The Dating Rules

"So obsessed are we with the bragging rights and the ego boost that come from her agreeing to see us again that we skip the part where we ask ourselves if she’s really earned a callback."

Dating is not a one-man show. Some guys -- out of gratitude for getting the date in the first place -- forget that the woman has to play her part, too. You’ve worked up the courage to ask her out because that’s what men do. You’ve chosen the spot because it’s your responsibility to impress her. And you’re paying, because, progress in sexual roles aside, men still need to step up and own that part.

But what is her part in this dance?

You may be leading, but if there were a panel of judges à la So You Think You Can Dance, both of you would be scored. We cannot forget that we have standards and that women have to meet them. Too many times I've seen guys planning the second date before they even consider if she deserves another shot. So obsessed are we with the bragging rights and the ego boost that come from her agreeing to see us again that we skip the part where we ask ourselves if she’s really earned a callback.

We have to remember that these first dates are as much about us learning about her as they are about worrying if we are getting it right. I can even recall a time when I didn’t call my date out on some borderline racist comments merely because the prospect of sex was on the table. She was hot, but there needs to be a line. With that in mind, here are five big deal breakers that separate the girls who deserve to go home with you and those who don't.

The Service-Appreciation Rule

This one is obvious, but it’s key. There are few things less attractive than rude. A good place to look for red flags is in how she treats the waiter. If I'm out with an entitled girl who treats others around us poorly, I'm looking for the door. A date that makes the waiter feel nervous or lesser than us makes me feel like I need to double the tip out of guilt -- and rudeness is not a trait you can really change in a person. So while you’re sweating to make sure you order the right wineand have a good anecdote or two, don’t forget to make sure she is being respectful of the place you’ve invited her to. It is, literally, the least she can do.

The Dance-Around-The-Bill Rule

You’re paying. It’s pretty simple. If you have invited some girl to join you somewhere, it seems pretty obvious to me that you better step up and handle the bill. So if you’re on the lower end of the income meter, choose something a little more modest, because the waiter is dropping that bill on your side of the table.

But here's the kicker: We know we should pay, but that doesn't mean she should expect it. I know it seems like a circular argument, but a girl who doesn’t even look at the bill when it comes is coming from a vastly different place than a girl who makes an offer. She is allowed to tell her friends you’re a complete jerk if you let her pay, but you are entitled to the common courtesy of her offer. The fact is, this part is less about her sending you a signal of her appreciation of your gesture, and more about her basic perception of relationship dynamics and even the way money factors into it. There are dating etiquette rules, and for me, if this one gets missed, things are off to a rocky start. Next Page >>

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