How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life with Someone New

That first roll in the hay with a new guy can be mind-blowingly hot...if you're in a movie. But in reality, there's usually something that doesn't quite click and you're left wondering what you could have done to minimize the fumbling.

"You can be nervous, and you don't know what the other person will be into," says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. Which is why, although you might have great conversation and kissing chemistry, taking the next step can get a little awkward. Here are a few ways you can make that first night as steamy as possible:

Start Setting the Stage Before You Strip
If you're together during the day, do a lot of touching and kissing to prime your bodies for more touch and to create anticipation (in a good way). Wear whatever you feel most sexy in, and you may even want to experiment with masturbating or touching yourself to get semi-aroused beforehand.

Choose the Right Location
You want to be somewhere you'll feel at ease—so if the guy has five roommates who are constantly coming and going, you're probably better off at your place. If you know you'll be hosting the night's festivities, think about turning your room into a love nest when it comes to sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, says Kerner. Play sexy music or ambient sound, dim the lights, put fresh sheets on the bed, put out flowers that smell great or an aromatherapy candle. And do a sweep for clutter, as well as photos of exes or childhood pics of you and your parents. If you enjoy a glass of wine, have a drink together when you get to your place to lower your inhibitions and relax.

Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
"When you're connecting with the partner for that first time, take it slow," says Kerner. "Really try to linger in that initial stage for a while to build arousal and relaxation." The slower the buildup and the more time you spend focusing on your pre-penetration pleasure, the more likely you'll be to enjoy things when the real action starts.

Get Out of Your Head
You know that feeling of watching yourself perform, rather than experiencing what's going on? In the 1960s, sex pioneers William Masters and Virginia Johnson actually coined the term "spectatoring" to describe it (the sensation is that universal). Unfortunately, spectatoring can increase performance anxiety. To get more in the moment (and let the parts of your brain associated with stress and anxiety deactivate, which is key for orgasming), Kerner suggests redirecting your thoughts to what's going on: How do his lips feel on your body? How amazing does his butt look? Tuning into these sensory experiences will prevent the overthinking that can keep you from loving that first time.

Keep in Mind, Though...
While all of these tips can help you maximize your first-time pleasure, you should still keep your expectations in check, says Kerner. People sometimes set their sights way too high when, statistically, most women don't have orgasms when they're with a new partner.

"When you're having sex with someone for the first time, it's a new experience," he says. "Any time you do something new, you have to learn how to do it."

Thankfully, an awkward encounter doesn't mean your sex life is doomed. "It just means you're learning how to do it with this particular person," says Kerner.