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Danielle Bean

Danielle Bean
Danielle Bean, a mother of eight, is editor-in-chief of Catholic Digest and Faith & Family. She is author of My Cup of Tea, Mom to Mom, Day to Day, and most recently Small Steps for Catholic Moms. Though she once struggled to separate her life and her …
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Rachel Balducci

Rachel Balducci
Rachel Balducci is married to Paul and they are the parents of five lively boys and one precious baby girl. She is the author of How Do You Tuck In A Superhero?, and is a newspaper columnist for the Diocese of Savannah, Georgia. For the past four years, she has …
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Lisa Hendey

Lisa Hendey
Lisa Hendey is the founder and editor of CatholicMom.com and the author of A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms and The Handbook for Catholic Moms. Lisa is also enjoys speaking around the country, is employed as webmaster for her parish web sites and spends time on various …
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Arwen Mosher

Arwen Mosher
Arwen Mosher lives in southeastern Michigan with her husband Bryan and their 4-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and twin boys born May 2011. She has a bachelor's degree in theology. She dreads laundry, craves sleep, loves to read novels and do logic puzzles, and can't live without tea. Her personal blog site …
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Rebecca Teti

Rebecca Teti
Rebecca Teti is married to Dennis and has four children (3 boys, 1 girl) who -- like yours no doubt -- are pious and kind, gorgeous, and can spin flax into gold. A Washington, DC, native, she converted to Catholicism while an undergrad at the U. Dallas, where she double-majored in …
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Robyn Lee

Robyn Lee
Robyn Lee is a 30-something, single lady, living in Connecticut in a small bungalow-style kit house built by her great uncle in the 1950s. She also conveniently lives next door to her sister, brother-in-law and six kids ... and two doors down are her parents. She received her undergraduate degree from …
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DariaSockey

DariaSockey
Daria Sockey is a freelance writer and veteran of the large family/homeschooling scene. She recently returned home from a three-year experiment in full time outside employment. (Hallelujah!) Daria authored several of the original Faith&Life; Catechetical Series student texts (Ignatius Press), and is currently a Senior Writer for Faith&Family; magazine. A latecomer …
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Kate Lloyd

Kate Lloyd
Kate Lloyd is a rising senior, and a political science major at Thomas More College of Liberal Arts in New Hampshire. While not in school, she lives in Whitehall PA, with her mom, dad, five sisters and little brother. She needs someone to write a piece about how it's possible to …
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Lynn Wehner

Lynn Wehner
As a wife and mother, writer and speaker, Lynn Wehner challenges others to see the blessings that flow when we struggle to say "Yes" to God’s call. Control freak extraordinaire, she is adept at informing God of her brilliant plans and then wondering why the heck they never turn out that …
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Curveballs Come

when life won't let up

2011 was a rough year for our family. Blessed, incredibly so, but rough. Baby twins are not for the faint of heart, and much of the year was a blur for me.

When 2012 began, my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief, because this was going to be our year. This year life would be simple and predictable - and easier as the twins got older - and we’d be able to relax and enjoy our little family.

Except then the year started throwing us curveballs. Nothing disastrous, just little or not-so-little things, one here, another there. Financial problems, logistical problems, health problems, the kind that seem manageable (if slightly worrisome) in daylight, but can seem daunting when you’re lying awake at 2:00 in the morning.

(That picture up there is of three-year-old Blaise wearing a cast. His broken arm was one of the smaller-end-of-the-scale problems 2012 has thrown us so far.)

I struggle with finding balance when life gets challenging. I tend to beat up on myself, to look at the lives of others who have it worse and tell myself I have no right to complain. But while I think perspective can be helpful, that approach has backfired on me in the past. I’ve found that the Reverse Pain Olympics (as I like to call them) end up making things worse; if I tell myself I have no right to feel worried or sad, but I have those emotions anyway, it can send me into a downward spiral of doubt and self-flagellation.

On the other hand, I don’t want to wallow, and self-pity also tends to spiral. I want to strike a balance between being aware of my blessings and processing my valid emotions about my burdens, while also making constructive decisions and continuing to be charitable toward those around me.

I tell you what: it takes a robust prayer life to pull that off. (More robust than mine is, sad to say.)

I joked to my husband that our recent life is proof that God was worried we were going to spend too much time in Purgatory. But it’s not as much of a joke as I’d like it to be; I think there’s truth in there.

We do want to become more virtuous, right? Why do we continually expect there’s an easy way to make that happen?

I’m still inwardly hoping for the last ten months of 2012 to be simple and predictable as the first two months have not been. We have to catch a break sometime. But if this turns out to be The Year of Balance and Virtue… well, I guess someday I’ll be glad for that.

(Sigh.)

How is this year treating you?


Comments

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At least he’s a cutie, even with a broken arm! smile

I don’t know what to say other than try to keep up some form of prayer, even if it’s just a plea to God to let some of your crosses pass!

When our twins were little, it really was stressful for the first couple of years. I kept thinking that if I only made it until they were 1, things would get so much better! And in some ways it was better, but still hard. I think over time (they are 8 now), you just realize that “normal” will never be like it was “before” twins. For some reason with one baby, it’s a little easier to adjust to the new normal, but with twins, a lot harder.It just takes longer….so hang in there! You are in it for the long haul, so enjoy this time!

My youngest is 5 and I almost cry thinking that I don’t have a baby any more! smile But when they were all home and little sometimes I cried because I was home with all little babies! God must sure see us as fickle! smile

 

My twin boys are 3.5, and I can honestly say that the past 6 months have been easier, finally. I’m not trying to minimize any struggles that singleton moms have, but raising twins has an entirely different set of challenges. I’m holding my breath a bit .... Since we’re about to add Baby #5 to the mix this summer. About the time I feel like I have things under control, life throws me for a loop.

I think that’s a hard lesson to learn for me .... I’m such a control nut, and want to handle every thing. God tries to gently remind me to lean on Him, instead of taking it all on myself.

Praying for a smoother road for you, Arwen.

 

Yikes! My first thought was that if a toddler’s broken arm is on the “small end of the scale”, then things must be pretty difficult right now! It is hard to see in the moment but I think someday you will look back and be amazed at how gracefully you dealt with some very challenging situations.

 

Arwen, I have children born within just weeks of yours, minus the twins (only a singleton as number three).  I work fulltime from home while my husband is finishing his Ph.D.  It’s been a rough year.  At confession this past weekend, the priest told me something I really needed to hear.  As I was lamenting my shortcomings in my prayer life and in being willing/able to sacrifice all that it seems I’m being called to for the care of my family, he told me that I need to find prayer practices that I undertake to RECEIVE, not as something else *I* have to give/do.  I don’t need anything else to do, but I need time to be comforted, he emphasized, and to be given more grace.  Maybe you already know this, but it wasn’t really what I was thinking as I tried to carve out time for a Rosary or some scripture reading in my day.  It was something else I had to do, not something I had to receive, and I have handled the curveballs of the past few days (all five us in bed sick!) much better with all of this in mind the past few days.  The priest told me to be God’s child and feel welcome to “pester” Mary my mother with as many requests as my children “pester” me with.  Sending some prayers for you all!

 

2011 was a tough year for us, and 2012 has not been as “easy” as I expected (seems that I’m not the only one!).  But then I feel guilty feeling stressed because even with its challenges, it’s much easier than last year.  Thanks for a thought-provoking article.

 

So far in 2012, we’ve had one son with a concussion twice which means two CAT scans, one son with a badly sprained wrist that required two sets of xrays, and all of us with a nasty stomach virus at the same time.  We’ve learned that medical bills add up fast and are children should chew their food better.  On the bright side, we’ve already met our deductible for the year and all of these things are what we will laugh about when are children are married and come home to reminisce.
I have to say as I reread this I laughed.  Not to be too graphic but what came to mind was my husband and I casually vomitting in the trash can as we attempted to clean up one of the children’s vomit.  It’s funny now:)

 

Wow!!! I have no twins, but 7 ranging in age from 1 to 20. We have 6 kids in 6 different school situations and I have felt totally done in. I feel like the last 20 years have been a blur. So, Arwen, I can relate, not totally, but somewhat. Hang in there! Everytime I feel like I’m getting caught up, I get pregnant again! Anyone else ever felt like that? I hope you all have good friends that you can completely be yourself with. I try and laugh at the mishaps (of course when they are not too serious). My Grandma Sophie, God Bless her, taught me that. She would be laughing at something that happened and my Grandpa would say “what on earth are you laughing about?”. Grandma would say in reply “I can either laugh or cry right now- I want to laugh!” She was the wisest person I knew. She had a lot of tragedy in her life, but was a very joyful, accepting person. She’s the person I want to be the most like! God Bless you all!

 

Why does everything seem so much scarier at 2 a.m. (or 3, or 4)?  Your article hit home as my anxiety about 2012 seems to be picking up speed and it’s only February.  My husband’s office will be closing this year, my m-i-l isn’t doing well, my daughter is having mega problems away at school, other extended family members are awaiting words on possible job cuts, two homes in our neighborhood are foreclosing which means if we have to move for a new job our house will not be worth much.  Up until now, I guess I’ve had a pretty easy life!  It is getting harder and harder for me to sleep through the night.  I used to say the rosary when I was having trouble sleeping, but I can’t even seem to concentrate on that now.  However, I do make time each morning, after my son leaves for school, to say the rosary or read a religious book.  And, I’ve found if I’m even having trouble concentrating then, that writing down a list of things I am grateful for that day (or from the day before) helps to stop my mind from racing.

 

Thank you all for sharing so candidly.  Arwen - you are in my prayers, and so are the rest of you.  It’s really comforting to know there are so many women fighting the good fight.  I am honored to call myself Catholic when I read your stories and know how you struggle but you still keep fighting to do the best you can.  When you feel alone and like you can’t go on, just remember some other Mom is fighting with you for the same things!

 

2011 was also a tough year for us.  A wedding, 4 graduations (one from High School, one from College, one from Army Basic Training and another from AIT Training which is specialized training in the Army.  This year has started off hard with a sickness and a death in my husband’s family.  But today is my husband’s 65th birthday and I am very thankful we could all get together yesterday to celebrate.  On the down side, my new laptop crashed yesterday. :p

 

Wow, I am just so grateful to have read this article today.  I feel a sudden overwhelming comfort in knowing that other beautiful Catholic women are sharing in the exact same struggles that I am having.  We too struggled in 2011.  Amongst other things, our sixth child was born and 14 days later our 7-yr-old daughter broke her leg.  It was traumatic, to say the least.  I thought for sure this new year would bring some better days.  Alas, it has not.  Thank you to Arwen and all the others for sharing your challenges and encouraging us all to look to our Lord and His Blessed Mother.  I am one of those lying-awake-at-3-am-worrying-kind-of-people and am having just a hard time juggling a house of many with homeschooling, finances, husband bad back, etc., etc. I am also one of those “it could be so much worse, why am I complaining” kind of person. I will pray for you all.  Please pray for me.  Oh and God bless sweet Blaise and his cute little broken arm!

 

Arwen, thank you for your sincerity! I have 4 children that are 5 and under. It is difficult, really difficult. We have also had many curve balls in 2012. But rest assured it is a passing season. Before you know it the time will go and you will look back in awe and wonder at God’s amazing and wonderful plan for you. Be gentle with yourself, don’t look at the lives of others for better or worse. Live God’s plan for you! God bless you, you are not alone.

 

I love this article.  I think it’s my favorite article, hands down, ever.  It just puts voice to what so many of us have going on in our lives and what paths our hearts take in response.  Can’t thank you enough for writing it.  Blaise is absolutely precious.  Children’s medical issues are haunting us this year already too and to see how everyone else is doing on the site is both a great motivation to pray for everyone and also helps me realize we are not alone.  God bless!

 

I appreciate this article because I have lived the last 19 years in a blur.  And sometimes the pain of life is eased by sharing.  I apologize that this is so long.  Nineteen years ago, I had my first children - twin boys.  During my husband’s temporary military assignment, I went into labor at 24 weeks.  It took 3 days to stop labor, so the doctors must me on bed rest in the hospital.  Still, 5 weeks later, the boys were born.  They spent 6 weeks in the hospital which at the time seemed like forever (I know better now).  After they came home, my husband left for 3 month training, and I moved home.  Then we moved to Alaska where we spent the next 3 years.  At the time, the first few years seemed really hard, but I wish now that I could go back to that earlier time.  At the end of 3 years, I had another boy, was diagnosed and had surgery for thyroid cancer, and my husband retired from the military and had to find work, all within 6 months.  Twenty months after the birth of the 3rd child, I had a girl, was diagnosed with clinical depression, we moved again, my grandfather died, and I began homeschooling the twins.  Then 20 months later after the birth of the 4th child, I had another boy born 4 weeks prematurely while we were visiting family out of town.  The baby was airlifted to the NICU back home, and spent 2 weeks there.  After all this, I expected life would be easier for a while, but it wasn’t so with homeschooling, two high needs babies, and another move.  The stress began to wear on the marriage and the children, at which point my husband was diagnosed with clinical depression.  Three years after the birth of the 5th child, I became pregnant unexpectedly but miscarried.  A few months later, I was pregnant again, and was put on bed rest at the end.  This child, another boy, was taken immediately to the NICU, and diagnosed within days with Prader-Willi Syndrome.  He remained in the NICU for 7 weeks, and came home with lots of medical needs – oxygen, G-tube, low muscle tone, etc. – and requiring lots of therapy – OT, PT, Speech, etc.  By this time, I was desperate for NFP to work, but despite numerous teachers and doctors, we found (and still find) that it is difficult or impossible to identify any infertile days.  So 6 months later, I was pregnant, and again put on bed rest.  I had another boy with few complications, but 2 months later, I had gall bladder surgery.  Over the next few years, I spent many, many hours with doctors and therapists to find help for the 6th child.  When the 3rd child developed educational delays, I decided I couldn’t keep up with it all, so I put all the children in public school.  Once again, I expected things to settle down, but it wasn’t so.  Three years after the birth of the 7th child, I was once again pregnant, and this time, I had another boy but without complications.  However, after 9 months, I discovered that I was pregnant with #9.  I was very sick until she (a second girl) came prematurely at 30 weeks.  She was never diagnosed with anything tangible, but stayed in the NICU for 3 months.  Like her older brother, she came home with many medical needs and requiring lots of therapy.  Since then, my husband has been diagnosed with diabetes which is proving difficult to control even with medication.  I am experiencing pain and numbness in my right arm from a spinal problem, and waiting on a second mammogram to decide if I need a breast biopsy.  Even with all of this, we have experienced all the normal problems – broken bones, sprained muscles, stitches, etc. – including 11 total surgeries.  I don’t know what it would feel like to wake up in the morning without a crisis, but as time has progressed, I am learning to not expect it.

 

I wanted to say hello and let you know that I love your blog.  We have something similar in that at the time my twins were born, I had a 3 1/2 year old girl and a 21 month of boy, so I had 4 children under the age of 3 1/2.  Now they are 10, 8, 6, 6 and the curveballs are still coming but we handle them much better because we are getting more sleep.  At the end of the day my children are each others best friends and all the curveballs, fights and craziness are my grounding force.  Thanks for reminding me that perfect is not real.

 

Daughter broke her arm a few days ago and goes for her cast Friday.  Any suggestions?


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