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Sooo.....
I was looking at my profile (what vanity?) and realized that I haven't updated my biography since 2009. I'm actually a bit embarrassed.
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I was born Cornelius Iggytuff Jigglypuff Deshawn Squatting Bear Higglebottom IX. You can call me Apozem. I grew up with and was raised by rabid wolverines in the mountains of that wild and uncivilized wasteland we call Ohio. I quickly learned to strike quickly and without mercy at prey with my wolf brothers. I also learned that chipmunks can run while upside down. With my vast experience with hunting and chipmunks, I started the most logical profession: writing.
I enjoy writing because it allows me to run upside down and strike at my readers, breaking their necks with riveting prose before they have the chance to react. Then I feast upon their warm corpses in the comments section, as the warm blood of my readers' feedback is what sustains me. Comments like "Great blog, loved the read" and "You're a complete moron, I'm amazed you can operate a keyboard" are the fuel I need to keep on writing.
While not actively hunting down my readers, I like to spend my time in a place dedicated to cats and pornography: the Internet. The web has felt my presence and quaked from my blog here at GIO and my personal site over at WordPress. My old life goal was to blackmail enough people so that somebody would pay me to write, but that actually happened. I am a super duper special mobile blogger for Vikitech.com and actually get paid per post. Thus my ramblings about Android and iPhones constitute the pinnacle of my existence.
That's about it, really. Be sure to read my stuff over at Vikitech, I get traffic bonuses. Your page views = me getting to eat. So go do it. And to leave you, here's a picture of a guy's head exploding.