The Halo Humpday Challenge
Each Wednesday, we here at Bungie pick a fight with another group of Halo 2 players, all in good fun of course, but that doesn't stop us from picking serious contenders. Now, we're not the most elite players out there by any stretch of the imagination, but we do have the advantage of practice, knowledge of maps, and a secret button combo that makes other players die automatically. Now even with those advantages under our belts, we still nearly bit off more than we could chew with our latest challenge –
Clan PMS
.
Now as you can see from their profiles, the players of PMS are all ladies. Well, apart from one or two potty-mouths that is, and the usual disclaimer applies: There is nothing about being a girl that makes you any better or worse at playing than any boy. As a matter of fact, Bungie would technically be a co-ed team if it wasn't for the woefully short supply of office ladies. We have Amanda, Lorraine and Alta – none of whom seem interested in playing with us. Jerks.
The Men of Bungie
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Stormincow
– CJ Cowan, cinematics expert and hooptie ninja.
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Frankie
– Stupid bald jerk and self-professed inventor of the term "woot" as exclamation of delight.
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Shunji
– Evil little troll from Satan's bifkin, Mat Noguchi is also known as "The Diplomat."
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Shishka
– SD Lord British.
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agdTinMan
– Stalwart, trusty, friend to kittens and enemy of evil.
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Buntest20
– This was actually Nathan the animator using a spare machine in the test lab.
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Achronos
– Bungie.net's very own commissar of death, also known as Tom G.
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Yeroen
– He basically designed multiplayer and so is our god. Also known as Maximum Hoberman.
The Ladies of Clan PMS
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AzN PMS
– Woman of mystery who mysteriously killed me a lot.
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Trixie
– 30 year old babe from Maine, where she keeps warm by drowning in my blood.
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Stratford Style
- Hot, evil, hot, evil.
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CeLLa PMS
– 19 year old Texan who likes killing me.
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Athena Twin PMS
– 28 year old twin to equally hot Athena.
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PMS Jemini
– 20 year old chick from Wisconsin. Loves cheese, killing dudes and dancing on their corpses.
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Athena PMS
– Heart-stealing Texan. Did I mention that she has a TWIN!? Damn. DOUBLE-DAMN!
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Princess PMS
– 21 year old from Wisconsin with nothing better to do than shoot me all the time.
GAME 1:
Team Slayer
Game Stats
Ivory Tower
Game Duration:
4:06
General Tone of Game :
Scary
Smarting from our last encounter with girls on Ivory Tower, we were a little more careful this time. When we played against the Frag Dolls a few weeks ago, they handily held the corridors and the elevator as we mindlessly rushed into their destructive hallways of death.
This time we did the right thing, tried to plan, tried to cooperate and tried not to run around screaming and bumping into each other. And with all that planning, forethought and strategy, we still had our butts handed to us in a humiliating drubbing.
They used every strategy and technique we did, only better. Swords, rockets, pistol combos. Everything we tried failed and we played WELL. We were owned. Massively.
Final score:
50-37 PMS wins.
GAME 2:
CTF
Game Stats
Headlong, single flag
Game Duration:
14:17
General Tone of Game :
Visceral.
Phew. It should be noted is the first eight on eight Humpday Challenge. And at least this time we got to do something we like to think we're good at. CTF on Headlong. A huge vehicle intensive map with lots of intricacies and lots of places to hide. If you've played Headlong though, you'll know that all the action tends to cluster around the Red Base.
This game was very, very evenly matched. The girls defended our assaults calmly and methodically, and when on the offense, did so with aggressive gusto. We did pretty much the same, with Yeroen single handedly saving our asses at crunch time. The only really terrifying moments were when the PMS ladies got the flag almost all the way back to their base and we had to blast them as they respawned. We weren't spawn camping, just handling the flag defense.
The end result, a draw. We held them off, they held us off. We were sweating bullets at the end though (as well as absorbing bullets…).
Final Score:
0-0 Draw
GAME 3:
Team Slayer
Game Stats
Zanzibar, regular rules, standard weapons
Game Duration:
6:41
General Tone of Game:
Splattery
We needed to win this just to stay in the game. One win for PMS and one draw meant they could take the whole challenge with a victory here. I realized that I actually don't play much Team Slayer on Zanzibar, and it's actually a fun way to play. Lots of variety and the hanging question – do we stay back and let them come to us or go on the offensive?
What actually transpired was a combination of the two. The ladies forced us to stick our heads out of holes we'd rather have stayed in. For some reason I kept getting screwed over on weapon selection so I had to do a lot with the battle rifle and discarded Warthog turrets.
The map was big enough to accommodate all sorts of personal battles and new vendettas rapidly emerged. Why does Athena Twin hate me? I have no idea. As you can see from the Game Viewer, we even made it out to the beach to catch some rays. Deathrays, that is.
In the end, however, we managed to scramble back from the brink and eke out a reasonable victory. The next game would be the decider.
Final Score:
50 flags to 40. Bungie wins. Handily.
GAME 4:
Team Slayer
Game Stats
Ascension, regular rules, standard weapons
Game Duration:
6:41
General Tone of Game:
Splattery
Buoyed by the confidence of that last victory, we charged into this Team Slayer match on Ascension with renewed vigor. We knew the map, we had confidence and we had momentum. The ladies were arguing with each other (they're not as supportive as you might guess) as we slowly but surely started to beat them back.
This time Trixie was doing all the hating, so I ended up in an ridiculous number of battles with her. Stormincow led our scoring with a respectable 9, while AzN PMS and Trixie matched each other with seven kills each.
We crept further and firther ahead, but to be honest, we always felt like we were close to losing. Possibly paranoia from the first match. Our lesson was learned though, don't tangle with ladies. Our most frightening, closest tangles have been with chicks. We may take a break and go back to fighting dudes.
We won, but it was close, and team Bungie gained another victory. But at the cost of about forty liters of salty American sweat.
Final Score:
50 flags to 34. Bungie wins. Phew.
Next Challenge:
No challenge this Wednesday, thanks in part to Santa or something. But we'll be back in a couple of weeks with more Humpday hell.