James Fell's Rules

Castle Rock Entertainment

"Know the difference between doormat and whiner. Sometimes, you’ve just got to suck it up."

It seems like everyone’s a douchebag these days.

Myriad times I’ve been referred to as a plastic container filled with a vinegar and water solution. I write things about fitness that are frequently unpopular, so am used to being called that and worse.

Being called it and living it are different. We should all quest for being better men, understanding that there is no one ideal. And in some cases, being better involves sucking less.

Read our defense of the douchebag -- yes, defense -- here.

Many years ago I met a woman light years out of my league. Back then I earned the dishonorable distinction of truly being a douchebag. Before she figured this out, I entered a multi-year process of self-improvement, that continues to this day, so that I could continue to have her permission to touch her fun stuff.

Sh*t, that last part was kind of douchey. Well, I never said I’d made much progress.

Here are the rules I try to live by (in no particular order).

1. Don’t hate based on differences

There is plenty of stuff worthy of hate in this world. There is no shortage of wicked, wretched evil that catches my ire. There are battles worthy of fighting. Each battle I enter into requires me to think, using a moral compass to judge how I feel and the position I should take. Hating someone for being different from you, or hating a concept or thing because it’s not what you’re used to, or because you don’t understand it, is stupid, distracting, harmful, a waste of energy, and, well, evil. I’ll hate you for it.

2. Know the difference between “sperm donor” and “Dad”

Dad is a title that must be earned. Every day.

3. Treat women right

If you’re gay, which is cool, I probably don’t have to mention this one for multiple reasons. For the straight guys, a life of being a gentleman feels better than multiple notches on a bedpost. If you have a deal with her about not sleeping with other people, then you don’t sleep with other people. You honor it, and expect her to as well.

Beyond that, know that women are our equals. They’re different, and do I ever love them for it, but equal. Embrace just how wonderful they are, not just for their bodies (which are awesome), but for what’s going on upstairs.

4. Do the right thing

There are ways to get ahead in life via dishonesty. Do it once and get away with it, and you’ll be tempted to do it again and again. Eventually, it will bite a huge chunk out of your ass. Call it karma, but it’s playing the odds. They do catch up to you.

5. Quit yer bitchin’

Know the difference between doormat and whiner. Sometimes, you’ve just got to suck it up.

6. Own up

If you make a mistake, admit it. If you do wrong, try to fix it. If you have responsibilities, live up to them. This isn’t elementary school. Be an adult and don’t blame your own shortcomings on someone or something else.

7. God hates a coward

Religion has nothing to do with it; this is just what my dad always says. There are risks in life worth taking, risks that accelerate you to a new level. Remember Morgan Freeman’s character in The Shawshank Redemption: “Terrible thing, to live in fear.” Fear can hold you back from being the man you’re meant to be.

But remember to calculate, hence the term: “Calculated risk.” Next Page >>