Immediately after returning from their U.S. tour, Liverpool began their season with a Europa League qualifying match against Belarusian club Gomel. In that match, Stewart Downing set the tone for the new season. That tone? One of excellence and domination. One destined for multiple Golden Boots. And one of laughing at you much harder than you laughed at him.

Though Downing didn't score or set up a single goal in 36 Premier League appearances with Liverpool last season, he did score twice in the FA Cup. Just 67 minutes into this season, Downing has carried on that scintillating FA Cup form and used it to vanquish one of the giants of Belarus.

Stewart Downing: The legend begins...

Delicious Mourinho fingers. (AS)

The two legs of the Supercopa de Espana will be held at the end of the month and to prepare for the rematch of last year's Supercopa match-up between Real Madrid and Barcelona, one Spanish bakery has started selling "fingers of Mou." The chocolate chip fartons (a pastry usually paired with horchata) are named after the digit Jose Mourinho used to jam into eyeball of Barca's new manager, Tito Vilanova, at last year's Supercopa.

Maybe this year, Mourinho will jam one of these into a Vilanova orifice during the inevitable scuffle instead. And hopefully that orifice will be his mouth.

In his second match back from a shoulder surgery that kept him out for six months, 39-year-old Rogerio Ceni curled in one of his signature free kicks to help Sao Paulo to a 2-0 win over Bahia in the Copa Sudamericana. With over 1,000 appearances for Sao Paulo and more than 100 goals scored, Ceni will probably keep doing what he does long after all the statues of him have crumbled.

He's almost 40, he's taken his lumps and he can still hit the back of the net before scampering back to his own like a deer that just raided a hallucinogenic azalea garden. Pure class.

Luis Suarez being feared. (Getty)

With a 1-0 loss to Team GB in their final group-stage match, Uruguay were knocked out of the Olympic football tournament. This was celebrated by the fans in Cardiff not only because it allowed Team GB to advance to a quarterfinal match against South Korea, but also because it meant the elimination of perhaps the most disliked player in the competition -- Luis Suarez. Booed at every venue Uruguay played (including Old Trafford, home to the club he suspects of using "political power" to get him found guilty of racially abusing Patrice Evra and subsequently banned for eight matches), Suarez has developed a theory as to why that's happened.

From the Guardian:

The jeering interrupted the playing of the Uruguay national anthem after Suárez was shown on the big screen and the striker hit out after a 1-0 defeat that meant his team were eliminated.

"I think they jeer me and they boo me because they must be scared of facing a player like me," he said. "They fear me, but that doesn't affect me.

Xavi. (Getty)

Spain's Olympic football team shockingly failed to advance to the knockout rounds after proving unable to score a single goal in their three group-stage matches. They were the only team that didn't score at least once. This nightmarish showing was not only a disappointment for the country that just won a record third straight major tournament at Euro 2012 and currently holds the U-21 and U-19 European titles, it was also an emotional blow to touchy midfield genius Xavi. This is Xavi's latest plea (see his previous pleas to UEFA here and here)...

Gentlemen of the International Olympic Committee,

Normally, I would introduce myself as Xavi -- white knight for the overly upset -- and I would hum you a song that my mother sang to me when I was slightly smaller, but as a silver medalist at the 2000 Olympics I am sure you already know who I am and today there is no time for such pleasantries. A vile tragedy on par with any unwilling alien abduction has been carried out at the London Olympics

Monterrey beat Chorrillo 5-0 in a CONCACAF Champions League match on Tuesday night thanks, in part, to a hat trick from 27-year-old Angel Reyna. After Reyna scored his third goal and his team's fifth in the 87th minute, he celebrated by executing a luchador-inspired move by hopping up on teammate Abraham Dario Carreno, wrapping his legs around his neck and snapping him to the ground with a tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown.

Though Carreno helped him pull off the pro wrestling move, this wasn't a spontaneous decision. The pair had practiced a bit in training recently (video here), but that time Reyna finished Carreno off with a backbreaker too.

It doesn't seem like Reyna needs anymore help scoring goals, but with a few minor tweaks, that celebration could be turned into an elaborate, opponent-distracting way to score on corner kicks.

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The ultimate triumph! (Getty)

Spurs beat the New York Red Bulls 2-1 in a friendly dubbed the Barclays New York Cup (probably by an intern). For pulling off what is easily the greatest sporting accomplishment anywhere in the world this week, Spurs were awarded medals the size of dinner plates while goal-scorer Gareth Bale was given a miniature Man of the Match trophy that was surely more satisfying than any Olympic medal.

Tim Cahill earned a penalty in his debut for New York, but it was Gylfi Sigurdsson who produced the highlight of the match impressive winning goal. Have a look...

Real Madrid has once again set up its preseason training base at UCLA and while it's in America, it's decided to try playing baseball. For some reason, the players all decided to pitch underhand, which was apparently just fine for Xabi Alonso, who teed off on one from Higuain.

Jose Callejon ran the wrong way after getting a hit and Iker Casillas held the bat like he had no idea what it was used for while posing for a photo with a couple of visiting professional baseball players.

Thankfully, Pepe wasn't given a chance to take any swings because someone would've ended up being decapitated and it probably would've been Mesut Ozil.

Previously: Chelsea players prepare for U.S. tour by trying American sports