A truly vintage bonkers story in the Daily Mail today claims that the Queen Mother miscarried a baby boy—who would have been king—as a result of being buzzed by a low-flying aircraft in 1950.

The Mail is reporting on the recollections of a 99-year-old pal of the former pilot involved, Walter Beisiegel, who himself died in 1973. The pal is named, wait for it, Tubby Vielle.

Nonagenarian Tubby claims that Walter told him that in 1950 he "buzzed" a garden where a "pregnant lady" was walking, and that soon after the Queen Mother miscarried a baby boy. He does not say how he was able to spot that a woman on the ground was four months pregnant from a fast-moving aircraft, but one should never let inconvenient practicalities get in the way of a good story.

From the Mail:

The blindingly obvious just has to be stated sometimes.

Cue Michael Grade, a former chairman of the BBC, who said today that it is impossible to stop “unethically obtained” images such as those of Kate Middleton topless and Prince Harry playing naked party games circulating on the Internet, and suggested that measures to restrict the U.K. press would be pointless.

Lord Grade made his comments during a parliamentary debate today in advance of the publication of the Leveson Inquiry next month.

Given that there are legions of British newspaper hacks who check in on the website of Kate and Pippa Middleton’s parents’ firm Party Pieces daily (yes, it’s on my bookmark bar), you might have thought that the Middletons by now would have learned their lesson about not doing anything on the site that might embarrass their royal daughter.

You’d be wrong.

For the Party Pieces website is, as far as British tabloids are concerned, the gift that just keeps giving, with a succession of blunders that allow the press to accuse the Middletons of “cashing in” on their royal connections.

 Carrie Reichert, the model who claimed she had a 'drunken fumble' with Prince Harry in Vegas has blamed the British secret service after she was detained in a tough US prison for almost a month.

Ms Reichert, who says  she is 32 but according to police records is 40, said in August that she had spent 20 minutes alone with Prince Harry after being hand-picked to attend the hotel party.

Within hours of going public, she was arrested for allegedly bouncing £13,000 worth of cheques and spent almost a month in one of the toughest prisons in the US.

The more Dominic Grieve, the Attorney general in the UK attempts to defend his decision to block the release of prince Charles's 'Black spider' memos the more intriguing he makes them sound.

He blocked their release last week on the grounds that their contents would “seriously damage” his future role as king were they made public as the “particularly frank” views could cast doubt on the Prince’s political neutrality.

The Prince’s correspondence is called the “black spider letters” on account of his scrawling hand-writing.

Grieve's most recent comments were made today in front of a committee of MPs, saying that the Prince of Wales should be able to "raise queries or points" with ministers because he probably hears many “very interesting things”.

"It would be a rather odd situation if ... as somebody going around and picking up information, he shouldn’t want to communicate to ministers things he’s been told, things he’s noticed himself and to make suggestions as to whether something might or might not be done about it," he said.

He said there are equally good reasons to keep the Queen’s conversations with ministers secret.

“It would be delightful to know what the sovereign says to the Prime Minister every Tuesday afternoon but there are compelling reasons why we should not know,” he said.

Forget depilation - seems the Kate effect now extends to eyebrow enlargement.

For a Harley Street clinic in the UK is reporting a surge int he numbers of women looking to have their eyebrows made more prominent using eyebrow transplants, in which hair from behind the ear is re-seeded above the patients eyes.

Dr Raghu Reddy, of The Private Clinic on Harley Street, tells the Daily Mail 'We have witnessed interest in the eyebrow transplant procedure grow since around the time of the Royal Wedding and it has steadily risen.

'Now we have a healthy stream of women who come into the clinic and undergo the treatment. There is also greater awareness now of the procedure and the results it can achieve.

Kate Middleton emerged for the first time in public for two weeks yesterday in a stunning Alice Temperley dress with a see-through net neckline and sleeves, embroidered with white  flowers.

It was the first time Kate has been seen in public since her tour of the north east on October 10, and, as was the case last time, she stepped out alone without William who was said to be on duty with the RAF.

Kate was at an event to honor the British athletes who took part in the 2012 Olympic games this summer, and was supporting the Queen.

This week is turning into Pippa book week, and the Royalist's favorite story so far concerns Prince Harry, who has reportedly been entertaining his Army pals in Afghanistan by reading out extracts from Pippa's new tome.

The Sun reports that the Royal helicopter gunship pilot, 28, was sent a copy of Celebrate at his base by Pippa.
“He couldn’t resist reading chapters out loud. It’s raised morale and caused some much-needed cheer,” a squaddie told the paper.

We want more details - like does he put on Pippa's voice?

The Sun also reports that Harry’s comrades joke he is going to end up marrying Pippa.

The Daily Mail has a long tradition building 'em up to knock 'em down, and it seems even poor Pippa Middleton isn't immune.

For, having forked out a ton of cash to buy the rights to Pippa Middleton's Party Planning book which it is serializing in its Sunday magazine, the paper today rips the book to shreds in a hatchet job disguised as a book review by the Mail's hit woman in chief, Jan Moir, who describes it as perfect for people who need a recipe to make ice.

It's a masterclass of evil genius, however,  and we have to share the meanest bits with you:

Moir starts off by berating Pippa for offering overly simple advice:

Oh the irony! Pippa Middleton is reportedly planning to follow up her first book, Celebrate, published later this week, with a guide on how to  plan the perfect wedding on a tight budget.

Although one imagines that few expenses were spared for the most famous wedding in which Pippa participated, according to the Daily Mail, which is serializing Pippa's party planning book in the UK, she has been signed up for a three-book deal, and the final installment will be dedicated to throwing children’s parties.

"Pippa has wanted to organise weddings ever since she was a little girl,’ a source told the Mail, ‘It’s not something she simply thought about after helping to organise Kate’s wedding — although clearly having such a high- profile wedding under her belt will help with business."

The Mail also claims that although Pippa has refused to do any interviews to promote the book, she will be touring bookshops in the UK and throwing a launch party.

At least he didn't mention the mainland.

Prince Andrew was paid a visit to the Irish Embassy in London on Wednesday night, where he was given a short lesson in geography from Irish businessman Peter Sutherland.

In his speech, the prince, who was guest of honour at a dinner promoting trade links between Ireland and the UK, talked of the improvement in relations with Ireland “across St George’s Channel”.

Ouch. As the Irish Times points out: Historically, in the days of empire, St George’s Channel was used interchangeably with “Irish Sea” or “Irish Channel” to cover all of the waters between Ireland and Britain. But here, it is understood only to cover the stretch between Wexford and Pembrokeshire, if it is used at all in the maritime world.

We remarked just the other day that British pop star Cheryl Cole seemed unconcerned about the possibility of getting a knighthood when she revealed the contents of a private conversation with Prince William in which she learnt that Kate dressed up as her at her bachelorette party.

In for a penny, in for a pound, it would seem. Now she's telling the (paywalled) UK Sunday Times that Kate has great boobs...

 “We had this amazing moment,” Cole says. “She’s so... ordinary! I mean, obviously she isn’t, because she’s a princess, but she’s easy to get along with.” As for those topless pictures? “Disgusting,” she says solemnly. “They were having a private moment and it was absolutely invaded. She does have a great pair of boobs, though, right?”
 What about her views on Harry’s Vegas fiasco (that’s Prince Harry, about whom she once had a saucy dream)? “Well, I mean, it’s not the smartest thing in his position,” she says, fiddling with the top of her tiny jeans. “But didn’t Diana always want them to have normal lives? And you do not get more normal than that. Do you? Taking off your clothes in Vegas...”

Pippa Middleton has made her first public comment about her celebrity status in the pages of her new party planning book, Celebrate, writing: “It is a bit startling to achieve global recognition (if that’s the right word) before the age of 30, on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom.

“One day, I might be able to make sense of this.

"In the meantime I think it's fair to say that it has its upside and its downside. I certainly have opportunities many can only dream of – but in most ways I'm a typical girl in her 20s trying to forge a career and represent herself in what can sometimes seem rather strange circumstances."

The book is not published for another week but the Telegraph has published the comments.

As Pippa has cancelled all media engagements to promote the book, it seems like this is all we'll be getting.

Sorry girls - Europe's last bachelor heir, Luxembourg’s Crown Prince Guillaume, 30, is now off the market.

The hirstute princeling married  Belgian countess, Stephanie de Lannoy, 28 today in the culmination fo a two-day jamboree that attracted royals from around the world.

The Earl and Countess of Wessex, Edward and Sophie, represented the British Royal family, as the couple celebrated their marriage with a civil service on Friday followed by a religious ceremony on Saturday.

Guests included King Harald and Queen Sonja of Norway, their son, Crown Prince Haakon and his wife Princess Mette-Marit, Princess Caroline of Monaco, Prince Frederick and Princess Mary of Denmark and Prince Felipe and Princess Letizia of Spain.

Members of the royal families of Jordan, The Netherlands, Greece, Romania and Belgium also attended the celebrations, hosted by Luxembourg’s Grand Duke and Duchess, Henri and Maria Teresa.