Hey kids, get yourself together

 

Hey kids. Look. Stop congratulating mediocrity and half-assed performances. Stop praising your friends' fucked up behavior. Don't be so damn lackluster. At least jazz up your shit show of a life every now and then. Stop playing the victim. Quit blaming "the white man." Know that "not to sound racist, but..." is racist. Quit deflecting all of your personal achievements to magical beings in the sky. To my little brothers, mentees and young "sons",  Own your failures. Know that failing is learning. Accept your shortcomings. Realize when you fuck up. Apologize more often. Learn to ask for help. Learn to offer help when you see the shit is needed. 
Ask for forgiveness, not permission. Learn to say "No." Take more risks. Disappoint someone and love it. Realize the world doesn't explode when you go left when they want you to go right. Now do it again. Know that praying while sitting on your ass does nothing. Write out your goals. Work toward these goals. Get an accountability partner. If you're not honest with the world, at least be honest with yourself. Tuck in your I-Don't-Love-Myself and channel your misery into a goddamn journal. When all else fails, pray seek Jesus professional help.

Two GAY Kappa Alpha Psi members tie the knot

Oh boy, this came to me this morning. Two members of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. decided to take their love for brotherhood to a whole new level by tying the knot and becoming One in the Bond. The organiation whic is a predominantly Black Greek Organization profess "Achievement in every human endeavor " as their fraternity's mission and ideals. Guess these 2 took achieving to a brand new concept. 

My reactions: firstly, why all the commotion online, it's just two gay people getting married. Secondly, for crying out loud, they're Kappas. Case ended. These fruity men are known for referring to each other as "Pretty Boys", "loving the mirror", "conceited", wearing makeup and twirling a sweet luscious candy "K"ane, and many other places the kanes end up in during "pledging". How dare the public kappas get riled up at all? Narcissus and other "self loving" men are most times queer or better still just have sex with other men/find other men attractive. the almost normal cries that "Kappas are gay" may have been a "stereotype" or as the Pretty Boys of KAPsi put it; "Just hating from gaddamn ugly people"

You think I'm carricaturing anyone? Ravi K. Perry a member of Kappa Alpha Psi himself had this to say:

"In May of 1982, I was born as a Black child in Toledo, OH to two Black parents, both of whom are educators. In March of 2006, I officially became a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Incorporated, as a sole line member of the Toledo (OH) Alumni chapter in the fraternity’s Northern Province region.
On August 11, 2012, I married my beautiful husband, Paris F. Prince, in the backyard of our home in Worcester, Massachusetts.It should not be a surprise to anyone that some members of historically Black fraternities and sororities are same gender-loving individuals. In no way is it a contradiction to our professed love and commitment to uphold the very tenants of our organizations’ objectives and purposes. It is also no longer an anomaly. I personally know of at least two other members of my great fraternity who also happen to be in same gender-loving marriages with their husbands. And I am sure there are more on the way and others we don’t know about."

The big gay brother popped up and offered his comments. Of course, the pretty ladies of Kappa Alpha Psi are putting their defenses everywhere they can, no pun intended.




I wish the couple a happy married life, and till we hear more gay news in the bond Yo- Yo to the pretty boys!!

I'm not black, keep your culture of laziness to yourselves and stop celebrating my success as your own.

I just don't get African-Americans or BLACK americans as they claim they want to be called. *scuff*, Black american, right. What is a BLACK american? Any american with Black skin? Arab, Indian, North African, African, Brazillian, Haitian, Jamaican, African? I don't think so. Poor lost souls.  The culture of African Americans is simply full of ironies, fallacies, mistakes and a bunch of nonsense jumbled up to make a sort of sense to call a culture. Why are African-Americans quick to lash on to slavery for the reason for their every demise? Or quick to frame anyone with a slight hint of mixed taint in their skin as BLACK? No, not everyone shares your soiled history, that is if you have any. Where are Black americans FROM? Do they have a beginning ? No, I don't think so. Most times the successful BLACK ones are those who have dissociated from their 'group' and sort an identity or BORROWED one. Thus you hear examples of them "acting white" or "selling out", hilarious. 

My grandmother being portuguese and living in California have helped me see my feet in black culture and otherwise. Most people who come from African countries are annoyed and embarrased to be associated with American Blacks. Just like Latin Blacks and West Indian people are. It's looked upon as a culture full of lazy, whiners who cry slavery every time something doesn't go right for them. No wonder every African American I've met has always claimed an EXTRA race just to make themselves FEEL and LOOK tantalizing. Nonsensities like claiming they're "west indian" Cherokee Indian, (I've even heard Asian) or Latin when clearly they're referring to their ancestors 90 generations removed. Please, we all know ANY "african american" is a descendant of a slave, maybe it explains their slave mentality till date. The funny aspect comes to play WHEN Blacks hopscotch to call any successful African - BLACK , example :OBAMA - who is Irish African and an AMERICAN citizen  not Black.No, I am successful and I am African Portuguese with an American citizenship, quit affiliating me with your culture of sloppy prison-filled gangsters who drink, smoke, make children and skip child support all day. No those are not stereotypes, those are ACTUALITIES. No wonder the successful ones cut themselves off from the group and create elite groups. Good luck, even the "black" stars are NOT even "af-american" : Wale is nigerian, Nicki minaj is Island-ian, etc . For the last time, I am NOT black, quit grouping me with you.

Rihanna's Powerful interview with Oprah (Full Video)

Rihanna gave an extraordinary candid interview to Oprah discussing issues such as growth, personal development, love, courage, family, healing, letting go, exploring the past to move to the future, sacrifice, and becoming comfortable in your skin. 

She caps the interview with a gift to her mum of a massive house. 

Featured: Deadbeat Dad, get yourself together.

This post is a part of theFreshXpress.com’s ReFRESH series. 

If a man wants to be a part of his child’s life nothing, I mean NOTHING will stop him from being a part of his child’s life.

With that being said, I first want to say that when I began thinking about this blog post I had to stop myself from going into some kind of mean, personal, from far down deep within rant about how dead beat dads really need to jump off a cliff…one that I would be happy to point them to, drive them to, drop them off at…and maybe even push them off of… But then I regrouped, thought things over and decided to take this entry in a different direction.

There is no way that I could possibly write this entry without my personal feelings being intertwined, so excuse me if some of the mean, I’m gonna get you sucka feelings slip out here and there.

Dear Dead Beat Dad, Make it Right

I honestly believe that for the most part (and I did say for the most part) that most men who have been given the label of deadbeat dad are exactly that. They don’t provide for their children financially, they don’t play a part in the child’s life and they don’t really give a damn who knows that they aren’t up to par. Sure they may get upset at the deadbeat dad label, and sure they may deny being a deadbeat dad, but at the end of the day, they live up to the title wholeheartedly. So even though their mouth says one thing, their actions are of the complete opposite therefore the title of deadbeat dad is very much fitting of them.

Outright selfish…

Now I know that right now someone has already raised their eyebrow ready to call me out for saying that “For the most part men labeled as deadbeat dads are actually deadbeat dads” but let’s examine our personal lives, professional lives and every situation in which we know someone who has been labeled a deadbeat dad. Think long and hard about why they have been given that label and let’s examine honestly if they are not deserving of that title.

Speaking personally, I don’t know of ANY man who has been called a deadbeat dad that isn’t one. Each and every situation in which I can personally say I know the circumstances, I can also say that yep, he ain’t about shit…

Sure there are cases in which women are bitter and evil and bad mouth the fathers because they are scorned over lost love, but even in those cases, there is NO excuse for a man not being in his child’s life and supporting the child financially. There is no level of evil behavior on the part of a  woman that should hinder a man from making every attempt to see and provide for their child/ren, even if seeking legal help and taking it to court is the only option, make that only option your option and do what needs to be done. The problem is that once the situation gets only, the attempts from the men go from aggressive, to menial, to minor to little to none, to none at all. This goes for seeing the child and providing for them financially.

We even have some men who NEVER play a part in their child’s life. They never accept the role of father, they deny paternity even after it has been proven and they refuse to even acknowledge the child. These men are on a whole nother level of deadbeat, which is beyond my understanding.

I have heard so many excuses as to why men aren’t taking care of their children that it is no longer pathetic to me, now it is upsetting and disgusting. Over and over again I hear excuses from men about women not allowing them to see their children. Okay, that may be the case, but when you don’t allow money to come out of your pocket for your child she allows herself to visit the Child Support office and place you on child support so why not allow yourself to take her to court for visitation with your child.

Hold up wait…When child support cases are taken to court, the fathers have the opportunity to set up visitation. BUT hold up wait…most of the fathers labeled as deadbeat dads don’t show up for court. Hold up wait…most of the dads who are labeled as deadbeat dads not only don’t show up for court, but they also get upset when they are hauled off to jail for not paying the child support order that they are ordered to pay since they did not show up to court…hmmm now let dissect that. You deny being a deadbeat dad, yet when you have the opportunity to go to court, receive the information on your child support order and set up visitation you refuse to show up. Now maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t that categorize you as being a selfish, poor excuse for a man better known as a deadbeat dad?

Being a part of your child’s life and supporting them financially go hand in hand and when you choose not to do those two things you are being selfish and in the end the child suffers.

I really wish that men who choose  not to be a part of their child’s lives would open their eyes and realize that you may hurt the woman temporarily by not providing for, spending time with or being a role model for your child, but the effects it has on your child are much deeper than her moment of disdain for you.

And yes I truly believe that not being a part of your child’s life is a choice. I say this because what besides your own stubbornness, triflingness, anger, laziness, pride or decision to hold a grudge (or a combination of them all) will keep you from being a part of your child’s life?

Being a father should be such an honor that it should be worth fighting for if necessary. If you have to fight for your right to be a part of your child’s life, FIGHT FOR IT.  It should be one of the things that you are most proud of because this little person is a part of you. What is more spectacular than that? Knowing that there is a human being that is here because of you. You were vital to their creation so why not be vital to their formation?

Dear Deadbeat Dad, please make it right. Before you think of why you can’t or don’t think of why you should. If it is the court system that frightens you, overcome that fear, because if you don’t your child will miss out on experiencing what an awesome father you can be. Make it right because your child deserves it. If for no other reason, make it right because your child deserves to have a father that loves them, provides for them and shows them that yes I have a dad and yes he is in my life. Isn’t your child worth that

Sometimes I don’t think that these men realize how their missing presence in their child’s life can make their child/ren feel. Maybe they have no clue as to how empty a child can feel without their father. Many children grow up resenting their fathers for leaving them, their mothers for not making them stay and themselves for not being worthy enough of having him there… it is truly sad, but is truly real…

The Gentleman Examines... Sex, Love, Happiness and Promiscuity

Sex makes us happy (do I need to cite my source for that?), but how about 1970’s style love-the-one-you’re-with sex? You know the kind of sex that is preceded by fishing around in a bowl at a party for a set of car keys?

Research suggests that promiscuity is not associated with increased happiness and, in fact, that the number of sexual partners needed to maximize happiness is exactly one.*

First, you should know that everyone else is having less sex than you think. The median adult American has sex (with another person) 2 to 3 times a month. Even younger people, under forty, only have sex once a week, on average. Only 7% have sex more than 4 times a month and 18% have none at all. 

Students have less sex than others of the same age (except my students, who have assured me that is impossible) and married people have more.

If we take the information we have on people’s lives and combine it with a subjective measure on well-being, researchers can make predictions on how sexual behavior influences individual happiness.

For example, we know sex makes people happy and more sex makes people even happier.

Men and women are both made happy by sex. In fact, one study found that sex made women happier than any other activity.**

Younger people are happier in general, but not made any happier by having sex than older people are.

More sex brings happiness into the lives of the highly educated compared to less educated people.

Money may bring you happiness, but it won’t buy you more sex.

Being homosexual doesn’t make you any happier than anyone else, but it does mean having more partners.

So if sex makes us happy then surely, if variety really is the spice of life, having more sexual partners must make us happier. Well it doesn’t. People with more sexual partners are less happy than those who have just one.

People who cheat in marriage (10% of the married people in the sample have had sex with more than one person in the previous year) are less happy.

Men who use prostitutes are also less happy. That is, promiscuous people are less happy.

Obviously none of this says that it is promiscuity itself that make people less happy. It could very well be that unhappy married people are more likely to cheat and unhappy people are more likely to buy sex.

I also wonder how societal attitudes towards sexual behavior affect individual happiness.  If I engage in a behavior that is considered socially unacceptable and I am unhappy, is that because of the behavior or because of the social acceptability of the behavior?

For example, is a sixteen-year-old who loses her virginity in a society that celebrates sexual awakening regretful, or is it just sixteen-year-olds in societies that socially condemn early sexual debuts?

If a man buys sex on the market with a group of his friends who are doing the same, is he made less happy or it is just the guy who does it under the cover of stigmatization and shame?

If I am pulling car keys out of a bowl, and all my friends are doing the same, does that extra-marital event make me unhappy?

Evidence suggests that people in Finland are more promiscuous than the residents of other nations in the forty-eight nation sample.  It turns out that if you rank countries in terms of happiness, Finland comes out very close to the top (ranking 6th in the world).*** 

So not the happiest place on earth – Denmark takes that spot– but pretty darn close. I don’t know what makes them so happy, but whatever it is, I'm curious to find out.  

Habits of the Morning for champions.

Mornings are a great time for getting things done. You’re less likely to be interrupted than you are later in the day. Your supply of willpower is fresh after a good night’s sleep. That makes it possible to turn personal priorities like exercise or strategic thinking into reality.

But if you’ve got big goals--and a chaotic a.m. schedule--how can you make over your mornings to make these goals happen?

Because I write about time management frequently, I’ve gotten to see hundreds of calendars and schedules over the years. From studying people’s morning habits, I’ve learned that getting the most out of this time is a five-part process. Follow these steps, though, and you’re on your way to building morning habits that stick.

1. Track Your Time

Part of spending your time better is knowing how you’re spending it now. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you know that nutritionists tell you to keep a food journal because it keeps you from eating mindlessly. It’s the same with time. Write down what you’re doing as often as you can. Use a Word document, or a pad and pen.

While measuring your mornings, try tracking your whole week. The reason? The solution to morning dilemmas often lies at other times of the day. You may be too tired because you’re staying up late. But if you look at how you’re spending your nights, you’ll notice that you’re not doing anything urgent. The Daily Show can be recorded and watched earlier--possibly while you’re on the treadmill at 6:30 a.m.

As for the mornings themselves, you can be organized but still not be spending them well. Question your assumptions. You may believe that “a man who wants to keep his job gets into the office before his boss” because that’s what your father did, but your boss may be disappointed that he doesn’t get the place to himself for an hour first! If you decide that something is a top priority, do it, but understand that we have to do few things in life.

2. Picture the Perfect Morning

After you know how you’re spending your time, ask yourself what a great morning would look like. For me, it would start with a run, followed by a hearty family breakfast. After getting people out the door, I’d focus on long-term projects like my books. Here are some other ideas for morning enrichment:

For personal growth:

• Read through a religious text: Sacred texts can teach us about human nature and history, even if they’re not from a religion you subscribe to. If they are, pray or meditate and get to know your beliefs in a deeper way.
• Train for something big: Aiming to complete a half-marathon, a triathlon, or a long bike ride will keep you inspired as you take your fitness to the next level.
• Do art projects with your kids:. Mornings don’t have to be a death march out the door. Enjoy your time with your little ones at a time of day when you all have more patience.

For professional growth:

• Strategize: In an age of constant connectivity, people complain of having no time to think. Use your mornings to picture what you want your career and organization to look like in the future.
• Read articles in professional journals: Benefit from other people’s research and strategic thinking, and gain new insights into your field.
• Take an online class: If a job or career change is in your future, a self-paced class can keep your skills sharp.

3. Think Through the Logistics

How could this vision mesh with the life you have? Don’t assume you have to add it on top of the hours you already spend getting ready or that you’ll have to get to work earlier. If you fill the morning hours with important activities you’ll crowd out things that are more time intensive than they need to be. Map out a morning schedule. What time would you have to get up and what time do you need to go to bed to get enough sleep? As for the mornings themselves, what would make your ritual easier? Do you need to set your easel next to your bed? Can you find a more cheerful alarm clock or one you can’t turn off so easily?

It’s easy to believe our own excuses, particularly if they’re good ones. Come up with a plan and assemble what you need, but whatever you do, don’t label this vision as impossible

4. Build the Habit

This is the most important step. Turning a desire into a ritual requires willpower. Use these fives steps to optimize your routine:

• Start slowly: Go to bed and wake up fifteen minutes earlier for a few days until this new schedule seems doable.
• Monitor your energy: Building a new habit takes effort, so take care of yourself while you’re trying. Eat right, eat enough, and surround yourself with supportive people who want to see you succeed.
• Choose one new habit at a time to introduce: If you want to run, pray, and write in a journal, choose one of these and make it a habit before adding another.
• Chart your progress: Habits take weeks to establish, so keep track of how you’re doing for at least thirty days. Once skipping a session feels like you forgot something--like forgetting to brush your teeth--you can take your ritual up a notch.
• Feel free to use bribery: Eventually habits produce their own motivation, but until then, external motivations like promising yourself concert tickets can keep you moving forward. And keep in mind that your morning rituals shouldn’t be of the self-flagellation variety. Choose things you enjoy: your before-breakfast ritual has the potential to become your favorite part of the day.

5. Tune Up as Necessary

Life changes. Sometimes we have to regroup, but the goal is to replace any rituals that no longer work with new ones that make you feel like every day is full of possibility.

That is ultimately the amazing thing about mornings--they always feel like a new chance to do things right. A win scored then creates a cascade of success. The hopeful hours before most people eat breakfast are too precious to be blown on semiconscious activities. You can do a lot with those hours. Whenever I’m tempted to say I don’t have time for something, I remind myself that if I wanted to get up early, I could. These hours are available to all of us if we choose to use them.

So how would you like to use your mornings? This important question requires careful thinking. But once you decide, small rituals can accomplish great things. When you make over your mornings, you can make over your life. That is what the most successful people know.

Excerpted from What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast by Laura Vanderkam by arrangement with Portfolio Penguin, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc., Copyright © 2012 by Laura Vanderkam. Follow her on Twitter.