Our first podcast has been recorded, reordered and is sordid. Well not really...not too sordid, but bare in mine it is me.

So begins the first episode in our little aural adventures and I'd like to introduce Scary Granules Episode 1: Halloween Special with Panzadolphin and Glowbear.

Download it here:

Scary Granules Download - https://skydrive.live.com/?cid=eb2c3d66a70d5a46&id;=EB2C3D66A70D5A46!115

Sadly for some reason the format system for links right now is somehow bringing you guys and us to an error site. So for skydrive download it's best to copy and paste. Sorry guys but it's Dtoid becoming sentient!!


Also here:

Scary Granules SoundCloud

This has been in the works for a little while now and hopefully something fun with a dash of professionalism will come.
So yes we're new to it, but everyone is new to everything at the beginning. Let us know how to improve things ect, sadly my voice can't be changed folks.

Any emails, questions or feedback is very welcomed, via our twitters or scarygranules@hotmail.co.uk .


Glowbear: I'd actually like to apologise in advance for my voice and sounding like an animated pot smoking potato that can't spell potato.
I apologise also for the coughing and throat cleaning, I am diseased with illness.

Here's that WONDERFUL NSFW video of mentioned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v;=e9nEAPkF-cI

Find us at:
Panza Twitter
Glowbear Flavours

Note: Typically haha, it seems Skydrive is being finickity i.e a dick and shows the link for some and not for others but it is there and if it doesn't work, then we have a Soundcloud. Though the Skydrive version is much better.

https://skydrive.live.com/?cid=eb2c3d66a70d5a46&id;=EB2C3D66A70D5A46!115

Mood killers come in many forms. It can be a sudden abrupt noise thrashing through a quiet solitary moment, a seemingly silent but deadly fart that incapacitates a gathering of people during a sombre moment or an intense or emotional scene can be completely void of any substance due to something as simple as delivery.

When it comes to films and games, the delivery of a line or action that should evoke sadness, joy, shock and a like depends primarily on two things. Those are the performance of the actor and the material they are given to work with by the writers.
Games are becoming much more interactive and cinematic in the experience they offer. They're no longer linear in terms of story, as well as basic game play. Stories are weaved that are cover a broad scope in terms of genres.


Excluding some genres of course.

To name a few, we have games stocked with humour and comedy in Portal and Ace Attorney. Disturbing horror from Silent Hill and FEAR, emotional epic rollercoaster’s like Final Fantasy and Mass Effect and then quaint ambiguous walks amongst a silent yet live world in Dear Esther. Paranormal intrigue paired with the classic murder mystery vibes from titles like Fahrenheit. A lot of games out there need more than good game play and descriptive scenery writing to execute actual realism and good story telling.

Emotion is a powerful driving force in reality and a vital part of storytelling. How scenes and dialogue are written and then executed orally can make or break an entire adventure in some cases.

Limbo is an example of a game where the art style alone can really hammer home the feeling of dread and loneliness. Simplicity can often be a more obvious method of emotional expression.

Humour is subjective, but there's ways of pleasing a majority or at least not coming across as lazy and just desperate.
Games like Phoenix Wright may have very little voice acting, but what they do have is quite passionate and funny in that regard. The shout of “OBJECTION” is one that’s repeated outside of the game by fans and is a staple within the series.

The dry sarcastic tone of voice used by Ellen McLain in the Portal series is now famous and loved. If you’re going to play a psychotic sarcastic robot, then you gotta talk the talk accordingly and McLain’s deadpan execution speckled with apt moments of actual human emotion such as worry or anger that Glados lets slip is one of the reasons people love playing Portal aside from the brilliant gameplay.




Horror won't work if simple attributions like fear aren’t coming through via the voice actors. A character can meander around a spooky foggy graveyard and every time something eerie pops up, just scream a generic “rarrgh” and keep on moving. That’s not going to leave a last impression of genuine fear and worst still it won’t have had any build up.

Build up and causing anticipation in the viewer or gamer is a key element in effectively provoking a fright or tingle of goose bumps. Change in breathing, talking to ones self, erratic noises and hesitance – these traits can introduce so much more alongside the aesthetic atmosphere of horror games.

Fahrenheit was a game that wasn’t horror centred and yet had paranormal and bizarre elements imbedded throughout, yet it also produced the standard well known and loved feel of a moody detective story. Confusion, anger, fear and even the sound of unwavering reassurance that things were black and white, came across excellently due to the voice acting and writing of that game. The art direction also really gave life to a game that really deserved the work it got and the underrated praise it received.


Also folks good emotive phone sex needn’t be bland and done standing up, in this area Fahrenheit is teaching a bad lesson.

Like or loathe it, Dear Esther is a game where very little happens, all you really do is walk around and so with a game like that it’s easy to dismiss it as being a worthy story driven game. Yet via the tone used by the narrator, the sound effects that contribute highly to the atmosphere and the writing, Dear Esther may have been a boring game in terms of play, but it is certainly not one lacking in emotion and quietly yet strongly portraying it well.

As consumers get fussier, rightly or wrongly, more effort in general is needed to produce stellar story driven games. It takes a simple enough formula to win, it’s just sometimes that classic hyperbole of life of “what is easy is for some reason hard to do” can strike.

Emotions aren’t a sissy thing, they’re not a gender exclusive trait and they aren’t limited in description or occasion. There’s a hundreds ways to express sorrow, joy, fear and indifference even. Games that have the means in terms of technology for character model expressions, writers who really care about their worlds and voice actors who treat games with the same respect they would a job where their faces were seen – can produce amazing works that reach and reverberate with gamers and the whirlwind of emotions we feel on a daily basis.

Unless those emotions are ones of sexually yearnings for dramatic emo pigeon boyfriends. Then you’re on your own.

My mother has no interest in games, she doesn’t play them and doesn’t quite care to spend time contemplating the culture impact of games that let you shag a catlike battle scarred comrade on a spaceship. But my relationship with my mother and her genuine interest in things I like warms my heart.
Despite having no interest in games she will do the following:

Constantly send me links regarding gaming related news or merchandise. Just recently she showed me a website that sold funky gaming related clothing and told me to add it to my bookmark folder for geeky links. See, she knew I had one.
Come home from a shopping outing and produce a pair of Sonic the Hedgehog or Bananaman pyjama bottoms.
Fling a copy of Gamesmaster I didn’t know was out, in my general direction.

When my HP laptop broke a few years ago (the hinges just decided to not be hinges anymore), I was searching for a new one. I found a few that met my technical requirements but aesthetically most were quite plain. Pop goes a link from my lovely mammy, to a red Toshiba Qosmio with flames on it and it is under the category of gaming laptops. I was about to just buy a generic blue one and her super powers saved the day again and I type this on that laptop, aka my baby.


My other baby is an actual baby called Clive


My mother is the sort of mum that will come into your room when you’re in the middle of an intense level and start slapping the buttons whilst giving you this look.



She’ll then exit the room laughing manically. She once tried to play Halo a few years ago and found it hilarious to throw sticky grenades up in the air and watch them fall straight down and attach to Master Chiefs head and then he’d be obliterated. She also managed to somehow make Pierce Brosnan do an Irish Jig whilst being pelted with bullets in a mine shaft in Everything or Nothing. Again all of these times had concluded with her leaving my room satisfied she’d left her own Irish mammy mark on computer games…and laughing like a mad scientist.

One of her most recent aids to my gaming life came with the Mass Effect 3 debacle. I have already ranted enough about how my game came extremely late despite spending extra on expedited shipping and then I found the entire contents smashed and pretty useless. Well there was also the problem of not being able to find any other Special Edition copies. I thought I’d have to just give up and get a regular copy. Now it may or may not be slightly apparent that I love the Mass Effect series, but you’re forgiven if past articles don’t give off that vibe, as it is a subtle one. Anyway I sat in my kitchen moaning to other Dtoidians and people in the house that my day had been ruined due to a gaming purchase. Now yeah, that’s a pretty sad thing to do but um…nope thought I’d find an excuse, there is none. Nevertheless within a few moments of taking a whinge-break I had gotten an email confirming a purchase from Sainsbury’s (of all places) of the Special Edition of Mass Effect 3 and it would be delivered to my house in 2-3 days. Then I saw the name of the purchaser and it was none other than my mother. I skyped her (as we’re not in the same country) and her response was “Yeah I found it, now go play your game and sssshhh, Midsomer Murders is on.


The Germans call it this, because apparently Germans have a hard-on for Bergerac Man

God I love that mad woman. I’ll probably do the same to my offspring, only I will also make them cry when I kick their ass in a game, but that’s simply to prepare them for the harsh road ahead. Naturally. What…don’t look at me like that.

I have a baby brother, who’s not a baby anymore but until he’s legal and is stronger than me he will be treated as one by his over protective sister. Heh…stronger than me pahahaha! Anyway when he was a tiny teeny tot, he use to just watch me play games. We would hang out in my room and he’d watch me and occasionally pick up the controller and have a go himself. He inheritied his ‘comedic gaming’ traits from his mother as he use to, even as a gurgling baby enjoy sending my character off a cliff or lobbing bazooka blasts right beside my face. But it was worth it to hear the giggles he would make…at my expense. Then as he got older he wanted to play them himself and he is now as big into games as me and has his own taste. He use to wait until I had played a game and then could say if it for ok for him to play it. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my younger sibling casually strutting through a renaissance orgy in Assassins Creed II at a young age or ANY AGE. Nowadays he has, like me, an eclectic taste and has branched into playing games sometimes without me even knowing he has them. He is currently enjoying Sleeping Dogs and doing a second play through. It gives me a sense of pride to see how far he’s come in terms of gaming skill, he’s a really good player and it’s funny watching him look for Easter eggs or even show me where a hidden room is in Batman Arkham Asylum. What’s really enjoyable too is being able to play co-op with him, though apparently I was a scary angry co=op partner one time during Splinter Cell Conviction. I can believe that, corrupt governments stealing my daughter, and then leaving me to rot really grinds my gears.


Having meaningless erotic asphyxiation sex with a Nazi lookalike in a men’s toilet just isn’t who I use to be, until the Government came

In a recent post I mentioned a friend of mine who despite not being a gamer really, came with me to Eurogamer and immersed herself fully in the experience and has now started to get into gaming, mainly fighting games at the moment. Speaking of Eurogamer, I saw a lot of mothers there with either young kids of theirs, or overgrown kids who still needed their mums to buy them some anime dolls or pre-order games. Mothers go above and beyond for their children and for that reason alone, we should never deny them the glasses or boxes or wines they consume during the daytime when we’re not in.

I think it’s important that no matter what your hobby, that you have people around you that accept it, because in a way it’s just part of who you are. I was once involved with someone who told me that my geeky gaming interests were quirky, fun and part of a reason to like me, but then over time they started to say the opposite and made me feel uncool, simple and silly for having a room coated in gaming, comic book and psychotic bunny posters and images. I realised that being pushed so far that you might actually change your interests and lose out on something that you enjoy on a daily basis, not even always on a conscious level, but you just do and that’s all there is to it, was not a happy situation. It also helped me realise to never change who I am or pretend I don’t enjoy what I do and think that Radiohead is pretty boring. Don’t change who you are if who you are isn’t an asshole.
Geek chic and all those other lingo languages are commonplace, though a lot of the time it’s a forced, hollow style statement. In general there’s still plenty of people still to this day feel they have to hide their hobbies, their passions or who they are, be it the past times they like to indulge in, the things that turn them on, the music the like or the people they like.

We don’t live in a world were we are all one gloop of hive consciousness and that’s a bloody good thing.


That’s one primordial soup I am quite happy to not be part of thank you very much Neon Genesis EvangeLEMADNESSon


Who wants to be surrounded by people who like and think the same as you in EVERY aspect of life. Things would get pretty boring if we live in a mirror world, with no debates and sharing of difference ideas and activities. So I’m thankful for a funky mother and lovely brother, who either have come to love the same hobbies as I do or love me for who I am and remember things I like and send me articles and items related to those things. I’m glad I have friends who are straight, gay, even fur, all colours creeds and love games or don’t love games, but either way aren’t being idiots by belittling whatever you like. I like brave people, I like being brave, not standing in a corner like a sheep, never saying hello to someone because of differences.
I think hobbies, variety and friends of substance are integral to knowing happiness in this life and if you can’t always have that mix, then banana flavoured beer is your next best bet!



Sidenote - I’d just like to apologise for the terrible punning in the banner title. I’m a bad person, ban me from existence!

The forest was dark, speckled with luminous orbs from the moonlight above. The field the young heroine came from had been a treacherous one to traverse. The haunting echoes of drunken sheep filled the air and the young would-be hero filled her pants.
She had started her quest a long time ago; fickle fleeting things like time had lost all meaning to her now. She just knew that for a long time she lamented over the prize, the myth, the legend that few believed in and even fewer dared to find.

Slowly she crept through the briars and foliage, careful not to awaken the polka dot capped children of Toad and rouse from slumber the baby Rachni that lay in the soil, like dirty bed bugs, only they sing show tunes to communicate with each other.


Oh those crazy party anim...insec...things

She had first heard the tales of this wondrous game existing after spending a night in a bar talking to an esteemed doctor, who despite having exceptional medical skills was unethically pissed all the time and groping most of her interns.



Many had denied the game would ever come into existence, some hopefully, desperate cretins, somewhat like the heroine herself, refused to believe in such a dark reality. If there was justice, if there was hope, then there would be this game.
Here she was after battling engorged homosexual soldier twins called Marky Mark Fenix and That Latino Guy who won’t stop crying, winning a round of strip poker with half the female cast of Dead or Alive (aka One Boob is Dead, One is Alive on the characters) and feigning off the scummy pocket pinching cockney, that would find her even when she climbed the tallest towers in the lands as far away from East London as you can get, she had come to the end of her adventure.

She had come to the pathway of crimson madness that did not appear in any map and when she saw the young Aryan twin children sitting quite contently amongst the horrors of the forest she had half a mind to turn back.


Dafuq is this shit

She had then coe to the Tunnel of Love, only it was clear that the person in charge of naming landmarks had taken diabolical liberties, because the tunnel was an unsheltered muddy pathway and there was no love to be found in here, only the open moist pores of rampant daylight fearing nerd-demons.

She struggled on, pushing past the squabbling sweaty nerds that threw boxes of other RPG games at her, baying to convert, to give up. She would not. She stood defiantly, her bones aching before the mundane looking face of the head of EA, sterning her face so as not to show her complete and utter contempt and also boredom as what her final boss was. She had one trick up her sleeve, one idea that would hopefully distract the EA and once she had gotten past it, so long as she could witness what lay await in that box and grasp it even for a second, it wouldn’t matter if EA returned and swallowed her up in it’s piggycumboxbank of a mouth.

She took out a five pound note and a handful of Microsoft point cards and hurled it as far as she could. The EA picked up the scent of something that represented currency and dashed forward, rampantly trying to find it. The heroine lunged herself forward and grabbed the box, then hid behind a ruined wall. With shaking hands, she slowly began to unlock the box with the key she had previously recovered after promising to engage in a night of unconditional unsolicited sex with Diana Allers and Tangela, the great unloved Pokemon, a night the heroine will never forget and never live down. Yes the author has completely neglected to inform you of that chapter of the story, especially as it contained a key that was vital in opening this penultimate quest item, but given that brief summary do you really want the gory details? Do you?! Good I didn’t think so and so we will speak of it no more. No more shall we.

The box clicked and she lifted the lid, a bright light burst free and momentarily blinded the dirty harlot who slept with that annoying reporter and that bloody desperate pocket monster, whilst tied up in silk and dancing to Gangnam Style at the same time. Her eyesight returned to her, but to be fair it never left, so if she whines about that she’s a lying Pokemon shagging bint. Before her was the prize she had wanted for so long, the thing that she had fought for, travelled for ages to hold and did unspeakable things from extremely interesting angles with a spoon, balaclava and box of cornflakes whilst Diana Allers role-played as a news reporter who fell on her head from a great height, twice.

Inside was, to no great surprise to anyone the great game that could ever be, yet never was. The sequel, the climax, the orgasmic interactive story of lore, fantasy, redemption and possibly engaging in intercourse with a walking carpet



– Knights of the Old Republic III




And thus did our heroine make sweet love to the KOTOR III Special Super Deluxe edition of this game, gaining some chaffing irritation and then shared this gift with the world, free of charge. FREE OF CHARGE, GIFT SHARING, SEE WHAT I'M SAYING PETER MOLYNEUX AND YOUR BOX!

~The End~

For an alternative end to this story, that sadly is more realistic click HAR

I have a friend who is so cool, that when raindrops fall upon her they turn to ice. That may be either the most poetically badass intro to a blog I’ve written or the most stomach churning cheese muff string of words. But regardless it's related to the below…

Eurogamer happened last week and it was my first time attending. This year has been a year of firsts for me and seeing as I view myself as a decaying zombie (albeit with slightly better hair), having a year full of firsts is peculiar and yet brilliant at the same time.
In terms of cons, this was definitely my crash course in gaming conventions and notable named ones at that. I had only ever really attended the MCM Expo that occurs twice a year in London, but that is predominantly a cosplay and anime affair, though it will offer gaming, films and other geek culture related events and merchandise. This year has seen me meet people from the crazy scawy online world who are into gaming (and extreme underwater ironing), had me finally delve into multiplaying and revive my own personal endeavours in the world of writing, blogging, flogging and…snogging?

Rezzed in Brighton, Gamescom in Germany and Eurgoamer in London all not too far apart from each other (or at least to me, seeing as time is whizzing by) and all thoroughly enjoyable.

Rezzed happened on a day where nature decided that Brighton needed a massive monsoon, to give an excuse for why the city is so rainbowrific aka GAY!


I’m saying nothing

That was a day where I got so heavily drenched en route to the convention centre that my clothes shrunk on me and trying to remove my Justice League converse required a lot of strength and not so attractive face gurning. Nevertheless I had a really good time, with good company. I met Randy Pitchford, who I admit suffered hearing whispers in the audience from me where sentences such as “how would you like your titties slapped” escaped from my mouth. Hey I’m not blaming him for Duke Nukem Forever, but he was there and therefore that means he must fear for his mammaries. Pitchford gave good dev talk and made even a non Borderlands player like me interested in the sequel. He also was kind enough to take a photo with us and let me stroke his fine blue velvet jacket.


Next came Gamescom, which was a double barrel of excitement and frothyness for me as not only was I going to a big convention, but I was going to a country I had wanted to visit for a long time and who’s language I, for some reason, really like and have been keeping up with since secondary school.



Gamescom attendance hit over quarter of a million which is mind blowing, but not that difficult to believe, when you’re greeted by the thick air of gaming enthusiasts and turn around on an escalator to find this behind you.



For me personally I really enjoyed Gamescom, especially as I’d never been to anything quite like it. My bucket list currently has at the no.1 spot ComicCon, so it was already clear that this field dwelling whiskey loving Irish illuminate bear, was craving convention adventures and on a big scale if possible. Gamescom delivered. Yes it was over packed, yes the swag wasn’t that great unless you fought for it or stood for it and yes, I nearly melted to death. But those are minor cons to me, when I experienced new things, made new friends and saw wonderful places.
Then there’s the free cocktails and nom delights at the Deep Silver party. Oh my sweet lawd!


I love you Germany, so very very hard

Shockingly out of all the events, Rezzed is the one where I came away with the best swag. Ok not exactly best but the most…or um any swag at all.
I was a bit disappointed that Eurogamer’s Assassins Creed III area didn’t offer any freebies to those that queued and played, like they did at Gamescom. The queue for that game was too much for me to handle after waiting to play the fun, but jumpy demo of Dishonoured.


Ahahahahaha…no!

Eurogamer then, obviously came next and I found it to be pretty awesome, it had all the big games that Gamescom had but with less chance of being trampled in a hot wave of stampeding geeky gloop. The floor layout was pretty good, affording plenty of space to meander around and to just take it all in. The obligatory Mountain Dew tank babes were there and my goodness Mountain Dew really isn’t that good is it.

Now to hark back to that 'interesting' introduction. I brought a close friend along with me who was big into anime and other interesting hobbies and though always wanted to really get into gaming, never did, aside from the occasional drunken bouts of playing Tekken or Street Fighter. It was cute watching my friend get nervous as we queued for Assassins Creed III, worrying that people would see and judge her for not being able to play the game. Turns out she had nothing to worry about because I was the one who found the game hard to play, as the PS3 controller was a) not one I am use too and b) it was faulty. But she kicked ass on Dead or Alive 5.


So proud of her snifffffffffffffffff!

Though we found that our east end cockney Jeremy Kyle voice over commentary that we did alongside playing the game attracted a little audience behind us who decided to film the disgraceful gaming themed Eastenders style moment. God help us all if that winds up on the web.
We then spent most of the next day playing games at home and I think I have officially converted someone to our dark side!!

All in all it’s been an up and down year and though it’s not over, I have more good things to dwell on and think fondly off than bad. Thanks to those that were with me for the ride and who know how to have a good time! Now I’m no longer a gaming con novice, I’m looking forward to doing it all over again next year but also finding more new events, people and first times ahead.


Fine here you go! You sick sick dirty puppies

There's no more gamers in my house, now. It's just me. Which is fine and all, but slightly sad and if I stretch it a bit awwwww.

I grew up in a field, also funny enough where I was born, as initially a fart. Now I was always into games but never had any friends that were that big into them or at least in a manner in which we could discuss them and I could spread my excitement about an upcoming game.

My hobby was my own private, not by choice, passion and not everyone got it. Most people just played football and occasionally hooked up their Sega Mega Drive or Snes, but those consoles would soon end up in the back of a wardrobe and probably never get picked up again and relived.
That was just the sort of people I knew, the age, the mentality I don’t know.

Where I was brought up, a lot of people played Gaelic, football or hurling. There were more worried about being able to go out clubbing as young as possible and find new places to smoke without getting caught. That’s not a smear against them, that’s just a very basic general description people I knew in my teens. I was more interested in the cinema and gaming, and then as I got older going out ‘properly’ became a thing and yet it never interfered with or caused a decline in my love of gaming…obviously.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I spent many years just playing demos for various reasons and I didn’t really buy any gaming magazines, I don’t think it was until I got my first proper console, the Xbox, that I started to read more magazines and then the opportunity to talk to others about games increased. Then as I gained my own independence and got over my extreme, yet still justified wariness of the web and strangers that I got to talk to people I’d never actually met about my most loved hobby. I had lived in a few different places with different people, the closest I got to living with other gamers who I could speak daily about all things Xbawk and alike was with two friends on campus, though we didn’t often game together.


I moved into a new house over a year ago and everyone was a gamer and we would have daily discussions and also played together, be it online hollering from each others bedrooms with the door open, having Lan parties which were great fun, or snuggled up together in a strictly platonic sense in a dimly lit room playing something heart wrenching like Amnesia

But as times change and people move on, geographically speaking lately in the place I currently call home in the UK, I’ve realised that I am now the only gamer or person interested in gaming in the house. It’s not new, it’s not this heartbreaking thing, and it’s just something I’ve noted. But while I think it’s great to be able to find people to live with that share similar interests it can also be a bit of a social hindrance.

Think about it, a house full of people who are hardcore World of Warcraft players. Do you think any of them will see the sun on a weekly basis? Because none of them will be a motivator for the other to do something different or to detach themselves from the others. So in a way I can see the merits of not living with friends who have similar passions as you and share in them as much as you do. I love gaming, I love talking about it, but I will always prefer to go out, meet people and do doing things as it were more. There are obviously times when nothing is more pleasant that just chilling at home in your geeky pjs, playing games all day, just enjoying your own company and not worrying about how you look.



One house mate cum good mate in particular is responsible for introducing me to the fun yet frustrating Super Crate Box, Freedom Force and Mount and Blade. In turn I’ve shown him the brilliant and quirky Dungeons of Dredmor, the cracktastic Deadly Premonition and after sneaking into his room whilst he slept, installing it and slipping the box under his bed, Knights of the Old Republic. But now I’m living with a couple of new people, I can resume my nightly ninja new gaming converting missions, perhaps treating the whole endeavour as if it were a game level. See you might read this and be worried about my mental health and the safety of my housemates and let me just assure you here and now….you’re totally right to be worried.


So in short, or as short as possible for me when I get going on these write ups, I'm going to miss my old housemates, their mutual love of games, our ability to introduce each other to games and get excited or rant about something, but at the same time I'll carry on playing games by myself for the most part because well we all do that most of the time and there's nothing wrong with that, not like we all read books together whilst braiding our back hair!