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YOUR FRIENDS' ACTIVITY

    Woman Guarding Her Photos Needs To Change Her Focus

    DEAR ABBY: I regard my photograph albums as diaries. I don't like to make copies of my pictures for others. My future mother-in-law looked through my albums and chose half a dozen that she would like me to copy for her. I had already given her several snapshots of her son and me, but she wants more.

    Abby, I don't understand why she doesn't just take her own pictures of us! I view these pictures as personal items. I don't think they are for others to own and display. Am I wrong? How can I refuse requests for copies of my pictures without offending someone? -- L.E. IN CINCINNATI

    DEAR L.E.: I think you're viewing this scenario from the wrong perspective. Perhaps your mother-in-law-to-be isn't as comfortable or creative with a camera as you are. If she didn't have warm feelings for you, she wouldn't want to own and display the pictures she's requesting.

    Unless you become less territorial and change your attitude, I foresee a troubled relationship with your mother-in-law looming on the horizon. Get the picture?


    DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two small children. My husband loves me and is good to me. My problem is I no longer feel the same about him anymore.

    My former fiance recently came back into my life. I hadn't seen him in eight years, and the moment I saw him all the old feelings came flooding back. We even spent the night together.

    I told my husband everything, hoping he would be upset and leave me, but he was forgiving and wants to stay married! Now I don't know what to do -- stay with him or be with the one true love of my life. I can't stop thinking about my love. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY IN MILWAUKEE

    DEAR UNHAPPY: Nowhere in your letter have you indicated that your ex-fiance feels the way you do, and is ready to support you emotionally and financially. You have much to lose if you abandon your husband and children. That's why I'm urging you and your husband to seek counseling to try to reignite your marriage, because right now you are living in a fantasy of what "might have been."

    DEAR ABBY: My neighbor "Marcella" is 84. She's a lovely woman, but she's dependent on me to do everything for her because she's quite senile. Marcella has been in three auto accidents and goes from doctor to doctor for treatment because she forgets who treated her last.

    Abby, this poor woman's "children," who are in their 40s and 50s, live 10 minutes away and visit her only twice a year. They knew about Marcella's car accidents and never even showed up at the hospital.

    I have my own family to care for and I work. Marcella demands my attention daily to do her grocery shopping, check her furnace or take her to doctor's appointments. I just can't do it all anymore! Your advice? -- LOYAL NEIGHBOR IN PENNSYLVANIA

    DEAR LOYAL NEIGHBOR: You are very kind-hearted, but the responsibility for your neighbor's care should be borne by her children. If you don't want to confront Marcella's children directly, phone or write them a letter explaining what you have told me. If they refuse to help, then senior citizen services in your county should be contacted ASAP.


    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


    To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

     
    • A  •  Columbus, Ohio  •  3 days ago
      ltr1 Why do you allow anyone to see your pictures at all??? Hide them next time.
      If, you consider them sacred.
    • podunk  •  Sunnyvale, California  •  5 days ago
      Picture lady- you are the one that let her look in your 'diaries' to begin with , so what are you complaining about exactly???
    • Amber B  •  Duluth, Minnesota  •  2 days 21 hrs ago
      #1, I would suggest giving copies of any relevant photos photos on a cheap thumb drive and let her print her own.
    • A  •  Columbus, Ohio  •  3 days ago
      ltr2: You are a TRAMP Slutty Bimbo of a Wife. And You want your POOR HUBBY to PAY for Everything, sounds like. You want the Home, the child support, the divorce paid for, from your current hubby. I hope he never Divorces you, and you live a UNHAPPY EXSISTENCE. And if, you decide to LEAVE HIM, may he get Custody of the Kids. There is a reason an EX is EX by the way, Dummy. Does this guy want a Ready Made Family???
    • Ghost  •  7 days ago
      LW 2: Let me guess. You found each other again on Facebook. Be an adult, will you? That saintly man you married deserves way better.
      • rhymeswithpurple 7 days ago
        So do the kids. How can anyone think they have a stronger connection to an ex-boyfriend than to the father of their children? That always strikes me as odd - how can you have more in common with someone than the kids you share?
      • Ghost 7 days ago
        It's all in her head. She has some big romantic vision of a life with the one who got away, which is just so much rubbish.
      • Ruth 7 days ago
        I kind of question the old fiance, he was mighty eager to hop into the sack with a married woman. Not showing a whole lot of respect for a woman who married someone else and has children who would be shook up by this behavior. Makes you wonder if he had the one night stand with her as payback, he doesn't sound particularly respectable or trustworthy.
    • Jackson  •  Gallatin Gateway, Montana  •  7 days ago
      2: Leave him. He deserves better than having to be stuck in a loveless marriage with trash like you. Maybe he can find someone who appreciates him better.
      • Spawn32f 7 days ago
        alright tell us how you feel there jackson we like that lol..
      • Derek 3 days ago
        Completely agree with Jackson, she should've left before she ever cheated. What the hell kind of logic does she have?
    • Don  •  4 days ago
      LW#2 - You are a disgusting person and you don't deserve the husband or the children you have. Abby should have given it to you with both barrels but she rarely goes off on women like she does on the men in identical circumstances. Pull your head out of your butt, never contact the ex-fiance again, and work on your marriage before you lose everything you ever had. And deservedly so.
    • Rick S  •  Denver, Colorado  •  7 days ago
      Dear Abby,

      After hooking up a with an old flame and jeopardizing my life with my husband of 7 years and my two small children I've come to realize that I have the morals of an alley cat in heat with a crack habit and am actually no better than the dog crap on my front lawn. How do I be okay with that so I can continue to bang my old beau and not feel bad? Huh? I deserve happiness too don't I?

      UNHAPPY ALLEY CAT CRACK HO IN MILWAUKEE
      • Joe Smith 7 days ago
        Turn that frown upside down. Go buy a booklet.
      • Fortuna 7 days ago
        Even an alley cat wouldn't "do" a dog like the ex.
      • Lightfoot 7 days ago
        The dog said he wouldn't do her "People Style" ;-o
    • Shannon  •  Seattle, Washington  •  7 days ago
      #1, If you want to have your photos be part of your personal diary, and not share them with others, then don't show them to anyone! There, I just solved your problem for you. ;)
      • Fortuna 7 days ago
        When are you getting your own column?
      • GetYourOwnName 7 days ago
        I don't want to abuse Shannon!
      • Shannon 7 days ago
        HA! Here is the entirety of my advice book. Chapter 1: Get Over It, chapter 2: Grow A Spine, chapter 3: Don't Be A Doormat, and chapter 4: Take A Chill Pill. The end. :)
    • PreviousClient  •  5 days ago
      LW #3 - LOYAL NEIGHBOR IN PENNSYLVANIA - God Bless you and your loved ones... Great karma!
    • jk  •  7 days ago
      LW2... Who would want to be with someone who is a cheater is beyond me. If I were your husband I would pack the kids up and file for divorce. I am betting that your ex won't be your knight in shining armor and as soon as you are free for him he will be out of the picture. If he was really your "one true love" he never would have been your ex to begin with. You should thank your lucky stars your husband still wants you because most guys would have dropped you in a heartbeat.
      • Lise Brouillette 7 days ago
        I can imagine wanting to be with a REPENTANT cheater... and it ain't her, babe.
      • Bex McGex 7 days ago
        It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
      • Bridget C 7 days ago
        hell, i cant even find a man like that mentioned in lw2. im jealous if u dont want him anymore i`ll take him & treat him like a king
    • Thinker Clifford ☰ âž” ☷  •  Angels Camp, California  •  6 days ago
      LW #2, Your former fiance? So you were engaged but never married. I bet he treated you like dirt and you loved it. But on some level you knew there was a problem. So instead you skipped out on the wedding and very rapidly "settled" for a much nicer man and married him, all within a year! Now you are treating him like dirt and longing to be treated like dirt. Woman, you are a mess. Go get counseling. Individual counseling first to figure out way you are behaving so wretchedly towards your wonderful husband and towards your two children.
    • S.  •  Detroit, Michigan  •  5 days ago
      LW2: Ugh, really?!? You cheat on your husband out of boredom and to top it off:
      "I told my husband everything, hoping he would be upset and leave me, but he was forgiving and wants to stay married! "

      How passive aggressive can one be? If you really believe the marriage is over, then get a spine and end it. Instead you choose to purposely hurt your husband and try to get him to take the initiative so that he will come off as the bad guy. Ugh, I know somebody (daughter of friend) whose husband and she hate each other and are on their second year of playing chicken, because neither wants to be the one on record as the one filing for divorce. I wouldn't be surprised if it is some tactic to better your results in the future custody wars. I have no respect for you (even if you hadn't slept with the ex) or them.
    • Chris  •  7 days ago
      I feel sorry for the husband in letter #2. It must suck to be married to and in love with a flibbertigibbet.
    • Netcord  •  4 days ago
      For once, I'd like to see Abby give advice to a serious problem without recommending counseling and/or therapy. What's the purpose of an advice column if all you're going to recommend is counseling?
    • Ula ✠  •  7 days ago
      Dear Cheating Wife, I think you should leave your husband and children for your old flame. Only by losing the greatest treasures in your life, will you be able to see what a complete fool you are. Of course there is no guarantee that once your old flame dumps you, your husband will take you back or that your children will ever respect you again, but such is the price of following your feelings over your obligations.
    • OddvaarkGirl  •  Atlanta, Georgia  •  2 days 8 hrs ago
      #3 So much for all those people who said I'm going to regret not having kids who would take care of me in my old age. Just 'cause you got them don't mean they got you.
    • Micki  •  5 days ago
      LW1: You sound selfish and controlling. Good luck staying married. LW2: Your hubby deserves better, but you need to think first before you destroy your marriage and family. Where's lover boy been the last 8 years and is he ready to take you and your kids on?. The grass is always greener til you get on the other side of the fence. LW3: If her kids can't help her, call adult protective services, they will be able to help her with services to keep her in her home.
    • Angie  •  7 days ago
      I've read a few post that say photos aren't a diary....I can see where they can be, what I don't see is her sharing it, or refusing to make copies of 6 pictures. If they are that special and private to her fine, keep them as her private photo diary......But getting into a snit over being asked to have a copy of what she allowed to be seen to a woman that just wants pictures of her son and his future wife seems rude wrong and a real issue with sharing something as harmless as a copy of it.

      I'm not going to label her or fault her for her wanting privacy...Just maybe say share the 6 and keep future ones to herself.
    • Netcord  •  4 days ago
      LW1: Wow, what a jerk.
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