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[+] I am wondering how woman can have (say) 3-5 kids under the age of 5. I know people wa... 6 replies
- i wonder if you are talking about my post. there's no evidence at all that shows a correlation between miscarriage and the closeness to a previous pregnancy. (other than something like pregnancy immediately after trauma to the uterus like a d&e after a miscarriage). if your question is why would you want to have kids close together, i'm happy to respond....
Talk : : February 15, 2009
I am wondering how woman can have (say) 3-5 kids under the age of 5. I know people want their kids to be close but putting your body through multiple pregnancies without first recovering and giving your body some times to adjust it's not good. I read so many posts about miscarriages when people are trying for a baby and they already have kids so close together. I am not flaming I just want to find out why? I have 1 dd and planned on getting pregnant when she was two but I never thought about having another one six months later. Pregnancy is a big stress to your body and even though our bodies are able to handle it, multiple times could end up making miscarriages more likely. My friend had a c-section and 2 weeks later she got pregnant because according to her 'she felt fine'. Now when her dd is born her ds will be 10 1/2 months. The doctor told her she will probably lose the baby because her body hadn't had time to heal. Just wondering and trying to distract from all school posts.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.15.09, 06:49 PM [ Flag ]Wanted to have sex two weeks after having a c/s is crazy but getting pregnant (intentionally) two weeks after having one is just pure insane
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i wonder if you are talking about my post. there's no evidence at all that shows a correlation between miscarriage and the closeness to a previous pregnancy. (other than something like pregnancy immediately after trauma to the uterus like a d&e after a miscarriage). if your question is why would you want to have kids close together, i'm happy to respond.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We have a 9 m/o and are trying to figure out when to try for #2 at the moment, for me the biggest issue is that I want to ensure I can give each dc as much of my time as possible. Personally I could never look after a nb and an 11 m/o as well as I would want to. I am thinking a 2 1/2 year gap will be more manageable.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here...I'm not really talking about any one post or any one person, except the one mentioned in the story. I don't exactly have a 'time frame' either. I was just wondering because I notice that people are just getting pregnant when their baby is just a few months to under a year old. I was 15 months old when my brother was born and I don't ever really feel like I got much quality time with my mom. Of course after 2 my mom was done but she makes it clear to me that it was not something she wanted, or something I should want. She has encouraged me to wait. Maybe that's why. I don't think I could handle more than one right now but I'm open to discussion about why others make the decision to have a baby while they still have a baby. I'm not trying to be rude I'm just curious that's all.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i guess a lot depends on your experience. i never felt cheated out of my mom's attention. i don't think my kids feel cheated out of mine. But that doesn't make it good or bad.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] someone distract me. i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. can't we have a stupid a... 23 replies
- the nut that has been posting for two days about her miscarriage? that's me. now i'm having a panic attack and...
- I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 healthy children after 9 1/2 years of...
- What the miscarriages and fertility have given me is perspective. When I'm...and has 4 kids. Believe me, hang in there. After 5 miscarriages, we started the adoption process. The adoption fell through and...
Talk : : February 15, 2009
someone distract me. i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. can't we have a stupid argument about something?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.15.09, 05:03 PM [ Flag ]Brearley sucks.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol. not quite a change of subject, is that?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Happy longtime public school parent here. What exactly is the cause of your misery? (Schools obviously...but what's your situation.)
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, not schools. you know the nut that has been posting for two days about her miscarriage? that's me. now i'm having a panic attack and i really need to be distracted.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm so sorry. I've never had an mc. It must be just terrible.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Let's talk. Where did you go to college and what did you major in?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. economics major from a cuny school. i was just thinking recently that it seems like nearly all posters here are college graduates. do you think that's accurate?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree. I was a music major. Leaving tomorrow to go visit my alma mater. First time in 14 years!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]cool! that's going to be an experience. we were such babies when we were in college. at least, i was. do you do anything related to your degree now?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do. I was a voice major. I still sing some professionally (small stuff) and teach lessons. Used to work in classical music radio. How did or didn't you use your econ degree?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]for a couple of years i worked in financial companies. then i switched fields and although i'm not working in finance/economics now, i got my job b/c they were impressed with my financial background.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 healthy children after 9 1/2 years of fertility issues that ran the gamut. My heart truly goes out to you. It will get better, I promise. Be good to yourself and let yourself feel whatever you may feel. Don't pretend, just go with the flow :)
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. i'm really lucky b/c i had healthy kids before the miscarriages. which i think makes it easier for me philosophically. but it's so hard to have it snatched away. trying to readjust all my thinking, all my plans, etc. and the anxiety. this feeling of instability b/c you start realizing anything can happen and it can happen to you, not just to other people.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What the miscarriages and fertility have given me is perspective. When I'm exhausted (which is a lot these days), I remember how sad and hopeless I felt without my kids. Be grateful, which I know you already are, so push through this. I know that having a plan is comforting, but life gives us what we want and don't want. Do something special for yourself this week (eat a brownie, go a for a walk, get a massage, read a junky magazine...something!)
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks very much.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: that is such a nice post - only someone who has been through hell can understand. signed, someone about to try ivf#7 and considering DE.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]de?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]donor egg.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you feel empowered by having the option or do you feel like it's a last resort, hail mary type of thing?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]totally empowered and hopeful. not hail mary at all. the odd are so much better than the crap i have seen with my own eggs. wish i had moved to it sooner.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that sounds great. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
DE? I know someone who went thru IVF 7 times and has 4 kids. Believe me, hang in there. After 5 miscarriages, we started the adoption process. The adoption fell through and we lost the baby girl. I now have a 3 yo boy and 10 week old girl....one of each! I'm not overly religious, but GOD has a plan! We are blessed and so will you be!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. i think my plan is to move on to donor egg - tired of waiting for god to figure things out for me.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i can't stop crying. shut-out. 26 replies
- NP. don't want to be unkind to you either, but I have had two second trimester miscarriages (one very late, bordering on third) and share your pain, but that does not mean that OP doesn't have a right to cry or feel badly. she obviously loves her DC and just wants what she thinks is best for him/her....
Talk : : February 15, 2009
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it's not over until it's over. Work the wl.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no wl?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]a lot of wls, a couple rejs.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: A lot of wls is where you want to be right now. Somethiing will open up.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Most likely. Depends on the wls. Don't think I'd want to be only on tt wls.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]They will move, too.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]They'll move for SOME kids. They're not going to let in kids with low erbs. So if you've got a bunch of rejections and tt wls and a kid with low 90s erbs, you're in a bad position, imo.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Don't you have wls? They'll move.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't want to be unkind. so don't take this the wrong way. but seriously. get a grip. i just had my second consecutive second trimester miscarriage. that's something to cry about. there are public schools available. and you can send your child to public schools and supplement with 30k of optional supplementary activities that will do your child a lot better than a private school. get a grip and move on.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP and I'm sorry for your situation but everyone's situation is relative and everyone is entitled to cry about what impacts them personally.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np I'm very sorry for your losses; I've had one mc and can imagine how horrible you feel. OP, however, is posting on the SCHOOLS board the day after she received disappointing news. She's upset--and rightly so.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: i know and i'd ordinarily not equate the two. it was the "can't stop crying" part that struck me.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op here: i'm sorry for your loss and i know in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. i will get a grip but today i'm crying and upset.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP. I'm sorry for your losses, but I think your response is really inappropriate. As someone noted above, this is the schools board, and people just received notifications after months and months of planning, applying, interviewing, hustling DCs to playdates, etc. Also, the global economy is imploding, and many people don't really know what their lives will be like in 6 months. School admission is a small thing in the grand scheme or the universe, but it's a big thing this weekend. Cut her some slack. And, I'm sorry to be a bitch, but I could say to you that people are starving in the world, children are having their arms cut off, and people are being tortured and raped, and you should therefore be happy you have a home and food to eat. Comnparisons of pain are really pointless.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^Comparisons of pain are pointless. Perhaps you shouldn't be here this week. A lot of people are going to be expressing strong feelings abouth admissions.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP. don't want to be unkind to you either, but I have had two second trimester miscarriages (one very late, bordering on third) and share your pain, but that does not mean that OP doesn't have a right to cry or feel badly. she obviously loves her DC and just wants what she thinks is best for him/her.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I know, it must be hard for you. Hopefully your dc will get into your fc from the WL. I know one dc who got into tt in May! Can you imagine?! Sometimes, your bad luck turns into your best luck. So, be patient and don't lose hope.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is us. No wl's. Were led to believe we shouldn't have a problem by our TT PSD based on high 90 ERBs, lovely child, etc. and now have nothing. Don't know what to do as we are in really bad school public zone.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no wl's? i'm sorry. did dc take olsats? is there a lottery in your district?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There's GOT to be more to this story if your dc had 98 or 99 erbs and no behavior issues yet only ended up with rejections.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]None that our school ever told us about. In fact we were given the impression dc is a joy to have. Totally unconnected and can't get past the feeling that we were simply not brokered. Weren't PITA and relied on PSD's word to just let the process work and evertyhing would be ok.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hmmm. Still surprised no wls. I guess this is why it's better to avoid these so-called tt preschool (full as they are of legs and sibs) if you're unconnected. In any case, your psd owes you some sort of explanation.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
where is your dc while you're crying? does he or she know why you're crying? stop taking this as a personal reflection on YOU, or your kid for that matter and remember that it's a ridiculous, flawed, statistically improbable game. Wash your face, hug your DC and get out of your apartment.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP - You are not alone. We have no acceptances and mostly WL's. Trying to stay positive but am not confident that the waitlists (esp at TT) will move much since there seems to be overacceptances this year.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: same here. 4 wl, 2 rejects. Keep a grip and we'll see what happens. I can only go with FA so it saddens me that if we could afford it maybe dd would have gotten into one of these schools but who really knows? Sit tight and there are bound to be openings, if not within the next 2 weeks, when the G&T results come out, so stay on the ongoing wl if necessary.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 09:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Have you seen all the multiple accepts on this board? The WLs WILL move, I promise. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 09:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DS was SO last year. Looks like it is happening again for 1st grade with a lot of WL'... 27 replies
- ITA. If you can't deal with people being upset over their school situation, deselect. Don't throw miscarriages, medical problems, unemployment, Buffalo, 9/11, Darfur and whatever other tragedy you think of in their faces. Obnoxious....
Talk : : February 14, 2009
DS was SO last year. Looks like it is happening again for 1st grade with a lot of WL's both years. I feel like a failure. My dc is a wonderful child who had top ERBs to boot. DH and I didn't go to any great shakes colleges and we are definitely middle class but we didn't ask for FA. I just don't understand this. I am devastated.
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.14.09, 06:49 PM [ Flag ]Did you apply broadly? FC letter? Well behaved?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No FC. Applied broadly. He's not a perfect angel but not a terror. I think we are just so average maybe no one wants us.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]1st grade is harder than k. fewer spots. birth month?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]early May
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTTA. My dc is in tt first grade. All of two kids left after K and were replaced with two others.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if it make you feel better my DD has been SO for the past 3 years. Her erb's were not amazing but still really good (94). Her brother goes to a SS school and she is smarter than him in many ways. In addition to being a curious, well behaved girl who I think is amazing. it is a flawed system! sorry you feel like you failed but you didn't! good luck I hope you get off the WL.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are a really nice person! I have been reading UB for over a year, and there are so few genuinely nice things written here. I applaud you!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dd had 99x3 and it looks like we'll be more or less shut out this year for K. We're not PITA types. Maybe too understated if anything. Not connected, but no FA. I feel like a bit of a failure, myself. Feel like she deserves a great education, and we blew it.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 07:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto for us. i'm so upset.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you mean more or less shut out?
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 08:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she can get a great education in public as well. She can always apply to private for middle school / high school. that's what we did.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 08:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you have wls? Are you missing any letters? If so, it's likely you have an acceptance.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
those waitlists will move, don't worry. Only question will be if you or dh still employed when they move. If you have the money, I think it will really work out. The economic problems have only just begun. Good luck to you and your child. This is a brutal process.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So sorry you are devasted. Our dc had high ERBs and was also SO. But there are many other ways to educate your child. We are in same boat. DH very sad, but I try to remind him that dc is STILL the same wonderful kid was this morning, and we are still a family all together. Devastation is what happened in 2001, or in Buffalo this week, or to children in Sierra Leone with no clean water. Good luck and think positive. Something good will come.
[ Reply | Options ]02.14.09, 08:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your post is nice and yet sounds so sancti and nasty at the same time.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so much for someone trying to commiserate
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
THIS IS THE SCHOOLS BOARD--not the 9/11 board or Buffalo plane crash board or Sierra Leone board!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
First grade is harder than K. Are you still waiting to hear from Saint Ann's or Collegiate? Maybe one of those will come through.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You should also call Mandell-I know a few kids are leaving the K class.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Isn't Speyer having a first grade? Why don't you try there?
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 05:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Speyer will open its doors to smart SO kids. I doubt they will have high yield first round this year.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 06:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh please. God forbid your kid goes to public school like most children in this city. "Devastated"? Save that for horrible medical diagnoses and loss of 60 percent of your income. "Failure"? Save that for when your kid grows up with zero self-esteem because you project your neuroses and bitter rejected feelings onto him for the next 12 years. Pull yourself together!
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you should deselect this board for the next couple of days if these kinds of posts disgust you so much.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. If you can't deal with people being upset over their school situation, deselect. Don't throw miscarriages, medical problems, unemployment, Buffalo, 9/11, Darfur and whatever other tragedy you think of in their faces. Obnoxious.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you can't read, clearly. maybe that's why your kid keeps getting shut out.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dc is already in ongoing, actually. And you ARE obnoxious.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTA, I got in my FC but two my close friends' DD's were SO and they have every right to be upset.
[ Reply | Options ]02.15.09, 08:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I was pg (gave birth in Oct) and I had 2 other friends pg at the same time. Unfort. t... 11 replies
- The other one had a baby with a heart defect. She tried carrying the baby as long as possible hoping the baby could survive but the defect was too much for surival. As for the old school friend, she said she caught an infection that caused the miscarriage and she's devastated...
Talk : : February 12, 2009
I was pg (gave birth in Oct) and I had 2 other friends pg at the same time. Unfort. they both lost the babies at 23 wks. I just learned that an old school friend was pg and lost her baby around 23 wks too back in Sept. We are all 40 yrs old. This is so upsetting. I know I'm fortunate to have my dc but to see these women lose their pg so late into the pg is so sad. Just venting
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 05:59 PM [ Flag ]losing pgs at 23 weeks is pretty uncommon. It sounds like they had amnio results that caused them to terminate - possibly.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Most likely terminations. still very sad.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh yes. I already had 2 dcs and lost #3 at 8 weeks ten years ago and I will never get over it.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: no they didn't. I'm very close to the first 2 that I mentioned and one just went into premature labor at 23 wks and the baby didn't survive. The other one had a baby with a heart defect. She tried carrying the baby as long as possible hoping the baby could survive but the defect was too much for surival. As for the old school friend, she said she caught an infection that caused the miscarriage and she's devastated
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]honestly, sounds like the third friend prob terminated. i have child with heart defect, and rather severe one at that. its almost unheard of for them to die in utero.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Who are you?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 05:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: when you are 40 yr old things like this can happen. It's unfortunate but you are at a higher rist. OP said they were all 40 yr old
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How incredibly rude, uncaring and jugemental you are. I lost two babies, one at 21 weeks and one at 20 weeks. Had amnio they were fine, no termination involved. My God woman... have you never even heard of incompetent cervix, and if not, how about compassion?
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 05:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm so sorry OP. There was a UK actress on Celebrity Babies Blog who lost her DB at 22 weeks. I believe she was in her early 30s. I think while age may have been a factor with your friends premature labor can happen to any woman at any age and sometimes the fetus is just too under-developed to survive under 28 weeks. I'm very sorry for your friends' loss.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]got pg naturally at 42. very healthy pregnancy. tough delivery but otherwise ok.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This isn't about you...jerk
[ Reply | Options ]02.13.09, 05:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I'm 39 and am 7 weeks pregnant. Just saw my obstretician and when I mentioned that I'... 2 replies
Talk : : February 12, 2009
I'm 39 and am 7 weeks pregnant. Just saw my obstretician and when I mentioned that I'd like to get a CVS instead of an amnio, he tried to dissuade me, saying that the risks of miscarriage outweighed the benefits of early detection. I REALLY want to get a CVS, as I had to terminate my last pregnancy at 13 weeks because of a chromosomal defect, and really want peace of mind as early as possible. I've heard that the risk of a CVS depends on where you go. Which hospitals/doctors have the best CVS rates in NYC? Does anyone know where I can find this information?(even though I'm definitely in a high-risk category my last pregnancy was terminated at 13 weeks due to chromosomal abnormalities -- detected at a routine check-up -- so I'm clearly at risk.) were detected with the sonogram.) went on and on aboutI had one healthy pregnancy (my daughter's now three) one miscarriage at 6 weeks.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag ]Carnegie Hill radiology. Dr Rebarber and Dr Saltzman. I've had 2 amnios..but isn't the CVS only 75% correct? or is that the nuchal?
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dr. Marc Evans - doesn't accept insurance but is pioneer with cvs and essentially does these procedures several times every single day. he was wonderful. i didn't ask his specific stats, but my OB said that he is the best. you can google him - he has a website.
[ Reply | Options ]02.12.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I'm 39 and am 7 weeks pregnant. Just saw my obstretician and when I mentioned that I'...
Talk : : February 12, 2009
I'm 39 and am 7 weeks pregnant. Just saw my obstretician and when I mentioned that I'd like to get a CVS instead of an amnio, he tried to dissuade me, saying that the risks of miscarriage outweighed the benefits of early detection. I REALLY want to get a CVS, as I had to terminate my last pregnancy at 13 weeks because of a chromosomal defect, and really want peace of mind as early as possible. I've heard that the risk of a CVS depends on where you go. Which hospitals/doctors have the best CVS rates in NYC? Does anyone know where I can find this information?(even though I'm definitely in a high-risk category my last pregnancy was terminated at 13 weeks due to chromosomal abnormalities -- detected at a routine check-up -- so I'm clearly at risk.) were detected with the sonogram.) went on and on aboutI had one healthy pregnancy (my daughter's now three) one miscarriage at 6 weeks.
[ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.12.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag ]
[+] i'm a mess. miscarried. the fetus is too big for a d&c. they had to do a d&e and i... 23 replies
- yes, you are never prepared. fwiw, the one I lost was my 3rd miscarriage in a row. I lost the prior 2 at 8 weeks. thought i was in...to get any results from the testing of this fetus. but after two consecutive miscarriages, i really want to be aggressive about looking for answers....
- a problem? the doctor i spoke to today said that they find reasons for miscarriages fewer than half the time. dh is looking forward to trying again and it'...
Talk : : February 11, 2009
i'm a mess. miscarried. the fetus is too big for a d&c. they had to do a d&e and i'm in a lot of pain. and i can't stop crying. and i'm so sad. i threw out all the ultrasound pictures. i don't want an ultrasound picture. i wanted a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. i know it gets easier but boy, this is really hard.
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.11.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag ]I'm sorry to hear. How many weeks were you?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]they think it stopped growing at about 13 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
oh man, I'm really sorry
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. it makes it so much easier just to "say" it out loud to someone. i don't want to talk to anyone irl.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So sorry. I miscarried at 6 wks and it was devastating. I can't imagine how hard it must be at your stage. Sending you good thoughts. Things will get better. Hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sorry for your loss.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm so sorry. I know that's really hard.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am so sorry. I lost a baby at 18 weeks. it really sucks. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better with time.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: this is my second pregnancy loss so i was a little more prepared for the possibility. but i guess you're never prepared enough for it not to hurt.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, you are never prepared. fwiw, the one I lost was my 3rd miscarriage in a row. I lost the prior 2 at 8 weeks. thought i was in the clear when i hit 12 weeks. I did go on to have a healthy child.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. it's so hard. you get past those "waiting for a heartbeat" weeks. then you breathe this sigh of relief. then boom. thanks for posting. it feels good for me to just talk it out, know that my feelings are normal, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]totally normal. just hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks again. i wish i could fast forward a couple of weeks. even a couple of days.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I miscarried at 8 weeks. It was painful, but I understood that it happened for a reason. It took time to move on though. I send you comfort.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So sorry to hear. I miscarried twice and now have a beautiful dd. If the baby stopped growing, there was something wrong with it -- you don't want a sick baby. It just wasn't meant to be this time around. Things get better -- it just takes time. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you know why you may have miscarried twice? have you seen a specialist?
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]haven't seen a specialist yet. the first time, the doctor said it was likely a chromosomal issue (trisomy 18, 21, etc). but with two in a row at essentially the same point in pregnancy, i'm very concerned.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Once you've collected yourself and ready, schedule an appt. with an RE and consider doing a genetics analysis of you and DH, and other workups that they do. You may get some answers and be able to have a healthy pg with some help.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. i think it's a good idea for us to do that. i don't know if they'll be able to get any results from the testing of this fetus. but after two consecutive miscarriages, i really want to be aggressive about looking for answers.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am very sorry for your loss. I had 3 mcs in a row and then went on to have a healthy full term pregnancy/new baby. It was a rough road and very very hard for me and my dh but you are not alone. I agree w/the above posters who suggest a visit to an RE. I saw Dr. Pak Chung at Cornell and found him extremely helpful -- there are some wonderful REs working in NYC who may be of great help to you. GL and again, so sorry for your losses.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. were they able to find a problem? the doctor i spoke to today said that they find reasons for miscarriages fewer than half the time. dh is looking forward to trying again and it's so hard. you put in your all. you follow the rules. you deal with the morning sickness and fatigue. you get past the first eight or ten weeks, start thinking about childcare, maternity clothing, telling people. and then it's snatched away.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My heart goes out to you. That sounds wrenching. I think you're right to look for some answers, if any are there for you. That way, at least you stand a chance of knowing what you're up against. Knowledge = power.
[ Reply | Options ]02.11.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] help--never thought I'd poll on UB but dh and I can't agree on name for dd#2--he is d... 25 replies
- friends have names that start with M. So I thought an M name might be good to commemorate my friends. Maisie was the only M name I like, the only M name I like. Thea means gift and is the greek Goddess of the dawn. After three miscarriages, I thought naming a child after a gift would be beau. Dh is a jerk....
Talk : : February 10, 2009
help--never thought I'd poll on UB but dh and I can't agree on name for dd#2--he is determined to name her Sophie, a name I simply can't like. He has shot down every name I like--Anna, Thea, Maisie, Emilia and Fiona. So vote guys--I want to hear which one of these names (including Sophie) do you like the best. I thought about Sofia as a compromise but have personal reasons for not wanting to go with it.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.10.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag ]Gotta go with your dh..I love SOPHIE and Emilia 2nd
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Fiona then Anna. If dd is named Sophie, she will be know in school as Sophie X, for sure.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]love sophie and it's a family name (great grandma who lived to 100), but i could not and would not name dd sophie because it is WAY to common right now. dont like your other choices at all. fiona only if you are irish/
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]since he hates them anyway, why not ask us for suggestions you BOTH might like?...Rosie, Sadie, Soren.. etc
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]love rosie
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Only name he likes is Sophie and he has no other suggestions. I've told him I'm open to suggestions. All the names I've listed have meaning behind them as well (Emilia, Maisie and Fiona all to keep same first initial of family member or friend). I love dd#1's name and she's named after my grandmother so coming up with an encore has proven very difficult.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA, scrap all those names and find one you both can agree on.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He says the name is Sophie--that's what he's decided--what would you say to dh who says this to you?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what is your last initial?
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'd say "I'm your partner and we both have to agree on it even if it takes up to the moment before db is born!" which is exactly what happened to me...
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sophie...there are trillions of them
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]emilia is best of the lot. i like sadie and rosie
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i loved the name sophie but would never use it because it's too popular now. I vote Anna.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Love Sophi/a but there are way too many these days. Emilia is great and Anna is classic. I find Maisie and Thea a little off. Fiona okay.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry. I vote sophie.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Somebody mentioned Ginger Rogers to me today and I thought "now that's a wonderful name you haven't heard in a thousand years."
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sophie is way overused.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I vote Thea. But I'm very intrigued by Maisie.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I like that too
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]All of my best friends have names that start with M. So I thought an M name might be good to commemorate my friends. Maisie was the only M name I like, the only M name I like. Thea means gift and is the greek Goddess of the dawn. After three miscarriages, I thought naming a child after a gift would be beau. Dh is a jerk.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Valerie, Veronica, Vivian, Gwendolyn, Guinevere
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Georgia, Caroline (Carolina), Cecilia
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Amelia-not Emilia,Maeve, Aurora,Genevieve,Camille
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, Emilia is nicer and not so common.
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and more confusing for poor dd to explain
[ Reply | Options ]02.10.09, 07:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I had a miscarriage at 8wks. I had a D&C 6 days after miscarriage. My doctor told m...
Talk : : February 09, 2009
I had a miscarriage at 8wks. I had a D&C 6 days after miscarriage. My doctor told me at my checkup appt. he had to put a few stitches in my cervix. I was wondering if anyone had this happen during a D&C and if it hinders on deters pregnancy. I want to get pregnant as soon as possible.
[ Reply | Watch | Options ]02.09.09, 04:04 PM [ Flag ]
[+] i envy moms with 6 or more kids 23 replies
- a new homestudy just after db turned 1yo. Swore that we weren't trying to get pregnant, I was still breastfeeding and didn't even have my period back yet. 4mos later I was pregnant so we were put on hold again. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 10wks. So no adopted dc or bio-baby. I can't help but think it's a sign....
Talk : : August 15, 2008
-
why?
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I envy those with 4. We have 2 and will stick with that. But I originally wanted 4. I'd also like to foster kids but it's not something dh is into and you really both need to be on board.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 01:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have 2 and want 4 also. I'm into adopting but everytime we've gotten close I got pregnant so now I'm scared to face our social worker.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 03:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I originally wanted to have 2 and then adopt 2. But having them never worked out so we just did the "adopt 2" part. We've got the greatest kids, we're really lucky.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did you adopt a sibling group? I really feel called to adopt, dh is just going along, so I'm a little scared to push it. This last time we were trying so hard not to get pregnant and dh thinks it's a sign. We can't afford 5 dc.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 04:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nope. Two domestic infant adoptions--kids are 6 & 2.5 now. My dh isn't ready for fostering so I might do something like CASA (court appointed advocate) when my kids are older. It's hard to get both spouses on the same page. Initially my dh was freaked out about domestic adoption and wanted to pursue international. But then he got educated (some workshops) about what it's really like and did a total 180.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dh was on board originally, but I got pregnant right after we closed on the house we purchased to be able to adopt. 4yrs later I got pregnant again right after we completed our home study. I'm 42, so getting up there in age. We went in for a new homestudy just after db turned 1yo. Swore that we weren't trying to get pregnant, I was still breastfeeding and didn't even have my period back yet. 4mos later I was pregnant so we were put on hold again. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 10wks. So no adopted dc or bio-baby. I can't help but think it's a sign.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 04:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you think you're going to try (to adopt) again?
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]As I said we're kind of scared to even approach our social worker again. Also our finances have taken quite a hit with us buying a house and having 2 dc. I want to look into state sponsored-adoptions because I really would like a little girl to fill in the 4yr gap between my bio-kids. However we are still mourning our lost baby. It's been less than a week since my miscarriage. I just don't know. I really liked being pregnant. Also I don't want to adopt a single child. I have 5 siblings, but my oldest brother has a different father. I think I've spent my entire life worried that he'll need a kidney or somrthing and none of us would be a match. I couldn't bear to adopt a child and be in that situation. Crazy I know.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 08:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm so sorry about your miscarriage--that must be hard. I do feel it will all work out. I think my children found me--once DS was born and came home everything made sense to me. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you. I think so too. I'm trying not to push but I just know our adopted dc are out there. I just wonder if now is not the time. I keep reading about older kid adoptions and wonder if maybe that's our path.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 08:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I envy anyone who can afford more than one. I am grateful for what I have though.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 05:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Children only cost as much as you let them.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's school that costs money. I live in an area that there is not a great public school. So close to $20K for PreK for one is all we can handle.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Children don't need pre-k.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 08:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LOL!! I guess I don't need to clothe or educate my dc then. Well, heck I'll have 10. Thanks for showing me the light! I have to log off now & get busy since I am already 35 & only have one.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What? Why don't you have to clothe or educate your dc's? This makes no sense.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If they only cost as much as you let them . . .
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 06:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's true. You are right.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Do you live on a commune?
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 06:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]There are plenty on low cost options for clothes. Buy out of season, on sale, 2nd hand or swap with others. We purchased in an area not known for good publics, but our dc are zone for the one good school in the neighborhood and that's where they're going. With the time & money we save on not going private or shlepping them out of district, we can afford enrichment classes that fit our needs. Also living in our non-trendy neighborhood thats walking distance to museums, libraries, the zoo and botanic gardens means we can afford the space for all the dc we want as well as the cultural activities that make living in NYC worthwhile.
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow, why on earth do you do that?
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Carol Brady?
[ Reply | Options ]08.15.08, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] newly pregnant and have a bachlorette party this weekend in AC--(i am 36 btw). the pa... 18 replies
- np: have you ever had a miscarriage? I am guessing no. And subterfuge is really not appropriate use of the word in this context...
- Uh, actually yes, I've had a miscarriage and also had to terminate a late term pregnancy for medical reasons. Lose the attitude and the subterfuge. Good SAT word...
Talk : : August 14, 2008
newly pregnant and have a bachlorette party this weekend in AC--(i am 36 btw). the party is for my cousin who is 28--so it will be a drink fest--of which i won't be partaking in--should I bail? or go and fake it?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.14.08, 01:56 PM [ Flag ]I'd bail, but that doesn't sound fun to me at all, so I'd be happy to have an excuse
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it would have been somewhat fun as a few of us "moms" were going and the younger ones were looking forward to us cutting loose (god help me)
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you like her, go and fake it. And be the DD. Say you're getting bloodwork done next week and can't drink, that can be easier than faking...
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How bout you just go and if someone asks say you're pregnant? If you're cousin loves you she'll be thrilled to share the joy all around.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA! I don't get all the hiding and subterfuge!
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: have you ever had a miscarriage? I am guessing no. And subterfuge is really not appropriate use of the word in this context...
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]actually yes. I lost a full term baby at 3 days and then had a m/c a few months later. Thanks for asking. I know everyone is different on this, but I don't see the big deal in telling a few people in cases like this - family. Work I can understand. Letting a few people know early? I just don't get it
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Uh, actually yes, I've had a miscarriage and also had to terminate a late term pregnancy for medical reasons. Lose the attitude and the subterfuge. Good SAT word by the way.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't really have an attitude but I do get a little peeved when someone acts like they know me here when obviously you don't. I dio understand that people are different. Just trying to give another POV.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That's awful, I am so sorry for your losses. People are just different. I just told my family at 12 weeks. I couldn't imagine sharing with anyone before then, except dh of course and also my sister who is my best friend. DH wants to wait until I am showing to tell his family.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]like I said everyone is different on this. I understand that people don't want it generally known, but in a case like this where it's a family member she seems to be somewhat close to, I don't get the big deal. FWIW we told as soon as I peed on the stick since we figured the people we would tell we were pg would be teh same people we would need for support if we had another loss. THanks for your sympathy
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR - you are welcome. since I had a loss too I could never imagine telling people right away. I was let down by some people's reactions with the first mc, especially in laws. I guess it's also definition of close - when I read a cousin 8 years younger, I don't necessarily assume close. She shouldn't be made to feel bad for not sharing simply because some people don't understand "all the hiding"...take care.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are right and I did not mean to try to make her feel bad for not wanting to tell. I probably got carried away! ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
No prob. And as an fyi, when pregnant with my current children we didn't tell a soul for 16 weeks we were completely freaked.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: What is she doesn't want to share the news? She said she's "newly pregnant"...
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how do you feel? tired or nauseous? If you feel ok and you think it will be fun, then go and fake it.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can just go and drink soft drinks. If anyone asks why you're not drinking alcohol just say that you're on medication and can't drink right now.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OK great idea. Go and tell everyone you're a raging alcoholic if they ask and that you tend to get physically abusive when you drink. I promise no one will push it after that.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 12 wks gp. Got good results from nuchal. Now deciding if I should have amnio. Am 3... 23 replies
- 10-15% chance that a chromosomal defect won't be detected. I was also terrified of a miscarriage as I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage 9 months ago. Did they combine the nuchal screening with the blood tests? What were your "odds"? GL with your decision....
- I had four years of hell trying to have a baby with miscarriages, termination for medical reasons, etc. The reality is that if you are living in New...
Talk : : August 14, 2008
12 wks gp. Got good results from nuchal. Now deciding if I should have amnio. Am 37 yo. Had #1 at 34 yo and didn't even think about amnio. Does 3 years really make a difference? Definitely can appreciate doing it but terrified of m/c.
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.14.08, 12:30 PM [ Flag ]I always think that the best question to help decide this is what would you do with bad results? The risk of m/c is very very small, but it is there. And your risk for birth defects does go up as you age, but what starts out as a very very small risk is still very low even if it doubles. FWIW I had a baby at 42 and didnt have amnio or CVS.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I skipped amnio at 37. Had good nuchal and a history of m/c.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is me
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had good nuchal results & didn't feel the need to do an amnio--I was 37 also.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]me too, also 37
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It's a difficult decision. I just had a CVS and I am 32. My reasoning was that I wasn't comfortable with the detection rates of the nucheal/blood testing in the first trimester, which 85-90%. Meaning there is a 10-15% chance that a chromosomal defect won't be detected. I was also terrified of a miscarriage as I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage 9 months ago. Did they combine the nuchal screening with the blood tests? What were your "odds"? GL with your decision.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Waiting for the blood results - just had the nuchal a few days ago. I will discuss with my OB at my appointment next week. I know I would terminate if there were defects so it probably makes sense to do amnio but still terrified of m/c
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what would you terminate for? There are varying degrees of defects, some life threatening and some not
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I knew/know (I am waiting for CVS results) I would terminate if something wrong also, that's why I wanted 99.99% detection rate, and the 85-90% detection rate (of nuchal an blood combined - nuchal alone is MUCH lower) just wasn't acceptable to me. I have a friend whose nuchal and bloods were "fine" with her twins and then in the delivery room, she found out one had down's. GL with your decision, I was extremely conflicted about it. If you do Amnio (or CVS, you still could), go to the best. Ronald Wapner at Columbia came highly recommended to me for CVS.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ I am the 32 yo OR...not the person asking why you would terminate!
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. I am pretty sure I will do amnio. Had great chat with OB about amnio - the practice has never had a m/c from doing amnio which is encouraging. Tough decision though - would have trouble living with myself if had a m/c but would be worse if didn't do it and problems
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Exactly. People might flame about this but I could care less...my reasoning was that as DEVASTATING as a MC following a CVS or Amnio would be, the pain would pass. Relying on screening results that are not as sensitive as they should be and then enduring a lifetime of a child with special needs, that you didn't have time to plan for...that is a lifetime of heartache...or it would be for me. take care.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np sorry but I find that really really sad. I hope all goes well for you.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too - especially since I already have a dc. I think it would make her life very difficult and I would have trouble doing that to her. My uncle is disabled (from a childhood accident) and I know my mother practically had to raise herself since her brother required so much attention. As an adult I think she still has issues from that.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is called life. lifetime of heartache? Not for everyone, the heartache would be in the termination.
[ Reply | Options ]11.28.08, 04:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
at 33yo w #1, i did nuchal and quad screen and felt that was good enough. at 38yo w #2, i went straight to cvs. i felt pretty strongly that i would terminate if there were chromosomal problems in a way that i was not certain w #1. the risk of m/c is very low (and cvs has higher rate than amnio) and i was willing to accept that risk - more so at 12 wks than later for me. no one i know whose had amnio or cvs w experienced doctor has miscarried.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR from above: just to add, there was a recent study last years published in obstetrics and gynecology indicating that the risk rates between Amnio and CVS were not clinically or statistically different in the large population they studied, and it was a 20 year sample. Point being CVS is no longer considered more risky, in experienced hands. Columbia, where I just had CVS done, quotes no statistical diff. in risk rates.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks - I read that today as a matter of fact. Which I knew that a week ago. I believe I am too late for CVS. But, I did read that amnio can be done anywhere from 15-20 weeks so I would like to do it as early as possible - although too early risk of m/c increases. It's all a lot to absorb. Thanks for your input!!!
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are welcome! Good luck with the blood results and Amnio.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They told me when I went for the amnio consult that 35 was the age that the chance of having a child with an age-related chromosomal defect was higher than the chance of miscarrying from the amnio. Only you can decide.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had four years of hell trying to have a baby with miscarriages, termination for medical reasons, etc. The reality is that if you are living in New York City and you go to someone who performs thousands of amnios per year the risk of it damaging the pregnancy and causing a m/c is smaller than minute. If you live in the sticks and are going to someone who does three per year, yes the risks are greater. In a major city have you ever, ever heard of anyone losing a baby from an amnio? I have not nor had anyone I know during the 4 years we were trying. And....I had twins which means two needles as there are two sacs. Everything was fine.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 02:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
36 yo here and I did CVS, and if it weren't an option, I'd have done amnio. Though I did spend the night before the procedure crying worrying about m/c'ing, it was totally fine and I am so glad now that I have that letter saying "chromosomally normal". Personally, I couldn't handle only getting statistics and not having actual test results... when my healthy DH was diagnosed with MS a few months ago, that was a 1:1000 chance (or even smaller odds if you factor in that 2/3 of the people who get MS are female), so my nuchal stats would have to be 1 in a million before I really felt safe.
[ Reply | Options ]11.28.08, 04:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I did nuchal with all 3, at 32yo, 35yo, and 38yo, all with good results. Didn't do amnio because I wouldn't have terminated.
[ Reply | Options ]11.28.08, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Depressing question, but how long after a miscarriage can I expect to get a positive ... 5 replies
- i had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, waited 3 months and now I am trying again. It took me 9 months to get pregnant originally and now I am two months into trying. I understand, but hang in there....
Talk : : August 13, 2008
Depressing question, but how long after a miscarriage can I expect to get a positive hpt? Anyone been there and done that? I am still holding out hope, even though it's pretty clear what's happening. Thank you.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.13.08, 02:44 PM [ Flag ]i'm sorry for your loss. i think the wait depends on your circumstances. if you are miscarrying at 6 weeks, there's usually no reason to wait. you'll get your period in four to six weeks and you can try again asap. i was later on in my pregnancy and my doctor told me to wait one whole cycle (two periods) before ttc'ing again. good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you for your response. I am very sorry for your loss as well. I am sad, but it was very early in pregnancy so a little easier than if it had been later in the pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 05:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks. It was devastating to me. My doctor told me to wait 2 cycles. I became pregnant exactly 9 mos. after the miscarriage. GL. So sorry for your loss. It's awful, just awful.
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yesterday I thought I was okay, but I realize I was still in denial. Now it's sinking in and yes, it is awful. I have a 2 year old who is just wonderful and I try to focus on him. The nine months trying again must've been hell. Just the thought of having to try again exhausts and really annoys me. Ridiculous sentiment, but I just don't feel like trying. It took 9 months with #1, and I was so happy not to have to go through the whole TTC phase with this pregnancy. I know this too shall pass.
[ Reply | Options ]08.14.08, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, waited 3 months and now I am trying again. It took me 9 months to get pregnant originally and now I am two months into trying. I understand, but hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]08.17.08, 01:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] that "what is your 6yo boy like" post is making me so sad. My 6 yo died when he was 3... 13 replies
- i think i spoke to you once here. are you the mom that recommended missfoundation? i had a late miscarriage and so i think i know a little of what you mean...
Talk : : August 12, 2008
that "what is your 6yo boy like" post is making me so sad. My 6 yo died when he was 3 days old. I don't know what he would be like, what his favorite things would be, what color his eyes would be. Sorry. Just feeling sad tonight
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.12.08, 06:59 PM [ Flag ]I'm so sorry. That must be so terribly hard.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thx. Most of the time I try not to think about it. Sometimes it really just hits me though.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I am so sorry. Do you have other kids?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we have a DD who is 3.5. That does help although it also shows me what I am missing.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope you will go on to have more children. None will ever take the place of your first-born, and each new birth helps. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks but no more for us. We were very very lucky to have DD. They told us our chances of having more was less than 1%. I'm 45 now so I think I have a snowball's chance of getting that lucky again!!
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I see. God bless your dd -- but if you really want another :} -- remember Tony Blair's wife went on to have her last when she was about your age. I never paid any attention to stats, personally. Whatever happens, best of luck with your family.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm very sorry for your loss
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG I can't even begin to imagine how tough that must be
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think i spoke to you once here. are you the mom that recommended missfoundation? i had a late miscarriage and so i think i know a little of what you mean...the loss of what will never be. it loses it's painfulness to a certain degree and it's just a terrible terrible sadness. i'm sorry it hit you tonight.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah I think that was me. How are you? It's weird how after all this time it can still hit me once in awhile. I'm really doing well most of the time. Just get sad sometimes from some random thing.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm doing ok tonight. it still hits me fairly often but tonight i'm ok.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm glad. These moments get fewer and fewer. I think that sometimes there is just no escaping it though. Has Miss been helpful?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] how old are you? how many kids? how many more kids do you want? 33 replies
- 43, 2, I want 2 more and really would like to adopt. However an "oops" pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage has me wanting to be pregnant again. So torn....
Talk : : August 12, 2008
how old are you? how many kids? how many more kids do you want?
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.12.08, 06:22 PM [ Flag ]31, 3 kids, #4 (and probably my last) due in Feb (I'll be 32 then)
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]50. 4. 0.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]poster above you - how is having 4? I've heard it's really not different than having 3...and how far apart are your closest dcs?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]all are 2 yrs apart. 4th was easy; it was the 3rd that threw us!
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my #4 will be 14mo younger than #3 (surprise!). I'm kind of hoping that #3 and #4 will just be very entertained by each other.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]they will!
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
30, 2 kids ages 1 and 5
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]29 1 dc pg now... don't want to be and don't really want anymore. I'm in a pickle
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]accident baby?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not really.. at one point i thought i wanted another.. and then I didn't but of course that's when I found I was pg. I mean. it isn't really an accident if you use no type of protection is it?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
terminate
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 05:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
45, 2, just wish I had the 2 I gave birth to. Too old to start again
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what do you mean, adoption?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no. My first baby died from a heart defect. DD is perfect and lovely but I wish her brother was here too. :-(
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am so so so very sorry for your loss, it is terrible.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. It is hard some days still. I miss him
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am sure you will for the rest of your life, life just sucks sometimes, wish I could hug you (hope thats not weird)
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL! Not weird. I think it's sweet. Thank you. Life does suck sometimes, but you just get through it. DD is such a blessing and we are so lucky to have her! Most of the time I feel lucky. SOmetimes it's just hard though.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a DD too, love those girl clothes!!!
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]:-) it is fun
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
33. 2dcs. undecided ?one more.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]31. 3 with a recent miscarriage. i'd like more. not sure how many. we'll play it by ear.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]38, 2, maybe 1 more
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]38, 1, 0
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Almost 41. 2 kids, 6 y.o. & 2.5 y.o. If someone else showed up (either through adoption--like our first two--or a miracle pregnancy) I wouldn't be sad. But I think we are very lucky as we are and we'll stick with this.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]29, 1 ds, definitely 1 more maybe 2
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]37, 1dc, trying for one more, but it hasn't been easy the second time around.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]35/2/1...but would be happy for twins.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 08:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]43, 2, I want 2 more and really would like to adopt. However an "oops" pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage has me wanting to be pregnant again. So torn.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 09:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]38, 2 DCs, #3 due any day now. Maybe done or maybe 4
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 05:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 06:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
40, 2 kids, done
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 06:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]36,pg with #6..done
[ Reply | Options ]08.13.08, 06:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] anyone does/did acupuncture, and if so why and did you like the results? 3 replies
- I did it for 4 months total, went weekly through my 8th week because i had had a previous miscarriage so the accupuncture was to "help the baby stick" once I was prego....
Talk : : August 12, 2008
anyone does/did acupuncture, and if so why and did you like the results?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.12.08, 02:50 PM [ Flag ]I did it while TTC. I liked it. Ultimately I became pregnant. Obviously no way to know what to attribute the success to. But it was relaxing and covered by insurance.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 02:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]for how long did you continue?
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I did it for 4 months total, went weekly through my 8th week because i had had a previous miscarriage so the accupuncture was to "help the baby stick" once I was prego.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i am 35 with 2 dc. would like another in another year or so, but so scared of the ris... 14 replies
- is the "magic" number is because at 35, your risk of having a baby with a chromosomal defect is equal to the risk of miscarriage with Amnio. So that is the point at which is becomes "worth the odds" to test for chromosomal problems...
- Please cite, if you can and will, the odds of miscarriage w/amnio as the cause. Thanks....
Talk : : August 11, 2008
i am 35 with 2 dc. would like another in another year or so, but so scared of the risks, especially autism etc. wwyd? am i being silly or cautious?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.11.08, 06:14 PM [ Flag ]I had my first dc right when I turned 35, no problems at all! And I'm 36 and thinking about another! I would have an ammnio this time though (I did not with my first.) I realize ammnio cannot detect autism, but it can rule out a lot of other scary things.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's always a risk. I don't think autism is age related to the woman though, although some indication it is for men >45yo. Anyway, I'm preg with #3 who will arrive around my 38th bday, so obviously I went for it!
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^didn't have amnio with any of my DCs
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had my first db at 37 - everything was fine. I think a lot of the risks, while real, are exaggerated. If there is a 1% chance of something happening, that means there is a 99% chance that it won't.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]#1 at 38, #2 at 42 and pregnant with #3 at 43. So far, so good.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]#1 at 36 (barely -- she was born the week after my 36th birthday); #2 at 39, #3 at 42. all happy, healthy, great kids.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 07:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had my first at nearly 40-naturally occurring w/no ivf or fertility assistance. The pregnancy was a honeymoon and the baby was born healthy. Where are you hearing that autism is a possibility or risk in conceiving at one age or another? The scarier thing imo, is how women are freaked into believing that over 35 is a 'high risk' pregnancy and allow autopiloting into amnios-w/no other 'known' risk factors.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]*of course if you have reasons beyond your 'advanced age' LOL, then you may have valid reasons for concern.
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: the reason 35 is the "magic" number is because at 35, your risk of having a baby with a chromosomal defect is equal to the risk of miscarriage with Amnio. So that is the point at which is becomes "worth the odds" to test for chromosomal problems...
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 05:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please cite, if you can and will, the odds of miscarriage w/amnio as the cause. Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Take a look here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/amniocentesis/PR00144 Risk of MC is between 1/300-1/500, as stated here. Difference clinics and hospitals may quote different risk rates. But these are the same odds, approx., that a healthy woman has of a chromosomal defect in pregnancy (eg., I just saw a genetic counselor, am 32, and totally healthy, no family history of genetic disorders, and was told I had a 1/323 chance of chromosomal problem based on age alone. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
but that is not evidence enough to make an amnio a routine procedure
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't advocate that, not sure what you're reading into post...
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1st (only, so far) at 40 here, after one early miscarriage. Got pg easily, no amnio or cvs. dd is healthy and fantastic. Age should not concern you at 35!
[ Reply | Options ]08.12.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 8 weeks pg here with #3 and I'm bleeding. Not a lot but not a little either. Call t... 5 replies
- i would too, but try to relax--odds are, there's not much your OB can do except order bloodwork. fwiw, i've had three miscarriages, and had no bleeding with one, and very little bleeding with the other two. when i was pregnant with my son, i bled so much i thought i'd gotten my period, but he turned out fine. GL!...
Talk : : August 09, 2008
8 weeks pg here with #3 and I'm bleeding. Not a lot but not a little either. Call the doctor?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.09.08, 11:01 AM [ Flag ]I would call. GL
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would too, but try to relax--odds are, there's not much your OB can do except order bloodwork. fwiw, i've had three miscarriages, and had no bleeding with one, and very little bleeding with the other two. when i was pregnant with my son, i bled so much i thought i'd gotten my period, but he turned out fine. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thanks for this. calling now.
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Call - you'll feel better
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]definitely call
[ Reply | Options ]08.11.08, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Why do people care if you tell them you are pregnant before 13 weeks? 10 replies
- They don't want to hear about your miscarriage signed mom scheduled for a D&C Tuesday at 11wks, 4days...
Talk : : August 09, 2008
Why do people care if you tell them you are pregnant before 13 weeks?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.09.08, 06:16 AM [ Flag ]They don't want to hear about your miscarriage signed mom scheduled for a D&C Tuesday at 11wks, 4days
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry to hear that.
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's more like you don't want to have to tell pple you lost the baby. it's too personal.
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 06:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP and suffered m/c's - that really is old school mentality. It makes no sense to me. I didn't take out an ad in the NY times saying I was expecting, but I did tell my friends and family, and when my baby died, I needed and wanted my friends and family arount to help me grieve the loss. In the "good old days" - women were supposed to just be quiet and get over it and not tell - what absurd thinking.
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np. Sorry
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm very sorry for you loss!
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
my DR told me not to tell anyone until 8 weeks when I see the fetal heartbeat, I still waited 13 weeks, I was very nervous and my first pregnancy, so during those weeks I thought half the time I really wasn't pregnant because I had no ms or any symptoms. I don't think people mind knowing, I think when you do tell them it spreads so fast that if something does happen, 3 months later you have people coming up to you saying, "I heard the good news!"
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 09:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yup, had 2 m/cs before the 13 week mark, and was happy not to have to explain to everyone why I wasn't still pregnant....better to wait or share only with family and close friends...
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would wait. I've been pg once and m/c at 13 weeks. It really sucked b/c we waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone and the following week, I m/c. I think if I can manage to get pg again, I'm going to wait until 16 weeks to say anything to anyone but immediate family!!
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Before 12 weeks, I told the people I would have wanted to support me if I had a m/c. Everybody else (including work) was told after that point.
[ Reply | Options ]08.09.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I recently suffered an early miscarriage and feel like I experienced clinical depress... 6 replies
Talk : : August 08, 2008
I recently suffered an early miscarriage and feel like I experienced clinical depression for a couple of weeks and slowly coming out of it now. How did you handle it if you've experienced one?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.08.08, 12:58 PM [ Flag ]sorry for your loss but it's not clinical depression to be sad, even really really sad and unable to function, dor a short time after a loss. Its the normal grieving process. GL
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I suppose you're right. Just never experienced this type of sadness before. Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's hard. I undertand that. But grief is debilitating. Give yourself the time and space to deal with your loss and then go on with life. GL
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It was hard for me, b/c I had been ttcing for so long. One thing that helped was that I actually was able to get pg. The other thing that helped was talking to family & friends- I found out that mcs are quite common and it helped to have the support.
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So sorry for your loss. My mc was devastating to me (rather late one) and it didnt help for people to tell me they are common. I had depression afterward and ultimately went on anti depressants. It could be sadness and hormonal and ot could also be dpression. Talk to your dr if you dont start feelong better soon. GL
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I m/c at 7 weeks last year and it was really devastating. We were sad for quite awhile, but I became pg again a few months later and we now have a 3 mo baby boy. It gets better, I promise.
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anyone watch Weeds ? Just saw the episode with hot sex scene and wonder, why can't I ... 7 replies
- well, most of that stuff is only in the beginning anyway. Let's face it, after 7 years of marriage, (12 years together total)2 kids, miscarriages, C sections, deaths in the family, illness etc etc, there's not much mystery there. We just try to keep things fresh and mix it up a little (role playing etc) You do have to work at it after a few years. ;-)...
Talk : : August 08, 2008
Anyone watch Weeds ? Just saw the episode with hot sex scene and wonder, why can't I just stay happily married to my best friend and have hot sex with someone else ?! Alas...
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.08.08, 04:59 AM [ Flag ]I guess I'm just old fashioned but I like being married to my best friend and having hot sex with him!
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:02 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]how do you do that ?!
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL! I don't know. I guess I married someone who is hot and fun.
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]some gals get all the luck. Mine is fun and sweet and great, but not the tear off your clothes and ravage kind of hot.hmmmm
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, most of that stuff is only in the beginning anyway. Let's face it, after 7 years of marriage, (12 years together total)2 kids, miscarriages, C sections, deaths in the family, illness etc etc, there's not much mystery there. We just try to keep things fresh and mix it up a little (role playing etc) You do have to work at it after a few years. ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]note to self: buy candystriper uniform today
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's the spirit! ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]08.08.08, 05:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] When was the first appointment with your OB when you found out you were pg? I called ... 17 replies
- all the stupid stuff that never seems to work to make the m/s go away. Oh yeah, and no caffiene, increases miscarriage risk :-(...
- heavy things will do much to your fetus - it is very well protected. usually if something happens and you have a miscarriage in the early weeks (god forbid!) its due to a chromosomal abnormality, not bc of physical acts....
Talk : : August 07, 2008
When was the first appointment with your OB when you found out you were pg? I called to make an appt with a new OB (first time pg) and they said I needed to wait until at least 7 weeks - is that standard?
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.07.08, 09:06 AM [ Flag ]yes some say 7 wks. My ob brings you in at 6wks to check for a HB
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. I thought they would want to first have me in for a blood test to confirm the pg.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]some ppl still do that but my OB just had me come in and gave me a sono (he has the machine) and that's how he confirmed it
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sometimes they send you to a quest to have done.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i think unless you have specific concerns or are high risk, these days HPT are considered accurate so no need for OB to confirm pg. Most OBs seems to want to see you around 7-8 weeks - in time to discuss with you things like nuchal test and CVS which are done around 11-12 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes, I had to wait until 8 wks, was freaked out since it was my 1st. Just buy some prenatal vitamins yourself and do what you already know to do.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Already been taking the prenatal's, but wondering about what I can eat, what I can't, etc. I know the early weeks you have to be extra careful, that's why I would like to know as much as I can. Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Get a good book. I know some will flame, but What to Expect is good and gives you ideas on what you can and can't eat. Or the Mayo Clinic book is good, too.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, you already know I'm sure no alcohol, smoking, and then you are supposed to avoid imported soft cheese, cold cuts, no fish that has a lot of mercury but fish with low amounts of mercury and high amounts of fatty acids are good for the baby (like salmon and shrimp). Supposedly you are supposed to avoid sushi but the seaweed wrap part is actually really good for you so you could have the vegetarian kind. Drink a lot of water and good luck trying all the stupid stuff that never seems to work to make the m/s go away. Oh yeah, and no caffiene, increases miscarriage risk :-(
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you thank you thank you! i still have silly questions, like, is smoked salmon/lox ok to eat? is it true, i should avoid picking up heavy things?
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]in general, you should avoid anything raw. also, they say you should avoid deli meats too. but if you avoid everything "they" say, you'll end up with very limited food choices. my doc was very laid back about the whole thing - your body is your baby's universe. so take care of it - but try not to change anything drastically (i.e. dont suddenly start/stop exercising). you can have caffeine, but in limited quantities but why do it unless you NEED it. no soft cheeses. my doc was totally OK with an occassional glass of wine and he said i could eat sushi too. i ate sushi very rarely and ONLY from a reputable restaurant to minimize risk of listeria. i dotn think picking up heavy things will do much to your fetus - it is very well protected. usually if something happens and you have a miscarriage in the early weeks (god forbid!) its due to a chromosomal abnormality, not bc of physical acts.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]fyi...my ob said sushi is fine too and Ive been eating it...said the worst case scenario is a bad bout of stomach sickness where the concern is dehydration.....I use the same place alwyas....clean.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not sure about smoked salmon/lox, you can always call the doctors office where you made your appt and ask a few questions. There are also a few drugs you can take, I think it was tylenol was Ok, so if you get sick, ask your doctor, you don't have to be totally miserable.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
my first OB (who I left) said 10 weeks!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That does seem late but I can kind of see why some of them do that. There is nothing they can do before then and so much can and does go wrong so often.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 10:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ye, i think most wait to 8wks - mine did. I know, when it's your first it freaks you out, bu really, there's no reason to go any earlier so don't worry about it - you'll be seeing plents of your oB in the coming months! Congrats!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am a 39 year old single woman, for whom nothing has ever been more important than h... 31 replies
- I do. People go through so much pain and heartache to have bio kids when there are just so many already here who need families. How many failed attempts and/or miscarriages does one have to go through before considering adoption? I'll never understand it....
Talk : : August 06, 2008
I am a 39 year old single woman, for whom nothing has ever been more important than having children. Although I have been in several long-term relationships (including an engagement), I have never been married. Knowing that I am getting to an age where conception gets dicey, and after much thought and research, I have decided to have a baby on my own and am starting IUI with donor sperm this month (with a great repro doc). Although I think that the best-case scenario for having a baby is with two parents, I truly believe that that I will be a great Mom. Close friends who know and my family have all been very positive and supportive. My only concern is financial (I am not rich and do live in NYC), but otherwise I have very few concerns related to doing it on my own. In terms of conception, my concerns now are whether I will be able to conceive this way, how long it might take, etc. I am just wondering if there are other women out there who have done this and what their experiences were. Thanks.
31 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.06.08, 06:17 PM [ Flag ]god put that desire in your heart and he will put the baby in your arms. i'm so proud of you. gl.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh how nice! I know it is still taboo to a lot of ppl, so thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I ams o proud of you! My unsolicited advice: get out of NYC, move to a small city or large town and enjoy your child without the stress and financial concerns you have in the city...and yes, you can find a great job even if its not in NY.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes actually I agree. I have recently started transitioning to an area of my work which might allow me to stay with this kind of work (or even company) and move away from here to a more affordable area.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Personally, I think you are very selfish.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]because?
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow. You are poison.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I think that selfish has a negative connotation so I would not have chosen that word or worded my post as above BUT the posters feelings are selfish. The question is, is there anything inherently wrong with that? I would argue no.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So is having a baby in a two parent family. If you're not having children for selfish reasons, then for what other reason are you having them?
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 08:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There was a woman I met through work who did this. She was so awesome, and what a lucky little guy she had. And he didn't need to share his mom with anyone. ;) Seriously, it seemed to work very nicely for her, sounds like you have the same need to be a mom. GL to you, there is nothing better than having a baby and raising a child. You will never be so in love.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]good for you, i hope it works out!! There are so many bad tow parent families out there, if you love your baby that is all they need.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks to all of you
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
just curious, why not adopt?
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have nothing against adoption at all. I will do it if I cannot conceive (kind of bummed about the no single mother policy China passed), and I might even consider it later on if I am successful doing it this way. I have just always wanted to be pregnant and go through the experience.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe she doesn't want to. Do you ask your married friends going through IVF that?
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 11:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do. People go through so much pain and heartache to have bio kids when there are just so many already here who need families. How many failed attempts and/or miscarriages does one have to go through before considering adoption? I'll never understand it.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 06:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: do you have biological children?
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 06:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No. I'm single and have one adopted child.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Does it really matter if you understand it? People make different choices. For some people it's important to experience being pregnant and to birth children who are a product of themselves and their partner. This is the most innate, instinctual drive there is and we couldn't exist without it. So please don't try to condemn the feeling...
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 06:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not trying to condemn the feeling and have nothing against people having biological children. I am well aware of the instinctual desire to becoming pregnant and giving birth. I just think there comes a point where adoption should be considered, and for the physcial and emotional health of the parents it should be way before the multiple failed implantations and misccarriages. All I wanted was a child; I didn't care if she were genetically related to me. I just wanted a child to love and nurture and to pass my memories on to. And I was able to achieve that through adoption.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's great for you, truly. But this worked for you. Lots of women do care if the child is genetically related to them. I just think this is about you being able to see other people's perspective and not push adoption on people simply because it was the right choice for you. Why wouldn't someone, with means and psychological and financial resources, exercise all options to achieve something they desperately wanted? It's their option. Them doing that doesn't make your choice to adopt any less valid. And your choice to adopt shouldn't make their choices any less valid.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It's interesting someone posted earlier about being happy her maternity leave was over, we're all so different.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So true. I have married friends who won't have kids or have had them for their husbands. Sadder for them than me, as I see it!
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I wish you the very best of luck. Do you live near family?
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. yes but I have a very small family. I do, however, have a lot of good friends nearby, many of whom have older kids so would be happy to hold a baby again!
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hey, more power to you. I am one of those who, after having a child w/ a very involved father, could never imagine doing it alone, imagining how hard and relentless it would be, since I can barely get a shower in as it is! (let alone shop, clean, work *and* nurture the babe). I'm a 100% in love w/ my babe SAHM but am not organized or good at household stuff, and not great at juggling too many things at once. I'm sure you are the energizer bunny type and will be a great Mom, though! And there's something to be said for not having to try to fit your way of doing things in w/ another adult's! Even if you are the type who can do it alone, do realize you *will* need help, so set that up in advance and don't be shy about asking friends and family for very specific things they can do for you. Have someone on stand-by for you for when the baby comes. He or she will be your whole life and I mean that in a good way. There's nothing like a mother's love. OK, I know I got ahead of you there, GL w/ the process, and visualize, visualize, visualize!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 03:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]...asking friends and family for very specific things they can do for you. Have someone on stand-by for you for when the baby comes. He or she will be your whole life and I mean that in a good way. There's nothing like a mother's love. OK, I know I got ahead of you there, GL w/ the process, and visualize, visualize, visualize!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 05:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks so much for all of this great advice! now let's hope I am successful with the insemination!!
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 06:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think that's great. My sister is in the same boat with regard to her desire to be a parent, advancing age, no husband or serious boyfriend. I have told her to do the same. GL !
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks! if she is in NY, you might want to suggest she she Rogerio Lobo @ Columbia (Columbus Circle area). He is great.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
At a baby shower recently and only one of the four pregnant women had conceived the old fashioned way. I think, in NYC, what you are doing is pretty common. I wouldn't run from the Big Apple just yet. As much as it can be a pain in the ass, you may find there are some supports here you'll not find in a smaller city/more rural area.
[ Reply | Options ]08.07.08, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Have 2 kids, no history of miscarriages, am 37 and TTC for 6 months with no luck. Wha... 4 replies
Talk : : August 06, 2008
Have 2 kids, no history of miscarriages, am 37 and TTC for 6 months with no luck. What do you think my OB will say if I go in? Try another 6 months? Clomid? I'm curious if others have been in this situation.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]08.06.08, 05:07 PM [ Flag ]started for #3 at 40. Became pg on the 1st try and then had a missed mc at 8 wks. Tried for 6 months with no luck. Went to RE and was put on clomid and pergonal(sp). No luck. Ultimately became pg and had #3 at 45 through ivf. gl
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 05:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I wouldn't really bother with the OB and just head to an RE if you want interventions...
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 05:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]have you been charting? do you know if you are ovulating? if you are ovulating on your own, clomid is likely a waste of time - an RE would probably evaluate and possibly start injectibles.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had 2 kids and no history of m/c..then had m/cs at 37 and 38, and finally had dc #3 at 39. My ob said that the fact I already had 2 children led her to believe that my egg quality had just declined...I'd guess you are in the same situation (though I'm not a doctor)...I think she'd be inclined to say keep trying.
[ Reply | Options ]08.06.08, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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