Cemetery
by Jeff
Image text: Three headstones down, I got a call from my mom and it went from bad to worse.
The character in the comic is talking on his hands free headset to the person on the other end of the phone call and everyone else in the comic thinks he is speaking directly to the dead person. It appears the family to the right is gasping and the female is covering the child's eyes.
The talk of font makes it seem like the person on the phone is making a comment on the font on the gravestone. Or an alternate interpretation is that the person on the phone is saying that the dead person died because they did not listen and used another font besides sans-serif.
Additionally, another place that is bad to use your hands-free headset? Anywhere. Those things are annoying.
Tones
by submission
Image Text: I need a lawn, so I can yell at kids to stay off it.
This explanation is by Harm. Harm is a reader of xkcd and explainxkcd. Harm writes explanations. Harm wrote that sentence mentioning that he writes explanations. Harm didn't write the previous sentence.
This comic references the custom ring tones that most cell phones have. While the classic phone made a simple ringing sound, most people tend to change their tones to that of music, sound effects, or quotes (though the simple "buzzing" has grown more popular since this comic was written). Most of the time, these sounds are annoying to everyone within ear-shot except for the receiver.
Since most phones can have a different tone for each potential caller, this can serve as an identifier without having to look at the phone.
The image text pokes fun at the fact that the classic ringing is outdated, and references stereotypical old men that yell at children to stay off of their lawn.
One-Sided
by submission
Image Text: He continued, 'Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. This is gonna get ugly.'
This explanation is written by Harm. Harm is a reader of xkcd and explainxkcd. Harm writes explanations. Harm wrote that sentence mentioning that he writes explanations. Harm didn't write the previous sentence.
This comic pokes fun at the way-too-common occurrance of someone saying "hi" while talking on their phones (and lately headsets) and someone thinking that they are the one being spoken to. It usually only takes a second for the speaker to say that they are on the phone, but occasionally it goes on for a few lines.
The graph shows that the longer the conversation, the less it happen, and that anything after the peak in the graph is awkward (presumably because several lines were spoken). The broken line in the graph symbolizes that it's no longer to scale, and implies that the author's second relationship was an impossibly long awkward conversation that wasn't really with him.
"The Fed" likely refers to the Federal Reserve, which is the central bank of the United States. The way the comic is worded implies something out of a zombie movie (contamination), but being outside the bank implies a robbery is about to take place. Alternate interpretations are welcome.