Oh my dear, I am right here with you, except our sixth child is a year old now and we converted after our 3rd child!  The thought of another child also makes me weepy and depressed, and I just enjoyed 13 months of no fertility due to nursing.  My husband jokes that we just must not be that good at NFP.  Most days I feel like I might lose my mind.  The only consolation today for me came in the form of a sweet woman at our local market, who told me that she has 9 children and they have all been a blessing. She showed me, yet again, the huge gift that a big family is, even though it is terribly, terribly difficult right now. 

I love my husband more than anything and I love to be with him and show him my love.  He is the love of my life.  My question too is how do I show him this love when I know I am not ready to handle another baby right now?  I will pray for you and for all other stressed-to-the-max mommas!

Gentle hugs here, No Name!
Something helpful I’ve picked up from these forums & the community here is that Creighton + fertility monitor or Marquette + fertility monitor seems to provide a tremendous amount of practical reassurance to couples in your situation. 
I can say with about 99% certainty that if you go to http://www.fertilitycare.org and, using the “Contact Us” link, if no instructor is available in your area, you may be able to do distance lessons.  Maybe even Skype?
Just try not to lump everything together right now: your knowledge level with the stress level with the post-partum fun with the marriage “tension” (for lack of an immediate better word right now) with the whole “open to life” concept and terminology…one step at a time; ask God to show you the way. Information/education is key to feeling confident about fertile signs; then you and your dh go from there with God.

Cyber hugs, ladies.  Some things are just not easy.  I do promise though that someday, eventually, your fertility will diminish and then end.  Hollow words, I know.

I, too, had a lot of difficulty in reading the signs of fertility and made a number of “mistakes”, but I was able to figure out roughly when I conceived my children.  For me, I conceived late in my cycle…4 to 6 days after my mucus started drying up.  With that information, I learned to be riskier at the beginning of my fertile window, and much less risky toward the end.  So, I might still have relations on day 12 of my cycle, but would wait a whole week from the drying of the mucus, even though many forms of NFP said I should be fine by the evening of day 4 of drying up.  Even though you feel you have failed at NFP, do you think you can identify approximately when you conceived?  If you can find a pattern, that might give you some comfort in knowing that you have never conceived in a certain window of your cycle, and then limit your intimacy to that time.

You are where I was a few years ago after our 5th (and I was 42).  You really do need support!  Please don’t make the mistake we did and have a vasectomy (we consulted a non-orthodox priest).  There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it. My kids got older, and I would have been able to handle another baby if that is what God asked of me. It may not seem that your fertility is a gift, but believe me it is.  My aunt just spent a month in the hospital - she had 8 children.  They live all over the country.  And they took turns taking care of her - she was never alone in that whole month.  We don’t know why God gives some of us more fertility than others, but I am sure we will find out when we die.  One thing I really needed was more help but I didn’t know who to ask.  Please talk to someone at your parish - I am telling you that if you were at my parish, I would come over and babysit all 7 of them just so you could get out for awhile.  I will pray for you - I can say that my decision would have been very different 8 years ago if I had had this forum.

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I only have four and have absolutely felt just like you do right now! What you are feeling right now is completely understandable. Your family is a great testimony to your openness to life and your great trust in God. Don’t feel like you have to continue to prove it by having another child. Your family size is between you, your husband, and God. Though what I think doesn’t matter, it sounds to me that you have very good reasons to avoid another pregnancy in the near future. There are a lot of methods of NFP out there to help us work with our bodies to naturally space our children; the key is to find the one that works for you and your husband.

May I recommend the Marquette Method? It has been a great blessing for us in many ways - mainly in helping me figure out what my body was doing postpartum. Also, importantly, it took the interpretation out of my hands. Whether it was true before, I often felt like I was the one saying “no,” but now we have the monitor and the online charting and it’s all objective. They have a fabulous online forum in which nurses respond within 24 hours to any questions, even on Christmas Eve, all of which is anonymous. I have found them to be kind and sympathetic as well as knowledgeable. If you use their online charting (which is not required at all), they can access them and help you figure out what’s going on. I highly recommend the forum for any questions up front because the online instructions are not very clear. In the forum, you can explain exactly where you are (how many months postpartum, how often you’re nursing, age, etc., whatever you think is relevant) and they’ll tell you exactly how to get started and what to do.

There can be long stretches of abstinence as fertility returns, but in my experience the postpartum period itself was much easier to interpret than with our previous method.

Please feel free to email me (click through to my blog) if you’d like more information. Better yet, Google the Marquette method and sign up for the forum to ask questions there. Know that I’ll be praying for you.

Many hugs to you! Just so you know you are not alone, I was weepy and scared for 4 years…it took that long for me to truly be “open” to life again. During those years though, like many others suggested, I turned to prayer for help. Thankfully, my husband was incredibly patient, and no—we didn’t abstain for 4 years, but we were exremely careful. I also feel God was merciful as well. Even after we passed that 4 year point, I wasn’t sure I could handle another, but at least I was no longer so terrified of the thought, and I did believe that if we did conceive again, God would send the graces we’d need. However…it’s been another 9 years, and no conception. Please just try to take it one day at a time—even while you don’t trust NFP, realize that anything else someone may try to offer you is not 100% ‘foolproof’ either. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

I would highly suggest the Marquette Method.  It is very easy to use and the symptoms are extremely easy to evaluate.  You can get pretty much on the information for it online.  http://nfp.marquette.edu/

I echo Marquette. Or even a sympto-thermal method…that way you have two signs to rely on (either monitor or temperature + mucus). I can’t say too much about effectiveness because I’ve only been using it for 3 months, but I feel so much more comfortable with it. It just seems less formulaic than some of the other methods (no counting temp differences, charting ups and downs, etc.) It has also been simple and effective as I am 8 months postpartum, and it has worked for us! And even though it is hard to step back from the thick of life, know that this is a season, be it long or short, and there will be an end to it!

Many prayers!!! That is a difficult place to be!

As for NFP, another method might suit you better.  I highly reccomend going over your pregnancy charts with an experienced instructor.  You can do that by phone, email, Skype!  A future with NFP can seem extremely scary if you aren’t sure how your pregnancies happened, but if someone can offer an explanation it might help you feel more confident about what can be done differently.  It’s also SO critical to thoroughly learn a method of NFP (any method) from an instructor when it’s time to seriously TTA.  If you’ve never had the chance to do that before, due to the lack of resources in your area…maybe that’s one last thing you can try before giving up on it altogether.  There are so many instructors who are willing to work with clients long distance, from all methods of NFP.  In our marriage, we’ve tried 3 different types before finding one that suited us best and have had no surprises with it in 8 years.  http://www.learnnfponline.com/

Angie, after my miscarriages, my cycles returned about 4 weeks from the time I started bleeding with the miscarriage.  I bled for quite some just like I had given birth, so it seemed like I had just stopped one when I started again. 

I am sorry for your loss.  I do recommend you take prenatal vitamins all the time.  I had three miscarriages in a row after 6 healthy pregnancies and did loads of research.  I decided that perhaps my advanced maternal age meant my body needed extra help.  I started taking Professional Prenatal brand vitamins - more stuff in them than the standard type.  My next pregnancy was fine.  I hate to think I could have prevented the other losses if I had only been taking vitamins.

Oh my goodness, I would be SO vague!  I imagine you’re still recovering from surgery and getting back on your feet, etc.  Why even come close to opening the door to a potentially stressful conversation with the “v” word involved?  Just go to your “meeting at the church.”  It can even be “about private issues I need to discuss post-surgery” if she pries (or however you want to word it to deflect ALL suspicion)!  You can always fill her in with more details LATER if you have 2nd thoughts after awhile.  But if you’re even *wondering* now, I would just keep it vague, vague, vague!

My vote: “meeting at the church,” along with a bored “Hmm, that’s interesting Mom.  Gee, isn’t it muggy today?” when her favorite word is raised in convo.
Prayers - those are the best defense and offense for you to use during her stay.  It’s taken me a long, long time to really wrap my head around this fact: that it’s really okay, and better for me, my marriage and my family, for me to have more of a superficial, polite, cheery relationship if the quest for a deep, meaningful relationship means that my folks and I clash heads and I end up wrung out & in turmoil in the process. 
Prayers going up now for you and your mom.  Stay focused on those good qualities!

Also, you should feel free to be kind but direct with her.  I.e., she raises the family planning issue, you respond, “Thanks, Mom.  I’ve heard what you have to say and I know you say it out of concern for me, but I’m not interested in discussing this private matter any further.” Repeat, politely and verbatim, as many times as necessary—don’t engage the conversation in any other way.  It’s not your job to change her mind, but neither is it her job to change yours, and you shouldn’t have to submit to browbeating, however well-meant.

“it’s really okay, and better for me, my marriage and my family, for me to have more of a superficial, polite, cheery relationship if the quest for a deep, meaningful relationship means that my folks and I clash heads and I end up wrung out & in turmoil in the process.”

Well-said!  Thanks.  I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.  In my case, it’s my in-laws, but same idea.  You always have such great advice!

Sorry for the loss of your precious little one.  I’d say checking with your dr. might be the best idea.  Maybe you’re still experiencing bleeding due to the miscarriage.  Or maybe you need a progesterone shot to get back on track.  My cycles get weird when they’re returning post-partum and progesterone is sometimes needed when the period/breakthrough bleeding/spotting/brown bleeding just keeps going.  Good luck; I know it’s frustrating!

Annie- I’m so sorry for your loss!  It sounds like you haven’t ovulated this month which is why you are having so much irregular bleeding.  I think you should see your regular OB and make sure you don’t need any treatment after the miscarriage.
I found that once I had kids, I couldn’t use the “thermal” part of the sympto-thermal method.  Because I didn’t get enough regular sleep to rely on the readings (which require you to check your temp at the same time daily, after going to bed at the same time etc).  So I switched to the Billings method.  But you may want to try Creighton which can help you understand why you are having such irregular bleeding and help with family spacing.

I’m so sorry for your loss, Annie.

I’d call CCL’s headquarters tomorrow if I were you - you can read your actual chart data to them over the phone and they can help you make sense of it. 

Praying :(

I had their full hormone work-up done when we were having trouble conceiving, but, pathetically, I don’t actually know what all they check, just that you go get blood drawn every couple days for a full month.  But if you/your dr. contact PPVI Institute, they should be able to send their lab protocols to your doctor so you get everything checked that should be.

My experience w/ blood tests for Napro was also a full cycle hormone series profile.  They tested Estrogen, FSH, LH, Progesterone, and I believe some other levels as well.  It was completed over the course of a cycle.  I had blood drawn 10 times that cycle.

Praying for you, Deanna! Thanks for posting again!

Prayers. Hugs. I’m sorry.

Deanna, I am praying for you. Although I am not at all in the situation to give you advice, I do have a suggestion for you. First, keep praying! Tell God that you’re angry and you need help. Second, schedule a meeting with your favorite priest in your parish. If you don’t have one ask around to Catholic friends as to a priest that they might suggest. Call your diocese if you need to. Meet with the priest and tell him everything. Ask for his help and spiritual guidance. I know that you might be thinking “how can an unmarried man possibly help me here.” But I suggest that you ask him to set you up with a female mentor who is in your same situation. Does he suggest some Catholic women that you can meet with for support? Start a bible study with them, bring kids together for playgroups, get involved in church. Also, the priest might be able to find families to help you with babysitting, making meals, transporting kids, etc. Churches should be more proactive about getting this started for members of the parish!!!!! Every time I find myself getting angry with the Church, I find the answer is to move CLOSER and not farther away.

Caitlin, there are times when the temptation to leave the Catholic Church is very strong, but I haven’t done it.  Ironically, one of my NFP teachers suggested that I look for help from the Baptists, but be careful because they might try to convert me.  We have been members of the same Parish for about 16 years, and are, even now, an active family.  Parishioners have helped from time to time, but the help has not met the need.  Every day is a crisis, and when we get something as ordinary as the flu, well, its whatever is worse than a crisis (not sure if there is a word for that).  I can’t ask our Priest and Parish for anymore help right now, so I am trying something new.  This afternoon, I called a local order of sisters, and asked for assistance.  First, I need someone to listen as I talk and cry and share my grief and anger, and to help me to figure out how to move forward.  (My husband and I see a Christian counselor weekly, but I think that I need a Catholic to help me work through the anger with God and the Church.)  Second, I need someone to help with housekeeping, childcare, respite, meals, transportation, etc.  Sister asked me to contact another sister in her order for spiritual guidance, and said that she would look for the practical help.  I continue to pray daily, Morning and Evening Prayer, a Gospel Reflection, sometimes a Novena for some special need, and an Act of Confidence and Hope.  And right now, I am not being shy about telling God that I am mad at Him, and that I expect some help.  And Anon, I had considered adoption with the ninth child, but could not figure out how to hide the pregnancy from my other children who I believe would be traumatized if they knew.  Please keep praying for me.

I used to work at Boys Town and that was fairly common in their history, especially during the Depression: families (or, often, widowed mothers) who couldn’t, for whatever reason, care for some or all of their boys would send them there.  The Orphan Train was another similar idea.  It’s not at all common now, especially with the emphasis on services for the birth family to help them with whatever difficulties, but it’s not something that’s never been done. 
But I think it would be extremely hard to do.  How do you choose which children?  How do you explain to the ones adopted out why they weren’t kept, but a sibling was?  For the siblings that stay with the birth family, will they feel secure or will they always fear being sent away?  It’s one thing, perhaps, if a child has a severe disability and needs care that the birth family truly can’t give.  But if it’s a matter of financial strain or frustrations with a child’s behavior or something, then I’d think it best for all to look into services offered within the family rather than going the adoption route.

No, no, no, no!! This is a terrible idea. I know you said “no angry posts”, but you said something stupid which makes me very very angry. As a mother, it would absolutely destroy me to give one of my children away. I’m talking near-suicidal despair. And how do you think the other children would feel, knowing one of their siblings was given away? What if it made them afraid that they would be given away too? How do think that child who was given up for adoption would feel if he or she found out there was an entire biological family out there that didn’t want them, and that they kept all their siblings but gave them away?! This is no solution at all. Families who are struggling need our help.  Telling them to just give their children away would make things much, much, MUCH worse. We’re not talking pregnant 13-year-old drug addicts here, were talking married couples who already have children. A family. PLEASE think before you post, anon!

Sarah,  You may be angry about what was suggested, but your own feelings don’t apply to all families and all situations.  No one asked you to give up a child.  Obviously you can never imagine yourself in such an extreme situation… that is understandable and good.  Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and things go horribly wrong very often.  Adoption always comes from a less than ideal situation.  An adoption only happens because something(s) went wrong.  No matter what the situation, every birth family, every adoptee, every sibling of an adoptee, every adoptive parent, and on and on - will have feelings and questions to sort through.  However, that doesn’t make adoption less of a solution for many different situations.  To insinuate that adoption is only acceptable in the case of a “13-year-old drug addict” is insensitive and ignorant.

When I learned that I was pregnant with my ninth child, I thought about adoption.  But was only willing to try if it I could “hide” the pregnancy from my other children.  I really do think it would have traumatized them if they knew.  And because I couldn’t come up with a plan for “hiding” the pregnancy, I didn’t go forward with it.  And as it turned out, the baby was premature, and was my fifth child to spend significant time in the NICU.  I can’t say, however, that I particularly like the idea of adoption in these situations.  As a mother of several special needs children, I am all too aware of our past failures.  The norm was not to keep the family together, but to place in child in an institution.  I think the better approach is to provide assistance to the struggling family.  The problem seems to be that we don’t know HOW to help.  Private organizations may be more efficient, but they can’t be mandated (there is no way to ensure a steady flow of donations); government organizations can be funded through taxes, but are usually less efficient.  Right now, families like mine are struggling because the government funds have dried up, and the non-profits are few and far between.  We can’t get the assistance that we need, so credit becomes our only means of survival.  We just live in a very mixed up world, and the greater burden is on the poor.

Thank you for your thoughtful replies about adoption.  I know of a family who placed their premature twins for adoption because they were going to have serious special needs, and, while they loved them very much, they knew that these needs were simply beyond their care.  I see that as a very loving option.  I also know of another family who had older siblings who for financial reasons felt that they could not raise their fifth child, and so placed this child for adoption.  I do see that yes, siblings could get scared of being “given away”, but on the other hand, if a family or a mother is stressed to the breaking point, it may be healthier and emotionally necessary for the mother’s health to do such a thing for the sake of the child.  Sometimes our choices are not about making siblings happy or content, but they are about what is doing best for the entire family.  What if a mother & father could look down the road and see that their child was being loved and well-cared for, and it eliminated such a huge burden for them that they were able to take better care of the remaining siblings?  I know of another mother who placed her 2 year old for adoption, and it was a good transition.  I don’t think we should beat ourselves up about placing a child or children with special needs for adoption or perhaps those w/ behavior issues for adoption, as long as we knew that they would be loved and well-cared for.  It would take tremendous sacrifice of course, but if someone else has more emotional and financial resources, then perhaps the Holy Spirit is offering an answer.  I don’t think there should be any shame or guilt about such a decision.  I think that with counseling, the family could adapt to the situation as well as if one of the children was going to live with “Aunt Jane”.  Truly, these things used to happen more often in the past, especially if the mom was widowed or divorced, or if the family just fell on hard times.  I wonder that it is not considered more now-a-days.  On the other side of it, consider the families who are just dying and desperate to have just even one child, even an older child, even a special needs child, and that family has LOTS of energy because it is a ration of just one mom and one dad to one child.  Placing a child for adoption is not giving a child up; rather it is choosing a family for a child in order to better provide for that child.  I don’t think that adoption should be reserved just for single mothers, but I think it is an excellent option for married couples who are unable to provide for their child as well.  Not everyone is ready for the energy & money that another baby takes, and there is no shame in that.  I would personally think that in such a situation it would be wonderful for a family to visit the child on a once per month or even a couple times per year basis and see that the child is happy & well adjusted.  I think particularly if a child has severe special needs, such as Down’s or autism, that such a thing could be truly beneficial to an overburdened family.

I don’t quite understand your argument.  I don’t think that parents giving their children up for adoption is a “punishment” to the parents for sinning by having sex out of wedlock.  Rather, they give up their children for adoption because they’re selflessly thinking of what’s best for their child rather than what they would prefer.  As a parent I think your duty is to consider what’s best for your child far above what you want.  And sometimes it might be better to give up your child to have a life with parents who can give more to your child than you can.  That could be for any reason, not just because the parents are unwed.

What I’m trying to say, though, is why are we allowing this to happen? Why don’t we as a society help people out more so that they can keep their children? I think in the case of a married couple who already has children, it is especially important to help them keep their children, because giving a child up for adoption wouldn’t just affect them, it would also affect the other siblings, for the rest of their lives. And I would imagine the child who was given up for adoption would be far more psychologically damaged if he or she found out they had an entire biological family out there than if they found out their birth mother was an unwed teenager. The family isn’t selflessly putting their child first by giving it up for adoption, because it’s actually NOT in the best interest of the child in this case. In some cases, sure, like if the birth mother is an immature teenager who wouldn’t be a good parent. Like I said, I’m not opposed to adoption in all cases.  But I think it’s appalling that an intact family with a mother and father would feel like they have to give a baby up for adoption.  I don’t understand how another family could give the child a “better life.” How? Financially? Isn’t this attitude a direct contradiction to Catholic values? Since when does being more financially well-off trump being with the biological family? And if the family is simply overwhelmed by another child, why don’t we help them out? ?

Because “helping out” is a temporary solution and raising children is a lifetime commitment.  This isn’t about being able to afford piano lessons or braces.  I’m not saying adoption is the answer but I’d rather my child have a full belly and clothes that fit them than foolishly think that my love will suffice for their basic needs.  Thank goodness my father’s biological mother gave him up for adoption -we got to see how her other children, all raised in a 2 parent yet completely dysfunctional home, turned out. Sometimes the best parenting decision one can make is to see that one is not up to the task…whether financially or emotionally.

Also, having children with medical needs is not just about being able to afford the care.  Being the caretaker of any person who has significant medical issues often means a physically and emotionally exhausting life that completely revolves around that person.  You cant just get a babysitter to get a free moment, you have to hire a nurse.  You may have to relocate to a bigger city to get the necessary care.  You may spend lots of time at the hospital or doctors office.  Other children get neglected.  You may have to clean bedpans or give shots or change dressings.  You may have to quit your job and then you might not be able to pay the bills.  And this might go on for 10 or 20 or more years.  I cant judge a couple who feels that’s too much.  Should they expect their extended families to bring them meals 3 times a week for a decade?

I completely agree that taking care of a child with special needs can mean an incredibly exhausting life. I would just personally rather have that life than give a child up for adoption.  No, of course you can’t expect extended family to bring meals three times a week for a decade, and I wasn’t suggesting that. There needs to be other help available that goes beyond that. Aren’t there any government programs that would help provide care for the child? Aren’t there tax credits for medical expenses? Couldn’t extended family or the church give the parents a break at least once in awhile? I just find it appalling that people are just *accepting* this, and not expressing outrage at a society that would allow this to happen.

Look, I’m not a huge advocate of adopting out a child as being the first choice for overwhelmed parents of many, but I did have an eye-opening conversation a few years ago that changed my thinking on the matter somewhat.

An online friend of mine, one I had been in communication with for years and had met in real life as well, was pregnant.  A committed Christian (but not a Catholic), she shocked me by telling me that she was having an amnio because she just “couldn’t handle” a special-needs baby.  She had lost a two-year old child in a traumatic accident years before, and she could not handle the perceived trauma of taking care of a special needs baby on top of it. She told me that, “I know this is probably wrong, but I couldn’t handle it and would terminate the pregnancy if I found out the baby had a serious problem”.  As I said, I was shocked.  She was not only a kind person, but from what I could tell, a fabulous mother to her three living children, and she was also committed to volunteering in the community and doing what she could to help others.

I said to her, “What about adoption?  There are many families who would love have a special needs baby!”  And she said, “Are you kidding me?  Can you imagine how despised we would be by the community if they knew we had given up a special needs baby for adoption?! And what would I say to my children?!” 

Wow, I had never thought of it that way. And I realized that my own thinking on such a matter had been a bit less pro-life than I might have imagined.  When society despises women who give up babies because they honestly can’t handle it, it’s not exactly a surprise that a quiet termination—-which can easily be explained as a miscarriage and generate sympathy from the community (I’ve known this to happen)—-would make a more attractive choice.

This used to be not that uncommon at all.  My mother-in-law was what they used to call “farmed out” to her grandparents because her own mother and father could not handle a 12th child.  People understood that babies happened, and life wasn’t perfect, and sometimes parents had to give one up for the good of the child.

Personally, I think the contraceptive mentality has made society much less forgiving of parents in less-than-ideal circumstances and that is a big reason that parents would be despised for making such a choice nowadays.  The child was your choice, you need to raise him or her.  If you couldn’t handle it, you should have done something to make sure the pregnancy didn’t happen.

It’s a pretty harsh attitude, if you ask me.  Life’s hard.  Babies happen.  Sometimes parents can’t handle baby after baby after baby, even WITH community help, for whatever reason—emotionally, psychologically, financially etc.  Large families are NOT always a blessing.  (looking back in my own family history and in my husband’s, this is quite clear—-families with 10, 12, 14 children often devolved into abuse, alcoholism, and extreme poverty, not to mention mental illness) In a world pre-contraception, people understood this.  Today there is no mercy for such parents.  Is it such a surprise that married couples nowadays would turn to abortion under such circumstances?

If a couple cannot handle another baby—even if married—adoption truly MIGHT be the most loving and moral choice. We don’t live in a perfect world, and most of us aren’t perfect people.  Pre-widely-available-contraception, there seemed to more of an understanding of the realities of the human condition.  Post contraception, we are expected only to have children in the most ideal of circumstances.  God help you otherwise!

some medical advice with postponing a pregnancy: using those cheap LH kits (look for the one with a threshold of 20 mIU/ml) and start testing on day 6 after start of menses until becomes positive (two lines), then five days later, do a blood Progesterone test by your own family doctor order and confirm a value greater than 4 ng/ml which confirms you have ovulated and it means you are in the safe period until the first day of next menses. The only draw back is sometimes the LH test will not detect ovulation (it means it is happening even with urine values less than 20 mIU/ml) but most women (more than 85%) will ovulate with values greater than 20.
God bless

I think you and some previous commenters are missing the point a little. I NEVER said that adoption was “morally wrong.” I don’t think there’s anything “shameful” about it at all, nor would I “look down on” anyone who chooses adoption. Rather, I would look down on the family / church / government / society who failed to provide enough support for the family to keep their child. It’s sort of like how I don’t look down on women who have abortions even though I think abortion is always wrong. It’s usually the fault of the boyfriend / husband / parents / society who didn’t provide enough support.

Also, why is this issue always framed as adoption vs. abortion? Why are those the only options? What about keeping the child? I am very pro-life and of course I would be very disturbed if I found out one of my siblings had been aborted. Of course it’s better to be given up for adoption than aborted. But is it really helpful to say “just be glad you / they weren’t aborted?” Isn’t not killing your own child sort of the bare minimum people should aspire to? Shouldn’t we do more than that?

I also think that the issues of adoption and abortion are connected. If people felt like they had enough support to keep their children, there would be fewer abortions. I have marched in the March for Life, prayed in front of abortion clinics, stood in the Life Chain and volunteered at a crisis pregnancy center, and even I might be tempted to abortion if I was in a situation where I felt pressure to give a baby up for adoption. How can we expect other people who aren’t even pro-life to be that strong, when someone as pro-life as I am would waver? We need to step back and look at the big picture.