You don't need to read about things to do in Skyrim. Seriously - it's the proverbial cup of water to a drowning man. The experience of walking down a street in Bethesda's new Elder Scrolls offers more potential for distraction than most games cram into their entire campaigns.
Still, everybody loves sharing. Here's one short of 20 recreational, helpful or plain idiotic gambits we've discovered.
1. Beat a dungeon just by reviving bodies
A true Necromancer doesn't get his or her hands dirty. Not more than once, anyway. See if you can get through an entire dungeon by moving from corpse to corpse, using one undead minion to secure the, ahem, "raw materials" for your next dastardly spell-cast. It's the most efficient, ecologically sound way to depopulate a den of scum and villainy yet invented. Somebody should give you a medal, really.
That "Turn Ethereal" Dragonshout won't just safeguard you against blades and arrows, it'll also stop your legs going mushy after a 400 feet drop. Sucks to be you, gravity.
3. Create a Fus Ro Dah video
It's the latest internet meme craze thing, and it's remarkably easy to pull off. Just get hold of the original Skyrim trailer, snip it halfway and paste in a picture of (e.g.) a pie exploding up somebody's nose. Here's a medley we're sure will inspire.
4. Wait outside the abandoned house in Markath
We won't spoil it, but keep walking past and you may have an interesting encounter.
5. Take the piss with stealth
These Nords have short attention spans. They're not so hot at drawing conclusions, either, like "player holding weapon" + "conspicuous absence of man who was there five seconds ago" + "corpse" = "worth mentioning to a guard, next time you see one". The other day, Matt managed to perforate a bard in plain sight using a demon bow and arrow. The only fallout was somebody whining about security. The guy in the video below goes a few better, though.
6. Start a brawl over some cabbages
Hard-drinking mercenaries can be extremely possessive. We're going to try this with bone meal and dog meat next.
7. Create your own book collection
Don't just throw it away after scanning the first page - somebody poured their blood and sweat into that prose. Hopefully not literally, though given the primitive state of Nord communications, we wouldn't rule it out. Once you've bought a house, why not stock its shelves with the very best literature in Skyrim? The Lusty Argonian Maid is a must-read. Those who enjoy stroking their chins should also look out for essays on the origins of Tamriel's religions. And no toilet is complete without a copy of the Yellow Book of Riddles. Come to think of it, have you found a toilet in Skyrim yet?
8. Fill, bully and murder your companions
They aren't your brothers and sisters in arms, they're glorified pack mules. Treat them as such. Here's a recipe for a solid evening's entertainment: walk into a pub, seat yourself quietly at the bar and order your housecarl to attack the biggest man there. You could always steal something while the patrons are distracted. When foraging outside town, don't forget to offload those cumbersome Dragon bones, scales and suits of armour. Of course, every friendship has to end some day, and what more conclusive way to say goodbye than by Dragon-shouting your follower down a mountain?
No, we're not talking about what you got up to in Saarthal. We're talking about what happens when you drag a corpse (hold the search button rather than tapping it) onto something like a fire, or a lumber saw, or a bard. Bystanders should get the message that you're not to be trifled with. Or sung at.
17 comments so far...
Grummy on 23 Nov '11 said:
Yep, I've found toilets, the'yre little buckets sitting in small ditches or holes, sometimes the hole will be surrounded by a square made from 4 planks of wood.
danhalen74 on 23 Nov '11 said:
i did a 'rocket bear' last night by accident. i now cant stop climbing mountains to shout things off of them. class.
msbhvn on 23 Nov '11 said:
I find your use of Twilight references quite disturbing.
I got killed three times last night when a dragon I was fighting attacked a giant camp. It's not MY f***ing dragon, you morons!
Some of this stuff is seriously twisted, I'm loving all these articles! Keep 'em coming.
Rob606 on 23 Nov '11 said:
Kudos for the minsc reference!
SidTheSloth on 23 Nov '11 said:
More or less disturbing than you understanding said references?
I find it quite incredible that with 90+ hours in the game i'm still reading (and loving) these articles whilst still petrified of spoilers. I genuinely believe if i added another 90 to the total i would still be able to say the same.
At the £36 i paid for it, every other game feels genuinely over-priced by comparison. If i was (more) stupid i'd go and buy another copy just to ease my conscience...
msbhvn on 23 Nov '11 said:
*Twilight: Breaking Dawn spoilers*
My sister, who's over forty and should know better, was going on last Christmas about how she's on Team Jacob and convinced her dippy teacher friend that Bella should choose him, despite the fact that everyone who cares has read the last book and knows she doesn't.
That and vampires sparkling in sunlight are the only things I know about Twilight, honest.
SidTheSloth on 24 Nov '11 said:
Ah i see... So something your sister arbitrarily said last christmas (almost a year ago i believe now?) has remained locked away, names, storylines and all until Ed triggered the flashback?
I can barely remember talking to my sister last christmas, let alone what have a clue what she'd have been banging on about (although i could hazard a guess it'd be some crap about the cost of nappies etc!). I think we both know the truth here... so long as you don't actually own the box set you've clearly been studying, sorry, watching, then i promise i wont judge (any more than i already have!)!
Awesomechimp on 24 Nov '11 said:
A bad zombie made me drop my Wabbernach last night and now I cant find it. I loved my Wabbernach.
Rob606 on 24 Nov '11 said:
Do you mean Wabberjack?
Awesomechimp on 24 Nov '11 said:
Yes. Im so upset I forgot its name.
GHOSTY05 on 24 Nov '11 said:
What spell is he using in the stealth video??
buckleboff94 on 24 Nov '11 said:
:'( it upsets me that i dont understand a word of this, and i cant enjoy these wonderful tasks, as well as slaying dragons :'( curse my lack of money.
Cdr JamesCool on 5 Dec '11 said:
Werewolf > Vampire.
LEGIONxBLAZE on 15 Jan '12 said:
Another stupid but (weirdly) funny thing to do is to sit in a Jarl's throne at night then wait a few hours until he comes back to find that his throne is no longer his. Just watching him stand there like HE is the lowlife adventurer gives me a strange sense of smugness.
CunningSmile on 16 Jan '12 said:
Greetings Legion, love the signature really made me laugh.
LEGIONxBLAZE on 16 Jan '12 said:
Hi
! I spent about half an hour trying to incorporate a Skyrim quote into a signature :/
MateoGriffin34 on 18 Jan '12 said:
A very entertaining thing is playing "Pillage the Village". Find the strongest, most determined foes in Skyrim (Trolls, Dragons, Giants, etc.) and lead them into villages (Rorikstead is a good one) and release hell. Another big thing is not help anyone. Just watch. If there are any villagers left, bring back more animals to finish the job. For your annoying invincible types, leave a troll there with him. If you are lucky enough (or unlucky enough) lead 2 or more dragons to cities. At the end of the day, regardless of the winner, you leave with a lot of gold.