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Vehicular Homicide

You want to understand the perverse appeal of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, newly arrived on the PC from its original home on the PlayStation 2, look no farther than “Autocide.” The mission begins like many moments in the mob flicks that inspired this game, with an anonymous call at a pay phone. Everything seems routine, like the guy with the Colombian-cartel accent on the other end of the line orders up multiple murders every morning with his croissant.

Sociopath coming through!

Stupid cops, always stopping my crime sprees

Will they never stop harassing poor Mr. Vercetti?

That probably isn’t too surprising, seeing as the guy he’s speaking to is sociopath Tommy Vercetti, a just-paroled thug who’s willing to do anything for a buck. Thanks to my aiding and abetting with mouse and keyboard, he’s already gotten rid of a spend-happy wife, vivisected a snitch with a chainsaw, and driven over a moped-riding delivery boy who must have dropped off one too many cold pizzas at the local Italian Gentlemen’s Club. Being asked to race around town and kill six gang members planning a bank heist in under eight minutes is par for the course.

Ventilating Skulls for Cold, Hard Cash

As is the ensuing action, at least in relation to the rest of the game. After a stop to pick up some stashed weapons, Tommy and I steal a racing bike. Just around the corner is the first victim, working atop on a billboard. He gets his skull ventilated with the sniper rifle. A couple of blocks away is target number two, working as a driver for a security company. We sidle up to where he’s parked and open up with a submachine gun. When he tries to drive away, we shoot up the armored car and kill the driver as he flees on foot. The next two sitting ducks are in front of an apartment building. We dump the bike and steal a car, then floor it into the duo, killing one man on foot. His friend takes off in a truck, but we follow, ramming the vehicle until it explodes. Next up is a trip to the oceanside, where we shoulder the sniper rifle again and clip a gang member on a boat. We swipe another car and chase down the last objective, employing our driveby shooting skills to blast him off his motorcycle. Mission accomplished. Thanks a lot for the four grand, Mr. Anonymous Telephone Guy.

A .45 and an attitude

Weapons come in all shapes and sizes

Stacking corpses for cash

That, in a bloody, morally bankrupt nutshell, is what this game is all about. You steal cars, you kill people, you lead the police on high-speed chases, you build a criminal empire in Vice City (think Miami) circa 1986. Everything is centered around a wanted system where you accumulate stars for every criminal act that you commit in front of a cop. Bump into a police cruiser or kill a pedestrian for her purse in front of a cop, that’s one star. Drive over a patrolman, that’s two stars. Run into a shopping mall and slaughter a few dozen shoppers, cops, and security guards, and you might hit five or six stars. Go that high and you’ll have FBI trucks, police helicopters, and maybe even the National Guard hunting you down. All your sins are washed away if you can get to a Pay and Spray garage and have your vehicle painted and fixed, though, so all is not lost when you get John Law on your tail. Basically, you fight the law and try to win, so there’s no breaking rocks in the hot sun.