Awwww, Jeanne, you really shouldn’t have!

Am I missing something?  I like going to my girlfriends.  I need to talk more than my husband can stand.  It helps me process.  Only my girlfriends care to talk that much.  My husband would go crazy.  Since I can’t change how I process, I don’t process with my husband; I give him the final results.  He is happy; I am happy.  And I have nice conversations with my friends!

Jen, Jeanne aka “happy anon” aka “the J in fla” aka, aka, aka… does what most websites would call “trolling.” Long and sad history here at F & F L.

Oooh, can one of my husbands be a bajillionaire who lives in Dubai or someplace (so I don’t have to really see him, but he can send big checks)?  For the other five, I’ll keep the various aspects of my own hubby (which I presume is the point of the link)...

What about a gift certificate or an IOU for a photo sitting for their first anniversary?

Maybe a gift certificate for a nice restaurant.

My husband is very much the same as yours sounds, so I can imagine how upset he would be if we were in a similar situation.  I feel for you!  It sounds like you should talk to your husband about your struggles, since the topic has been “broached” now.
I had a situation a couple of weeks ago where I hurt my husband by bringing up a sensitive topic right before he left for a long, hard day at work.  I could tell it deflated him as soon as I did it, and I spent the morning feeling horrible.  I know it won’t solve the deeper issue at hand, but if you can think of some sweet gestures to “smooth things over”, it certainly helped in our case, primarily by refocusing my attention on trying to do something positive for our marriage.  I’m sure my husband was still a little hurt, but he seemed uplifted by the extra sweetness.
God bless you!  I’ll say a prayer that you get through this tough time!

My dh is the same way too.  It seems to me that it might be a topic better addressed in confession or spiritual direction than with a friend; I doubt dh would feel like your relationship issues were so “out in the open” that way.  I had a priest point out to me in confession once that my issues with my dh also were my issues with God.  Maybe the same is true for you, making confession a very appropriate place to work through some of that. 
Also, why haven’t you told dh about the in-depth study?  Could actually having those conversations with him instead of with your friend be a way to build your trust in dh, as well as, now, a way to really show him that you want to work on your relationship from the inside with him, not just study it from the outside with someone else?  I’m not putting down the necessity of female friends for some things, especially general things about what our role should be, but it sounds like you’d get better mileage by going directly to dh.  I’m guessing it isn’t helping dh to know that not only do you struggle with trusting him, you also don’t trust him enough to tell him it’s hard for you and you’re working on it - you told a friend instead.  So I’d try apologizing for that, and - if it’s true - tell him you were sharing with gf about your own struggles, not about particular stuff he’s done.  In other words, try to show him that it’s about you trying to work through something that you realize is a problem, and not about you worrying/complaining about any actual untrustworthiness of his.  And show him you’re working on it by filling him in a bit.  Good luck! 

Thanks, Kari and Anna!  I will have to re-read and think about both your replies over the next several days.  I am honestly so overwhelmed I can’t process a whole lot right now.  My husband and I had a lot of issues when we were dating, centering around my talkativeness vs his quietness.  He encouraged me to talk to my girlfriends because he knew WE couldn’t talk enough for me without it being too draining to him.  So, I have kept up with two good friends and one in particular (as I mentioned in my initial post).  Of course, that does not mean I may likely have crossed a line in not saying ENOUGH to my husband and my thoughts, fears, interests, etc.  I am just so scared of repeating our dating arguments (that led us to temporarily break up, even!) which all seemed to boil down to him being drained from overtalking or me feeling like we didn’t talk enough.  In marriage, I have just pared down my expectations about what I do/don’t communicate with my husband at all.  I’ve pared it down a LOT.  Mostly I listen to him, comment on what he has to say, share a little about my day and about the kids… and that’s IT.  Probably a problem, I guess.  But one I’m definitely afraid to address because I don’t want to resurrect old problems. :(  *sigh*  Anyways, I appreciate the feedback.  Better to deal with this now than later.  We have to learn how to communicate the important things to each other, and yet I need to do it in a way that doesn’t wear him out.  Time to figure out how…....

Maybe you & your husband could write journals to each other that would just be seen by each other & not by the kids.  Maybe it would be easier for you to write out your frustrations & hopes in a written format, for him to see it & process it, & then respond to that, as well as writing out his frustrations & hopes.  Maybe it could be that you are not getting the affirmation and love that you feel you need?  Women are emotional creatures and they need to be TOLD many things, not just hugged and kissed; whereas for the man, the physical affection is what tells him the most that his wife loves him.  Maybe something like a marriage encounter or Retrovaille would be beneficial?  Failing that, separate retreats, like a cursillo might be helpful, to just regroup and turn it all over to God.

Veronica, you’re right.  It sure didn’t sound “nice.” 
All I can say is, if you would like to get a real flavor for Jeanne’s kind of “nice,” put your feet up and start reading the archives.  After threats to the editor in chief, she’s been asked not to post here.  I have little patience for her flavor of pot-stirring, and chose to quickly post on the offensive so that others didn’t take the bait.  I’ll be in line for confession on Saturday.

You, see, Veronica, after going down that road (actually reading her posts, following links, trying to gently and intelligently engage her ideas), you’ll come to the conclusion that you’re being played for kicks.  No thanks.  (Seriously - go sifting through the archives, if you think I’m being unfair.)

Veronica,
I have to stand up for Steph C here, this woman is really unstable and posts some really awful things. Engaging her only makes it worse. Maybe this particular opening volley wasn’t offensive, but given past experience, it would have gotten there sooner rather than later.

Thanks, Danielle.  That was my starting to be my hunch, but I didn’t want to further confuse people with the term “sock puppet!”

Interesting that she chose “Veronica,” given it’s meaning of “image of truth,” no?