NYC is a wonderful place. However, not lately but hopefully that will change SOON!
[ Reply | Options ]We just did the opposite move and are much, much happier. How old are you DC's? What is your household income?
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Really? Don't you just love it? As much as we love NYC, I could never go back now. It was just so hard to do with kids. My in-laws are in CT and keep an apt in NYC, so we'll always have a place that feels like home when we go back.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, the weather is awesome, dh, dc's and I are outside all the time hiking and biking. the childrens musuem and exploratorium are great and the public schools are amazing. DH takes the ferry to work everday..I could go on and on. I still love NYC but the lifestyle is so much better.
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I have a love hate thing with the City. You may want to consider the North Slope or Brooklyn Heights too. NYC itself can be a HUGE adjustment, but some of the Brooklyn nabes are really gorgeous, more family friendly, haven't been completely over run by chain stores, traffic and development... I'd move to the North Slope (Park Slope) in a hot minute if I thought we could sell our co-op.
[ Reply | Options ]^^OP. Thank you everyone for our comments. Husband and I have always loved NYC and are really excited to move. We've been in LA for over 15 years. Just worry about the kids, 6 and 9. We have a very comfortable life here. In the end the move is the best thing for us financially in the long run.
[ Reply | Options ]You didn't answer what your HHI is. That makes a HUGE difference in quality of life in NYC.
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yes. initially didn't want to move unless husband made 2x as much. didn't like the idea of struggling in NYC, especially with the kids. but you know what, I am ok with it now. husband and i are hard workers and if the kids get into private, the family will make sacrifices financially to pay for it. it will be a good lesson for the kids as well...they have had life pretty easy so far.
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you for this. So often on this board, people say stupid things about money. "300k will be tight" and so on. You flattened that idea nicely. And btw, you really may want to consider Park Slope or Cobble Hill. Both easy commutes to Manhattan, and both have wonderful public schools. They could be safety nets, or you could simply save the 60k (and up!) per year and tuck it into college savings and so on.
[ Reply | Options ]it will be tight, but people do it on that income. Most of your income will go to living expenses and tuition. Get rid of your car and keep abreast of free entertainment (there's lots of it in the city) and make an effort to take advantage of it. It takes a lot of organization to have a "rich" life on a limited budget . . . but it can be done.
[ Reply | Options ]$300k is a HUGE salary for NYC or anywhere, except on UB, which is full of richy riches. you'll be FINE.
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NP: I disagree. Money is money. Some allow it to make a huge difference in their life, others don't. Money is not the good stuff in life.
[ Reply | Options ]It does make a difference as far as balancing issues related to space, education, taking advantage of a lot that nyc has to offer. In nyc where things just cost more than most places, money is an issue. You do not need it to be a huge issue but the less you have the more compromises you will have to make.
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There seems to be a lot of projecting of fear going on here. How many of you have jobs or have dh with a job with base salary of 200 to 250k, and you depend on the annual bonus to put you into the stratosphere? Well, you may be in a pickle this year, along with most in the financial sector. So this idea that you simply cannot "make it" in NYC on 300k, while ridiculous, may also get tested seriously by many of you.
[ Reply | Options ]Stay in LA - 300k with 2 kids in NYC is poor. You will be lucky to rent a 3 bedroom for 5k a month and the private schools are 30k a year except Catholic. I from Manhattan Beach CA and dream about moving back to LA. My husband and I are raising our 3 year old daughter here and she loves it and plays in central Park, Goes to a great Preschool, goes to Musuems etc. for exciting educational place for a child but also very expensive. You cant even have a Birthday party at a place for less the 1,000. Its a lot easier to be broke in LA then NYC. It your determined to come to the big apple think of it as a adventure and set a time limit to move back to LA like before the kids start middle school.
[ Reply | Options ]You can't "have" a birthday party for less than $1,000? Are you out of your mind? It's called scratch cake at home, some presents and singing, a few friends, and a fun activity. About 40 bucks.
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It's a wonderful place to raise kids, but it is expensive (not that CA isn't, but it's expensive in different ways). One suggestion: use is as an opportunity to do a major downsize of material goods. You are always going to be strapped for space in NYC regardless of your income or square footage. Do a MAJOR purge before packing. Anything you don't use regularly, either sell or give away. You won't miss it!
[ Reply | Options ]^^OP here again. Wow..I knew it might be a little tight but everyone is making it sound like we will have a miserable life. We pay for 2 private here now, albeit only 25k each, have a house with all the expenses that entails, 2 nice cars. We live comfortably with 300k here. And yes I know that NYC is much more expensive...moving into a good public school district is our back up. Everyone sounds like it is not doable with kids in private and a HHI of 300k.
[ Reply | Options ]It's not, and I think your kids will resent you for it. That's sort of old be changing their lifestyle so drastically.
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Wow! Really classy! I agree with the poster above, you are obviously not in the same league as the rest of us on here and don't belong in the conversation.
[ Reply | Options ]You ^^ are a bitch to the nth degree. I agree with some of the posters who are finding her lashing out at you and some of these others as appropriate. Listen to yourself! "you are obviously not in the same league..." it reminded me instantly of the head cheerleader at my jr. high school, who was just AWFUL. Popular anyway because of a fortuitous combination of looks and money, but awful. She used to say things like that to peripheral peer players. Ugh. Makes my stomach hurt just recalling.
[ Reply | Options ]You just described me in high school! My jr high didn't have cheerleaders, though I would have been one if it had.
[ Reply | Options ]Grow up. The C-word poster is clearly an unstable reactionary. Or fake. Get off the drama llama about junior high.
[ Reply | Options ]What the fuck are you ladies talking about? It isn't my drama, I was recounting it because YOU all seem to retain so much of it, or continue to act, even as grown adult mothers, like jr. high school cheerleaders putting other women down and calling them out of your league. It is adolescent and ridiculous, and is, seemingly, now YOUR drama. I was in essence asking you to grow up.
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i dont believe you for one minute. not possible - even if your apt. cost $1,000 / month - that would mean you, dh + 3 kids would live on $58k a year - not in tribeca - liar!
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That's our HHI exactly and we could never, ever afford private for 2 on that in NYC. We have additional expenses - student loans, ft nanny (because we both work), etc., but none of them add up to 2 private school tuitions. Definintely move into a great public school zone just in case and have your kids take the gifted and talented test when you're finally in NYC over the summer. Best of luck!
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Do the math 300K=200K after taxes. Private is approx 65K and rent will be around 5k month=60K a year. That leaves you with 75K or $6,250month for food, phone, cable, IRA, college savings – and that is w/o a single party, cocktail, vacation etc.—you will be very stretched.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: ITA. That is very little money if you have any childcare needs beyond just school also. Forget OPs details, but if you need to pay someone to help with school pick ups/drops offs even 4 hrs/day x 5 days x 15/hr = another $1200/month gone. Now we're down to $5K. Groceries, utilities, life ins premiums, any 401 contributions, student loans or any debt? It is incredibly tight and you will be watching every cent.
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OK.. I have no idea what these people spend their money on (thousand dollar shoes etc..) but 300K is fine with private schools! Park Slope good idea. Can buy nice apt(2 -3 bdr) for 1-1.2m in Park Slope or house in Ditmas/Windsore Terrace for same. Booklyn privates are cheaper (25K)than Manhattan avarage (35K)... hard to get into though. NYC fabulous place to bring up kids!Go for it!
[ Reply | Options ]To the OP: Make sure to inquire with DOE's Gifted & Talented Program about over-the-summer testing procedures for entry. They will make testing available to newcomers moving to NYC over the summer, but you will need to be proactive about this. Email and call until you get answers.
[ Reply | Options ]Are you set on living in NYC? I make about $300K and have 2DC and, although we loved living in the city, we moved to the suburbs before my oldest DD started school. It's not that we couldn't have afforded to stay - it just would have involved a lot more compromises than we personally wanted to make.
[ Reply | Options ]I am from California and I have to say that you need to prepared to have compromises. 300k in California goes so much further than NYC. Everything and I mean everything is more expensive. You pay for space and I don't mean cutting down to half the size of your house, I mean cutting down to 1/4 of your house space for much more money. Consider that a 100 square foot apartment is 1,000 bucks in NYC and not a nice one. Can you do it? Absolutely! But some of the "luxuries" from California are going away. If you want private school, you are going to be middle class. Again middle class! If you go to public school, you are going to keep more of comforts. Start looking at what it would cost to either buy or rent your current place in NYC....
[ Reply | Options ]We just moved from San Francisco 2wks ago. It's a lot different, good and bad. Yes, much more expensive. We took a place in Westchester - lots of room, great schools, 30~ min commute. Decided to do it this way to see just what expenses are going to be and where we want them to go. Miss the city something fierce, but a year in the 'burbs to figure everything out seems an ok compromise. Might think about it as an option.
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My son is 2. We figured this way we could find our area (be it the City or Park Slope, etc) with a little less stress. House rentals are affordable. Can see it being a little more difficult with 6 and 9, not wanting to switch schools continually. 2 is a much easier age. But thought I'd throw it out there - there are always options. cheers.
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oh, then i dont really know. do you belong to a synagogue? is she in public or private?
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i would try partners in torah. they are an amazing organization that pairs people wanting to learn hebrew or other jewish subjects with volunteers who will tutor them 1x wk. i dont know if they work with kids as well, but would imagine they might! i know many people who've gotten matched up with them, and loved the experience. google it, if you cant find, i'll look up for you.
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[-]I am wracked with mommy guilt. My son (second grade) was supposed to bring in a T-shirt for some project on Japan. We got the shirt and put it in his backpack on Friday. He forgot to turn it in. I reminded him again on Tuesday. He forgot. I reminded him again this morning. When I picked him up, the T-shirt was still in his pack. WHen I asked him what happened, his answer was "I forgot". I went balastic at him. I screamed over and over again at him and called him lazy. I told him that being a parent was a waste of my life (I work a full-time job) and on and on. Now he is eating dinner and watching a movie with his little brother and sister. I don't know what to do.
49 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]talk with him privately and apologize for your rant. then come up with a plan together for how he will turn in the t-shirt next day.
[ Reply | Options ]So my real problem is that he is lazy and it makes me crazy because I am anything but lazy. Also, I do regret being a parent
[ Reply | Options ]really, with 3 kids? when did you come to realize this? sorry, i just find that absurd.
[ Reply | Options ]Sorry that my life is absurd to you but it is real to me. And I didn't regret being a parent until recently - but that isn't really the issue anymore. I am their parent and try my hardest to do a good job. That said, I can't condone lazy. If there are legitimate school problems, I will help my kid 100% (and I do homework with him everynight) but lazy...
[ Reply | Options ]How is forgetting lazy? Lazy is thinking, "Oh, I need to turn this shirt in. But I don't feel like getting up." Forgetting means it didn't even cross your mind. Maybe you should do your duty as a parent and teach him how to remember things before you go throwing around "lazy".
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Wow. You're a b!tch, plain and simple. Even the worst of parents don't say things like that to their kids.
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LOL - since I went through years of infertility treatments to have the DCs and stay married to their father for them, the thought of an abortion never occurred to me. Plus, the oldest is only 7 and I am just not ready to discuss choice issues.
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op: HUH? Let's see, I work at a real job full time, I have a 7 year old and 5 year old twins, my dh is self-employed and not here in the evenings, and I lost my temper. So, oh perfect one, how is this a "mess" different from other over-stresssed working mothers?
[ Reply | Options ]The fact that you mentioned it was such a struggle to stay married to the father of your children suggests some serious issues. As if the unforgivable obscenities you screamed at your child weren't enough.
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i think the "mess" comment comes from someone who went through 7 yrs of infertility treatments, had 3 kids, and now regrets having kids! that does sound like someone who is a mess and/or made a mess. as for your outburst, you feel bad, go talk to him one-on-one, explain that you lost your temper and you don't feel good about that, tell him why, tell him how much you love him and you will work on your temper and he must work on remembering what he needs to do at school or whatever else.
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OP again: Amazingly, all of this venting has helped. I will talk with him tonight about how forgetting can seem lazy. Thanks. Oh, and I am a bi*ch but I basically am an o.k. parent.
[ Reply | Options ]You need to get some therapy and learn better boundaries with your children. it is fine to feel sometimes that you are wasting your life as his parent, but you are abusive to actually say this to a second grader. I have 3 dcs and have "lost it" numerous times but actually have never crossed a line as large and as red as the one you crossed. The issue is not Mommy guilt. You need to see a therapist and talk about this before you do serious psychological damage to your kids. I hope you will take this very seriously and see someone about it. One time won't do damage, but you don't seem to see how bad it was. Your "I can't condone lazy" comment really shows you have no sense of proportion at all. You need to learn to manage your feelings withou...
[ Reply | Options ]To me the real problem here is that you say you "regret" being a a parent. Tun, don't walk, to therapy before you do lasting damage. Kids pick up things like that. Anyone who went through years of fertility treatments and must have felt the darkness of not having kids who would then regret having them has some major issues to deal with.
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You are me. I'm actually trying to find a good psychotherapist who deals with anger issues. I am basically hanging onto the knot at the end of my rope these days. GL
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got names for prescribing psychiatrists today.. but that's not the type of doc I really need. not sure where to start except to "network" and I really don't feel like saying talking about my issues with friends and colleagues.
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Are you interested in some really good references for therapists who go sliding scale?
[ Reply | Options ]Sure. I have insurance.. so not really sure if sliding scale is applicable or not. Am happy with UES suggestions too. Will travel to the Northeast quadrant to get shrunk. Just won't live there.
[ Reply | Options ]email me at Nokilissa@nyc.rr.com. I have waaaaay too much experience here. And know some really good therapists, male and female.
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Don't be so hard on yourself. Every mother has bad days and today was just one of them. Apologize to your kid for calling him lazy and for losing your cool. I think your kid will appreciate it, at least later on, to see that parents can make mistakes and still respect kids enough to apologize. I agree with the poster who suggested a mnemonic device, rubber band or even writing t-shirt on his hand. He will always be forgetful and get on your nerves for it (my husband is too). But realize he's not you and will eventually have to figure it out when mom isn't around to do it for him. Good luck. You sound like a caring, normal, tired, mom to me.
[ Reply | Options ]Therapist here. You could really use an ear, and it sounds like help figuring out how to cope with it all and feel better. You will benefit, as will your kids. If I may, I strongly discourage you from talking with your son about laziness. Bringing it up at all in the context of an apology will be a mistake and will be confusing to him. You need to let him know that Mommy's not perfect, and sometimes says things that she doesn't mean. And you're very sorry for that part. And you love him to the moon and back and always will. THAT is the conversation you need to have tonight. Then start thinking about yourself and who you'd like to talk to.
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[-]Labor question: I am due this week, and I was just sitting on my couch and felt a 'pop'--and felt a little like I wet myself, but just a tiny bit. When I went to the bathroom, there was blood, enough to soak through my sweatpants--but not a lot of water. So did I lose my mucus plug or break my water? I'm a little confused. This didn't happen the first time.
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Is this your second or third? This happened to me with my third. good luck and take a deep breath!
[ Reply | Options ]When your water breaks it is a gush of water and doesn't really stop for a long time. You know it when it happens (although it doesn't happen to everyone). There's also not necessarily blood. That sounds like something else.
[ Reply | Options ]I have had 3 dcs and the first my bag popped and the water stopped shortly afterwards bc the head was plugging the opening (positioned wrong too so it felt to the doc like it was not fully engaged -- posterior brow). they tried to break the water later and found it already broken (they had assumed it was not broken since water did not continue to leak). second dc I had a mucous plug which sounds similar to the blood you are seeing. was in labor within hours and delivered less than 12 hours later. EIther way I think you will see db soon! GL
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[-]I am afraid to take a pregnancy test just to be disappointed. I am almost 3 months post miscarriage and have not even gotten my period yet. I feel like maybe I may be pregnant but do not want to do the test. Can I get pregnant after a miscarriage even if I haven't gotten a period?
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[-]I saw Michelle Obama's dress in person and it was really beautiful. It didn't read well on tv, but she looked great.
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had alot of good features. i would not say lovely...but i see why people like it. for us, way too chaotic, loud, nutty
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people loitering in the stairwells, so many parents in the school hallways and classrooms, middle school kids yelling from the windows, like prisoners...
[ Reply | Options ]I have to defend 3 - we go there. It does get messier when you let parents into the school, but I like that. Not fond of the middle school but they do keep them pretty separate. We chose three because dc is very advanced in some ways and at grade level in others. I thought 3 would be better at dealing with that and we've been very happy. I think it's designed to be more child oriented than adult oriented.
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or: You should go where you feel is right for you. DH liked 41 better because it felt like his suburban elem. I liked 3 better but the deciding factors were 1) our psd's recommendation that 3 would be much better for our particular child, 2) the teachers like 3 and stay there and 3)It's a much smaller school. The academics at 3 are certainly as good as 41. DC is being challenged, scored 4s and is very happy so they must be doing something right. And as far as my referring to 3 as being child oriented that's even in the hand book. That's why they allow controlled noise and skipping in the halls. Adult oriented means a more controlled environment. Not necessarily a bad thing for some people. There are still plenty of rules at 3 btw....
[ Reply | Options ]OK. Please go to 41. I'm sure you'll be very happy there. It's a great school. Standardized testing is not the best measure but it's what we have, and it is used to determine what middle school you go to. Dc is still challenged and happy after 5+years there. That's what's really important to me.
[ Reply | Options ]Didn't you just state that the tests were "proof of nothing?" Or are you another poster? I don't think 41 has necessarily more academic rigor than 3, at least that's not what I've heard from the parents who have had kids at both. I do think that the teachers vary in their approaches at 3. Is that not true at 41? Teachers do have a lot of autonomy which is why many love it. There are definitely some with higher academic expectations than others.
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i have to agree. i love the idea of progressive education, of letting dcs learn through play and not getting bogged down with rules and discipline, but the reality is not pretty! and parents i know whose dcs are older are not so happy with the education dcs got there. but to each her own!
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can someone tell me about TAG? i did not go to open house. if dc tests for citywide, would you suggest this? looked at website and it had no info
[ Reply | Options ]if you don't have a good zoned option or district-wide. otherwise not worth it imho.
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anderson, definitely. it has a real track record. nest, not so much and i think it is an acquired taste. i personally think there are many schools just as good without the hassle of the commute and the excessive rigor, but many think it is the second-best in the city.
[ Reply | Options ]hmmmm. interesting. if dc got top score, would you put down #! Anderson, TAG as 2nd choice over NEST? people looove their NEST. impossible to get into now, so we hear.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: I have heard very, very positive things about the education at NEST. It might not have the track record of Anderson, but if it's closer to where you live, you should strongly consider it.
[ Reply | Options ]i think it's right for the right dc. if your dc is very focussed, task-oriented, etc., choose nest. otherwise you will be unhappy.
[ Reply | Options ]what if they need "structure" is better when engaged and goes off to la la land during free or choice time?
[ Reply | Options ]nest really doesn't tolerate going off into la-la land from what i understand. but i have no first-hand experience.
[ Reply | Options ]I know kids who are happy there but from what I know and what you say about your child I don't think it would be a good fit. Previous poster who said "dc's who are very focused and task-oriented" has it right. You can send your child to someplace that has structure but you don't want to grind him down. I think Nest while good for some kids is certainly not for all no matter how bright.
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you'll need a 99 to get into either a or n (high 99 for a). for tag you will only need a 90. so better to rank a, n, tag imo.
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ps9, ps87, msc, anderson. all our favorite picks for this year, not necessarily in that order
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that school seems to have problems these days. g&t being phased out, grumbling by some parents about the school in general, not great doe report card.
[ Reply | Options ]search "116 intimates" and in the first post someone listed the actual rankings by math scores (which you can easily look up and compare yourself on insideschools, but I'm not that motivated). You can see that 6 definitely is impressive as the only non G&T (though of course it started as a G&T to get that impressive). But 116 is right behind 6 and that's counting anderson and LL.
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[-]6yo ds came home again with another note from teacher. He and a classmate were rough-housing. It's always the same "Ds is too physical". Dh and I already met with the teacher, had serious discussions with ds, took away privileges, time outs, etc. I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
107 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Maybe teacher can work on POSITIVE reinforcment - "rewarding" the good behavior. Also, giving DC tools to recognize when his internal engine is running too fast and then strategy for stepping away/calming down. Is this private or public?
[ Reply | Options ]ita. in my experience positive reinforcement is way more effective in eliciting good behavior, but it might be hard for a teacher to employ that since it takes a great deal of individual attention to notice the good behavior. bad behavior calls attention to itself
[ Reply | Options ]not op, but we're in public and the teacher positively reinforces the whole class when dcs with behavior issues keep it under control. (extra playground time, etc.) it works because no one is singled out and the dcs pull for each other because they know they will all be rewarded.
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ITA It really bothers me when I see so many teachers trying to force parents to manage their classrooms. I've taught that age and "physical" six year old boys are par for the course. The teachers should be giving the parents tips on helping their children to succeed, not the other way around.
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I had this problem with my ds in public. The teacher took away his recess and made him sit at a table and do work while the other kids were playing. At first I was upset because my son is physical and needs the activity however, it worked and he knew the consequences of being a bully. He is back on track.
[ Reply | Options ]sounds like mommy is the bully. the kid in this example was never described as a bully. he was rough housing with a friend. since when did that imply bullying. you are the same nutjob out there seeing bullies at every turn.
[ Reply | Options ]oh, please. clearly op is painting a rosy picture. the teacher would not be saying ds is too physical if he were just horsing around. rough housing in this case obviously equals bullying. np, btw.
[ Reply | Options ]np: have seen this twice over the years. some teachers do not tolerate that AT ALL!!! You have no idea, as you obviously do not have a kid who rough houses. but some teachers just cannot deal with it. op is not painting a rosy picture. she has no reason to lie here. you on the other hamd, see badness in kids with very little evidence for it. You are a freak.
[ Reply | Options ]op: thanks for understanding. you are absolutely right, my ds is NOT a bully. he just enjoys playing rough with the other boys (and the other boys do it too)...but has a hard time settling down because he is having too much fun.
[ Reply | Options ]omg, you are in such denial. if the other boys were as much of a problem as your ds they would all be getting notes from the teacher. the sooner you face reality, the better off your ds will be.
[ Reply | Options ]they do get notes. i refuse to bring the other kids in in this discussion. my concern is MY dc. the other boys' parents will do what they need to do. I am trying to figure out a way to get MY ds to settle down in school and ignore the other boys if they initiate the rough-housing.
[ Reply | Options ]do you not understand english? what is op denying? she clearly sees that ds is having problems with controlling his impulses.
[ Reply | Options ]she thinks he's having "fun." not creating problems. she thinks the other ds are just as physical as hers is. which they obviously aren't since she's getting notes from the teacher. she has been told ds is "TOO physical." but she just thinks he has a hard time "settling down." sorry, but she is in total denial.
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np. i think she gets it. maybe op's ds isn't a bully, but op is clearly making excuses.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't think she is making excuses, but it is hard for many parents to understand the severe and harsh reactions some people have to a 6 yo boy horsing around. it has gotten crazy. so there assessment of the situation is compromised. they see their normal kid being rambunctious, understand he needs to calm down in school, but they don't see him as the monster some people (see above) think he is...which is accurate. then they are put in the position of disciplining and helping their son calm down while fending off the crazy attackers. its a weird position. you want to take a hard line, but people want you to admit your kid is a monster, which he is not. so people seem like they are making excuses when they really are just trying to ...
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I think yo were abused by your parents and have a lot of rage and craziness. I feel for you. your background, whatever it is, is filled with a lot of pain.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I keep wondering if she was abused by her brother. she really has issues that are very specific. doubt someone like this could tolerate being married for long.
[ Reply | Options ]this is a weird response. can't you just agree to disagree? your charmingly rambunctions ds is her little monster? i actually find it interesting that there's no middle ground. while i agree that ds aren't wired the same as dds when it comes to being able to sit still and behave, i think it's odd that any teacher who as much as sends a note home to a parent about a ds who rough houses is branded an insensitive moron who must be fired immediately, and that the poor ds she has singled out is destined for over-medication and suicide(!) unless we all band together and do something. crazies on both sides imo.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't think people were saying teachers are morons for trying to get rambunctious boys to settle down. The responses here are geared toward the poster saying the kids are bullies and the parents are in denial. Then getting crazy as some of these people do. Eg f...ing trainwreck etc
[ Reply | Options ]this was in response to saying the parents are in denial about their bad seeds. that poster went on to say that the dcs were in need of therapy, dangerous to her dc and to keep them away. she is a loon, and she is just the type who goes on a rampage, particularly at public schools where such people can't be kept out. I think teachers run the gamut. some tough, but solid. some nice and sweet. some fearful and defensive. all the range of human response to a tough job. if fact, a number of people on this thread judging teachers and the sending home of notes, were teachers themselves who felt they were better teachers, more capable or whatever. typical UB stuff IMO.
[ Reply | Options ]band together? please! this is rubbish. attend to your own dc and you will be fine. I do not get involved with other kids in the class or their discipline issues, and I do not go against the teacher if she tells me my kid needs to work on something. you should do the same, and stop imagining that "we" have to do anything together. get a life, make it all less personal and everybody will get along just fine.
[ Reply | Options ]many of the attacks on the teacher came before that poster ever started ranting. i'm sticking with my story: complete and utter crazies on both sides. poster who thinks i'm urging we all band together, etc., please check your reading comprehension skills before urging me to get a life.
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My ds (also 6yo) was a bundle of energy. Now I have him do calisthenics as we walk to the bus each morning. I'll have him run to the next light post and give me ten jumping jacks, by the time he is done I have walked to where he is and I then tell him to sprint to the next no parking sign, count to three then sprint back to me, then run to the next tree and giv eme ten alt toe touches, etc. He gets activity and we play a fun game. Once he is beat, we hold hands and walk the rest of the way.
[ Reply | Options ]have you ever had him evaluated? it sounds like you've taken away privileges and punished him, yet the behavior continues. could be some type of attention deficite issue
[ Reply | Options ]Were they rough housing on a third classmate? I mean sometimes some kids just need to get physical.
[ Reply | Options ]np. i hate this attitude. clearly the teacher thinks there's a problem. stop making excuses for op's ds.
[ Reply | Options ]stop turning into more than it is. better yet, let's just advise op that her dc is a moster bully, she should be as harsh and sever as possible and if that doesn't work, she should stop loving him since you don't. feel better now? would tar and feathering the kid help?
[ Reply | Options ]hey, why not just invent a diagnosis and medicate the kid with powerful brain drugs that will cause future mood disorders, stunt his growth and lead to suicide by the time he's 21? THAT WILL TEACH HIM FOR BEING A TERRIFYING ACTIVE KID AT AGE 6 YO
[ Reply | Options ]you people who don't believe in dealing with a 6 y/o brat need a cluestick. i have a ds who is active and he knows better than to "rough house" (c'mon, we know thi is code for BULLY) at school. please keep your "physical" little angel away from my dc until he's in therapy, which he will be as an adult because he's a F&CKING TRAIN WRECK THAT NO ONE BOTHERED TO STOP!
[ Reply | Options ]op: my ds is NOT a bully. teacher assured us that he is not. i agree with you that dh and i do need to deal with his over-physicalness in school which was the whole reason i posted on here hoping to get some helpful advice. you seem like a very hostile person and excuse me and the rest of the world if our dcs are not as perfect as yours.
[ Reply | Options ]np: don't even bother with this nut. she unfortunately missed the therapy boat. she is angry, frightened and crazy. she thinks her dc is in mortal danger from all the other normal kids at school. she creates trouble wherever she goes, and tries to ferret out and make trouble for other kids she believes she is right and sees danger everywhere. she is paranoid and a train wrck herself. I can only hope she is not destroying her own dcs with this obsession.
[ Reply | Options ]read the thread: "the teacher isn't doing her job," she's cowing to "the complainers," she "identifies with the crazies." teacher "can't handle..normal behavior."
[ Reply | Options ]if a teacher is like you, all those things would apply, and I would hope she would find another profession for which she is better suited and less personally compromised. as for the judgements of teachers posted here, they were made largely by other teachers. OP was trying to work with the teacher for a better solution before you, the troll, showed up.
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NNP-Please keep your little darling away from my physical dc. She will likely have problems when your crazy brat goes making up lies to get your attention.
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OR: The post (note) says only that he was rough housing WITH another kid. I think one of the problems with our over scheduled children in classes where they are expected to sit quietly for un Godly lengths of time with too little activity is that the odd kid who is otherwise a nice/good kid -- sometimes can't control himself. One of the kids in my ds' 1st grade class is a perfect example. He is an active kid. Gym once a week and dance once a week is just not enough activity. Throw in snow/rain/cold days when they can't go outside for recess and those kinds of kids are doomed.
[ Reply | Options ]my ds is very active and we have never gotten a note from the teacher. if all ds were this way the teacher would be sending notes to every single parent. which clearly isn't happening.
[ Reply | Options ]that is teacher dependent IME. some teachers pull out all stops, notify the parents, tell other parents about the active kids just to protect themselves. it backfires though and makes them patsies and too exposed. over time they learn if they are smart they will never satisfy the crazies and will then have a huge problem on their hands trying.
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op: no not at all. ds would never intentionally hurt anyone (physically or emotionally). he is actually a very sweet kid, just very physically playful.
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The teacher isn't doing his/her job properly, imo. Rough-housing is something s/he should be able to handle without informing you between conferences. And the poster who says roughhousing = bullying is a nut.
[ Reply | Options ]i don't think a teacher should be expected to handle a dc who is "too physical" without the parents' help.
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a parent should have no role in teaching dc how to behave? are you out of your mind?
[ Reply | Options ]np. It's obvious she's talking about behavior that's within the range of normal and takes place at school. Roughhousing at school definitely falls under that heading. It's a sad statement on the teacher's authority if she can't handle that without calling in Mom and Dad for backup.
[ Reply | Options ]I think they do it to protect themselves from the crazy moms whose dds complain in order to get their mothers' ear. these moms get all juiced up about the bullies harming their dds or interrupting their leaning time, and the teacher feels she has to CYA. otherwise most good teachers would just deal with it.
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agreed-my son is in a group of rambunctious kids who are always rough-housing -the school has never ever referred to it as bullying
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i must say -i think boys really take the brunt of all the behavior stuff. teachers are ill-equipped to handle classes these days, do not know how to discipline and are afraid to.............boys are crazy hyped up little jumping beans--largely harmless but constantly in trouble and then they develop complexes about being bad..............
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I could have written this. We are having the exact same struggle and have tried everything. DS says he "doesn't know" why he can't keep hands to himself, and doesn't seem to care no matter what we do. I'm afraid he's going to get invited to leave the school for good if he doesn't straighten up.
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The other afternoon My wife and I Took a little ride into Beverly Hills Went to the private school Our oldest child attends Many famous people send their children there This teacher says to us We have a problem here This child just will not do A thing I tell him to And he's such a big old thing He hurts the other children All the games they play, he plays so rough Hold it teacher Wait a minute Maybe my ears are clogged or somethin' Maybe I'm not understanding The English language Dear, you don't seem to realize My Life Is Good My Life Is Good My Life Is Good, you old bag!
[ Reply | Options ]bully mom, you really need help. now you are collecting songs that support your craziness and posting them on UB? Please get help. whatever happened to you, the pain can be lessened and channneled into something better for you.
[ Reply | Options ]no, I'm an NP. But I do believe that the weak do need to come to terms with the strength of others in lots of ways, and the sooner the better.
[ Reply | Options ]what are you talking about? sorry, but many of us are not on your wavelength and need some translation. weak vs strong? randy newman lyrics? what are you saying exactly?
[ Reply | Options ]np from above. she is the same crazy lady on UB all the time with her threats and her war against others. she is mentally disturbed as witnessed by the various posts here, including this one. best to ignore.
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Ok, its an amusing old song, one verse of which (quoted above) applies quite directly to the OP's situation. It's Newman's facetious response to exactly such a meeting. So that establishes relevance. Socialization is the process by which people, innately different from one another, blessed and cursed with differing abilities and aptitudes, all learn to get along with eachother. If a strong kid is dominating others physically, there are ways that the kids themselves, from time immemorial, have learned to band together to impose a cost on that kid, which renders it undesirable for him to act that way. The same goes for the highly intelligent kid who uses his brain as a cudgel with which to diminish other children. Or an attractive kid who doe...
[ Reply | Options ]though relevant to this OP, it represents the view that OP's dc is a bully, bad and will get what's coming to him or else. sounds very much like the crazy posters pov.
[ Reply | Options ]then you didn't read what I said. I came in late to this, but I have not, to my memory, ever participated in a "bullying" thread before. "get what's coming to him" implies that I think that violence is the solution, when there is no mention of that anywhere, and indeed the "cost" I was trying to indicate was a social cost, not a physical one.
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[-]anyone remember a school that was back in the 1970's, called the Billdave club? on the upper east side, I believe. Thanks.
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[-]Anyone know what's up with Randalls Island? Heard not available now for schools to use. Is this true and does anyone know when it will be available again? TIA
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]www.risf.org
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[-]buying something on craigslist in CA. I am in NYC. i wanted to pay paypal (its $450) and they said they don't have a pay pal account and i can use a certified money order or western union. does this sound fishy?
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]ask them to put it up on an ebay buy it now auction and add the small fees to the total cost. make sure they have a good ebay ranking if they won't do paypal. otherwise, yes this is a total scam.
[ Reply | Options ]In order to have a good Ebay ranking, the seller must have sold stuff on there in the past. Chances are if they don't have a PayPal account, they don't use Ebay. I do Craigslist a lot and there are TONS of scams involving money orders and Western Union. I wouldn't do it.
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YOu do not need to sell tons to get a simple score. they list all sales and the percentage of negative, positive, neutral posts. you can at least establish honesty as a pattern or not. I agree that it is unlikely if they can't use paypal. however, if they are motivated to sell I would insist on ebay and paypal for the buyer protection. if they won't do this, it's a scam.
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I'm a patient of Dr Bradley; she's really great. Nice bedside manner, friendly and down to earth. Excellent surgeon/doctor, and supportive of wanting to avoid unnecessary interventions. Don't know Dr Ganz.
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you so much for your prompt reply. Is this your first? Have you delivered already? From my first visit with her, I have to agree with everything you said. Dr. Ganz is very similar in style, so I'm having a hard time choosing.
[ Reply | Options ]I went to Dr Bradley when I was pg with #2. Turned out Dr Rhee was on call the night I delivered. But Dr Bradley saw me through a preterm labor scare, and she was great the whole time. I heard Dr Rhee say once that Dr Bradley was an excellent surgeon. Is Dr. Ganz one of the new members of the practice (I haven't been there since July).
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I was also a patient of Dr. Bradley's and I can't say enough about how great she is! She's professional, warm, an excellent physician and very up on everything. A dr. who's no longer at the practice delivered me, but they are all pretty supportive of natural births. Dr. Bradley was on maternity leave during my miscarriage, but Dr. Rhee and her staff were so supportive through it. I would go with that practice in a heartbeat. Forget that Dr. Ganz person. Dr. Bradley's the way to go!
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[-]Any comments, good or bad, for Spring OBGYN in SOHO. I'm thinking of going to them for prenatal care. TIA.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I had a bad experience there--after one miscarriage, a sonogram tech wasn't able to pick up a heartbeat with a subsequent pregnancy at 5 wks. The technician suggested it wasn't viable, then the Dr. kept me waiting for an hour before calling me in to schedule a D & C--no suggestion to wait two weeks and try another sono. DD is now 6.
[ Reply | Options ]i like the midwife. the OB i saw was heartless. i had a miscarriage & she never once said, "i'm sorry for your loss."
[ Reply | Options ]I LOVE them. Heidi Flagg is my primary dr. and delivered #1, other drs. delivered #2 and #3. Flagg is very thoughtful, listens to your concerns and I felt that they are medically appropriate, but not pushing to medicalize birth
[ Reply | Options ]I have been a patient of Dr. Maldonado's at Spring OBGYN for about 8 years and I'm currently pregnant with my first baby. So far, I've had a wonderful experience. I am also very familar with the midwife Bonnie who is great. I don't know the other doctors. The hosptial you will deliver at is NYU. I do agree with another poster about the grumpy reception area. Although I find that to be true with most doctor's offices in the city.
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