Get The Bartender's Attention

"Honestly, it's a shot. One and done. Do you really need it to be your favorite B-52 when the rest of your buddies are happy with Jameson?"

We all know how frustrating it can be to get the bartender’s attention on a busy night at a packed bar. You’ve been out to dinner and are having a great night so far. Now all you want to do is get the party going. You’ve all relocated to the bar, and your mission is to wade through the sea of humanity and get everyone served before the social buzz fades and the first of you (usually the guy with a girlfriend at home) peels off with some excuse about having planned an early workout the next morning. Time is of the essence here. You’re trying to avoid the dreaded buzzkill. But in a crowded bar, the variable at play is your ability to get the bartender’s attention. Bartenders are humans, not droids, so there are some ground rules you need to follow, otherwise you risk being well and truly ignored for 20 minutes. And by the time 20 minutes has elapsed and no one in your group has their drink in hand yet -- well, nice try, but your party just ended.

Don’t take up unnecessary space

If you do secure a spot at the bar, make sure that you are ordering with some regularity. Bartenders look at bar space as real estate. If you’re nursing a drink and taking up room on a busy night, it’s not lucrative for the bartender and makes it hard for those who want to order.

Do get there early

If it’s possible, try and get there a little before the rush -- that way you can build somewhat of a relationship with your bartender, and she will have you in mind even once the place gets busy.

Don’t yell or bark

If the bartender has made eye contact with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ready to take your order. She will make it abundantly clear to you when she’s ready. If she hasn’t given you a direct look in the eye yet, that doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen you. Bartenders have great peripheral vision. It’s part of their job. Do not yell or bark an order, or worse, bang on the bar. Definitely do not wave your money around. These aggressive and obnoxious moves all guarantee you a long wait.

Do be ready to fire off your order

Once you have the bartender’s attention, don’t proceed to turn around to your friends to ask them what they want. If you do, chances are your bartender has walked away to serve someone who was ready while your back was turned. Also, bartenders are used to taking large drink orders, so be clear and be fast. If your bartender has forgotten or misunderstood something, she will ask you again. If she makes a mistake, she will take care of it from her own pocket.

Don’t order elaborate works of mixology art during a full-on rush

If it’s past midnight and the place is packed, remember that you are not the only one who wants to drink. While shaken cocktails containing four of five ingredients are delicious, they’re super time-consuming. Also, when a group of you decides to have a round of shots, agree on one shot to order. Honestly, it’s a shot. One and done. Do you really need it to be your favorite B-52 when the rest of your buddies are happy with Jameson?

Be ready to pay for it

Have your cash ready or open a tab. It’s irritating for a bartender to look around at all the waiting customers while you fumble around for your cash, wait for your credit card to go through (for the third time) or argue with your friends about who’s paying for what. Figure it out beforehand.

Don’t ask for free drinks

Policies vary from bar to bar about giving out free drinks. Don’t assume that the bartender has a certain amount of alcohol they can give out, even if it’s your birthday. Also, if you’ve spilled your drink, don’t assume it will be replaced for free. If you’ve turned around, stepped out for a cigarette or to run to the restroom, don’t be upset to find that your drink is gone. It’s not up to the bartender or barbacks to keep track of your drink. They try to keep things neat, tidy and welcoming for you, and for all they know, that drink has been lying around for hours. Watch your drink.

Don’t ask the bartender to smile

Chances are a smiley bartender greeted you when you first showed up. If she’s pouring drinks and not smiling, or making change and not smiling, or clearing away glasses and not smiling, that means she’s working. She’s keeping a handful of drink orders in her head. Telling her to smile will mark you as a cheesy guy for the rest of the night.

But, yeah, smile

Pleasant and polite customers definitely get served faster. Being drunk is no excuse for being rude.

And while we’re on the subject of acting civil: Having a drink app on your phone doesn’t make you a bartender. Recipes vary from bar to bar. Drink names also vary. You will not be making friends with the bartender if you exclaim “What? You don’t know how to make a Jimmy’s Special that I had last time I was at Club Med?”

Last but not least -- and here’s hoping that this goes without saying -- tip your bartender. You may be off work, on vacation or celebrating, but remember that the bartender is not. The bartender is working and will not forget about the nice client who tipped properly. Happy bartender, happy bar, memorable night, mind-blowing hangover. Everybody wins!