Happily Remarried Gay Man Wants To Contact Ex-Wife

Dear Disgusted,
People get nervous around sick people and say stupid things. Sadly, it is human nature. When my sister was in a horrible accident some people inevitably said some foolish, stupid or unintentionally hurtful things due to their own nervousness, sadness or just being unaware of how serious her injuries were. I found the best way to handle it is to calmly and discreetly take them aside and tell them firmly but politely to stop it, and explain why. They just don't realize what they are doing, Every time I did that the person always understood, apologized and said how lucky my sis was to have someone watching out for her. Don't humiliate them. They usually already feel bad enough.

Average Shopper needs to understand that the 'weak' cashiers she refers to are accutely aware of the situation, but are also aware of the fact that those same line jumpers will use them for target practice if they speak up, and management will often not have their backs.

#2 I just got back from the store. The woman ahead of me waited til she had been rung up to decide she needed some chicken. I had to stand there while she went re-shopping. After I paid out and started out the door, there was that same woman having a gab session in the front entry. Her cart and the other persons cart and the three kids spread out so that the entire double door entry was blocked. EXCUSE ME! bump..bump...bump... As I walked away I heard her saying "Geez, some people".

Today I am wondering if I should complain about the comment line-jumpers that didn't wait behind me while I worked on my third comment; instead butting in ahead with their own comments. :-)

Regarding the divorce/gay issue, my parents got a divorce 20 some years ago. I'm the daughter. It was only recently that I shared with my dad that my mom had had bipolar disorder and depression since she was a teenager. He had had no idea at the time - they were only married for about 6 tumultuous years. The look on his face when I finally just told him was... well it was probably the right thing to do. Suddenly things that had seemed inexplicable suddenly made sense. I think it was not a 'relief' so much, as just good to finally 'understand'. It even takes some of the anger and resentment out of the memories. She was sick... and not everything was his fault. Know what I mean?
As for whether he should contact Linda - who knows. I'd either leave a quick note for her, and see if she'd like to speak, or just leave it be. Going through 'friends' is usually a BAAAAAD idea.

L3 - Stop them right when you see the direction of the conversation and say, "We are staying positive.". Has your husband read Lance Armstrong's collection of survivor stories? People beat the odds. People live.

LW2: I remember thinking in elementary school during lunch that perhaps when I got older, people would stop line-jumping. By the time I was in high school--a school with 6-foot fences dividing the lunch lines to discourage line-jumping--I hoped college-age adults and up would be better. But it isn't so.

While I worked retail I always told line-jumpers, "Oh, I think this lady was next" and they'd back off when they realized I called them on it. But sometimes, unless a store has a manager heading a busy line, it's hard to catch all the jumpers. Please say something to the line-jumper.

No one cuts in line around here at the grocery store. I guess that's a regional or city thing? I have shopped at the same grocery since 1996. Small town. Everyone knows everyone. Just lucky I guess.

My mom had luekemia and whenever anyone would start a horror story, I would be the bad guy and cut them off. If they would try to continue, that's when I would get rude. No one in that situation needs to hear a bad story.

LW#2 - Yeah, I pretty much agree with Abby. If someone is cutting in front of you, it is totally in your right to say something like "Uh, excuse me? I believe I was next in line" (or any of its ruder variants, depending on the attitude of the line cutter.

Assert yourself. At stores with this arrangement, there are often too few cashiers trying to operate the entire thing, so they are too busy with their own job to manage the line. Do feel free to complain to the general manager of the store, if it bothers you that much and you aren't willing to assert yourself.

I've encountered line jumpers, but way more often I encounter people who will say, "Were you next?" just to be careful that they didn't accidentally cut in front of someone.

People need to stop standing right next to others while waiting in line. Give everyone some space.

Can I add that a way to cheer someone up after the loss of a parent is NOT to tell them what a hard time you had when you lost yours. A simple, "I am sorry for your loss and understand your grief" is enough. Heck, I was sad enough when my dad died that I did not need the added pain of reliving my friends' grief.

I commented earlier that if a person starts to tell you a horror story, interrupt them and ask them to donate blood instead. Or a kidney, or bone marrow, or their brain... they're obviously not using it.

LW3 Thanks for sharing. I have a friend who went through cancer treatment and made it out O.K. As I looked back at the experience I realized that simple things like taking over a meal once a week or being available to drive them to the doctors office or to treatment centers was very helpful. Especially when they start going everyday for a few weeks to treatment centers. I never thought of that until my friend took ill. Best of luck and stay strong and positive.

LW 3: Some people don't know how to deal with illness, especially terminal illness. It sounds like these people mean well and are dealing with your husband's condition by trying to empathize and show that they understand by sharing the only experiences they have. They don't understand that what your husband needs is their love and caring and that they don't need to share those kind of experiences to show they love him. Perhaps you could speak with them and politely and diplomatically let them know ways they can help (perhaps your husband might want to just hang out with them and not talk about the cancer at all). But if you feel that they're only depressing your husband more, that's affecting his already deteriorating health and you may need to play gate keeper.

Common sense when visiting the sick talk about anything but their illness or similar one somebody's friend's brother-in-laws uncle had. Bunch of rude and ignorant people out there.

Hey, How about them Cubs?

Dear Disgusted in Phoenix, just to let you know there is hope! My uncle survived bladder cancer last year at age 85! He is still going strong!

Leave the poor woman alone. You are living YOUR life. Let her live hers.

LW#3 - Sometimes people don't know what to say, so in their own stupid way, they are just trying to let you know that they have an understanding of what you are going through and are trying to be supportive. Thank you for reminding people to stay positive and uplifting.