Filed under: Drama Mamas

Life happens; we all get that. But should your life be happening to the 24 other people in your raid group? We (and your 24 raidmates) think not. After all, if you're here to play World of Warcraft, why do you keep going AFK?

The need for and the etiquette of going away from the keyboard (AFK) was stronger in WoW's earlier days. During classic WoW, 5-manning places like Blackrock Depths was an all-night affair. Players were more forgiving of a quick dash to the bathroom, and groups doing longer content tended to schedule natural breaks along the way. Today's WoW is a much more terse affair. Scenarios, group instances, and raids are likely to be over long before your bladder is. It's not so difficult to simply plan ahead or wait for a group to come to a natural conclusion.

Yet people don't always do that. Like That Guy who's always texting and checking his Twitter feed instead of looking you in the eye during a conversation, That Guy in game is likely to wander AFK just when you need him the most. Tuning out the people you're with, online or off, simply is not socially acceptable behavior. (You've heard what they're calling those tuned-out types who'll be wearing Google Glass, right? It's not a complimentary term.)

The best way to handle going AFK is to avoid it in the first place. For the rest of those moments when something comes while you're grouping that's beyond your control, let's look at the best ways of managing the interruption and getting you back into the game.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Do you remember when WoW was shiny and new? Ah, memories.

Dear Drama Mamas,

I am fairly new to gaming. I started playing about 4 months ago and have since become borderline obsessed with how much fun I am having. There are tons of things to do and I love discovering new things all the time. Currently I belong to my Boyfriend's guild. We play on a very low pop server and there are currently only 4 active members in the guild. He and His friends like it that way- and that's fine. They are all in charge and have been gaming forever. Mostly they focus on occasional PVP (and pet battles- don't tell him I told you!). I really enjoy playing with them and don't feel self conscious about my occasional noob-ness,However I feel that being a part of his guild/ playing on a low pop. server is a limiting experience for me as a newer gamer.

You've tried being clear, and you've tried being firm. Somebody's on your case in game, and they're not letting up. What are your options for managing in-game harassment?

Rule #1: Managing harassment is about protecting you and your enjoyment of the game, not about stopping or changing a harasser's behavior. You can't change other people. It's extremely unlikely that anything you do or say will inspire someone to see the light and become a thoughtful, more compassionate person. Managing harassment, then, is not about how to "fix" your harasser but how to extricate yourself from the situation so you can get on with playing your game.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Harassment is as harassment does.

Dear Drama Mamas,

To put it simply, I am incredibly overwhelmed by a mix of issues with my guild both online and off. I have been with the same guild since about 2009(ish) and was one of the founding members. I assisted with raid leading, recruitment, and many other facets of keeping things running. Myself, our guild leader - who I will call J, and a fellow officer, W were all very close friends for several years.

Until I made a fatal mistake. During a guild event myself and W got... a little too close. I know it was a mistake and it has been having a negative impact on my life for several years now. Whenever I would date anyone else, W would become incredibly jealous and angry, to the point of threatening me, and making incredibly lewd remarks to me via e-mail or messenger services. J, on the other hand did not want to become involved (reasonably so, I think) and would not address the issue.

Social drama -- sticky, sticky stuff. The problem with drama in a multiplayer game is that even acknowledging its existence usually engenders more. That's why so many guilds prohibit airing drama as well as any potentially controversial topic in public chat channels. Smart gamers don't manage social drama -- they dodge it.

The first line of defense against drama for most players is membership in an effective guild. Savvy guilds provide a drama-free zone by offering clear, explicit guidelines and rules on common bones of contention such as loot, raid attendance, and player behavior. Debate and controversy are handled in private chat channels or forums. Not at all an attempt to squash freedom of expression, a no-drama edict is designed to free players from being forced to bear witness to an outbreak of drama, allowing guild officers to clean up the mess quickly and effectively behind the scenes. (Learn more about the structure and habits of highly effective guilds in WoW Insider's weekly Officers' Quarters.)

But no guild can protect every player from the ravages of social drama. Where there are people, there will be drama. Fights with your mom or your spouse over game time, finding a guild whose definition of PG chat matches yours, handling an inappropriate player crush ... Let the Drama Mamas show you how to prevent most drama and dodge the rest.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Our email address is having technical difficulties. If you would like to send us a letter to be answered in our column, please email to dramamamas@gmail.com for now. On to this week's letter.

Your recent article on Time Management has me considering if I need to change roles in the game.

I'm the main tank for my small 10 man guild. We raid two nights a week. We are currently working on Horridon one night, and going back to HoF/ToES the 2nd night to help some members get better gear. If I don't play, 9 other people don't get to have fun. I also feel a certain responsibility to my guild to have the best gear I can get which means putting in a ton of time into WoW on our non-Raid nights.

The thing is I love playing WoW. I love my guild. I love tanking. It's a blast and a great way to shake off the stresses of my day.

Aside from the lingering social stigma that tells us that hours immersed in an interactive game world are somehow less acceptable than hours connected to an intravenous TV drip, most of us have come to accept that video gaming has achieved full-fledged hobby status among its aficionados. Like most hobbies, it's a hungry one. Even in console games that spin a story to an inevitable conclusion, replay and achievements and hard modes and alternative endings beckon. With a subscription MMO game like World of Warcraft, the entertainment is designed never to end.

Unfortunately, your supply of time to play is not equally boundless.

Those hopeless, choked nights when you fear there is no possible way to hack your way into the thicket of tasks waiting to tear you to shreds come dawn are no reason to cut off your game subscription entirely. We'll show you why, and we'll follow up with tips and resources that help you keep all the plates spinning at once -- including some well-deserved game time.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We've got a twofer for you this week. Are these letter writers overreacting?

Dear Drama Mamas,

Hello! I have recently ran into a problem with my GuildMaster, who we will call C. I was questing in a zone, when one player says in General chat, "He (referring to Sha of Anger) is not up yet." My GuildMaster, who was also in the zone says, "That's what she said. ;D" Now I would have no problem with this, if our guild rules did not say specifically, "Each [GUILD NAME] is held accountable for his or her actions. Everyone is subject to a "three-strike" rule, meaning that an infraction of the above guild rules, and/or doing foolish or thoughtless things that would cause [GUILD NAME] to be seen in a poor light to the general populace of the realm will win you a warning." and one of those above rules include..."Keep chat and Ventrilo chatter PG-rated. Stay away from political, sexual and religious discussions."

If there's one thing concerned parents of young video gamers need to know, it's how important it is to acknowledge and support kids' love of games. Why an increasingly media-savvy culture continues to vilify gaming -- now a mainstream activity enjoyed on smartphones, tablets, and computers by Americans of all ages -- is somewhat confounding. Video games represent nothing more (or less) than another type of entertainment media, right alongside books, movies, and television. Just as responsible parents keep an eye on the books, TV shows, and movies their kids are into, they should do the same with games. The bottom line: a reasonable, age-appropriate approach to the quantity and quality of the media kids enjoy.

As the parent of a young gamer, your strategy is to remain figuratively plugged in to whatever they're doing. Don't all parents want to support their kids' hobbies? We want to know what they're doing, who they're with, whether they're safe, whether they're taking away some sort of life skill as well as enjoying some good, old-fashioned fun ...

What you might not have considered is that gaming for many kids represents a full-fledged hobby. What's your role as a parent, then? To be fair, you'll want to give your child's fascination with gaming the same level of scrutiny and support as you would the your little girl's love affair with karate or your teenaged son's involvement in a garage band. Whatever captivates your child's imagination should also attract your parental periscope.

We're not suggesting you plunk down to dutifully monitor your child's every mouse click in a game like World of Warcraft. Frankly, your kids don't want or need a hall monitor. But they do need your boundaries, your guidance, your feedback, your enthusiasm, and your support -- all the same things you'd bring to their karate competitions or their band concerts.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We've dealt with relationship difficulties and online cheating before, but this week our letter writer has neither of those problems. The issue is that he has an admirer who seems to wish that weren't the case.

Hi

I have a problem in my guild and don't really know how to resolve it without hurting someone's feelings.

Basically I'm a married man who's partner doesn't play WoW but I still love her regardless 😜. My guild is a friendly social guild but I mostly do pvp (not important but explains my bouts of free time) so when I'm not pvp'ing I tend to help other members of the guild either by helping run dungeons or guiding them around The place.

If academic success for fans of video games were as simple as "Do your homework and limit your time online," we'd all be LFG amongst a population of Rhodes Scholars. But maintaining your sanity (and your grades) when your most beloved hobby is designed to be an endless maze of virtual delights involves more than vague notions of buckling down during key pressure points. Achieving balance requires effective tactics to help you keep your life in balance -- and that's what we'll be covering here.

Playing an MMO like World of Warcraft as a student drops you into a minefield of inflexible teachers and schedules, disapproving parents, unaccommodating raid schedules, and blithely tempting guildmates. Trip on any one of these drama bombs, and you're in for what we sometimes ironically refer to as "good times." Whether you're an independent college student or still working out your schedule with Mom and Dad, we'll show you how to set and stay on course while heading off the most common school/life/play issues before they strike.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We had three letters ready to go this week, but one of the letter writers has since requested not to be featured here, so we're respecting the request. This often happens, when someone writes a letter to us and then soon after asks that we not answer it. Sometimes it's because the situation resolved itself, and sometimes it's more due to not wanting to be identified.

We recommend letting your letter sit overnight before sending it -- and that goes for any emotionally charged email under any circumstances. What you want to get out in the heat of the moment is often not the same as what you really want to say the next day.

Regardless, here are more results. First, we have a happy ending for the situation where the GM wouldn't give up control of his guild.

Hi, im the concerned guild officer from the 'GM who wont give up control' article from june last year, i thought i would post a update on what happened.

So i linked your article to the officers and we had a talk with the GM explaining what he was doing and that the other 200 actual people in the guild didn't need it and he basically cut it out and went almost silent. He didn't give up the GM control, but he basically took care of the guild bank and recruiting whilst i took charge of organising raiding and another officer took charge of guild events and all in all things greatly improved. We got the good atmosphere back and he was happily away counting his inks and glyphs horde and didn't bother anyone or cause those awkward vent silences anymore.

Are you searching for a guild of "friendly, mature people" who "have fun" in either a "social" or "raiding" context? You're in luck! You'll find those terms in most guild recruitment ads for WoW's 10 million players worldwide. On second thought, that may be more than good luck; it's more like an avalanche of virtually identical guild profiles. Will those terms help you discern any meaningful distinctions between these groups of players? That's a lot of "friendly" people to sort through.

Many guilds are fairly easily described by their schedules and raid progressions (or their lack of either). More likely, though, the essence of your group -- the part that gives it its flavor and makes it stand apart from other guilds -- is somewhat trickier to describe. "Social," "casual," "raiding" ...These terms describe most guilds. And even terms that seem fairly self-explanatory at first glance can be problematic for players trying to evaluate a potential fit. "We're a dedicated roleplaying guild." OK, so what's the spin? One RP guild might maintain a military structure and campaign, while another plays out some very adult-themed interpersonal dramas -- definitely not interchangeable concepts!

Our experience is that player and guild drama becomes inevitable when members end up unhappily guilded in a group that doesn't truly fit. The Drama Mamas frequently get mail from players who find their guildmates nice enough but still have that itchy feeling that something just isn't clicking. The fit you want is probably out there, but the terminology and labeling for these guilds hasn't quite caught up yet.

What are you looking for in a guild? What sort of group will help you enjoy playing World of Warcraft? Let's figure it out -- and if you're looking for a particularly specialized type of guild, we've included a few niche group suggestions to kickstart your research.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

About once a year, we publish the results of our advice, as told to us by the original letter writers. This year, we have too much for one week, so you'll get the first part this week and the rest in two weeks. If we've answered your letter and you haven't written in to tell us what happened, please send an email to robin@wowinsider.com.

Last March, The Other Woman told us about a love triangle in which she was embroiled. She responded soon after with painful but positive results:

Dear Drama Mamas,

I just wanted to give a huge thank you to you and others who commented on my post. I *was* the Other Woman in the volatale love triangle. I decided to cut all ties with him, explaining that even if he left his fiance it was possible it would have never worked out between the two of us. I explained even if he left her as others said, 'a relationship built on cheating' was a bad place to start, and we should take some time apart until we know what we really want.

What is your guild all about? Many guilds are fairly easily described by their schedules and raid progressions (or their lack of either). More likely, though, the essence of your group -- the part that gives it its flavor and makes it stand apart from other guilds -- is somewhat trickier to describe. "Social," "casual," "raiding" ...These terms pretty much describe most guilds.

Even terms that seem fairly self-explanatory at first glance can be problematic for players trying to evaluate a potential fit. "We're a dedicated roleplaying guild." OK, so what's the spin? One RP guild might maintain a military structure and campaign, while another plays out some very adult-themed interpersonal dramas -- definitely not interchangeable concepts!