Longtime Boyfriend Needs A Nudge Toward The Altar

LW#3 - Aren't you glad you divorced him?

L#1 Do something about what causes this to be an on-again/off-again relationship......marriage isn't going to chang that.

LW #3, Your daughter is sixteen. Practically an adult. How about you ask her how she would like to handle it; and tell her you will support her in whatever direction she takes? This way it makes it about doing right by your daughter, helping her to learn how to handle such situations, and not about you and your ex, who is your ex for obvious reasons.

3-He should pay for the dress. If nothing else, he should pay for at least half. How did you let a great guy like that get away?

3 - It should be easy to be the bigger person because that is a really small man.

LW#1: I don't know how enthusiastic I'd be about marrying someone who hadn't proposed after two kids and 16 years.

LW#2 - When someone gives you a gift with a genuine intent of kindness, you shouldn't tell them how much you dislike the gift, especially when they were only trying to be nice.

On my wedding day, we received a box full of little trinkity plastic knick-knacky (re-gifted) C-rap from my wife's "crazy Aunt Betty" (I swear, that's how EVERYONE referred to her as). I genuinely thanked her for thinking of us on our day (she did not attend the wedding because she was in poor health). A week later we received a package in the mail from crazy Aunt Betty. At first I thought - "oh, she's just cleaning out her closets and getting rid of some more junk", but when I openened it, there was a beautiful (yes - beautiful), brand-new top-of-the-line stainless steel mixer with a separate insert for malts...awesome. I immediately honed my daiquiri skills and every time I fire up that bad boy, I remember that crazy ol' lady, with a smile on my face.

#1 If he hasn't asked after 16 years and 2 kids, he never will. Go ahead and ask him. That's a good way to get rid of him.

LW1: You are more than boyfriend and girlfriend - you are parents. I can't wrap my head around women like this who have babies with a guy but are too shy to ask for and expect marriage.

LW2: This is a shame. But I doubt people are giving you gifts to hurt you. So politely say thank you and do as Abby suggests (I would regift or donate, because I would feel badly "wasting" the product that the animal has died to create).

LW3: I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down, then talk to him. 16 year olds try their best, but it's never great to trust second-hand messages that have gone through the teenaged filter. Go ahead and ask him about the wedding arrangements and what kind of dress is required. Ask if he meant that you were supposed to PAY for it, split it with him or simply take her to buy it (it is truly possible that he only meant that getting/choosing the dress is more in your wheelhouse). If he confirms that you are meant to pay for the whole thing, tell him politely and reasonably that you think he should do it (or offer to split it - if it's a dress that she will be able to reuse).

#1: The two of you have lived together off and on for 16 years, you've done his laundry, serviced him (there's more than one way to provide a service, guys), fed him - in between living together he breaks it off with you and dates other women. After this long, why would he want to marry you? He has everything and everyone he wants. Either decide to move forward and find a life for yourself that is fulfilling, or continue as second, third, fourth, and fifth best on his list. You're nothing more than a convenience in between girlfriends.

#3 At 16, your daughter is old enough to understand that her father is a cheap baxtard. If I were her, I wouldn't want to go to the wedding anyway.

"I'd like to ask this special man in my life to marry me"
Just to be clear...marriage won't fix the problems which caused your on-again/off-again cycle.

LW3: What would be really awesome is if the daughter decided to be nothing more than a guest at the wedding, and then own it when her dad throws a hissy fit.

But she's 16 and this is unlikely to happen. LW will probably just have to buy the dress for the sake of avoiding drama. The next issue that may arise is the actual price of the dress, and if LW honestly can't afford the price, then it's kind of an SOL stalemate, isn't it?

I really do hate weddings.

LW#2: You have friends who know you well enough to give you fur and leather gifts, but they don't know your anti-fur views? You must really keep your opinions to yourself.

Am I the only one who thinks that the "boyfriend" of LW#1 sees her more as a Friend With Benefits who happens to be sloppy with birth control? Off and On for 16 years doesnt sound like the marriage track to me.

Dear Ex: Your ex-husband is being a monumental jerk and your 16 year old daughter knows it. Sit down with your daughter and ask if she wishes to attend dad's marriage. Don't be surprised if she doesn't but be supportive either way.

LW#2 Is this one person who keeps giving you fur/leather? (Like Grandma?) If that's the case, try to return the gift and get something else. If it's other people buying you leather/fur - introduce them to me. My friends never spend that much on me!

L#3 Did I read that right......Dad wants ex wife to buy their daughter a dress for his wedding?

Because if so....What a jerk! is all I could think to say.....

Can the daughter wear a dress she already has?

If he hasn't proposed in 16 years, he's Not Going To.