Time Management
by Jeff
Image text: I never trust anyone who's more excited about success than about doing the thing they want to be successful at.
Oh, the irony. In this comic, the image text is in direct opposition to the scenario laid out in the comic. The character in the comic loves time management, but is terrible at it. And the image text tells us that Randall, the author of the comic, hates the type of people who are fake like the character in the comic.
Blogging
by Jeff
Image text: I'm looking to virally monetize your eyeballs by selling them for transplants.
As this is a blog, it is probably pertinent that I understand and explain this comic. This looks to be one of the xkcd's that is burying the joke so deep that it is quite open to interpretation, so let's see what we can do.
This appears to be some sort of lame "Blog Money Making" seminar which is all about relationships and made up stuff like that. The audience member really hits straight to Randall's (xkcds writer/artist) position. However, the seminar speaker says that he will talk about content generation way later in the seminar. That is implying that in the seminar, creating good content is much less important.
The image text appears to be an accumulation of buzz words including "viral" and "monetize eyeballs". As usually, the comic takes it to the next level by suggesting they get money from eyeballs by selling them. Obviously, this is impossible simple from readers of a blog.
But, that's what makes it funny.... right?