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The Humpday Challenge: Cayote Cavegirls
Now, last night, we arranged a match with the Cayote [sic] Cavegirls, an all-female group with one hairy exception. Yours truly. I am an honorary Cavegirl, thanks to my smooth, unblemished skin, womanly curves and penchant for wearing skirts (kilts). That said, last night I was playing for the other team. If you know what I mean. Which I admit, in this context, gets kind of confusing.
So to clarify, last night I played FOR Bungie, AGAINST the Cayote Cavegirls. Or did I? Could I have been a hidden saboteur? Or am I just looking for an excuse for my lousy performance? In the end, only god can judge me. And I have to assume he’s too busy. So to the rest of you, shuck it, Trebek.
Note that both they and we cycled players in and out as needed. Note also, that the Cavegirls were polite, sporting, fun to play against and highly skilled. Even when we weren't being any of those. Don't spam them. They will ignore you.
The Bungie Rhyme-Bustaz
-
Shishka – best weapon: Longbow, mace, morning star, axe, tiara.
- agdTinman – best weapon: Sword
- Ske7ch – best weapon: Sniper Rifle
- Frankie – best weapon: Sex Appeal
- Evil Otto – best weapon: User Interface
- Achronos – best weapon: Fun Transfer Protocol
- Ninja on Fire – best weapon: Battle Rifle
The Cavegirls
- RaHikaru
- Coxboom (really Don Wan using an diff. account)
- Zoom Demon
- bs angel
- Jaymine
- Cloberella
- AutumnCavegirl (leader of the Cavegirls)
- Woos
- Indigo Wrenling
GAME 1: CTF
Game Stats
Relic, Normal Weapons
Game Duration: 26:49
General Tone of Game : Thrillsville
Have you ever played 1 Flag CTF on Relic? It’s fun, but it has very distinct patterns. Race for the rocket launcher if you’re on defense. Fill a Hog with jerks if you’re on offense. Attack the base from the rear (those handy forward ramps are gone in CTF) and above all else, get that flag off its cliff-like edifice. Once the flag is down on the sand, it’s usually all over. I’ve seen flag defenders successfully hold it on the ground, but rarely.
And that’s exactly what happened in this first match. The girls picked the map, we picked the gametype. Our initial strategy was to go all-out – as aggressively as possible. And initially, it paid off. We got the flag onto the beach, tossed it closer and closer to the base and made a perfectly ordinary flag capture.
After that though, we got more than a little lax on defense. The Cavegirls ignored the Rocket, went around the right hand side of the base, and charged their hog into our base for three (nearly) successive flag captures.
No matter what we did, a combination of bad spawning, planning and reaction kept our base weakly defended. Our own stupid fault. The Cavegirls capped three flags and made us look stupid(er).
UPDATE: Tom Gioconda (Achronos) now admits he went to get pizza during this game. Thanks Tom.
Final Score: 3 flags to 1 - Bungie chokes on a dry rind of hubris.
GAME 2: Assault
Game Stats
Sanctuary, normal rules
Game Duration: 35:42
General Tone of Game : Drawn out.
Well, this time we pulled a switcheroo. We picked the map, and they picked the gametype. Did it help? Sort of. We chose Sanctuary, they chose single bomb assault. We SHOULD have chosen a time limit. But we didn’t.
It started off well enough. We grouped together, headed off to the left hand side of their base, and after some scrabbling, a few deaths and respawns, we planted a bomb. At this point, I honestly felt like we had the upper hand, and that we’d win.
Defending was pretty easy. They’d charge, we’d lose a couple of guys and kill them all. One later round had them hiding right under our very noses for ages before we realized where the bomb holder was (she was at the bottom of our ramp, patiently waiting for backup). It never came in sufficient numbers.
Now I have to say this, and it is the only smack I am going to talk all day – they got a lucky plant. A grenade-based kill frenzy took out all of our defense and they capped it. It was legit, and well fought, but 25% lucky that we all happened to be standing exactly where we were.
Anyway, after that, nothing. Solid defense on both sides turned it into a giant, stupid stalemate. Then fate stepped in. Lightning struck a transformer near Kirkland, and the power went out at Bungie HQ. That meant the host got booted (probably Evil Otto) and while we were waiting for the map to restart, we agreed with the Cavegirls to call it a draw. Which we would later come to regret, since we may actually have stood a chance of winning that one.
Final Score: One bomb each. Then we called a draw – Bungie chews on indestructible gristle.
GAME 3: Team Slayer
Game Stats
Terminal, normal weapons, but no Wraith.
Game Duration: 11:19
General Tone of Game: Pantstastic
We hadn’t played Slayer yet, so that’s just what we did. And we played on Terminal. While we were waiting for the game to start, we joked, “I hope they don’t spawn in the garage, because then they’ll own us.”
They spawned in the Garage, and proceeded to own us. I had disabled Wraith, because that’s a real monkey wrench, but everything else was default. Including our default lack of coordination and planning.
Andrew has come a long way in the past few months, so he did pretty well, but Shishka was hiding like a wee girl.
This was the only game in which we got mad. Mad at ourselves. Mad at ourselves for running around like chimps, calling buildings the wrong thing – “They’re in the garage” when you actually meant “They’re in the parking lot” and mad at ourselves for not having enough skills.
We got our butts handed to us. On a silver platter.
Final Score: 50 - 36: Bungie loses and is forced to eat bugs by Joe Rogan.
Next Challenge: Man, we are about due for a win.We will continue to try to pick opponents we can beat, but then fail.