You Talk Back: Is Violence OK?

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"Violence is almost like fire in that it is incredibly difficult to predict, it can scar and get out of control very quickly."

Last week, we posed the question "Is violence ever OK?" The responses we received from you guys were overwhelmingly thoughtful and suggested that it's a question every man wrestles with at some point in his life. The common thread seems to be that violence is something we encounter in our daily lives in sports, on the playground and, especially, at the bar. Here are five readers' insights as to when it's warranted. Four take a pretty similar tack, but the last is -- let's just say -- a bit different. We have left them mostly unedited.

-AskMen editors

A Security Guard's Take

In Canada we are consistently taught at a young age that violence is not acceptable under any circumstance. This is why you see a zero tolerance toward any violence in Ontario public schools. I understand the point, however, it negates reality. Nothing is that simple. Violence is a tool, one that often has serious consequences but is sometimes necessary.

I have worked security in bars for approximately 8 years now, and have seen a great deal of fights. I have also had to intervene in multiple situations and use a measured response of violence to subdue one or several people. Violence should only be used in defending one’s self, another person, or very rarely, pre-emptively. When it is used it must be used sparingly, only what is necessary for situation.

I tell younger doormen that when it comes to combat of any sort, it is important not to enjoy it or look for it. It is at times a necessity and must be executed quickly and without hesitation, however it is important to make sure you do so under the right circumstances. The risks for those who regularly engage in fighting are immense. An assault charge can ruin a career, and jail time can ruin your life. Not to mention breaking your hand (very common) or something else. Violence is almost like fire in that it is incredibly difficult to predict, it can scar and get out of control very quickly. However, sometimes it is used to prevent the spreading of another fire.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned about violence:

-It can be very difficult to ascertain how badly you are going to hurt someone

-Fighting drunk can lead to a great deal of consequences, like losing, hurting yourself, or doing more damage than intended because you are not acutely aware of what’s going on

-With the advent of cell phones and cameras, the police can show up unexpectedly quickly, and you may very well end up being filmed. This is dangerous because someone may only film your response to being attacked and not the initial issue.

-Your flight or fight instinct will come into effect in seconds, and should you decide to fight, you have to know that the decisions you make and the actions you take will be dissected by a judge a year or more later, and not under the circumstances that happened before the fight.

· If you’re larger than your opponent, people will automatically side with him, and they will also remember you, and view you as the aggressor whether or not that is the case.

-Do not yell and draw negative attention to yourself. Bystanders will think you’re an idiot and that you’re the aggressor.

-Maintain a level of calm. It is very important not to lose your head. Panic will make you do stupid things. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly. It will calm your nerves. Next Page >>