Come in, class. Sit down. And for God's sake, behave. I know the last Fable class ended badly, and there have been rumours going around that I'm just going to draw a horses's arse on the blackboard and make you stare at it all afternoon, but that's not why we're here. Yes, Browne? Yes, it would be fair to say that Kinect hasn't yet become a synonym for precision and responsiveness. That's an unusually diplomatic way of putting it, well done.
Just pipe down, and let me explain. I've got my arms folded, and my eyebrows have formed a V. In case you're not sure what that's like, here's Garfield pulling a similar face. So you can see I mean business.
I've played the first three hours of Fable: The Journey. And it's my duty to report to you that I bloody well enjoyed it. Stop smirking, I can see you smirking there, Jenkins. See me after. The moments when you're steering your horse are a downbeat racing game. You get to collect tokens that give you XP, and there's still the colour-coded XP system. But this time, the colour of the XP determines what speed you have to be running to collect it.
When I was a child, we'd spend the same week every year in holiday camp in North Devon. It was a long drive from Nottingham, and my mother would wake us up at 4am to avoid the traffic. She'd have some cold, buttered toast wrapped in kitchen paper and we'd listen to a compilation cassette that featured Charlene's "I've Never Been To Me". Feel free to click that link, and play the song while I continue. It's a real mood-setter.
This isn't a game of exploration. It's a journey. But it's a journey where you stop at every service station, and your mum lets you go on all the arcade machines. And the grown-ups are talking, and you listen, because what they're saying seems important and exciting. It's also a journey where you have to steer and go at appropriate speeds to collect XP cubes, but that's where my childhood memories differ.
Yes, there are moments when you're grooming a horse. What's wrong with that? Stop that fake coughing, Barlow. I can hear the words you're saying and I won't stand for homophobia in my class. There are also pitstops with optional battles, and chests with collectibles.
You think it's shallow, do you? Well, did you know that there's going to be a Prima guide? Yes, Ditchburn, you might sit there with you mouth swinging open. Well, there is. And it's going to be around 240 pages long. So it can't be that shallow, is it?
No, Puervis, it's not 240 full page pictures of a horse's arse. Give me 100 lines. "I will not gratuitously allude to equine derrieres". The strategic depth comes from the arcade moments. The small cluster of spells you cast, and the way they interact with each other, the way different enemies respond to them, and the hidden systems of scoring that make it fun to experiment with flipping, blasting, and curveballing the familiar creatures of Albion.
Now, I've only played with the Pull and Bolt spell - and no, they don't sound rude, Radford, so stop acting like they do - but even those two provide you with a small wealth of options.
It's the only time I've played a Kinect game and left it feeling slightly exhilarated, instead of grumpy about having to stand up and jump. It's a problem, isn't it? Just because jump is a move that Kinect recognises easily, everyone bloody uses it. Lionhead have stayed true to their original vision of a combat system that's just deep enough to get you completely involved, and they've let you sit down to play. Like you're in the back seat of the car, singing along to Charlene.
16 comments so far...
CunningSmile on 27 Sep '12 said:
Come on Log you can be honest with us, have you been drinking the Cool Aid with Edwin? Is Ed holding one of your loved one's hostage? Have Lionhead sent you a big truck full of gold coins to spend in a strangely empty economy where every shop only sells one item?
We want the truth!
OXM Log on 27 Sep '12 said:
There's only so many ways you can say LOOK IT'S BETTER THAN YOU THINK PLEASE GOD BELIEVE ME
CunningSmile on 27 Sep '12 said:
OK, just because you used capitals I'll try the demo.
FishyGinger on 27 Sep '12 said:
I'll try it but I don't have kinect, my phone has a camera though, can I not just jam that in the disc drive?
OXM Log on 27 Sep '12 said:
I think you can just shout what you're doing with your arms into a headset, but I'll have to check with MS
Plamsa wing on 27 Sep '12 said:
Oh god I can see it now.
"I'M MOVING MY ARMS VERY SLOWLY TO THE LEFT."
Spiderless on 27 Sep '12 said:
Anyone who read that without listening to Charlene is seriously missing out, I envy Log's car journeys.
(Joke, its bloody awful, how the hell he survived is a mystery me.)
OXM Log on 27 Sep '12 said:
Other songs on that compilation tape include It Started With A Kiss and Young Girl.
It was a five hour drive. It's probably why I insisted on stopping at every service station
msbhvn on 27 Sep '12 said:
I love that song. Why?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suzwaW_SqtU
OXM Log on 27 Sep '12 said:
That deserves a bigger <3 than my ASCII skills can manage
CunningSmile on 28 Sep '12 said:
I have actually been to Australia and climbed Kings Canyon in a taffeta ball gown in tribute to that film
michaelhill2110 on 28 Sep '12 said:
I've played the demo, I agree it IS great fun, it'll be even better when I have my big tv (I only have a 26" ATM) and once I get some money I shall be getting it and zapping Hobbs till Christmas (and saving the world from alliens)
Zinzan44 on 8 Nov '12 said:
Honestly, this must have been the first review where you actually wish you didn't have to play the game due to it being so god awful...
On a serious note why does everyone think peter molyneux is this all knowing deity. The man is a pathological liar and other than black and white has consistently pumped out sub-par and at the best average games. Rumour/conspiracy says that the old man was pushed out of Lion head, Microsoft/internal dispute are said to be the cause, regardless ill be sure to steer clear of this "on rails restrictive Disney" experience.
CunningSmile on 8 Nov '12 said:
Actually Ed and Log both enjoyed the game and argued very strongly to support it.
Spartan Edge on 26 Nov '12 said:
Only in OXM would you hear such praise for Fable-The Journey..lol
Spartan Edge on 26 Nov '12 said:
Totally agree.He's had a few good ideas in his career,but i think he's massively over rated.He always seems to have these grand ideas & ambitions,but very rarely do does he implement them,which has made him the kind of running joke that he has become.Its easy to have ideas & say your going to or want to do something,but the proof is in the pudding,& he just doesn't deliver for the most part on what he promises.