Some pixies just want to watch the world burn.



I think my original concepts for my quest this year were a bit too ambitious in scope and possibly displaying a total lack in focus as well. The announcement of Shin Megami Tensei X Fire Emblem for Wii U changed things a great deal for my quest this year, to say nothing of the prospect of Soul Hackers and perhaps SMT IV arriving this year as well To top it all off, Fire Emblem appears to be back and in great shape, so why not throw a few of those in as well?

This is going to be a long-term affair with occasional updates, obviously. The games from my prior line-up, rest assured, will be dealt with but I've decided to push SMT and Fire Emblem to the forefront not only because SMT is one of my favorite franchises, but I have a bit of uncharted territory left in both as well - Fire Emblem especially.

Special Note: I don't intend for the Persona series to be part of this journey. It gets more than enough love and attention. I may at some point, provided I obtain a PS Vita, include Persona 2: Innocent Sin and Persona 4 Golden, but otherwise there will be very little or no Persona talk. I love the series, but its still the spin-off franchise and I want to focus more on the hardcore side of the series.



What I currently have access to on the SMT side is shown above. There's a distinct lack of PS2 Devil Summoner in there, but that will be addressed in time. In additional to Soul Hackers and the the inevitable SMTIV, I'm going to endeavor to try to play the original two SMTs.

I will purchase the iOS versions out of respect for the creators, but otherwise I'm just going to download some emulated versions with fansubs. Not how I want to do it, but there really isn't another viable option out there as the iOS versions are both in Japanese.

As for Fire Emblem, I'll just be starting with Awakening and likely focusing on the handheld entries from here on out. I also have The Sacred Stones as a 3DS Ambassador. It probably won;t set me back to much to find a backlit GBA and the original western release or Shadow Dragon for the DS, either, but I'm going to leave one of those two as optional. One Fire Emblem game is monstrous enough, two isn't unfathomable, three is just pushing it and four is insane.



Etrian Odyssey will remain on tap, but I've decided I'm not going to pressure myself with deadlines for it.

Currently I'm on still on the final stretch SMT Nocturne, having flagged the True Demon path and ascending the final tower. Hope to talk more on that soon. Once that's done I'll be picking up with Digital Devil Saga. Since Fire Emblem comes soon and I'm also near the end of Devil Survivor Overclocked, I'm giving that some attention as well. I'm on the 7th day and still not experienced the 8th day scenario so that should be fun. Once that's done, I can plunge into Fire Emblem Awakening.

Enough talk, I'm getting on task!

I was not expecting this. I knew I'd get a Wii U this year, but didn't know it would be for this.



Back in the midst of a number of crossover game announcements this generation, I had always wondered if Shin Megami Tensei would be a franchise to enter the fray that MVC3, SFXT, Dissidia, Cross Edge, Smash Bros., Project X Zone and Pokemon Conquest all found themselves in. I sometimes would fantasize which franchise would be most compatible and sensible for SMT to face off with.



I considered Pokemon at first, but Pokemon being all sunny and SMT being as dark as it is - along with pushing the monster catching past 1,000+ critters - that it might be a bit too over-the-top. Plus Mara would to terrible things to pokemon - awful, terrible things not meant for the eyes of children. Then I thought Final Fantasy, but that just put SMT characters up against a roster half-comprised of emo kids.

I thought about Fallout, which is an idea that has potential (and the director of Strange Journey loved Fallout 3), but SMT's presence would probably sour the 1950s motif a bit and humor is often fleeting in SMT. Plus SMT takes place in Japan and Fallout wants its 1950s Americana. I also considered The Elder Scrolls because dungeons, dungeons, dungeons - but TES dungeons tend to be not all that threatening and SMT comes from the more sadistic dungeon designs of old western CRPGs that Dragon Quest also emulated. Damage panels, monsters in boxes and all that.



Dragon Quest, again, the problem is the same as Pokemon - too cheery and it would become a weird monster collecting binge.

Then I looked at Fire Emblem and Metroid. Of all Nintendo's main IPs, these two are not about sunshine and rainbows. Metroid has sci-fi, dead worlds and spiritual elements, but its generally a solo affair for Samus no matter which dried up world she visits, That and like Fallout, Metroid is much more about exploring. Not really compatible.



Fire Emblem has its goody two-shoes lords, but also tends to have scummy, scheming, two-timing, back stabbing nobles and royalty. The politics of manipulation, greed, racism and murder abound as some innocent nation is getting ransacked. Then demonic forces eventually turn up and your goodie-goodie lords have to travel the lands in order to amass an army to save the nation or nations in peril.

Shin Megami Tensei has the forces of Law and Chaos - neither terribly good - going at it. Lucifer himself often shows up to egg you along, hoping to get you on his side to fight God. It has its own political intrigue, betrayals and demons all over the place, which you collect by negotiation rather than toss Pokeballs at them. And Lucifer isn't the only schemer about, your most trusted allies can become bitter enemies, which is familiar territory for war-torn youth like you find in Fire Emblem.

Travel a wasteland, meet exotic demons, reunite with dear friends and maybe kill them.



And player choices are often emphasized. Both games champion strong tactical choices, but make a bad one in Fire Emblem and people can die and never return. Each unit has a name, a life, a story and if they die you won't see its ending. SMT has instant kill magic, but also puts an emphasis on moral alignments.

I had found a match made in both Heaven and Hell. There are some problems. I don't know how well Mara and Arioch would fare within a Nintendo-branded game, given one is a tentacled, green penis riding on a gold chariot and the other is a fat, purple demon with a toothy vagina for a stomach. That's a bit of a snag.

Now this pairing that was once in my head is a real game, as if Nintendo and Atlus could detect my brainwaves and had been taking some notes.

So yeah, I kinda lost my shit when i saw the teaser for this as a real game. At any rate - this calls for a reassessment of my RPG quest this year. I intend to go after all the SMT games I can and at least three Fire Emblems, but that's a post for tomorrow, I guess.

If I could describe Shin Megami Tensei, it would be like if Fallout and Pokemon had a baby, but it was raised by Dungeon Master and Pokemon. I guess you could say Fallout was a surrogate mother (well, aside from the fact the MegaTen franchise predates both Fallout and Pokemon, I'm just doing this for frame of reference). Its paternal aunt and uncle would be Snatcher and Metal Gear while its maternal uncle and aunt would be Mad Max and Poltergeist. The child was also raised on the DC comics multiverse, mostly on Uncle Snatcher and Auntie Metal Gear's behest.

From this upbringing the child came to dream of a post-apocalyptic, supernatural, cyberpunk dystopian multiverse with a convoluted, yet minimalist story that's loaded with dungeons crawls and the demons? Gotta catch them all.

Each universe has multiple endings too, creating more dystopian timelines and universes because surrogate mother Fallout impressed upon the child that war never changes. Auntie Metal Gear disagrees on that point insisting war has changed.



Mama Dungeon Master is also a devil worshiper that believes in unchecked freedom while Daddy Pokemon is a controlling religious fundamentalist. Despite the nasty divorce, they'll encourage the kid to talk to angels and demons in order gain more allies and become stronger. They do this in hopes the kid will choose one of them and help them decide the future of the world and rule it. Or you can tell them both to go to hell.

This is Shin Megami Tensei... though sometimes the cyberpunk and apocalypse parts come and goes as they please.

As for the continuity... its complicated. Best to take it one game at a time and worry about the details of the larger story later. Or you can browse Hardcore Gaming 101's gradually-updated SMT site that does a great job of providing a synopsis of most of the games in the franchise. Those Persona kids have their own universe and split dimensions within this, but that's really its own thing now.



So we have a supernatural, cyberpunk post-apocalyptic world. How you behave will determine your alignment and the ending. SMT isn't as wishy-washy about alignment as something like Mass Effect can be - once you've set your path pre-endgame, it will affect potentially the endgame and the ultimate outcome. Its the classic Law/Neutral/Chaos setup, which has been known at times to be repped by the colors Blue, Green and Red respectively.

Mass Effect was born to Time Crisis and Star Wars across the street and might have been invited over for slumber parties, influenced by some of this and thought Mama Dungeon Master was a total MILF.



I'll be winding down SMT Nocturne later this week, so I'll have a bit to say about that later.

I think before I proceed further with blogging there's one additional detail about myself that I should reveal. I guess you could say I wanted to make sure this gaming blog was about gaming first at let you guys into my head for a bit before dropping heavier stuff on you. Additionally, my comments reveal I'm more than a bit LGBT positive.

In my first introduction post I alluded to being born "under a rainbow," what I didn't say about being a part of LGBT community was that i can claim two parts of that acronym rather than one. I think its only fair that if I continue on with blogging and talking about gaming and - at times - sex, sexuality and gender as it pertains to gaming that I address the fact that I'm transgender as well.

It's a complicated explanation as to how I came to realize this for myself, but suffice to say I knew very young that this was part of who I was. As for the "op" status, it depends on of I'm in America or Japan per Yoshinori Ono.



Growing up and not accepting this facet of myself - that I felt I was really female - and trying to be what other people wanted was actually damaging to me, as it often can be for anyone in the LGBT community. When I've been in-touch and accepting of the fact that this is just who I am, I'm an outspoken gal that can get a lot of things done and when I haven't I'm more like a black hole - all consuming, miserable and not fun. At a certain point in my life I had to choose which I wanted to be.

Its probably the best and briefest way of explaining it, though for people like me or on other points of the spectrum the reasoning can be different. Some people just crossdress, others are gender-fluid, androgynous or may prefer not to claim a gender at all.

Gaming has been both a passion and a lifeline through all of this in my life, but growing up and partly into adulthood its probably one of the few or only things society would deem masculine about me. I allowed my zeal for gaming become part of my male persona, which allowed gaming to become a target for when I failed. It kept my parents fooled - that's for sure - and at times gave me an opportunity to be myself when they weren't looking, at least in a digital sense. They didn't want to understand games, they just saw them as a pacifier I would grow out of.



Naturally, I didn't grow out of gaming, it grew up along with me and while it was a good shield for a time, it couldn't stop me from forgetting the truth. In that way I was just stalling, hoping these feelings might change - but they never did. I tried pleasing the expectations of others, such as my parents, and I was pushed toward "masculine" things like sports. I didn't perform well. I even sucked at softball.

When you break it down, gender is really a social construct separate from your physical sex. It is a guideline humans invented to give a particular sex a path to follow - masculinity or femininity. Gender expression is actually so much more broad than this binary portends, though. I struggled with the masculine things thrust upon me and deeply desired more of the feminine things. Every day I looked in the mirror, I couldn't stand what I saw - any of it.

You see kids like Kanji Tatsumi and Naoto Shirogane struggle with gender issues in Persona 4. Kanji is a guy that has hobbies society deems as feminine, Naoto desires a profession that's deemed masculine. Making use of a needle and a ball of yarn doesn't require a vagina, nor does it define your sexuality. Being a good, resourceful detective does not require a penis. The way that society blurs the lines between sex, sexuality and gender to define a person can be infuriatingly unfair.

Kanji is forced to deal with insinuations about his sexuality and masculinity based on a joy of crafting. Naoto uses her natural inclination to masculine behaviors and presentation as somewhat of a rationale for fighting what she sees as a sexist culture within the police force.



People should be allowed to determine themselves. Instead, gender is used to pigeonhole a lot of the time. Kanji and Naoto had to learn to be bigger than the adults and society when facing down these assumptions regarding them. They came to accept themselves and find friends who respected them. Kanji now knows he's a masculine guy no matter what and maybe he just loves who he loves without a gender or sex preference at all. In Persona 4 Arena we see a Naoto that embraces her gender-fluidity fully, remaining a clever boy detective to strangers and a capable girl to her friends.

And to see this self-determination play out time and again in is powerful. To see Samus Aran acknowledged for her accomplishments first and her gender second was important to me. To see Terra Branford trapped between the life of humans and espers, trapped between power and powerlessness, between fear and strength and eventually triumph gave me hope for myself. Samus had a mask, Terra came from a place between the norms and both were women that could help and protect others.



A more contemporary example would be Deus Ex Human Revolution as I found Adam Jensen to be in a position I sympathized with. Choices were made for him that were beyond his control. All those augmentations he didn't ask for resulted in him being perceived and judged as deviating from the human norm and becoming a different class.

He lost social privileges in some respects, too. There are points where you can't tell if people that mattered to him are really being fair to him, being nice or slighting him in some way. Jensen keeps his inner-struggles contained as best he can to get the job done, but the shards of his broken mirror tell a story I have partly known much of my own life. Yet he continues on, knowing only he really defines himself .



He's not transgender, he's not gay, he's white, he's straight and yet his struggle with his own trans-humanism speaks for the experience of many. At the end of the day, he's still human. His will to determine himself and move forward is something that's worthy of respect.

These are just some of the games that inspire and keep me going.

Gaming's track record for female, gay, intersexed and transgender characters might be spotty, but from my childhood to present I can say its getting better. I can say that there are writers out there working for Obsidian, for Atlus and others that get it while some like Eidos Montreal can get there without that direct intent of inclusion. They create characters that have faults and foibles, that have passions and interests that are a factor ahead of sexual orientation. gender presentation or race. This makes for stronger characters, but more importantly normal human beings.

I don't need people like me portrayed as sex objects, as exotic or edgy - just human. And if it has to be a stereotype make sure its on even ground with other stereotypes. Despite Mr. Ono's quirks, Poison is just as much a stereotype as any character in the Street Fighter universe, that's why I'm okay with her. Its just when Grand Theft Auto or Dragon Age dig for the tranny gags without a proper, respectable transgender character that I have a problem with that "comedy." It only works when everyone who is respected is also fair game.

Catherine is a game that shows those two up with a simple waitress. Erica is a friend to Vincent and the gang, someone that gives and good as she gets. She has flaws and a past but her friends respect her choices and leave the onus on her to reveal the truth about herself to others, if at all. That she's transgender is but a footnote, something that doesn't even come to light until late in the game. She's not perfect, but she doesn't need to be.



When you get that portrayal right, you can't imagine how helpful it is to those that need to come out or how much insight it lends to people that wouldn't have understood otherwise. Where TV and movies have time restrictions and are watched, games are made for players to interact with and that sometimes means a narrative can go deeper to provide more insight on how various people live.

Anyway, that's just another thing about me. I'm a gamer, I'm transgender, a woman, a lesbian a blogger, a libertarian - but a human above all else. A human that never really wants to shut up about her video games. I think I have a perspective to offer. I also say all of this knowing I might get some flak or hate for it, but I think from what I've seen of the Destructoid community and its camaraderie so far that there's little to fear.

I have certainly enjoyed my time reading and blogging here so far, so thanks for the good times :)

You know, at first I was ready to swear my allegiance to Team Water in Pokemon again. I always defer to Water Types but think its time to get out of the pool and into the forest once more. Plant types have often been boring or weak and while Snivvy hat some smug appeal about it I find Chespin to be more charming with its otter-like features, plant mantle, cute buckteeth and clawed feet. You can just see it noming some celery sticks and carrots - with ranch dressing of course, because that's how we will roll.

So I'm going green - Chespin, I choose you!



While Oshawott is who I'll stick with for now (or when I pick up B/W anyway) I'll be taking Chespin next because he looks more awesome and much less depressed. No one likes to be around a downer forever and I did catch Oshawott trying to cut himself once. Chespin makes me smile while Oshawott leaves me a little perturbed.

While water is certainly a nice thing, without plants to soak it up and to photosynthesize in the sunlight - no one gets any air to breathe. Last I checked Water types need oxygen so douse Grass types if you like, they''ll absorb the water. Fire types shouldn't get to uppity, either, because without oxygen a fire can't grow.

Chespin has the distinction of being the first Grass Type starter to look like a mammal/plant hybrid. Most Grass starters are given reptilian features, but Chespin having the traits of a furry mammal might lend it to a bit more diversity in terms of moves - I see a strong possibility that it might be able to obtain access to Steel and Dark Type moves. Back in the day Metal Claw made my Charmander a formidable fighter and I could see Chespin getting that.

Everyone chose Charmander or Squirtle back in the first generation, though, as they were given marquee status on Game Boy. Bublasaur had to go cry in a corner until the GBA remakes put it on a box.

That aside, I imagine Chespin's evolution will be Grass/Fighter, though I think it would be awesome if it was Grass/Steel somehow.



I realize I may be setting myself up at a disadvantage by choosing a grass-type early on, but given my rival (whom I shall name Asshat) will likely choose Froakie in light of my choice and I think Chespin could pummel Froakie. The main campaign is about having fun anyway, so if Chespin doesn't turn out to be competitive material, oh well, its not the first time that's happened.

I'm also rather pleased with the design of XY's Female Pokemon Trainer this time out. She looks classy. Pokemon B/W's Female Trainer is sporty and sassy-looking and I like her, B/W2 Female Trainer's visor + Princess Leia hair buns + Lolified Hatsune Miku pigtails has sent me running over to the less derpy-lookin' Male Trainer when I make a run through the B/W games. Let's just say there's such a thing as making "sporty" look too feminine and impractical.



In any other Japanese game I'd probably consider the look of X/Y's female trainer generic, but given all the other trainers have gone in a more sporty direction, something less sporty that's feminine and refined is a nice change of pace. Plus its not like trainers fight alongside their pokemon anyway.

And that's that. I'm defecting from Water Types this time out. GO GREEN TEAM!

So i keep talking about my RPG "quest," for 2013, but have not elaborated on it yet. This has taken a bit of thought because its easy to complicate and could consume tons of hours of one's life. I would like to have a social life, too. Rather than compose a rigid timeline of RPGs to do over the year, I've decided just to start each month with particular games in mind and let the chips fall where they may.

The main goal here is to have original completions of RPGs as well as replays of old favorites with more specific goals in mind. Its also important to have variety. I am not someone that slavishly adheres to particular imagery in games or swears allegiance to a particular region's RPG - sometimes I have days I would rather cuddle a Pokemon than slay dragons or slit the throats of villagers.



But damn that Pokemon. I thought I had sworn if off and could stay strictly with SMT for monster-collecting kinds of games. Then Pokemon X/Y shows up and has to charm the pants off everyone with its 3D world and adorable starters. I don't think I will ever catch them all, but I am OK with that now.

But I suppose I should get back to the topic at hand and talk about which RPGs are on tap this month!

Games of January



Original playthroughs: Dragon Age: Origins, Etrian Odyssey
Replays: Mass Effect, SMT: Nocturne

I've never fully played through Dragon Age: Origins, I guess you could say with some RPGs it takes a few tries for me to warm up to them. I find there's a lot to like in DA:O, but its cumbersome combat and menus turned me off at times. I'd quit not long after starting a campaign because I just wasn't in the mood for the tedious design of the game. This month I seem to be in the mood for it.

This is just a basic run through DA:O, which I plan to follow up with Dragon Age II when all is said and done. I have not really decided where I'll fall morally, but I like pissing Alistair off and making Morrigan happy.

I can't always please her, though. Even though Morrigan demanded it, I couldn't bring myself to kill Flemeth because I know she's Captain Katherine Janeway. Plus she would just turn into a dragon and eat me if I tried. You just don't screw with a witch voiced by Kate Mulgrew



Etrian Odyssey is another game that can be found to be tedious, but its a big goal of mine to complete each game in the series this year. This is a franchise that requires, if not demands, dedication because it expects you to be quite the cartographer - none of that auto-mapping business is allowed. That and you must endure the kinds of vector dungeon sadism western RPGs demanded in the 80s and early 90s with an anime candy coating and paper-thin story.

In Etrian Odyssey, its your story to write.

This might be a game that bleeds into February just due to the nature of the game being time-consuming, so as I have mentioned before I'll be listening to Podtoid for inspirational thematic material to keep me motivated. I'll write Podtoid's spirit into the maps and do subsequent blog fanfiction. Jim Sterling is the Protector, Jonathan Holmes aka "Freaky Constantina" is a Landsknecht, Conrad Zimmerman is the Medic, I'm the Survivalist and Willem Dafoe is our Troubadour.



Mass Effect is kind of a fallback game for it being shooty. I had recently played through as a particularly pale, Irish lass who was intended to be an emo Renegade Shepard. The problem was she couldn't help but end up doing good things and go Paragon. I would let her have these happy thoughts about krogan babies and the Quarians and geth working together.

So now I've started a new Shepard - a tomboyish, Latina Paragon Shepard with a pleasant smile and I intend to turn her totally awful. This campaign is she's going to be the goodie-two shoes that goes bad on important decisions and just gets more horrible as time goes on. On ME1, there are no other particular goals but that. Enough with the heroics, I say.



As for Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne, I'm picking up where I left off a few months ago. I had flagged every event for endgame and done much of what else I had wanted to do, I just need to work out my endgame line-up, obtain the Pierce skill and flag the True Demon ending, which includes megaboss fight with Lucifer.

On my original run with the game I had chosen the neutral ending, which for any SMT game is really the "good" ending since most alignments in the series are still evil somehow. SMT games usually have three paths, but Nocturne's special edition (our American/EU normal version) expanded to six endings. True Demon is for the baddest of the bad...


Art by Marureenu of deviantArt.

Oh, yeah, that Demi-Fiend is downright rotten as well, but he's along for the ride. I do have to thank him for granting me phenomenal cosmic power, though.

That is where I'm at for now. I am fairly confident I will complete DA:O and SMT Nocturne this month. A couple attainable goals and a couple for the long-term. I'm sure I'll have more to talk about these games as time goes on and I'm open to suggestions excluding PS3 ones as I don't have one and don't really feel inclined to get one.

I may pick up a Vita later in the year for Persona stuffs, PSX games and other RPGs, but for now I'm just sticking to 360, PS2, 3DS and whatever my laptop can handle. It says yes to some games but often "hello n" to the current generation.

Anyway, that's my plan for January.