I'm not gay.
Now that we've got that straightened out, let me give you a little context! As you know, the always delightful Jonathan "Funktastic" Lee went on a little trip to Japan recently, and I gave him a bit of a hand with some of the language he would need to get around and some recommendations about where to go. He said he would repay me some way, but I had no idea how he was going to go about it.
One fateful day a large Amazon.ca (that hilarious mockery of Amazon.com that only sells books and music, HA!) package showed up at my house...

OH SNAP
Let's open it up, shall we?


THOSE USPS BASTARDS. (although I think everything was fine in the long run)
Enclosed was the above letter (still not gay, by the way), as well as a veritable treasure trove of excitement!

I immediately removed the first five items and laid them on the table!

Awesome.
While you may recognize Wolfenstein and Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter from ChillyBilly's haul, Funktastic was kind enough to replace my copy of God Hand that was stolen at PAX 2009! Also, Resident Evil CODE: Veronica and Bomberman Online are both awesome DC games that were not in my collection. This is my first Resident Evil game ever!
But, my friends, that was far from the entire package.

We also had some Nintendo console lovin'!

Aww yeah. I played a ton of Super Star Wars at friends' houses in my youth, but never owned my own copy. Thanks Funktastic!


Two GC games I've always wanted to play, and Killer7 was still wrapped! Funktastic's generosity springs eternal! However, my excitement over these two titles was nothing compared to the nonstop glee that followed.


Oh... my... god.

TWO SQUARESOFT PS1 CLASSICS!
Final Fantasy Tactics is awesome, but I was blown away by the fact that Funktastic sent me Legend of Mana as well! I love this game, I must have rented it ten times as a kid. I've been eyeing Funktastic's copy for a while, but never had anything worthwhile to trade him. Out of the kindness of his heart, he sent it to me for the minimal Japanese assistance I offered him. I've told you before that he's the nicest person ever, but if you still had any doubts (I don't know why you would), I hope this can put them to rest.


But wait! You thought that was the end, didn't you? Never underestimate our favorite Canadian's kindness. He packed one more thing into that box, and even gave it a fancy wrap job! It was...

A MYSTERIOUS ITEM FROM JAPAN

Whatever could it be?

I tore through that packaging faster than a kid on Christmas day. This, ladies and gentlemen? This was special.


In case you're one of the (admittedly numerous) fools who didn't play Nier, you may not be aware that the soundtrack is one of the best damn things mankind has ever created. Don't believe me? Listen for yourself!



Done? Anyway, this is the Nier 15 Nightmares & Arrange Tracks soundtrack. It has all the music from the one piece of Nier DLC as well as a number of arranged tracks, which are all incredible and includes this little number:



Nier is better than Zelda, confirmed,

Funktastic knows how much I love Nier and picked this up for me out of the kindness of his heart. It also goes perfectly with my Nier Original Soundtrack!

Bad. Ass.

Anyway, much (not gay, I swear!) love to Funktastic: the most generous person I've ever met. I'm beyond grateful to you. I'll see you at PAX 2011! Also, if you ever need any more Japanese help, you know where to find me!
<3 + 100
-TheCleaningGuy
PS: I'll see what I can do about that Shenmue Forklift!
PPS: Sorry about the poor picture quality, I'm using an iPhone 3G.

(image probably unrelated)
If you've hung out on Dtoid for a while, you're probably familiar with the Domo-loving, game-collecting, "dag yo!"-saying Funktastic. If you're familiar with him, you know that he's a great guy.

HOWEVER: you may not be aware that he is truly the nicest person ever.

He is.

Come back in time with me to PAX 2009, where a lovely time has had by all. It was the biggest PAX ever, as well as the most Destructoid-filled. (Unfortunately, I missed out on the big group picture [and most of the Dtoid events] once again this year, but that's what PAX 2010 is for!) It was a hell of a lot of fun for me with the exception of one tiny detail:

My stuff got stolen. PSP, DS, an assortment of games, and the things I bought from Capcom's booth: God Hand and a Servbot keychain. The moment I realized this, I spent the next couple hours looking through all of the lost and founds, the booths I'd visited, and the outlying rooms I'd been in. During the course of this mad scramble, I ran into a guy in the Capcom booth with a Domo shirt and one of those fancy nametags that Mr Destructoid was handing out. It was Funktastic!

We only talked for a few minutes since I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but we managed to compliment each other's shirts (I was wearing my Servbot shirt from Refused Classification) and talk about how great PAX was, but then I told him about my stolen stuff, and he said he'd keep an eye out for my missing red bag. So we parted ways and didn't run into each other for the rest of the show. I tried to repurchase the stuff I'd got from the Capcom booth, but they were sold out. I'd lost the keychain forever... or so I thought.

A few months later, however, Funktastic made a "Compulsive Collector's Haul" post in which he informed me that he'd purchased a second keychain just in case someone needed it. He said that he's spent the last couple months trying to get my name and address simply to surprise me with the keychain. I learned this on a particularly rough day (midterm and a breakup within an hour of each other), so this random act of kindness warmed my heart. A few months later, I received my keychain as well as a whole bunch of neat swag!
I always wanted to write a blog about it but time constraints got in the way and I never did...

(Keychain pictured on top of Sega Saturn [Oh the irony!])

Because that is not the only amazing act of kindness that our lovely Canadian friend has done for me.

Come back in time with me a couple months to November, back when I was a fresh faced trading forum noob as opposed to the (almost) hardened trading veteran I am now... I excitedly made a trade (my second ever!) with a user who was just a couple months into his Destructoid tenure, a one DWolfwood. I traded him my Heavenly Sword and Heart of Darkness for his Dead Space and Chrono Cross. Or so I thought...

As the weeks went by I never received my games, he stopped logging into Dtoid in early December, and never responded to my PSN reminders. After my patience began to wear thin, I reported my failed trade on the forum. I seemed to have been duped, and although he informed my that he received my games, I never got anything in return. It was disappointing to be sure. I was the only person to ever have an unsuccessful trade on the Dtoid forums.

As time went on though, I kept trading with people, and eventually Funktastic and I started communicating about a potential trade. Due to his massive library of games, I had nothing good to offer him, but I did mention the limited edition Domo-kuns that were available at Borders. That piqued his interest and after a few more PMs, I traded him a Red and an Orange Domo for the Twin Snakes and Etrian Odyssey II.

The package arrived just the other day, and it contained those two games as well as the following note:

Holy shit.

Holy Shit!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
And Bonus! Inside Etrian Odyssey II was a copy of Shining Soul 2!



That's right, people. Funktastic knew that I had a failed trade, found the games that I didn't get and sent them to me. You don't get much more amazing than that. <3 <3 <3

So here's to Funktastic, one of the greatest people on Dtoid. You deserve much more than this poor-grammar-ridden, poor quality picture-filled (I'm using an iPhone, sorry!) blog post, but I hope that it can help convey how grateful I am to you! You're the best, and I hope you enjoy your Domos!!

Look, there aren't too many franchises that I'm utterly in love with. The Ryu Ga Gotoku/Yakuza franchise is one of them. The story is fantastic (even with the poor localization in the first game), the characters are believable, the graphics are gorgeous, and the combat is brutally satisfying. Hell, I ran out and imported Ryu Ga Gotoku: Kenzan! the week it came out. I've pestered Sega for Yakuza news at PAX for last couple years. The guy I talked to this year gave me the usual spiel about not giving up hope, trying to gather a community of fans at Sega's website to support the series etc, etc.

I'd just about given up hope until tonight.
http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3176109
You read that right.
1up doesn't say it's a rumor. It says the game is coming. If this turns out to be untrue, I'll be thoroughly pissed off.
But, as it stands now, the world looks so damn beautiful.
Here's a fun video for you with the game's theme song and some pain.

Who else is happy?

Now, I'm sure a lot of you are wondering to yourselves "How will I recognize TheCleaningGuy at PAX? He seems like an amazing, intelligent, and incredibly attractive person from his comments, and I really want to meet him! But how will I recognize him in the sold-out crowd? He's never posted a picture of himself before, nor has he ever been to a NARP!" Well, read on, lovely Dtoider, and be enlightened as to how you will recognize me (and see a photo).

Or, if you don't give a damn about that, and you were wondering "Should I listen to that strange Australian podcast that shows up every fortnight? I've always been interested, but just needed one guest testimonial to push me over the edge" then you can read on, too.

First of all, a little bit of backstory... Anyone who has listened to Refused Classification knows that I am a huge fan. Nothing makes me happier than to bombard these poor bastards with a cavalcade of questions. Well, sometime around episode 7, our hosts Hugh Jackman, DahhhhnnnnnMazkiiiiiiinnnnn, and that one guy who curses a lot, reposts things, and can't hold his liquor got drunk enough to think it was a good idea to invite me to co-host their podcast. A couple weeks, careful timezone planning, a missed recording date, and a few Skype/computer crashes later, Episode 8 was born.

For some bizarre reason, these backwards Australians thought it would be a good idea to reward me for causing all sorts of damage to their podcast, and keeping them up late. I gave them my address and T-shirt size and a few days before my birthday (They didn't know about my birthday, but I like to pretend they did), I received the greatest single T-shirt I have ever seen.

That's right mofos.

This will be how you recognize me on Friday, when I enter PAX for the third year running. I will be the only person at PAX with a custom Servbot shirt, made exclusively by the amazing, sexy, and creative people who host Refused Classification.

So thank you very much James, Dan, and Moses. I absolutely love you guys and just want to let you know how grateful I am. You guys are amazing, and I'll be sporting your custom threads at PAX!

It appears that Microsoft's newly announced Halo-centric branch, 343 Industries, has set up a deal with a a number of well renowned anime studios to create a series of 7 short films based around the Halo universe. The project will be called "Halo Legends." details are scarce at the moment, but I'm going to presume it's something along the lines of "the Animatrix" or "Gotham Knight".
Production I.G.'s Shinji Aramaki is overseeing the project and the films will be done by Bones, Casio Entertainment, Production I.G., Tohei, and Studio 4-C.


What do you think Dtoiders? As a fan of both Halo and anime, I'm pretty excited.


News via Kotaku, via the LA Times.

I wish I could add something incredibly witty or exciting here, but I'm just really happy that this is coming out.
SUMMER 2009 BABY!
This is a fantastic year for fighting games.