007 Legends Review

The game's bombed. Game's. Bombed.

Pussy Galore turns to face Bond. "By the way, I didn't catch your..." Whatever entertainingly sexist banter was hanging in the air is cut short. Bond interrupts his most famous conquest in a voice that emphatically isn't that of Sean Connery. "James Bond," he states. I'm no James Bond aficionado, but I know when someone isn't doing the catchphrases right.

007 Legends is pretty much defined by this not-at-all right moment. It doesn't work as an homage. The scenes it does reproduce from the movies are cut short and stuffed with unconvincing extras. Bond uses a number of new gadgets, for instance. His smartphone has a biometric filter that you use to trace nerve gas. To everyone concerned: biometrics is the identification of human beings. It is not how you follow trails of nerve gas around a level.

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You could justify some of the odder decisions with the mantra "gameplay is king". But if Legends' gameplay was actually king, it'd be an insane haemophiliac king who despised and tortured his subjects. Anaemic shooting is broken up by a few brief, indifferent spy-like mini-games, and there's a levelling up system that's irrelevant, because it's making you better at the shooting, and the shooting is hackneyed and absolutely no fun. It yearns for simpler days, offering you the old-fashioned, non-regenerating health as an option. At times, the experience of play manages to feel even more dated than the camp innuendo of the movies.

It becomes a begrudging joke, particularly in the stealth sections. A favourite moment is during a stealth scene, when creeping up behind a guard, we pressed the right thumbstick to subdue him. Having been spoiled by better games, we were expecting a bespoke animation for subduing a guard. Something to make us feel like super spies, slinking around an enemy complex.

In fact, Bond punched the guard in his buttock, who obligingly slumped to the floor in an explosion of blood. Have you ever tried to punch blood out of a buttock? Try it on yourself, now. Do it with the curtains open. If you've got a bay window, stand in it. Stand in it and punch yourself in the buttock. Congratulations. You are now having as much fun as playing 007 Legends, and at a fraction of the price.

The OXM verdict

  • Smooth frame rates
  • Meatless shooting
  • Destroys beloved movie scenes
  • Sucks joy from you
  • They've broken existing dialogue
The score

Just say Dr No

4
Format
Xbox 360
Developer
Eurocom Entertainment
Publisher
Activision
Genre
First Person Shooter

Comments

15 comments so far...

  1. Just what i expected, Bond Games always suck. Period...

  2. Oh god I knew I shouldn't have read that, now people think I'm crying rather than laughing.

  3. Just what i expected, Bond Games always suck. Period...


    Someone never had an N64 with Goldeneye then

  4. Quite a lot of people liked Quantum of Solace. I know, because they gave me hell for saying it was rubbish.

  5. Quite a lot of people liked Quantum of Solace. I know, because they gave me hell for saying it was rubbish.

    I liked Bloodstone. And Nightfire on PS2 was cool.

    The MP in Goldeneye Rogue Agent was good as well.

  6. I saw the bum take down in the IGN video review. Hopefully they exploit this technique in Skyfall.

    I heard the game was awful and have no intention of ever purchasing but I hear the multiplayer is actually quite good. Not as in Battlefield/Halo/CoD good but for old school 4 player split screen. Is this true do you know?

  7. No-one in the office seems to agree with me, but I was really fond of Bloodstone. It didn't always nail the James Bond tone, but it might just be the world's best Punching-Men-In-The-Face-As-Daniel-Craig Simulator.

  8. Punching-Men-In-The-Face-As-Daniel-Craig Simulator.

    Why isn't that the title of the game, it's so much...punchier.

  9. Had no hopes for this. It doesn't really help matters when the box art makes it look like Daniel Craig has been gene spliced with Odo from Deep Space Nine...

    http://cdn4.spong.com/pack/0/0/007legends379869l/_-007-Legends-Xbox-360-_.jpg

  10. Talking about James Bond, who thinks that the new Skyfall is going to be good?

  11. Going to see it on saturday, gets decent reviews from what I've heard.

  12. Nightfire is my favourite, though I haven't played Goldeneye myself, still hoping 4J finish minecraft and do a perfect dark with it but I'm doubtful. Nightfire really captured Bond with the gadgets, car chases and silly bits like being in space. An excellent game, one deserving a HD up with it's multiplayer back? Oddjob all the way.

  13. Nightfire is my favourite, though I haven't played Goldeneye myself, still hoping 4J finish minecraft and do a perfect dark with it but I'm doubtful. Nightfire really captured Bond with the gadgets, car chases and silly bits like being in space. An excellent game, one deserving a HD up with it's multiplayer back? Oddjob all the way.

    Nightfire was decent but not a patch on Goldeneye, unfortunately i think you've missed it forever now. I think that recent release was the one and only attempt that was going to be made to 'HD' it as i understand and it wasn't well received. On the flipside, i played the original on emulator a year or so ago and time certainly hasn't been kind to it. Geez, one of the few genuine 10/10 games i've played, wonder what ever happened to Rare? >mumble mumble kinect mumble<

    And oddjob was considered the 'cheat' character on goldeneye btw, bit like the monkey on Timesplitters 2!

  14. Just what i expected, Bond Games always suck. Period...


    Someone never had an N64 with Goldeneye then

    I was gonna say the same mate :-)

  15. I was sent to BAFTA to cover the release of this game. I hoped they wouldn't include a copy with the goody bags. I hoped... :cry: