Mat Noguchi is our tools programmer. He is quite, quite evil. Once, just for sport, he tossed kittens into an arena with puppies. Have you ever lost a remote control? Or a set of keys? It's on his desk. Ask him for it back next time we host another enthralling issue of: ASK NOGUCHI! Anyway, here are the answers to the questions you posted last week.

We should point out that the next episode of ASK NOGUCHI! will launch around the same time as our next game (after Halo 2, that is). Now, we also need to warn you that Noguchi has never been to an etiquette class, nor has he the slightest grasp of common decency. If you don't want to be offended, don't read on. We've left your questions verbatim, and occasionally edited Noguchi for sweariness.So, on with the show.

---First off, Noguchi started by addressing the most common questions in a friendly and welcoming manner: ---

1. 385 posts that will be answered by playing the game.

a. Buy the game. Play the game. Stop bugging me.

2. 20 posts on network co-op or cut features.

a. Someone from Bungie has already answered these questions.

3. 6 posts from pirates.

a. Go away.

4. 23 posts on D/L content.

a. I'm not privy to those conversations.

5. 35 posts asking where I am.

a. You are a bunch of impatient mother lovers.

---Then he went back to normal answers.---

6. IceWeasel: Is Halo full of symbolisms?

a. Everything is full of symbolism if you believe Jung.

7. Xenoform: Preference. Apple or Cherry pie?

Also, will you please clean up your freakin' desk? =P

a. I don't particularly like fruit pies.
b. The desk is clean. You just have a really depressing perspective on life.

8. SPARTAN 00029: Why is your desk a pig sty?

a. See above.

9. Maraxus6: Is your desk actually clean now?

a. See above.

10. RC Master: why don't you clean up your desk?

a. See above.

11. sgt übergrunt: How long, Mat Noguchi, does it take for the amount stuff on your desk seen in the weekly update video to accumulate to that size?

a. It takes skill, not time, to create such a masterpiece of entropy.

---Sometimes Mat added two questions together, for ethnic clarity.---

12. MasterSgt Frank: If I were to buy a German copy of Halo2 whould it work in my american xbox, because nothing is more awesome then a Master Cheif in Leinerhousen. Danke!

Oromat: In the German version, will the MasterChief be in Lederhosen? Will he have some beer instead of nades?

a. Unfortunately, no. Germany would not let us release the game with such things after they saw the drunken Grunt birthday party.

13. SEALHOUND: Errrrr. If I have an XBOX and so does my brother in the same house. We both are getting HALO2, we both are getting an XBOXLIVE! starter kit and we have a router to a 2mb connection that supports XBL. Will we both be able to play in the same team in games? I don't want to be split from him, we own together!

a. Yes.

14. pooperscooper69: How come I haven't seen any Halo 2 commercials on Canadian channels like Much music?

a. On my most recent visit to Vancouver, BC, my wife and I were involved in a hit and run accident involving a blue truck.

15. undertoe: does Halo 2 have the same genuine and tingley feeling as Halo

a. Valtrex helps with that .

16. joeyg: In Halo 2 Can You Dance?

a. Only if you want to. But you can leave your friends behind.

17. Dollar: Do you, as a gamer (not as a Bungie employee), think Halo 2 is a fun game and worth playing over other popular games?

a. Yes. Halo 2 is much like my TiVo.

18. SEALHOUND: I like animals, do you like animals?

a. I used to, but then I became a vegetarian.

19. Moonman: What's your favorite multiplayer game-type to play?

a. Fiesta.

20. shakespeare88: how can i convince my mom to let me stay home from school Nov. 9? and when are you actually "shipping" halo2 and how many copies have you made so far?

a. If you have to get permission from your mother why are you playing Halo to begin with? It's a MATURE title.

21. Bestmasterchief: Ok, a fan had a terminal illness and would die before Halo 2 is released. He spent most of his alive time on Bungie.net and waiting. Would Bungie stop by the kids hospital and let him play Halo 2? Or would they spit on the people whom built them up?

a. For you? No. For anyone else who isn't an a-hole, yes.

22. tommccain: Also, how the hell do you board a Banshee??!!!

a. Easily.

23. Banshee Barron: How does Shishka act in real-life? Does his online personality reflect his actual one?

a. Yes. He's like a cross between Tron and the Lawnmower Man.

24. broony: Who is the lamest player of Halo 2 at Bungie? (camps/poor teamwork/screams down the mic)

a. bentllama.

25. Dr Sauch: whats your favorite scary movie?

a. They're all pretty bad.

26. Achilles318: Do you like Peanut butter? if so, how much on a scale of one to ten?

a. 4. 7 when combined with other things.

27. xboxr23: HOW IS HALO SO GREAT!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND I HOPE THAT YOU MAKE AT LEAST 10 MORE HALO'S BY THE TIME I DIE!!!YAY.

a. We don't lean on the shift key.

28. Prophe7: is nagouchi clean at home?? but messy at work wats the deal? wats is your background on how you have gotten messy or something?

a. Who the hell is nagouchi?

29. Halo 2 is my god: Some kid at school said his firend's mom works for Microsoft and said he was getting the 2 on Nov. 2. Is he bull-blam!-ing me?

a. If he isn't, someone is getting fired.

---The following unexpectedly thoughtful and touching answer threw us for a loop.---

30. Masterchief1790: If I was in the Make-A-Wish Foundation and I was going to die would you let me play Halo 2 before it released if it was the only thing I wanted before I died?

a. We would try our damnedest to make it happen.

31. DrainedBrain77: Mat,You have the coolest desk in the world.

a. Finally, someone who appreciates a masterpiece.

32. MastaBlasta, Team D_A_R: [Paraphrased]: Did you fix the rocket fart bug?

a. Yes. I fixed it. Twice.

33. Captian_Obvious: How much wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

a. A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. But it can't.

34. NisMo: Pepsi Coke or Jolt Cola?

a. Red bull.

35. gorilla_nutz: 1. Will i be able to jam out while owning some clowns?

a. Clowns are expensive, and jam isn't the easiest thing to make.

36. Anitch: im havin a LAN party after it comes out and i was wondering what 2 or 3 gametypes u suggest i play theres gonna be 8 pple and a varity of good and bad pple How many books will come out are u able to put every single vehice in a MP game what dificulty do u suggest me and my friend start on ( we have beat legendary) is there any way to help me Not Jump and scream when i get Halo 2 Any Job openings At bungie lol will jackals use more than the plasma pistol will needles blow up like they did in Halo 1 after they went so far after not hitting n e thing is there n e way to get my friend from not killing his teammates cause he doesnt realize their on his team

The game is so close to being here r u guys gonna take a loooong brake from working

a. Grammar and spelling are two tools that aid in comprehension of the written word. You seem to lack both.

37. Kamatzu: 1. When do you predict your desk will walk away to start a new life where it will be cleaned/washed daily?

a. How the hell do you think my desk sustains its own vitality?

38. kutiger: Did you beat Fable ?

a. Yes.

39. x Ace x: 26) why are you so awesome Bungie?

a. If we knew that, we'd rule the world. Give us a few more years.

40. SilentWolf: Is frankie really any good? :)

a. I can categorically state that Frankie is one of the most talented, ruthless and brilliant Halo players I have ever had the good fortune to witness. Not only that but chicks dig him and he's kind to kittens. Basically, he's the kind of guy we all aspire to be. In our loftiest dreams, that is. He's like a combination of Elvis, Jesus and .Bruce Lee.

41. zog34: 7) Why are you portrayed as an angry psychotic man?

a. Because I am.

42. jontaba80: What is your official statement about moronic gamers who actually think that Half-Life 2, Golden Eye: Rogue Agent, or Doom 3 are considered competition for Halo 2? I know what i say about it but i cant write any of it in these forums because I would use too many four-lettered words. Short n sweet though, I think those gamers are a joke.

a. That's great.

43. MANTI5: do you like your job (stupid question?)

a. Yes. To both.

44. JoMac: Hello, I am curious about the programming you use. Is it a mixture of many coding languages like java, C++, and also how XNA might tie into future projects? And how does it all tie together(physics enginge, AI etc.)?

Thanks.

a. I use BASIC, FORTRAN and LOGO to move my turtle around.

45. MustangMatt68: Are you still 'lying through your teeth'?

a. Are you still beating your wife?

46. JoeGuySG: What is Soffish?

a. This fish do not eat.

47. mortey: If you could make anything into a Tot what would it be?

a. It would be hard to top the tater.

48. fuzzymaster117: What is the most pain-inficting thing you worked on withe Halo 2?

a. My ass hurt so much I had to get a prescription for a special chair.

49. jb5432: what would you do for a klondike bar?

whats your favorite color?

do your feet stink?

a. I go to the Bungie freezer.
b. Green.
c. No. I shower.

50. KingKorn: 7.) what is the meaning of life?

a. Ask a better question.

51. kevinv13: Why is it that Halo 2 will not run in anything higher than 480p? Why not 1080i?

a. We tried it once. The Xbox caught on fire.

52. another drifter: Since you seem to know everything, please tell me, jelly or cream filled?

a. Sugar glazed.

53. BobBQ: Does anyone at Bungie use Linux?

a. Yes.

---It was here that Mat's Hex code finally broke down---

54. masterchief117: 1. What did you guys nick name the tools in the editing kit this time (or did you stick with Sapien\Guerilla and tool)

2. Does tool have a GUI this time :P

3. Is the engine still mostly in C?

4. Would Bungie ever consider licensing the Halo1\2 engines?

5. Does NULL still belong to chucky?

6. Can I have the Halo2 Editing Kit :D (like that will ever happen >_>)

7. How many lines of code (scripts, C\C++) make up Halo2?

8. Does "switch_bsp" still take off your condom when it changes to a different structure bsp :P?

a. We kept the names the same.
b. Yes.
c. We converted the engine to compile in C++.
d. I have no idea.
e. Yes.
f. No.
g. That's a good question.
h. Yes.

---But then, without warning, he returned to bulk questions---

55. [Programming Halo 1 and 2]

a. We wrote the Halo 1 engine in C, and the GUI tools in C++. For Halo 2 we converted the entire source tree to compile under C++.

b. The Halo 2 engine is the BLAM engine, upgraded from Halo 1.

56. [How to get into the industry]

a. Pick two: luck, experience, skill, talent.

57. [How to get into Bungie]

a. Pick four: luck, luck, experience, skill, talent.

58. [What do you do?]

a. I am the tools, sound, and everything else programmer. Everything else being a whole mess of stuff no one has been scheduled for or that no one else understands.

59. [Working on Xbox (benefits, limitations)]

a. The best thing about working on the Xbox is programming for fixed hardware. Development is so much easier when you can make assumptions about the underlying hardware and software that you simply cannot make for PCs. The main limitation of the Xbox is bandwidth and memory; namely, not enough space to store all the yummy goodness we want to put into the game, and not a big enough pipe to pass said yummy goodness around (from the DVD to memory, from memory to the hard-drive, etc).

If I were to make my own console, it would have 2-4 GB of memory, some solid state storage of at least 200 GB, be distributed on high capacity catridges, and probably never see commercial success in my lifetime.

60. Claw: Since you work with the tools, what do you think about XNA?

a. Done correctly, XNA has the potential to make games much easier to create.

61. gspawn: When new tools are (or were) written for a game, is it generally because someone's looking to add/extend features, or does it tend to be more because problems have cropped up and your coding skills are all that stand between the staff and inescapable buggy destruction?

a. A little bit from Column A, a little bit from Column B. Towards the end of a project, usually Column B.

62. Captain_keys: Can you send me a photo of Jen Taylor? And the guy that does the MC's voice?

a. Do your stalking on your own time.

63. EdimusMaximus: What do you think of Seropian using the old Halo engine for his new game at Wideload? You know, the fact that he didn't have to put in that much work on the engine as you. I'd be Überpissed. Unless of course you worked out some kind of deal.

a. I don't have a problem with it. If I'm not mistaken, Wideload is made up predominantly of Ex-Bungie folk; they have paid their dues.

64. AVNerd: What is the penalty for using curse words in your program code? Variables named sh** might be par for the course, but what about uncleF***er. Would it be OK to use it as long as it was camelCased?

a. camelCaps suck.

65. Admiral Shovel: do you have any tips or advice for someone in my position, trying to break into the industry? And would you like a copy of my reel?

a. You should go bug bentllama.

66. Twelve Large: What's the S stand for?

a. Shunji.

67. GorikiLL: In halo combat evolved there was a slight mechanism that caused the aimer to follow the target u were aiming for a certain time, this become very annoying while versing the flood and in multiplayer. My question is will this still be the case in halo 2?

a. Try killing your teammates with the sniper rifle as they run around and get back to me.

68. Spine Breaker: Whats up with the new I LOVE BEES stuff theres like Audio clips of of things about Halo Like Its from a movie or sumthin but it talks about Reach and the Covenant and then Reach got glassed but its in different every day people talkin in these audio clips. So please enlighten me NOGUCHI. If u dont answer this ill go insane!!!!!!! I have to Know who made this and where is it from!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! LOL. NOGUCHI Hook me up with ure Awesome answer to my question.

a. What the hell is I LOVE BEES?

69. BertramRiedacher: 10) Prove that the diaganol bisectors of any parrallelogram are perpendicular.

a. The last time I had to write out a proof was in college. I graduated from college. Go away.

70. Gui: Can you cook? If you can, what's your favorite kind of pie?

a. Yes.
b. I don't like pie.

---One thing to note about Noguchi's coffee. It's the effete kind that smells of raspberries or walnuts and it stinks out the office---

71. EnderPrime: 1. How many cups of coffee do you drink a day? (1? 2? 200?)

a. About 2.5.

72. AVNerd: Do you recall a particularly amusing bug report name on the Halo2 project? Like "Why does Master Chief have hair when jumping?" or "Sarge commits suicide when swapping weapons."

a. "[This level] did not end ... for a long time

73. Dark G: I have a few questions regarding something I noticed in Halo 1 and whether it will be the same in Halo 2:

In Halo, if you used the Lagacy setup (which I do, not because I am a FPS noob, but because I was born and raised playing Goldeneye on the N64 and this mapped out very similar to the Legacy setup so it felt natural for me to use that), there seemed to be a problem.

If I was to strafe at full speed (e.g. full right on the right stick) the analogue on the left stick became jerky (i.e. trying to look slightly up or slightly down became impossible on the left stick). I checked it wasn't me by playing in Default and no such problem was present. So here are my questions:

a) was this intentional to discourage the use of the legacy setup?

b) is this actually something that slipped through the testers net?

c) do you have enough testers who play legacy style?

d) do you need some more? lol

e) will this be fixed for Halo 2?

I play ALOT of FPS and have never noticed this problem on the XBOX before. It was prevelant in Half-Life on PS2, so is it a problem when splitting the axis across 2 sticks with certain game engines (Counterstrike and Wolfienstein have no problems, nor does Unreal), but then Counterstrike and Half-Life run on the same engine.

a. Legacy is a broken control mechanism. Stop using it.

74. zrussell: What kind of coffee do you drink and why does your coffee smell so bad?

a. Get back to werk!

75. d15doggz: is there really a halo 2? or is it one big hoax to see how many ppl in the world you can fool?

a. I'd have a better hoax.

76. Cyberg4: BTW what is your favorite non-bungie made game?

a. No game frustrates me less than Halo 1 or Halo 2. So I'd have to say none.

77. Tiamat: what does jason pushing you around in a wheel chair have to do with animation nodes not matching?

are halo2 map files bigger smaller or about the same size as halo1 map files?

a. What the hell are you talking about?
b. Much much much bigger.

78. Master Chief 81: Wow sucks to be you Noguchi. Good luck!

a. Yeah, no -blam!-.

If someone were to stab you would acid spray all over the place and would you come out of the situation fine(and with a new soul for your collection)?

a. The community guys. I was bored.
b. Depends on where I got stabbed.

80. T e s t i C: Is there a reason to take away things from halo that made it a great game? Or why add more more stuff (dual wielding, boost on vehicles, etc.). Why did you all change the health system. The thing that made Halo so great was the way the health system was set up.The 3 head shot kill is perfect. Why change that? I remember reading somewhere a while back that bungie was not going to fix anything that was not broken. It seems to me that bungie just couldn't leave it alone. They had to change it.

a. Pistol sniping whores need to die.

81. MC Jon 117: anata wa nihon jin des ne?

a. Nihongo-ga wakari masen.

82. The Elite_elite: Will you be able to make maps for MP?

a. I don't want to.

83. Mr Pidgeon: um do u like fudgicles? (fudge pops)

a. I once ate an entire box during a sleepover party in elementary school.