Fatherhood Guide: Communication

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Communication is a challenging area of parenting, and many fathers struggle to communicate effectively with their children, so you’re hardly alone.

Talking to children, merely speaking to them as comfortably as we would anyone else, does not come naturally to all of us. It is to some degree a learned trait, and the more time you spend with children, particularly your own, the better you will become at communication.

Father's role in communication

Men are socialized not to express themselves. They are taught to keep their emotions under wraps, in particular feelings that might be uncomfortable. Doing so certainly has its occasional advantages, but it is no way for a father to raise his kids. You need to take the lead within your family and foster open communication so that, for example, when your kids are burdened by problems, they will feel comfortable about not only talking about them in the first place, but also about coming to you with their problems.

The following offers some additional tips for fathers that will help improve on the ability to communicate with kids effectively.

Keep it casual

If there is something you want to talk to your child about, keep in mind that communication does not always need to take place in a formal manner, at least not from the perspective of your child. In fact, you will find that communicating certain things to your kids is best achieved through casual chatting, while eating lunch or playing video games, for example.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t formalize even those casual chats to some degree. It’s those informal, off-the-cuff talks that will often serve as a platform to get some important issues across to your kids.

Speak to them in their language

This doesn’t address all of the anxiety men feel when talking to their kids. Men also worry about the vocabulary they use and the tone they take: should you baby talk to them, address them as equals or even assume some of their slang? (That last one’s a definite no-no.)

The answer is to talk to them in their language but at their highest level of comprehension. This might mean simplifying your grammar, such as not using complicated verb tenses (such as “you would have had to have turned off the TV…”), or swapping one word out for a simpler one (“not easy” instead of “demanding” or “arduous”).

“The talks”

Every parent, even those who are comfortable with their communication skills, dreads “the talks," the required conversation that you have with your kids about the opposite sex or drugs. Nonetheless, for boys its importance can’t be stressed enough. Words of wisdom or notes of caution from his father can make the difference between a young man in the throes of puberty who is respectful and one who thinks selfishly with no control over his impulses.

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